hotwingeatter

But, I am finding that I have great feelings of joy and horrible feelings of dread. I realize life is going to have it's ups and downs but I am to a point that I want people around. I don't know how to even deal with my own family. Everywhere I go and everything I do I feel out of place. I was out of it for over half my life and now I don't know how to get back in. I am sure my family wants me back in but I don't know how to do it. I feel like the most boring dud, I also spend the weekends locked up in my house cause I don't know what to do. Saturday was 20 months for me and I really don't feel much better.

SaTiT

congrats on your 20 months...

From wreacking to town into a home body. Ain't that a change.
Home ain't so bad..A place I can rest my head and a santuary
Learning to live under my own skin with me, myself and I. A lot
of people bypass that process and paid, like me..lol
it's a journey, changes comes wheather we like it or not.

Peter

As an active alcoholic I spent a lot of time hanging out in places and with people where I never really felt like I belonged but I did it because I wanted to be a part of something.

Today it is even harder for me to feel comfortable in certain situations but I do not let it bother me. I have accepted that there are places in which I may never truly belong.

ghostgirl

hey there hotwing.... congrats on your twenty months. thats huge. its good to be able to come here, huh?

i don't have much in the way of friends, i go to a.a. meetings, but keep to myself mostly. i have a sponsor, too. but i dread calling her. anyway, i can totally relate to the lonliness. it seems so huge sometimes. and maybe i've spent a long time wondering what the hell i'm doing this for.

i know that people say "reach out reach out", but this seems to be the best i can do right now. maybe you feel that way, too?

the only person that i don't screw up intimacy with is my daughter, but she's only six.. give me time!

CarolD

My parents never acknowledged my alcoholism or my recovery..

I do find understanding and approval with my AA friends.
but it is with my spiritual connection to God
that I keep serene and emotionally balanced.

This can be true for you too...
Congratulations on your sober time..

BP44

Developing a social life in recovery is difficult. All the playgrounds and playmates,, if we still had them are gone. Some of us had no playmates any longer. The only friend left was the liquor and beer, and that one had turned on us in a vicious way. The best thing I have found to redevelop some social structure and really feel I belonged was to get involved in AA. If you don't have a home group, find one. And get involved. Come early and stay late. Talk to newcomers. Make coffee. Offer to chair meetings. Often times people go out to eat after a meeting. The meeting after the meeting. Sobriety happens at the Waffle House, ya know. The worst thing I ever did was bounce around from meeting to meeting, sitting in the back hoping to make a bee line to the door afterwards. But it was where I was at at the time. Anyway, I've found that the more I get involved, the less I stay in myself, and that always makes me feel better. Hope this helps.

GrouchoTheCat

What BP44 said.

Ted

leviathon

Good job on the 20. Have you picked up any past times or hobbies? REsumed any past times or hobbies? I found that made a huge difference for me. I was feeling much like you until I did those things.

Levi

GlassPrisoner

Ditto.

For an introverrted reclusive isolationist like me, talking in front of strangers and making new friends (who actually CARE about me) is nothing short of a miracle. I actually feel a part of for the first time in my life.

And, that's just one of the promises.....

Tazman53

BP44 well said.

You know for years I drank to fit in, booze gave me the ability to fit in..... I thought. Looking back what it did was give me a false sense of courage, I spoke to people I had nothing in common with and those who could care less about me, they were just like me....... trying to fit in. Eventually my drinking led me to isolate, I kind of realized that the booze was not working in my social life but it did something for me, what I really can not say, but it was always there, I spent years slowly isolating my self from family and friends, I no longer fit in with any one or in any place.

Sobriety, AA, & the steps have allowed me to return to the world rather then isolate from it. At first it was in the rooms of AA, here were people from every walk of life who I could relate to, I could laugh with them & cry with them. I felt a sense of belonging. As I worked the steps with my sponsor and listened at meetings I slowly have learned how to fit back in with my family, I am now a father and not some damn drunk sitting in the garage drinking. I enjoy doing things with my family and they enjoy doing things with me.

Steps 4 & 5, allowed me to really see the areas of my life I needed to work on, the things I needed to change, my sponsor and folks in the rooms have helped me work out these issues as people share what they have done that worked for them. Steps 8 & 9 have allowed me to mend fences where I can and clear my concience of a lot of baggage and guilt.

I can now look people squarely in the eye, because there are no more secrets in my life and I am no longer a liar, I know when I speak to some one that I owe them no apology and I do not have to worry about getting caught in a lie.

Congrats on your 20 months, as is said in the promises after step 9, some of the promises are fulfilled quickly and some slowly, but they will all come true if we work for them. Give it time, keep working the steps, do service work in AA and out side of AA as well.

BP44

Thanks Taz!!! Getting involved in a home group and working with a sponsor have been the two most difficult things for me. I tried every way imaginable to avoid both. It was almost like the way I tried every imagineable way to control drinking. But when I came back to AA this time, I remembered the feeling I had when for a very brief time I started to get involved with my first home group...I felt better, useful. It was a small group and just a little too scary for me at the time. Unfortunately I walked away back then, and had to learn the hard way with a full year back out there after many years of dry drunkeness. I'm now back in with both feet, and life is really good. I've been working with a sponsor daily.( what a novel idea lol). And with his sponsor. Sometimes I wonder....why in the hell did it take so long for me to surrender. I've been at this since 91. But in reality, it takes what it takes, snd it's just the path I've been on. Sometimes quickly...for me most of the time slowly. Hope all have a good day. Don't drink and go to a meeting!!!! Thank God for AA!!!!