life..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
life..
drink..drugs..drunk..drugs..sleep...drink..drugs.. .drunk...sleep
thats my life and I'm tierd from it all. I'm tierd from the depression, not living, not doing anything always being in pain and I don't know what to do, I want to stop and I have tried but the feelings come back, not sleeping and will power goes. I'm not meant to be drinking whilst I start my anti-depressants, yet I went 1 nite and that's only because I couldn't stay awake along enough to drink, I'm pathetic.
If I stop drinking I won't have anything, its mad but drink is like my "safety" blanket...I don't have anyone to talk to, I don't have any family that talk to me unless they want something, my friends have run I just want to feel loved and wanted, and drinking stops me feeling the sadness and turns to anger.
I don't see a future and I know if I continue I will be another statistic.
thats my life and I'm tierd from it all. I'm tierd from the depression, not living, not doing anything always being in pain and I don't know what to do, I want to stop and I have tried but the feelings come back, not sleeping and will power goes. I'm not meant to be drinking whilst I start my anti-depressants, yet I went 1 nite and that's only because I couldn't stay awake along enough to drink, I'm pathetic.
If I stop drinking I won't have anything, its mad but drink is like my "safety" blanket...I don't have anyone to talk to, I don't have any family that talk to me unless they want something, my friends have run I just want to feel loved and wanted, and drinking stops me feeling the sadness and turns to anger.
I don't see a future and I know if I continue I will be another statistic.
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
What steps have you taken so far to overcome your addiction?
Have you tried Rehab? AA? Smart? Counselling? Religion even?
If you are unable to stop on your own then perhaps some outside intervention might help. Recovery will only begin when we commit ourselves to some form of treatment.Only you can decide which course of action will best suit you.
Your despair and lonliness will only despair when you start to get clean.
In the meantime keep posting here if it helps a little.
Have you tried Rehab? AA? Smart? Counselling? Religion even?
If you are unable to stop on your own then perhaps some outside intervention might help. Recovery will only begin when we commit ourselves to some form of treatment.Only you can decide which course of action will best suit you.
Your despair and lonliness will only despair when you start to get clean.
In the meantime keep posting here if it helps a little.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Originally Posted by lost_child 
If I stop drinking I won't have anything, its mad but drink is like my "safety" blanket...I don't have anyone to talk to, I don't have any family that talk to me unless they want something, my friends have run I just want to feel loved and wanted, and drinking stops me feeling the sadness and turns to anger.
I don't see a future and I know if I continue I will be another statistic.
I don't see a future and I know if I continue I will be another statistic.
you know as well as anyone else here, that you're not going to get *anywhere* if you keep thinking you 'won't have anything' if you stop drinking...drinking, and all the other stuff, is keeping you in this dark place...not helping.
I know how it is - sometimes you can hold on to bad feelings so long they become natural, almost comfortable...but it's no way to live a life. You know that - you post regularly about how bad things are. If you want to leave this badness behind, you know what you have to do.
It's hard...damn hard...but you've already taken a few steps and reached out to drs., and there will always be folks here to help, and besides the alternative is so much worse, isn't it?
D
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
You called the topic Life!!
Seriously this is just existing!!
You sound just like my sister. Sorry I am going to be direct. You are on your pitypot, get off and get on with it.
I am not judging you, get that right. If you continue to think this way, you will always exist this way. If you stop drinking, you said you will have nothing. If you continue to drink you have nothing. What do you think would sound better. Being alive consciously or not. Sometimes we have to be stronger, a little each day and you just never know where that may get ya. Maybe you dont want to find out who you are.
You really are not ready, you say you are but you need professional help if you want to be serious. Have you been to any rehab centres yet or sought any help. This is where you need to start.
Seriously this is just existing!!
You sound just like my sister. Sorry I am going to be direct. You are on your pitypot, get off and get on with it.
I am not judging you, get that right. If you continue to think this way, you will always exist this way. If you stop drinking, you said you will have nothing. If you continue to drink you have nothing. What do you think would sound better. Being alive consciously or not. Sometimes we have to be stronger, a little each day and you just never know where that may get ya. Maybe you dont want to find out who you are.
You really are not ready, you say you are but you need professional help if you want to be serious. Have you been to any rehab centres yet or sought any help. This is where you need to start.
Last edited by justjo; 05-14-2007 at 04:09 AM. Reason: add
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
lost child sitting on the pity pot is getting you no where, there are people who would love to help you, they will love you until you can love you self, they have been where you are at.
