I need help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 9
I need help
If I make it through the day, this will be the first day that I've gone without a drink in months. I realized that I needed help when even if I told myself that I wasn't going to drink when I got up with yet another hangover, I could never actually make it through the day without drinking. One drink always leads to finishing the bottle for me. It's as if I have no control over it, the more I drink the more I want to drink.
I started drinking at 17, and for many years after I never had trouble controlling myself. Around the age of 23 is when it became a problem, and since then I've been drunk more times than I can count. I've been diagnosed as an Episodic Alcoholic, and I've done some really disturbing things while under the influence. In fact, it's by the grace of God that I'm still alive.
I've attended an AA meeting here and there, but I always leave the meetings telling myself that I'm not nearly as bad as "those" people. After all, I only drink wine, and it's expensive wine. If I had I problem, I'd drink the cheap stuff. I'm selective, so I must be in control. I can now admit that I lied to myself, and I am "those" people.
I have to stop drinking NOW! If I don't I'll ruin my life, and the lives of those closest to me. I really don't want that to happen.
I know from my periods of sobriety that my quality of life is much better when I don't drink. I feel better, I look better,and I am much more productive in every area of life, so why is it so hard to stop?!
I started drinking at 17, and for many years after I never had trouble controlling myself. Around the age of 23 is when it became a problem, and since then I've been drunk more times than I can count. I've been diagnosed as an Episodic Alcoholic, and I've done some really disturbing things while under the influence. In fact, it's by the grace of God that I'm still alive.
I've attended an AA meeting here and there, but I always leave the meetings telling myself that I'm not nearly as bad as "those" people. After all, I only drink wine, and it's expensive wine. If I had I problem, I'd drink the cheap stuff. I'm selective, so I must be in control. I can now admit that I lied to myself, and I am "those" people.
I have to stop drinking NOW! If I don't I'll ruin my life, and the lives of those closest to me. I really don't want that to happen.
I know from my periods of sobriety that my quality of life is much better when I don't drink. I feel better, I look better,and I am much more productive in every area of life, so why is it so hard to stop?!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 46
If you've tried AA without success, check out the links in the Alternatives section of this site. The one that worked for me was Rational Recovery. Or, if you prefer the AA way, maybe you should try going to meetings regularly.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Hi sforge welcome to SR.
Alcoholism is an illness which affects me in three ways.Physically,mentally and spiritually.
It affects me physically because my body developed a dependence for alcohol which led to uncontrollable urges to drink more.
It affects me mentally because I developed an obsession with alcohol.I was always planning my next drink and I was always worried I would not be able to get enough.I became paranoid and disillusioned.
It affects me spiritually because I lost my sense of values and ended up doing things I never thought I would do.I stopped believing in God.
With the help of AA I was able to arrest my condition even though in the beginning when I first went to AA I thought I was not like "those people".
Giving up alcohol was not an easy thing for me to do.
Alcohol had been my crutch and my excuse for twenty years and I could not imagine letting it go and trying to walk again on my own.However I knew I had to find a way to stop because alcohol was killing me slowly and the pain was becoming unbearable.
AA was able to help me because I could embrace the Spiritual approach it took to recovery.
I believe my addiction to alcohol was just the symptom of much deeper spiritual problems which were rooted in Fear,Anger,Shame and Guilt.
Admitting my powerlessness over alcohol was the first step to my recovery.Once I was able to face the fact that I would never be able to drink alcohol safely again a burden was lifted from my mind.
There are many roads to recovery and AA is just one of them.Whichever road you choose I wish you well.
Whatever happens you are always welcome here and we are always happy to hear from you.
Peter.
Alcoholism is an illness which affects me in three ways.Physically,mentally and spiritually.
It affects me physically because my body developed a dependence for alcohol which led to uncontrollable urges to drink more.
It affects me mentally because I developed an obsession with alcohol.I was always planning my next drink and I was always worried I would not be able to get enough.I became paranoid and disillusioned.
It affects me spiritually because I lost my sense of values and ended up doing things I never thought I would do.I stopped believing in God.
With the help of AA I was able to arrest my condition even though in the beginning when I first went to AA I thought I was not like "those people".
Giving up alcohol was not an easy thing for me to do.
Alcohol had been my crutch and my excuse for twenty years and I could not imagine letting it go and trying to walk again on my own.However I knew I had to find a way to stop because alcohol was killing me slowly and the pain was becoming unbearable.
