So There I was In Bed ...
same planet...different world
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
So There I was In Bed ...
… and I hear a ‘thump’ in the apartment downstairs.
*he’s fallen again*
I think to myself, and instantly begin wondering what I’m supposed to do. So I get up, start some coffee, sit in my chair and begin to pray.
Because I truly don’t know what to do.
Two nights ago, I was awakened by the same ‘noise’ downstairs. I don’t know *how* I knew he’d fallen, and was convulsing, but I did. I got up then and looked outside, his ‘caregiver’s (more like his ‘drugbringer’) car was parked out front, so I had to assume the situation was being taken care of. Truth be told – I didn’t want to have to deal with it, so I hoped he was okay. I was NOT going to go walking into a possible ambush all by myself with all three of them down there in the middle of the night.
But this was the middle of the afternoon.
And 'things' just felt ... different.
Yesterday, the police were there, but left without anyone with them.
No clue what THAT was all about until later.
So today, I’m sitting in my recliner, praying … and I hear shuffling on the front porch. It’s the downstairs neighbor. He’s diabetic, blind … last stage alcoholic … and he’s ‘feeling’ his way to my door.
*here we go*
I’m thinking as I get up and go to the door.
He needs to use my phone. His ‘caregiver’ has collapsed in the hallway and is having convulsions, and he doesn’t think he’s breathing.
Lord God.
I grab the phone, punch in 911, hand it to the guy and (thank GOD) slip on my flops on the way out the door.
Get downstairs open the door…..
What I saw froze me in my tracks.
* I started praying on a World Class level right then*
Oh, Sacred Ones, watch over your little daughter at this time ….
... please hold me safe to You help me I am dancing underneath You ...
The house … reeks … of beer and dog feces.
There’s a man lying in the hallway, so wedged in there, I can’t figure how he’s so stuck in that hall. Then I realize, walking over to him, the hallway is much narrower than mine upstairs. There’s dirty clothes, and bedding piled the length of it.
(mine doesn’t have that)
He’s tangled in what looks like bedding, his head covered up, and of course head is at the opposite end. Of course his pants are around his knees. I can only go up and grab the bedding, and ask the classic line from Red Cross training thirty years ago, ‘hey – are you ok? Can you hear me?’
Thank GOD he answered me.
If he can answer - he's breathing.
I’m not sure … well you know what?
I’m positive I wasn’t going to be able to get him unwedged from his position. I didn't want to touch him. I knew when I saw him I was going to be no help. So I told him the paramedics were on the way, to keep talking to me, and I inwardly began fighting the urge to gag, just being in the house, the smell, maybe being in that situation.
If that man had needed mouth to mouth – he’d be dead right now.
Pure and simple.
That’s what I’m trying to say. I’d like to think I could have gotten past the .. everything about the man, and done something to help … but I’m in a way of knowing … it’s doubtful. No it isn’t. That’s still not true.
The simple truth is -
I wouldn’t have been able.
Period.
It woulda been like blowing into a corpse.
No can do.
I heard the paramedics drive up, told the blind fella to stay with his friend, and went outside. By that time, I needed the air. One paramedic looked at me when we passed on the sidewalk, and he said, ‘Yeah, we know – we’ve been here before.”
I don’t know how you do it, Creekryder.
Whatever it is ya need to do that kind of work … I don’t have it.
I learned that tonight, and I’m not terribly proud of it.
So, off he goes in the ambulance, eventually, and the blind neighbor comes back up to my place. He’s scared, of course, and needs to use my phone again to call relatives and whatever. By this time, I’m not in a place mentally to even really be paying attention any more: I’m on overload.
Then …
The really scary part happened.
He sits down and starts talking to me and my neighbor.
Now I know what ‘wet brain’ is … up close and personal.
And I know why no one wants to describe it. You can’t, really.
This man has the intellect of somewhere around a ten year old.
He’s 34 years old. He looks sixty. No lie, no exaggeration.
He spun a tale of how he and his friend were supposed to be leaving next week to go to Seattle and get a new treatment that would restore his eyesight. He told us about a new brain implant down in Salt Lake that was going to stop him from drinking. He went on about his kittens he’s got down in that apartment (6 cats, two dogs I find out) because my own kitten went up to him, but wouldn’t get close to him. Then off he went about how his friend was going back into the service, because they needed him in Iraq…
Oh my God.
It was so profoundly sad.
And unspeakably frightening.
While I sat in my living room listening to this wretched man spin tale after tale, I kept thinking about GlassPrisoner’s post to me last week about how HP may have put me there in that apartment because of those “user people” downstairs.
I kept thinking,
‘What am I supposed to be learning here?’
*just watch just listen* I heard.
So I did.
So, I'm praying about it.