Put forth 1/10 of the effort you put posting here and pick up the phone book and call AA. Call someone!
No one can help you until you are willing to help your self, you have had an awful lot of good advice and support here, but you need to put forth a little more effort then sitting on the pity pot saying how hard it is.
It is not hard, you have not tried, if you really wanted help you would take action, if you want pity then do nothing.
Put forth 1/10 of the effort you put posting here and pick up the phone book and call AA. Call someone!
No one can help you until you are willing to help your self, you have had an awful lot of good advice and support here, but you need to put forth a little more effort then sitting on the pity pot saying how hard it is.
It is not hard, you have not tried, if you really wanted help you would take action, if you want pity then do nothing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
I have read all ur replies.. I don't want self pity and I sure as hell don't want to live like this. I have tried to quit drinking, to quit taking the pills but as soon as something hit me down, I went back to the drink and drugs, I know I need to change how I respond to bad situtations/experiances or difficult feelins and I told my counsellor this today. Ur right, it isn't alife but existance.
I haven't been to an AA meeting but my doctor has referred me to see a drink and drugs counsellor this morning, I am fed up with being so negative all the time, never seeing outside by box and I need someone to guide me, sounds stupid I know. I've seen my counsellor again, and for the first time (after 18 months) she said she finally thinks our relationship moved forward as she said today was the first time she saw me...
I do appreciate ur support and advice, and I'm sorry for being so rude.
Lost
I haven't been to an AA meeting but my doctor has referred me to see a drink and drugs counsellor this morning, I am fed up with being so negative all the time, never seeing outside by box and I need someone to guide me, sounds stupid I know. I've seen my counsellor again, and for the first time (after 18 months) she said she finally thinks our relationship moved forward as she said today was the first time she saw me...
I do appreciate ur support and advice, and I'm sorry for being so rude.
Lost
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
I need someone to guide me, sounds stupid I know.
Lone I can tell you right now that if I had not reached out my hand for help, for some one to guide me I would still be a drunk!
In detox I got sober, in AA I had rooms full of people who were recovering or recovered alcoholics, they knew exactly what I was going through, they understood my self hatred, my fears, my wanting a drink so bad I could taste it, they knew what the shakes were, what being blitzed out of my mind was like, there was not a damn thing that I had done that at least one of them if not most of them had done.
These people guided me in learning how to stay sober, how to become happy with myself. They had done it, they had been where I was and nothing made them happier then helping a fellow alcoholic recover.
And it did not cost me a dime, all I had to do was get off of my arse, go to meetings, ask for help, and follow the guidance that these fellow sober alcoholics gave me freely.
After 40 years of drinking, I can honestly say that AA saved my life, not only am I sober, I am happy, joyous, & free!
All I had to do was ask for guidance and do what was suggested.
Any one can do this if they have the abilty to be honest with them selfs and are willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober.
I call that a plan of action!Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Sick and tired of being sick, sick sick and tired.
almost there Lost or perhapse you're there.
That was the only thing that made sense to me at my first meeting.
That..i could relate to. That's was what I hung on to.
All i saw was a speck of light ..i had no hope
no future in drinking and druging perhapse.
actaully, it was like death to me...the sick miserable life i had.
if anything getting clean and sober...I've been reborned.
if that's not a definition of being reborn..then I don't know what is ?
yes, i've been saved too. My ass had been saved
So I just had to follow simple directions.
DON'T DRINK NO MATTER WHAT...
forget the steps, forget what i thought, what I belive or don't belive.
forget how I sheity i felt..my feelings nevered killed me.
i felt so much crap from moment to moment...so why did it matter anyways.
my thoughts...gee freaken wizz...I changes my damn mind about every
5 minutes aways..so why would it matter ???
My Actions dictates if I'm going to live or die or stay sober or not.
that is it
DON'T DRINK NO MATTER WHAT....
oneday at a time
five minutes at a time
See if I can do it for 30 days...that was my only goal.
The hell with it..if I had a one track mind and an obsession going
Being obessed with getting sober for 30 days was sometype of asset i had going for me.
Surely i would have something already for the person that's standing in line right behind me...
worry about the rest of the crap later. i 'll cross that bridge when i get there.
almost there Lost or perhapse you're there.
That was the only thing that made sense to me at my first meeting.
That..i could relate to. That's was what I hung on to.