AA was able to help me because I could embrace the Spiritual approach it took to recovery.
I believe my addiction to alcohol was just the symptom of much deeper spiritual problems which were rooted in Fear,Anger,Shame and Guilt.
Admitting my powerlessness over alcohol was the first step to my recovery.Once I was able to face the fact that I would never be able to drink alcohol safely again a burden was lifted from my mind.
There are many roads to recovery and AA is just one of them.Whichever road you choose I wish you well.
Whatever happens you are always welcome here and we are always happy to hear from you.
Peter.
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: scottsdale az
Posts: 118
Have you ever attended any sort of rehabillitation program? I went through a 28 day inpatient (which included a 5 day detox) and am now currently attending an outpatient program that I attend 3 days a week. I haven't used in 76 days. Alcohol affected me mentally, spiritually, and physically.
The inpatient program which included the 5 day detox helped the physical aspect. Those 5 days in detox I was under Valium supervision to make sure I didn't go through seizures, convulsions, and so forth. This doesn't happen to everyone. I only recieved it for the shakes, anxiety, and sweats. 28 days rid the alcohol from my body, gave me a healthy diet, vitamins, and a schedule.
Inpatient alsso helped me spiritually by teaching the ways of AA and the idea of a Higher Power, not a God, just my own personal Higher Power. From there on out I have continued to keep my faith
The rehabillition programs are composed of AA. It helped some of my mental cravings and taught me some things that have helped. But I learned that while in outpatient, I was in no better way mentally. That is when I found Rational Recovery which taught me tools and different aspects of the addiction and self-control.
So my recovery has worked for me very well. A combination of ideas from both AA and RR. This is my own personal recovery. You may just need to find what works for you. I had to follow through with some sort of recovery program because if I don't try then how am I to get anywhere?
There are many resources on this site...check em out
good luck
The inpatient program which included the 5 day detox helped the physical aspect. Those 5 days in detox I was under Valium supervision to make sure I didn't go through seizures, convulsions, and so forth. This doesn't happen to everyone. I only recieved it for the shakes, anxiety, and sweats. 28 days rid the alcohol from my body, gave me a healthy diet, vitamins, and a schedule.
Inpatient alsso helped me spiritually by teaching the ways of AA and the idea of a Higher Power, not a God, just my own personal Higher Power. From there on out I have continued to keep my faith
The rehabillition programs are composed of AA. It helped some of my mental cravings and taught me some things that have helped. But I learned that while in outpatient, I was in no better way mentally. That is when I found Rational Recovery which taught me tools and different aspects of the addiction and self-control.
So my recovery has worked for me very well. A combination of ideas from both AA and RR. This is my own personal recovery. You may just need to find what works for you. I had to follow through with some sort of recovery program because if I don't try then how am I to get anywhere?
There are many resources on this site...check em out
good luck
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 9
Thank you all for your wonderful, and supportive advice. I actually know that I will make it through the day without a drink, and I believe that if I can make it through the day, I can make it through the weeks, months, and years. I want a better life, and I accept the responsibility of getting it.
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Bear DE
Posts: 31
Welcome to the SR community sforge.
I hope this day finds you sober and clearheaded. If not, I encourage you not to give up hope.
When I was early in recovery, I very much identified with your characterization of "those people" in AA. I was not married, so no divorce. I had no kids, so no custody battles. I'd never been arrested, so no court or probation. I had a job, so no unemployment blah blah blah blah. Bottom line, I didn't want to identify with them. My addiction knew that if I was isolated, it could deal with me one on one and win every time.
The single thing that every alcoholic has in common is that when we start drinking, we can't stop. Period. Legal, family and financial problems sometimes go along with it, but has nothing to do with the definition of an alcoholic.
I started out in AA and now have a personal relationship with God through the church. With Him, I'm never alone, so I know the addiction can't win.
This has been my experience and as others have shared - there are many paths to recovery. If you're serious about quitting drinnking, find one that works for you.
Welcome to the community and keep coming back
I hope this day finds you sober and clearheaded. If not, I encourage you not to give up hope.
When I was early in recovery, I very much identified with your characterization of "those people" in AA. I was not married, so no divorce. I had no kids, so no custody battles. I'd never been arrested, so no court or probation. I had a job, so no unemployment blah blah blah blah. Bottom line, I didn't want to identify with them. My addiction knew that if I was isolated, it could deal with me one on one and win every time.