I'm sure his 'buddy' is going to be staying the night at Hospital (at least the night) so maybe the big worries about dead people downstairs are not all that solidly founded for the moment. This guy needs to be in an institution. He's a danger to the apartment.
Would YOU leave a drunk ten year old in an apartment with a gas heater, and stove ... ???
He needs a group home or something. Something.
Stronger than the smell of dog -
stronger than the smell of stale beer -
stronger than the reek of urine -
death.
The smell of death was in there.
Not the 'death visited three days ago'
roadkill smell we all know.
Death 'right here - right now' smell.
I'm certain there will be some reading this who know that smell like I do.
It's been a couple of years for me, but man -
when you smell it again -
you remember right off what that is, you know?
I know the first thing I'm to do - call the landlord.
She's not been able to get in there for months.
That's the next right thing.
I'd been told it was 'bad' down there; now I know just *how* bad.
So - How'd YOUR days go???
*he’s fallen again*
I think to myself, and instantly begin wondering what I’m supposed to do. So I get up, start some coffee, sit in my chair and begin to pray.
Because I truly don’t know what to do.
Two nights ago, I was awakened by the same ‘noise’ downstairs. I don’t know *how* I knew he’d fallen, and was convulsing, but I did. I got up then and looked outside, his ‘caregiver’s (more like his ‘drugbringer’) car was parked out front, so I had to assume the situation was being taken care of. Truth be told – I didn’t want to have to deal with it, so I hoped he was okay. I was NOT going to go walking into a possible ambush all by myself with all three of them down there in the middle of the night.
But this was the middle of the afternoon.
And 'things' just felt ... different.
Yesterday, the police were there, but left without anyone with them.
No clue what THAT was all about until later.
So today, I’m sitting in my recliner, praying … and I hear shuffling on the front porch. It’s the downstairs neighbor. He’s diabetic, blind … last stage alcoholic … and he’s ‘feeling’ his way to my door.
*here we go*
I’m thinking as I get up and go to the door.
He needs to use my phone. His ‘caregiver’ has collapsed in the hallway and is having convulsions, and he doesn’t think he’s breathing.
Lord God.
I grab the phone, punch in 911, hand it to the guy and (thank GOD) slip on my flops on the way out the door.
Get downstairs open the door…..
What I saw froze me in my tracks.
* I started praying on a World Class level right then*
Oh, Sacred Ones, watch over your little daughter at this time ….
... please hold me safe to You help me I am dancing underneath You ...
The house … reeks … of beer and dog feces.
There’s a man lying in the hallway, so wedged in there, I can’t figure how he’s so stuck in that hall. Then I realize, walking over to him, the hallway is much narrower than mine upstairs. There’s dirty clothes, and bedding piled the length of it.
(mine doesn’t have that)
He’s tangled in what looks like bedding, his head covered up, and of course head is at the opposite end. Of course his pants are around his knees. I can only go up and grab the bedding, and ask the classic line from Red Cross training thirty years ago, ‘hey – are you ok? Can you hear me?’
Thank GOD he answered me.
If he can answer - he's breathing.
I’m not sure … well you know what?
I’m positive I wasn’t going to be able to get him unwedged from his position. I didn't want to touch him. I knew when I saw him I was going to be no help. So I told him the paramedics were on the way, to keep talking to me, and I inwardly began fighting the urge to gag, just being in the house, the smell, maybe being in that situation.
If that man had needed mouth to mouth – he’d be dead right now.
Pure and simple.
That’s what I’m trying to say. I’d like to think I could have gotten past the .. everything about the man, and done something to help … but I’m in a way of knowing … it’s doubtful. No it isn’t. That’s still not true.
The simple truth is -
I wouldn’t have been able.
Period.
It woulda been like blowing into a corpse.
No can do.
I heard the paramedics drive up, told the blind fella to stay with his friend, and went outside. By that time, I needed the air. One paramedic looked at me when we passed on the sidewalk, and he said, ‘Yeah, we know – we’ve been here before.”
I don’t know how you do it, Creekryder.
Whatever it is ya need to do that kind of work … I don’t have it.
I learned that tonight, and I’m not terribly proud of it.
So, off he goes in the ambulance, eventually, and the blind neighbor comes back up to my place. He’s scared, of course, and needs to use my phone again to call relatives and whatever. By this time, I’m not in a place mentally to even really be paying attention any more: I’m on overload.
Then …
The really scary part happened.
He sits down and starts talking to me and my neighbor.
Now I know what ‘wet brain’ is … up close and personal.
And I know why no one wants to describe it. You can’t, really.
This man has the intellect of somewhere around a ten year old.
He’s 34 years old. He looks sixty. No lie, no exaggeration.