All i saw was a speck of light ..i had no hope
no future in drinking and druging perhapse.
actaully, it was like death to me...the sick miserable life i had.
if anything getting clean and sober...I've been reborned.
if that's not a definition of being reborn..then I don't know what is ?
yes, i've been saved too. My ass had been saved
So I just had to follow simple directions.
DON'T DRINK NO MATTER WHAT...
forget the steps, forget what i thought, what I belive or don't belive.
forget how I sheity i felt..my feelings nevered killed me.
i felt so much crap from moment to moment...so why did it matter anyways.
my thoughts...gee freaken wizz...I changes my damn mind about every
5 minutes aways..so why would it matter ???
My Actions dictates if I'm going to live or die or stay sober or not.
that is it
DON'T DRINK NO MATTER WHAT....
oneday at a time
five minutes at a time
See if I can do it for 30 days...that was my only goal.
The hell with it..if I had a one track mind and an obsession going
Being obessed with getting sober for 30 days was sometype of asset i had going for me.
Surely i would have something already for the person that's standing in line right behind me...
worry about the rest of the crap later. i 'll cross that bridge when i get there.
Last edited by SaTiT; 05-14-2007 at 11:51 AM.
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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Posts: 2,912
Originally Posted by lost_child
I have tried to quit drinking, to quit taking the pills but as soon as something hit me down, I went back to the drink and drugs,
Lost
Lost
If our only recourse is to go running back to the bottle every time difficulties arise then I am afraid we will be doomed to a life of drunkenness.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Originally Posted by lost_child
I do appreciate ur support and advice, and I'm sorry for being so rude.
Lost
Lost
but we all just care about ya - I'm really glad there seem to have been some positive developments since I posted last...go LC !
D
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
QUOTE Lost Child:
I am fed up with being so negative all the time, never seeing outside by box and I need someone to guide me, sounds stupid I know.
Lost. I'm no expert and I definitely do not know how you feel. All I can do is encourage you to really, really sit quietly and think for a moment. If you are negative all the time - what payoff are you getting?
Ok youre thinking What are you talking about. Well, my son was/is a drug addict and he has developed well a personality beyond human. Harsh, yes, it has taken alot of patience and hard work to help him on the right track. OH YES he has taken a long road to recovery but is doing it himself. Occasionally I have to remind him who the hell he is talking to.
Anyways, my point is he was like you. So negative, he still says things like - wheres the bus timetable (and hes huffing and puffing trying to look for it) and while hes doing this he says.... Iam going to miss the bloody bus anyway. You know what I mean. He plans to be negative and he does it because it give him an excuse to cop out. He was late because he couldnt find the bus timetable, not because he didnt plan to get up a bit earlier and get organized.
Do you see my point and I could go on and go. He will just come out with this stuff all the time and it gets me down.
I remind him of what he is doing and we can actually talk logically about it and he thinks about it again. Ok I ll try not to do it.
I dont know if this makes any sense but its like I said, our lives are what we think and do about it. Its no one elses fault or responsibility. It is up to all of us to make our own choices and at least try and make some good ones along the way. Its like you know your addiction has taken over (ok logical enough) you have to want to stop all of this so so bad for it to happen.
Justjo
I am fed up with being so negative all the time, never seeing outside by box and I need someone to guide me, sounds stupid I know.
Lost. I'm no expert and I definitely do not know how you feel. All I can do is encourage you to really, really sit quietly and think for a moment. If you are negative all the time - what payoff are you getting?
Ok youre thinking What are you talking about. Well, my son was/is a drug addict and he has developed well a personality beyond human. Harsh, yes, it has taken alot of patience and hard work to help him on the right track. OH YES he has taken a long road to recovery but is doing it himself. Occasionally I have to remind him who the hell he is talking to.
Anyways, my point is he was like you. So negative, he still says things like - wheres the bus timetable (and hes huffing and puffing trying to look for it) and while hes doing this he says.... Iam going to miss the bloody bus anyway. You know what I mean. He plans to be negative and he does it because it give him an excuse to cop out. He was late because he couldnt find the bus timetable, not because he didnt plan to get up a bit earlier and get organized.
Do you see my point and I could go on and go. He will just come out with this stuff all the time and it gets me down.
I remind him of what he is doing and we can actually talk logically about it and he thinks about it again. Ok I ll try not to do it.
I dont know if this makes any sense but its like I said, our lives are what we think and do about it. Its no one elses fault or responsibility. It is up to all of us to make our own choices and at least try and make some good ones along the way. Its like you know your addiction has taken over (ok logical enough) you have to want to stop all of this so so bad for it to happen.
Justjo
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