The single thing that every alcoholic has in common is that when we start drinking, we can't stop. Period. Legal, family and financial problems sometimes go along with it, but has nothing to do with the definition of an alcoholic.
I started out in AA and now have a personal relationship with God through the church. With Him, I'm never alone, so I know the addiction can't win.
This has been my experience and as others have shared - there are many paths to recovery. If you're serious about quitting drinnking, find one that works for you.
Welcome to the community and keep coming back
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 9
PhilN,
Thanks for your support. I am actually sober and clearheaded, and this is the beginning of the 3rd day that I've been that way. I'm very hopeful, I had reached the point of thinking it was impossible for me to go without drinking, and it feels good to be
sober.
I too have a personal relationship with Christ through the church, and I'm pleased to know that through AA you've developed a relationship with God as well. I'm sure that it helps you to stay sober.
I'm hangin' in there and for the first time in a very long time, I really believe that I can live without drinking. I've faced reality, for me, there is no drinking in moderation, the truth is, I cannot drink at all. It's that simple.
Thanks again for your support
Thanks for your support. I am actually sober and clearheaded, and this is the beginning of the 3rd day that I've been that way. I'm very hopeful, I had reached the point of thinking it was impossible for me to go without drinking, and it feels good to be
sober.
I too have a personal relationship with Christ through the church, and I'm pleased to know that through AA you've developed a relationship with God as well. I'm sure that it helps you to stay sober.
I'm hangin' in there and for the first time in a very long time, I really believe that I can live without drinking. I've faced reality, for me, there is no drinking in moderation, the truth is, I cannot drink at all. It's that simple.
Thanks again for your support
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 10
Hi there. Like you, I am new to this board and struggling with being sober. Your story sounds very much like mine, only it has actually been years since I've gone a day without drinking. I actually went to the doctor 3 days ago and have started on antabuse, voluntarily, otherwise I knew I would never quit. I've tried and never follow through. I am on day 3 and have been up and down a lot. Some depression because it feels as if I've lost my best friend. Some pride at taking the steps to quit drinking. Lots of frustration that I have this problem... basically lots of different emotions. Anyway, I am very happy to have this group to talk to. I need to attend some meetings or counseling, but haven't taken that step yet. One day at a time. Take care, Colleen
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 55
Welcome.
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I know from my periods of sobriety that my quality of life is much better when I don't drink. I feel better, I look better,and I am much more productive in every area of life, so why is it so hard to stop?!
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I smiled when I read this portion of your posting. How many times I asked myself that same question...lost count actually :-)
I could never figure out why I couldn't stop and stay stopped myself. I had every reason in the world to do so, including seeing I felt better, looked better, and was more productive. And yet, that awareness always gave way to some reason to drink, or even no reason at all to drink. I just drank.
I was raised by a Father who really believed in mental control of pretty much everything. He taught me that to control anything going on inside of me, all I had to do was apply my mind. He used that approach himself many times during illness, after surgery to overcome the discomofrt, to quit smoking...quite a remarkable man, only I didn't inherit that particular ability from him. No matter how much I tried to apply my mind to control my drinking, to stop drinking, I just never could seem to muster the ability to do it.
What I found, much to my suprise, was a description of myself in the AA Book. The Dr's opinion and the first four chapters, really described me to a tee when it came to drinking...my habits, my states of mind, my lack of ability to stop, the blank spots, the inability to control my drinking through self awareness and mental discipline...named them all. That got my attention. What got my attention even more was that the principles I had always considered spiritual in nature were also outlined in that book, and these were touted as a solution to my problem.
I didn't see it until this moment, but I was desperate for something that would work, so I jumped on AA and ran with it. To begin with, all I wanted was a way to stop drinking and stay stopped, but as I progressed through the book and taking the steps, I began to see that I wanted something entirely different...to live life on a different basis all together. I didn't want to live in fear of life any more, in fear that something bad was going to happen to the people around me because of my actions. I really did want to be helpful and functional and useful and productive.
Taking the steps of AA has provided that solution for me. It taught me first how to stop drinking and stay stopped. Today, it is teaching me to live life on life's terms. I am amazed at the changes that are happening within me as a result. I feel a realtionship with God today that I never really knew before, and I am experiencing a freedom I have never known before either.
Well...there ya go, and blessings to you.
