What do you tell yourself when you're an addict
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: St. Charles, MO
Posts: 95
Originally Posted by Kellye D 
Ted,
I'm not sure how to answer this as there were many factors involved but I'll take a stab at it. #1 Regarding having hope to overcome my fears earlier on. I was in a deep depression and didn't have hope of much period. I was in an awful job making pitiful money, I was trying desperately to keep all the balls in the air with regards to rent, bills, my kids (one of which is bi-polar and while stable now was pretty awful then). I spent my days overwhelmed EXCEPT when I could drink to stay passed out. If I'm not conscious I don't have to deal with the unpleasantness of my life. Makes absolutely no sense to me today but at the time made total sense. #2 I didn't start getting the really bad withdrawals and stuff until about a year before I quit and I quickly figured out that a drink would quickly stop it - for a while. #3 By the time I realized I was in as bad a shape as I was I was terrified and mortified. I am one who is used to dealing with stuff on my own or better yet dealing with your stuff. Me saying I had a problem and needed help was just not something I did. I finally did and needless to say my family (except my kids) was astounded but as addiction can do, I admitted it at a weak moment and then a little later my addiction started doing damage control telling me - oh come now, it's not THAT bad. Just cut down some, don't drink as much and it will be fine, you'll see. And I bought into that.
Now to answer the fear of withdrawals thing, I don't know if you have ever been through them (I'm not sure of your status - alcoholic or family/friend of one) but for me they were brutal. Shaking to the point that it looked like I was having seizures. Startle reflex so bad that the least little motion or brush against me caused me to jump 10 foot (Not literally but you get what I mean), auditory hallucinations, throwing up, diarrhea, no sleep whatsoever. I worked contract at the time and had no insurance. If not, I may have considered a de-tox to help with the symptoms but I felt like I had no options regarding that - plus my pride wanted me to just handle it myself - which I was terrified to do. I wasn't exactly thinking rational at that point so trying to look back now and explain it after the fact is difficult but I hope I've done a good enough job to somewhat answer your questions.
Hugs,
Kellye
I'm not sure how to answer this as there were many factors involved but I'll take a stab at it. #1 Regarding having hope to overcome my fears earlier on. I was in a deep depression and didn't have hope of much period. I was in an awful job making pitiful money, I was trying desperately to keep all the balls in the air with regards to rent, bills, my kids (one of which is bi-polar and while stable now was pretty awful then). I spent my days overwhelmed EXCEPT when I could drink to stay passed out. If I'm not conscious I don't have to deal with the unpleasantness of my life. Makes absolutely no sense to me today but at the time made total sense. #2 I didn't start getting the really bad withdrawals and stuff until about a year before I quit and I quickly figured out that a drink would quickly stop it - for a while. #3 By the time I realized I was in as bad a shape as I was I was terrified and mortified. I am one who is used to dealing with stuff on my own or better yet dealing with your stuff. Me saying I had a problem and needed help was just not something I did. I finally did and needless to say my family (except my kids) was astounded but as addiction can do, I admitted it at a weak moment and then a little later my addiction started doing damage control telling me - oh come now, it's not THAT bad. Just cut down some, don't drink as much and it will be fine, you'll see. And I bought into that.
Now to answer the fear of withdrawals thing, I don't know if you have ever been through them (I'm not sure of your status - alcoholic or family/friend of one) but for me they were brutal. Shaking to the point that it looked like I was having seizures. Startle reflex so bad that the least little motion or brush against me caused me to jump 10 foot (Not literally but you get what I mean), auditory hallucinations, throwing up, diarrhea, no sleep whatsoever. I worked contract at the time and had no insurance. If not, I may have considered a de-tox to help with the symptoms but I felt like I had no options regarding that - plus my pride wanted me to just handle it myself - which I was terrified to do. I wasn't exactly thinking rational at that point so trying to look back now and explain it after the fact is difficult but I hope I've done a good enough job to somewhat answer your questions.
Hugs,
Kellye
It sounds like your decisions were based on the desire to avoid some very difficult feelings. From that standpoint, they seem quite logical. However, from the standpoint of making things work in your life, they were ineffective. I'm glad for you that you are on the road to a better way of coping with all the issues now.
Much peace,
ted
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
From what I have read and understand (if I am understanding this correctly) the alcohol eventually causes some real physical damage to the brains of active alcoholics (actually, anyone who drinks enough that it can not be broken down fast enough) and this is especially true in the frontal lobes where much of the decision-making,feelings,etc. occur. It is no wonder that "rational" thoughts are not coming from a brain that is being altered. Thinking is a chemical process and alcohol certainly does effect it; alcoholic or not. Alcoholics just have more damage because of more exposure and time spent under it's influence;more chances to have it's effects come into play. JMHO
Does this sound reasonable to you who know more about it ?
Does this sound reasonable to you who know more about it ?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Originally Posted by Pick-a-name
From what I have read and understand (if I am understanding this correctly) the alcohol eventually causes some real physical damage to the brains of active alcoholics (actually, anyone who drinks enough that it can not be broken down fast enough) and this is especially true in the frontal lobes where much of the decision-making,feelings,etc. occur. It is no wonder that "rational" thoughts are not coming from a brain that is being altered. Thinking is a chemical process and alcohol certainly does effect it; alcoholic or not. Alcoholics just have more damage because of more exposure and time spent under it's influence;more chances to have it's effects come into play. JMHO
Does this sound reasonable to you who know more about it ?
Does this sound reasonable to you who know more about it ?
Yes Pick.
And now....with long term recovery
I am mentally restored.
Please check out...
http://www.alcohol-drug.com/neuropsych.htm
and
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Last edited by CarolD; 05-28-2007 at 10:24 PM.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Hi all,
What I will do here is reccommend a book.
Carol and others on this forum have been reccommending it and when I finally got around to reading it, the book did much to open my eyes. This book did a better job of explaining why I was the way I was than anything I had previously heard or read with the excption of the book "Alcoholics Anomymous".
The original tome is "Under the influence" and excerpts are here on this forum.
The updated version is "Beyond the influence". This book is well written, well researched, and has full refrences section.
I highly reccommend it. As far as I am concerned, it is a must read for those struggling as well as friends, family, and those who are attempting to understand.
Groucho
What I will do here is reccommend a book.
Carol and others on this forum have been reccommending it and when I finally got around to reading it, the book did much to open my eyes. This book did a better job of explaining why I was the way I was than anything I had previously heard or read with the excption of the book "Alcoholics Anomymous".
The original tome is "Under the influence" and excerpts are here on this forum.
The updated version is "Beyond the influence". This book is well written, well researched, and has full refrences section.
I highly reccommend it. As far as I am concerned, it is a must read for those struggling as well as friends, family, and those who are attempting to understand.
Groucho
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