He spun a tale of how he and his friend were supposed to be leaving next week to go to Seattle and get a new treatment that would restore his eyesight. He told us about a new brain implant down in Salt Lake that was going to stop him from drinking. He went on about his kittens he’s got down in that apartment (6 cats, two dogs I find out) because my own kitten went up to him, but wouldn’t get close to him. Then off he went about how his friend was going back into the service, because they needed him in Iraq…
Oh my God.
It was so profoundly sad.
And unspeakably frightening.
While I sat in my living room listening to this wretched man spin tale after tale, I kept thinking about GlassPrisoner’s post to me last week about how HP may have put me there in that apartment because of those “user people” downstairs.
I kept thinking,
‘What am I supposed to be learning here?’
*just watch just listen* I heard.
So I did.
So, I'm praying about it.
I'm sure his 'buddy' is going to be staying the night at Hospital (at least the night) so maybe the big worries about dead people downstairs are not all that solidly founded for the moment. This guy needs to be in an institution. He's a danger to the apartment.
Would YOU leave a drunk ten year old in an apartment with a gas heater, and stove ... ???
He needs a group home or something. Something.
Stronger than the smell of dog -
stronger than the smell of stale beer -
stronger than the reek of urine -
death.
The smell of death was in there.
Not the 'death visited three days ago'
roadkill smell we all know.
Death 'right here - right now' smell.
I'm certain there will be some reading this who know that smell like I do.
It's been a couple of years for me, but man -
when you smell it again -
you remember right off what that is, you know?
I know the first thing I'm to do - call the landlord.
She's not been able to get in there for months.
That's the next right thing.
I'd been told it was 'bad' down there; now I know just *how* bad.
So - How'd YOUR days go???
same planet...different world
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Thanks SaTIT ...
I wasn't going to post it. I sent it to someone who said I should, as it's the real story about last stage alcoholism.
You know, I had convulsions before I stopped, too.
I wasn't living in squallor, I still had a job ...
8 months ago ...the only real difference between me and them ...
was attention to personal hygeine.
The promises come true, everyone.
It works when you work it.
I'm the walkin' talkin' typin' proof of that one.
What a reminder, huh?
Sober today by the Grace of God; and the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I wasn't going to post it. I sent it to someone who said I should, as it's the real story about last stage alcoholism.
You know, I had convulsions before I stopped, too.
I wasn't living in squallor, I still had a job ...
8 months ago ...the only real difference between me and them ...
was attention to personal hygeine.
The promises come true, everyone.
It works when you work it.
I'm the walkin' talkin' typin' proof of that one.
What a reminder, huh?
Sober today by the Grace of God; and the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 183
Wow, I can't imagine what I would've done in that situation. Thanks for the post. I've never read anything about 'wet brain' or anything so descriptive about late stage alcoholism. That definitely gives me more motivation to stay away from alcohol.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Hi Barb,
How do I even respond to that vivid and terrible story.
I guess it really makes me thankful that I am sober because if I were still being the puppet to my disease and letting alcohol pull my strings, I would be there too. Probably sooner rather than later.
You brought me back to a very dark place where death was my friend.
But not today, not now, not anymore.
I choose life today.
Ted
How do I even respond to that vivid and terrible story.
I guess it really makes me thankful that I am sober because if I were still being the puppet to my disease and letting alcohol pull my strings, I would be there too. Probably sooner rather than later.
You brought me back to a very dark place where death was my friend.
But not today, not now, not anymore.
I choose life today.
Ted
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I'm glad you were home and able to help. I wouldn't have been able to give AR either. I like to think that I could - but I couldn't.
I think it's important that you posted this - we talk about stopping drinking and drugging in the here and now, not thinking about where we might be in 10, 20, 30 years if we were to continue drinking.
It's like when I started smoking as a teenager. Adults scolded me and said 'don't start, or you'll never be able to quit'. I was a kid, and therefore immortal (so I thought). 20+ years later, after numerous attempts, I finally quit.
And while new in recovery, I had relapsed a couple of times, telling myself 'I can quit whenever I want and here's how' - I saw myself as young and glamorous - but who is kidding who - living as an alcoholic robs us of our life, our health, our hope.
It's important to see where this can take us. To that scene that you described, Barb. That could be any one of us. Alcohol does not discriminate.
Thank you for posting this, really.
Rowan
I think it's important that you posted this - we talk about stopping drinking and drugging in the here and now, not thinking about where we might be in 10, 20, 30 years if we were to continue drinking.
It's like when I started smoking as a teenager. Adults scolded me and said 'don't start, or you'll never be able to quit'. I was a kid, and therefore immortal (so I thought). 20+ years later, after numerous attempts, I finally quit.