Quote:
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I know from my periods of sobriety that my quality of life is much better when I don't drink. I feel better, I look better,and I am much more productive in every area of life, so why is it so hard to stop?!
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I smiled when I read this portion of your posting. How many times I asked myself that same question...lost count actually :-)
I could never figure out why I couldn't stop and stay stopped myself. I had every reason in the world to do so, including seeing I felt better, looked better, and was more productive. And yet, that awareness always gave way to some reason to drink, or even no reason at all to drink. I just drank.
I was raised by a Father who really believed in mental control of pretty much everything. He taught me that to control anything going on inside of me, all I had to do was apply my mind. He used that approach himself many times during illness, after surgery to overcome the discomofrt, to quit smoking...quite a remarkable man, only I didn't inherit that particular ability from him. No matter how much I tried to apply my mind to control my drinking, to stop drinking, I just never could seem to muster the ability to do it.
What I found, much to my suprise, was a description of myself in the AA Book. The Dr's opinion and the first four chapters, really described me to a tee when it came to drinking...my habits, my states of mind, my lack of ability to stop, the blank spots, the inability to control my drinking through self awareness and mental discipline...named them all. That got my attention. What got my attention even more was that the principles I had always considered spiritual in nature were also outlined in that book, and these were touted as a solution to my problem.
I didn't see it until this moment, but I was desperate for something that would work, so I jumped on AA and ran with it. To begin with, all I wanted was a way to stop drinking and stay stopped, but as I progressed through the book and taking the steps, I began to see that I wanted something entirely different...to live life on a different basis all together. I didn't want to live in fear of life any more, in fear that something bad was going to happen to the people around me because of my actions. I really did want to be helpful and functional and useful and productive.
Taking the steps of AA has provided that solution for me. It taught me first how to stop drinking and stay stopped. Today, it is teaching me to live life on life's terms. I am amazed at the changes that are happening within me as a result. I feel a realtionship with God today that I never really knew before, and I am experiencing a freedom I have never known before either.
Well...there ya go, and blessings to you.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Hi ColleenP,congratulations on your three days.I too ran the whole gamut of emotions when I first sobered up.
I felt saddened and there was this great big hole inside of me that "king alcohol" used to fill.
Now that drinking was no longer a part of my life I had to find a way to fill in the emptiness.
This is where AA was able to help me.
They provided support and encouragement for me and helped me to get in touch with The Higher Power of my own understanding.
Being around people of my own ilk proved to be extremely rewarding for me because I know I could not stop drinking on my own.
Peter.
I felt saddened and there was this great big hole inside of me that "king alcohol" used to fill.
Now that drinking was no longer a part of my life I had to find a way to fill in the emptiness.
This is where AA was able to help me.
They provided support and encouragement for me and helped me to get in touch with The Higher Power of my own understanding.
Being around people of my own ilk proved to be extremely rewarding for me because I know I could not stop drinking on my own.
Peter.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 9
Hi Sobriety First:
Thank you for responding to my desparate plea for help. Like your father, I too always felt that the mind was the controlling factor for every action. A large part of me continues to feel that way, after all , where the mind leads, the body follows. Unfortunately for you and I, and countless others like you and I, the mind always led to the bottle. AA may be the answer for me, but my few attempts to attend meetings proved to be less than positive.
This is day four for me. Four Days without a drink, I thought it would be impossible, but when I look at my young daughters, only 3 and 6, I know that I owe it to them to at least fight my cravings for booze. It may not matter much now, but as they get older, it will.
I appreciate your support, and it's good to know that there are so many out there who've managed to stay sober as a result of AA, and a firm belief in God's ability to bring us through anything.
I haven't ruled out the possibility of AA, but if I stay on the course I've been on for the last few days, I won't need it.
Thanks again
Thank you for responding to my desparate plea for help. Like your father, I too always felt that the mind was the controlling factor for every action. A large part of me continues to feel that way, after all , where the mind leads, the body follows. Unfortunately for you and I, and countless others like you and I, the mind always led to the bottle. AA may be the answer for me, but my few attempts to attend meetings proved to be less than positive.
This is day four for me. Four Days without a drink, I thought it would be impossible, but when I look at my young daughters, only 3 and 6, I know that I owe it to them to at least fight my cravings for booze. It may not matter much now, but as they get older, it will.
