Social life
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Social life
when you aren't drinking...does it have to involve leaving friends who drink behind? I've found that my tolerance of peeps who drink has been getting smaller, and smaller and smaller lately. One of my best friends just recently started an argument with me, accusing me of not wanting to spend time with her anymore...its not that, its that I don't want to be spending time in bars watching her get drunk!!! Why can't she understand that?? And why is it that all the socializing and getting ahead in my workplace has to do with who goes out with the boss for happy hour?? Is it me? Am i just not accepting of social drinkers now, or is almost everyone I work with having an alcohol problem??
This is causing me pain and hurt over my friend, and paranoia about my job.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how/what to do about this? Especially the friend part..
Thanks.
This is causing me pain and hurt over my friend, and paranoia about my job.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how/what to do about this? Especially the friend part..
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: south florida
Posts: 80
for me yes i have left allot of people out of my life,
but not by choice ,like i have to stay away from you because you are toxic to me sort of thing, It is just a natural drift. teh people that i used to hang with that did drugs i can;t hang with and not do drugs, it is what drug people are all about is drugs ,drugs and drugs,
and all of my drinking budys, i am still friends with but when i am not drinking i don't go around there or find any of them because that is mainly what it is all about, sitting there drinking and acting like a fool.Talking and cracking jokes and complaining.
my social life is allmost 0% if i am not drinking. the few times a do anything anymore socialy alcohaul is the center piece. my whole town is mainly drinkers. we are a small drinking comunity with a fishing problem.friend fammily every one drinks, there are some old people and religious people and AA people that dont drink but i don't know them and i did not grow up with them so i can;t be friends with them ,I don't make friends easy with new people because i am so outragious with my behaveure in what i think is normal.I am not a needy person looking for friends and i don't use people so i am not out there making conections with new groups.
I think that after you quit drinking and or doing drugs it can take a long time if you were programed you whole life to drink and all of your peers are drinkers to get anysort of social life going again ,I do not know how to fish or go ATVing or watch any sort of power sport or go to a large gathering of people and not drink, it is liek i don't know how to act and what i am doing there without a beer. and i am not what you would call a good for nothin gdrunk,i am just a dude.
The bottom line is you are naturaly going to have to be around people that are not drinking if you are not drinking.You sort of are who you hang around with,you know what i meen?
but not by choice ,like i have to stay away from you because you are toxic to me sort of thing, It is just a natural drift. teh people that i used to hang with that did drugs i can;t hang with and not do drugs, it is what drug people are all about is drugs ,drugs and drugs,
and all of my drinking budys, i am still friends with but when i am not drinking i don't go around there or find any of them because that is mainly what it is all about, sitting there drinking and acting like a fool.Talking and cracking jokes and complaining.
my social life is allmost 0% if i am not drinking. the few times a do anything anymore socialy alcohaul is the center piece. my whole town is mainly drinkers. we are a small drinking comunity with a fishing problem.friend fammily every one drinks, there are some old people and religious people and AA people that dont drink but i don't know them and i did not grow up with them so i can;t be friends with them ,I don't make friends easy with new people because i am so outragious with my behaveure in what i think is normal.I am not a needy person looking for friends and i don't use people so i am not out there making conections with new groups.
I think that after you quit drinking and or doing drugs it can take a long time if you were programed you whole life to drink and all of your peers are drinkers to get anysort of social life going again ,I do not know how to fish or go ATVing or watch any sort of power sport or go to a large gathering of people and not drink, it is liek i don't know how to act and what i am doing there without a beer. and i am not what you would call a good for nothin gdrunk,i am just a dude.
The bottom line is you are naturaly going to have to be around people that are not drinking if you are not drinking.You sort of are who you hang around with,you know what i meen?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Misery loves company..lol
If she's your friend and cares about you..she wouldn't say stuff like that.
Do distinguish between drinking buds and friends...
As far as for work goes...I rub it in when they come in hung over..
You can always leave AA phamlets on thier desk..lmao
If she's your friend and cares about you..she wouldn't say stuff like that.
Do distinguish between drinking buds and friends...
As far as for work goes...I rub it in when they come in hung over..
You can always leave AA phamlets on thier desk..lmao
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
When I started sobriety, I worried about leaving my friends (largely musicians) behind...I thought 'I'll never do that'...but I have...
like merlotmamma said, my tolerance for drinkers has really dwindled, and I just *can't* be around that kind of continuous heavy drinking'n drugging anymore...not because I feel tempted, but because..and I really hesitate to say this about buddies...but because I feel disgusted.