And while new in recovery, I had relapsed a couple of times, telling myself 'I can quit whenever I want and here's how' - I saw myself as young and glamorous - but who is kidding who - living as an alcoholic robs us of our life, our health, our hope.
It's important to see where this can take us. To that scene that you described, Barb. That could be any one of us. Alcohol does not discriminate.
Thank you for posting this, really.
Rowan
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Thank you for taking the time and the generosity of your spirit to pass this along. It is a teaching story, in the truest sense.
Its been so long a time since I have encountered what you described that I honestly forget to reconnect the dots in my crazy mind when it comes to the deadliness of this condition I have. Your experience helped me to remember the days that the prospect of alcoholic/drug induced death was a daily companion in my journey, and how much has changed.
Thanks.
Hope yuu can get a breather today!
Its been so long a time since I have encountered what you described that I honestly forget to reconnect the dots in my crazy mind when it comes to the deadliness of this condition I have. Your experience helped me to remember the days that the prospect of alcoholic/drug induced death was a daily companion in my journey, and how much has changed.
Thanks.
Hope yuu can get a breather today!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Durham NC
Posts: 71
Now there is an eye opening read first thing in the morning. Thank you so much for reminding me of just why I am grateful for my sobriety and this site... my heart goes out to you for the sadness of all you just saw... "just watch and listen".... and then bring us your experience so that we here can learn from it... it's truely amazing.
Wanna know where my head went? You said there was a strong smell of a dog. Where is the dog? is the poor thing okay? I view animals just as innocent as children and that poor animal doesn't deserve such conditions. I know, probably pretty dang petty of me, but... I always want to know if the ones without voices to tell us of their hardships are okay.
Wanna know where my head went? You said there was a strong smell of a dog. Where is the dog? is the poor thing okay? I view animals just as innocent as children and that poor animal doesn't deserve such conditions. I know, probably pretty dang petty of me, but... I always want to know if the ones without voices to tell us of their hardships are okay.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Barb)))) What an incredible story.... and any one of us could have been in your shoes. I think you are exactly right - none of this is coincidence, and my prayers are with your neighbor. We always think we can "call the authorities" in a case like this, but sadly, there is no safety net quite like that for us ... don't know if there ever was.
(((Barb D'wyer))))
(((Barb D'wyer))))
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Barb you did great!!!!!!!
The only other call I would make, if it happened to me, is on Monday to Adult Protection Services (not sure what it is called in Montana). That man needs a case worker and somewhere safe to live.
Wow!
Thank you for posting this.........................certainly an excellent example of the progression of alcoholism.
Way to go Barb!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
The only other call I would make, if it happened to me, is on Monday to Adult Protection Services (not sure what it is called in Montana). That man needs a case worker and somewhere safe to live.
Wow!
Thank you for posting this.........................certainly an excellent example of the progression of alcoholism.
Way to go Barb!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
I have lived in severely improvised neighborhoods most of my life, with liquor stores on just about every corner and “wet brain” is more common than most people know of or willing to believe.
Last edited by Zencat; 05-19-2007 at 08:04 AM. Reason: typo
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Quite the story, Deb, eyewitness to human suffering is sometimes near impossible to handle. I hope it doesn't continue in your 'hood, but I'm sure you're prepared.
As to your comments on the EMS people, I don't know how we are able to do some of the things we do. Is it a gift? Maybe. I think of it as an ability, a specialization if you will, to do a job. There are lots of people that have special abilities... to fix a car, solve financial problems, lead a group of soldiers into battle...and those abilities are of what and who we are. Individuals, with abilities to help one another. Not everyone can repair a transmission, not everyone can keep an airway unobstructed on a 75 year old woman. Because you can't fix an engine or do CPR is no reason to feel badly about yourself. You a have different skill, use it. If you don't know what that special ability is, find it. We're all heroes, just need to realize it.
Peace—
Padraic
As to your comments on the EMS people, I don't know how we are able to do some of the things we do. Is it a gift? Maybe. I think of it as an ability, a specialization if you will, to do a job. There are lots of people that have special abilities... to fix a car, solve financial problems, lead a group of soldiers into battle...and those abilities are of what and who we are. Individuals, with abilities to help one another. Not everyone can repair a transmission, not everyone can keep an airway unobstructed on a 75 year old woman. Because you can't fix an engine or do CPR is no reason to feel badly about yourself. You a have different skill, use it. If you don't know what that special ability is, find it. We're all heroes, just need to realize it.
Peace—
Padraic
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Want to know more about "wet brain"?
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/dementia/a/aa990714.htm
Or Goggle for Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/dementia/a/aa990714.htm
Or Goggle for Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome
Last edited by CarolD; 05-19-2007 at 09:59 AM. Reason: Added Informational Link
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