I appreciate your support, and it's good to know that there are so many out there who've managed to stay sober as a result of AA, and a firm belief in God's ability to bring us through anything.
I haven't ruled out the possibility of AA, but if I stay on the course I've been on for the last few days, I won't need it.
Thanks again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 9
ColleenP,
Welcome! I thought about Antabuse as well, but my doctor advised against it for now.
Addiction to alcohol is difficult, especially for women. Society expects us to be perfect; well guess what? we're not! We have issues, and shortcomings that no one understands. Heck, we don't even understand half of our own issues! But one thing that we are good at, is trying to understand one another's issues, without criticism, and that in itself means a lot.
I totally relate to you and what you're going through. Although I didn't go years without a drink, the time I spent out of control felt like an eternity. After a while I just gave up, I felt defeated. I'd go to bed drunk, wake up with a hangover, drink a beer or bloody mary to offset the hangover, swear that I wouldn't drink again today, but go to bed drunk again, only to begin the cycle again, and again.
On the morning of May 7th, I woke up with yet another hangover, and I said to myself, "I can't go on like this". I started to search the internet and I was fortunate enough to come across this site. I don't attend AA meetings, but I feel like I'm a part of a community as a result of people like you.
You'll make it Colleen, and I'm here to offer support, after all, we girls gotta stick together, right?
Welcome! I thought about Antabuse as well, but my doctor advised against it for now.
Addiction to alcohol is difficult, especially for women. Society expects us to be perfect; well guess what? we're not! We have issues, and shortcomings that no one understands. Heck, we don't even understand half of our own issues! But one thing that we are good at, is trying to understand one another's issues, without criticism, and that in itself means a lot.
I totally relate to you and what you're going through. Although I didn't go years without a drink, the time I spent out of control felt like an eternity. After a while I just gave up, I felt defeated. I'd go to bed drunk, wake up with a hangover, drink a beer or bloody mary to offset the hangover, swear that I wouldn't drink again today, but go to bed drunk again, only to begin the cycle again, and again.
On the morning of May 7th, I woke up with yet another hangover, and I said to myself, "I can't go on like this". I started to search the internet and I was fortunate enough to come across this site. I don't attend AA meetings, but I feel like I'm a part of a community as a result of people like you.
You'll make it Colleen, and I'm here to offer support, after all, we girls gotta stick together, right?
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 10
Working on Day #4, hooray!
Well I am now on day 4 of being sober and am feeling great about it. I probably have not gone for 4 days without drinking since I was pregnant 3 years ago. Last night was kind of hard. I went through the depression and feeling angry, etc. I was mad at my hubby for a while, thinking, why is he making me stop. But as I worked through each emotion, I realized that I am getting sober for me and it's my choice. Part of the difficulty will be that the family we have here are all very heavy drinkers and so I was aware that they were all together last night, drinking and partying... my husband included. It actually felt kind of awkward even talking on the phone to them because I was sober and they were drunk. It will be an interesting journey I am sure. At any rate, I woke up today, feeling great and happy. For some reason making it 1/2 of a week is a big deal! I can do this and I'm proud. I am going to look for an AA group here. I worry that if it is a mixed meeting my husband may not be completely supportive, he is so jealous, silly! I will probably look for a womens group. Also, my brother, who is recovering and has been sober for 2 1/2 yrs said he would be happy to go with me. I feel blessed to have the support. Everyone have a good day today and thanks for listening! Hugs, Colleen
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Coleen, sforge,
Seems like we have started this journey together and we all survived the weekend! What a wonderful feeling. I have begun to heal myself with the grace of God and am soooooo determined, this time to do this. Not only for myself but for by children. As women I feel this disease really screws with our heads and emotions moreso because of what society expects from us. NOT by any means to undermine you gentlemen who are struggling with this. We all are suffering , recovering (hopefully) and must live with this demon all our lives.
I have decided on my own I must do this. I have begun the steps ordered the books, visited and posted to various sites, and am working my way to a meeting this week. The only thing I have not done is explained this to my family. ... They only thought I was happy this weekend because it was Mothers Day!...
Seems like we have started this journey together and we all survived the weekend! What a wonderful feeling. I have begun to heal myself with the grace of God and am soooooo determined, this time to do this. Not only for myself but for by children. As women I feel this disease really screws with our heads and emotions moreso because of what society expects from us. NOT by any means to undermine you gentlemen who are struggling with this. We all are suffering , recovering (hopefully) and must live with this demon all our lives.