Maybe in time, I'll learn to be less judgmental, but right now it just burns me, saddens me and just generally freaks me out, seeing great minds and good hearts drowning to death in booze.
luckily I have another group of muso buds who don't drink...I see them a lot more these days.
D
like merlotmamma said, my tolerance for drinkers has really dwindled, and I just *can't* be around that kind of continuous heavy drinking'n drugging anymore...not because I feel tempted, but because..and I really hesitate to say this about buddies...but because I feel disgusted.
Maybe in time, I'll learn to be less judgmental, but right now it just burns me, saddens me and just generally freaks me out, seeing great minds and good hearts drowning to death in booze.
luckily I have another group of muso buds who don't drink...I see them a lot more these days.
D
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I did not have to leave my drunken friends...
they left me when I quit hanging in bars..
We no longer had the same goals.
When I connected with AA...I started to find
new friends. I found a group of mostly singles.
We did all sorts of social things and had a blast.
I have moved states snce then and still
enjoy the social side of AA + new non drinking neighbors.
I also changed jobs to get away from the
drinking culture. Worked out great!
Friends come and go....you live daily with YOU.
Blessings
they left me when I quit hanging in bars..
We no longer had the same goals.
When I connected with AA...I started to find
new friends. I found a group of mostly singles.
We did all sorts of social things and had a blast.
I have moved states snce then and still
enjoy the social side of AA + new non drinking neighbors.
I also changed jobs to get away from the
drinking culture. Worked out great!
Friends come and go....you live daily with YOU.
Blessings
doing nothing
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: socal
Posts: 73
I still hang with my friends that drink moderately, just the other day I went out for pizza and beer with them, I was the one drinking iced tea.
I no longer associate with those people I used to refer to as my friends, but were really just drinking buddies. When I quit drinking, we no longer had anything in common.
I really don't like to be around drunk people much now, so it doesn't really matter who they are if they get plastered; they annoy me.
I no longer associate with those people I used to refer to as my friends, but were really just drinking buddies. When I quit drinking, we no longer had anything in common.
I really don't like to be around drunk people much now, so it doesn't really matter who they are if they get plastered; they annoy me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Hello Merlotmamma,
I found that my heavy drinking companions and I drifted apart. I believe this was a good thing. As this happened, I started to make new friends in AA. I enjoy being around sober people much more than people who are drinking.
I also found a new group of friends who are into the same hobbies as I am. My hobby is one that doesn't go very well with drinking. In fact, most people who share this hobby don't drink... or at least while doing the hobby.
Once I got more stable in my sobriety, I was able to go out to a social function and drink soda. I began to notice that no one really cares what I'm drinking. I found that the only people who noticed that I don't drink, are the ones who might be drinking too much themeslves lol.
These social situations can be tough. I found that my feelings are much more "raw" when I'm sober. At times I feel vulurnable and anxious. I try to avoid social situations where everyone is drinking. I usually gravitate towards whoever isn't drinking at these functions. The toughest times are when I'm the only one who is drinking pop.
This is stuff I have to overcome. Society isn't going to change just because chip has an alcohol problem....
Social nature will take it's course. I hope you will be able to keep sober, and build a better life on the foundation of sobriety.
chip
I found that my heavy drinking companions and I drifted apart. I believe this was a good thing. As this happened, I started to make new friends in AA. I enjoy being around sober people much more than people who are drinking.
I also found a new group of friends who are into the same hobbies as I am. My hobby is one that doesn't go very well with drinking. In fact, most people who share this hobby don't drink... or at least while doing the hobby.
Once I got more stable in my sobriety, I was able to go out to a social function and drink soda. I began to notice that no one really cares what I'm drinking. I found that the only people who noticed that I don't drink, are the ones who might be drinking too much themeslves lol.
These social situations can be tough. I found that my feelings are much more "raw" when I'm sober. At times I feel vulurnable and anxious. I try to avoid social situations where everyone is drinking. I usually gravitate towards whoever isn't drinking at these functions. The toughest times are when I'm the only one who is drinking pop.
This is stuff I have to overcome. Society isn't going to change just because chip has an alcohol problem....
Social nature will take it's course. I hope you will be able to keep sober, and build a better life on the foundation of sobriety.
chip
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Friends ?!?!
I was an at home drinker. Preferably in my room, alone.
There's actually people out there ! and I can interact with them. Who'd would have thought.....The fellowship of AA has been one of my many blessings.
I was an at home drinker. Preferably in my room, alone.
There's actually people out there ! and I can interact with them. Who'd would have thought.....The fellowship of AA has been one of my many blessings.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
In the end I drank alone, so cutting out "drinking buddies" wasn't too hard. My real friends have supported me. These are the same people I abandoned in favor of alcohol. What a gift it is to have them in my life once again. In early sobriety I could not be around alcohol at all. Today, I still don't care to be around nyone who drinks like I did. I will say that I find normal drinkers a curious lot. Why would anyone in their right mind leave a nearly full drink on the table at a restaurant? The most important friends in my life are in my home group. They are showing me a path to a better life. And today that is a hell of a lot more important than worrying about whether I need to go to a bar and watch someone get drunk.
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
So
thanks for the answers. As far as my friend goes, I was actually wondering if she might be drinking too much, but a big part of me thought it was me thinking that because I wasn't drinking! (if you can follow that lol).
Sigh.
Sigh.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
My social obligations did not go away when I got sober, but like you I do not find amusement in sitting around watching people get drunk.Even though I may not always like it, I do have to attend social events from time to time.
There are a lot of other ways to socialize with your coworkers without drinking so maybe you could try suggesting going to a restaurant or going bowling instead. I am sure you can think of something.
If you do not feel comfortable about compromising your values by meeting in a bar then you will have to let them understand that.
There are a lot of other ways to socialize with your coworkers without drinking so maybe you could try suggesting going to a restaurant or going bowling instead. I am sure you can think of something.
If you do not feel comfortable about compromising your values by meeting in a bar then you will have to let them understand that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 183
I didn't decide not to be friends with certain people because of my personal decision not to drink. I guess they kind of made the decision not to be friends. I told them I won't go out drinking with them anymore and that we should find other ways to hang out. But over a month since I've stopped drinking and I have yet to hang out with any of those people. I actually had someone recently accuse me shutting her out of my life. Of course I pointed out how the only time she asks me to hang out is when they go out drinking. Let me just say we aren't friends right now.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Liverpool GB
Posts: 6
My close friends have been pretty supportive of my sobriety, often saying that I'm inspiring them to think about alcohol in a different way, but from my perspective I just can't go to social events where drinking is the main form of entertainment, it's just deathly boredom and misery for me. The friends that are willing to do things that don't revolve around drinking are the ones I've kept. The others have just gradually fallen away.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
In a nut shell as others have said my father when he quit drinking said one of his biggest discoveries was who his real friends were and who his drinking buddies were because when he quit his drinking buddies dissappeared.
For me I was like BP44, in the end 90% of my drinking was done alone so I did not lose any drinking buddies, I had no drinking or sober freinds, I had my bottle.
In AA I found freinds and a social life both in and out of AA! I discovered when I quit drinking that suddenly people I knew in passing were becoming friends because I was no longer hiding in my garage drinking.
I go to family get togethers where there is a little bit of drinking and it does not bother me at all with the exception of my brother in law and the only reason his drinking bothers me is because his alcoholism is much further along then mine, it breaks my heart to see how quickly he is sliding away and knowing there is nothing I can do to help him until he is ready for help.
I can tell you right now that if I was trying this all by myself I would have been drinking again within a week of getting out of detox, I spent 10 years trying to do it alone and failed.
For me I was like BP44, in the end 90% of my drinking was done alone so I did not lose any drinking buddies, I had no drinking or sober freinds, I had my bottle.
In AA I found freinds and a social life both in and out of AA! I discovered when I quit drinking that suddenly people I knew in passing were becoming friends because I was no longer hiding in my garage drinking.
I go to family get togethers where there is a little bit of drinking and it does not bother me at all with the exception of my brother in law and the only reason his drinking bothers me is because his alcoholism is much further along then mine, it breaks my heart to see how quickly he is sliding away and knowing there is nothing I can do to help him until he is ready for help.
I can tell you right now that if I was trying this all by myself I would have been drinking again within a week of getting out of detox, I spent 10 years trying to do it alone and failed.
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
hey Taz
yes, that point was driven home to me in the meeting tonight. It was a wonderful group of peeps and the speaker stressed having a network and all the fun AA stuff coming up for the summer..and I even hung around after and made some contacts.
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