I have decided on my own I must do this. I have begun the steps ordered the books, visited and posted to various sites, and am working my way to a meeting this week. The only thing I have not done is explained this to my family. ... They only thought I was happy this weekend because it was Mothers Day!...
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Bear DE
Posts: 31
I am the child of a control-freak father who grew up to be one himself.
My personal motto used to be "I am the measure of anything." It was meant to say that I could conquer anything. Foolish me.
What it really meant was "I have an enormous ego!" I thought if I tried hard enough, I could control the addiction. What that motto should have been was "Alcoholism is the measure of ME" because it had me beat.
I needed a higher power: something with more power than me. Which, where alcohol is concerned, could've been a table lamp for all the good by willpower did. But this entity, with more power than me, freed me from my addiction.
Congrats to everyone on there sobriety! Good luck and God bless!
My personal motto used to be "I am the measure of anything." It was meant to say that I could conquer anything. Foolish me.
What it really meant was "I have an enormous ego!" I thought if I tried hard enough, I could control the addiction. What that motto should have been was "Alcoholism is the measure of ME" because it had me beat.
I needed a higher power: something with more power than me. Which, where alcohol is concerned, could've been a table lamp for all the good by willpower did. But this entity, with more power than me, freed me from my addiction.
Congrats to everyone on there sobriety! Good luck and God bless!
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
At any rate, I woke up today, feeling great and happy. For some reason making it 1/2 of a week is a big deal
Please go to meetings and i wonder if Al Anon would be good for you as well. You definately have issues with drinkers in your family! going to AA doesn't exclude you from Al anon.
Sounds like you are taking charge of your life and let your brother help.
take special care of yoursef,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 9
Rock On Chy!
Welcome. As you can see, I'm rather new to the board as well, and it's truly helped me to connect, and identify with others. It's a wonderful feeling to know that I'm not alone.
You're so right about the woman thing, and of course we're not trying to put the guys down. I've had fantastic replys from guys who seem to be headed in the right direction, and willing to offer help to anyone who wants to head that way as well. But we are a different deal altogether, we're wives, we're mothers, we're nurturers, but we're not supposed to be drunks. It's unacceptable, and boy are we judged harshly, amazingly, our biggest critics are other women. You know the holier than thou types. They don't drink, smoke, or curse. They're the perfect wife, mother, and friend. They're living right, and poor pathetic losers like you and I (their opinion, not mine) are living wrong!
HA! I'd much rather live my life in the manner I've chosen, including the good, the bad, and the ugly. I've been a drunk, and now, I'm not, well at least in the last 7 days I have not been. God willing, I'll never go that way again. I feel so much more alive when sober. I'm not in a fog, I'm 100% present, and aware of all that life has to offer. There's so much more than just drinking. I drank to escape, but when I sobered up, whatever I'd tried to escape from was still there, and now I had to deal with it while trying to recover from a hangover! Drinking only made it worse.
Chy, I tried so many times in the past to quit, I even went a full 21 days a couple of years ago. It takes 21 days to form a habit, I told myself, so if I could just not drink for 21 days, I'll be normal, and no longer addicted to alcohol. Let me just tell you, I couldn't wait until day 22, so that I could have a drink!!! This time its different, I don't have the dieters mentality for drinking. You know, when I go off of my diet, I'll eat this or that, which of course only leads to regaining the weight you've lost. I'm not looking forward to a time when I can drink again. I don't want to drink again. I like myself so much more now, than I did then.
You mentioned Mother's day, and I hope that you and Colleen had a wonderful one. I did, partially because of my loving husband, and adorable kids, but mainly because it was the first time I've been to a restaurant in years, without having a drink!
That let me know that I can do it, and if I can so can you, so can Colleen, and so can anyone who really and truly desires to recover.
Hang in there.
Welcome. As you can see, I'm rather new to the board as well, and it's truly helped me to connect, and identify with others. It's a wonderful feeling to know that I'm not alone.
You're so right about the woman thing, and of course we're not trying to put the guys down. I've had fantastic replys from guys who seem to be headed in the right direction, and willing to offer help to anyone who wants to head that way as well. But we are a different deal altogether, we're wives, we're mothers, we're nurturers, but we're not supposed to be drunks. It's unacceptable, and boy are we judged harshly, amazingly, our biggest critics are other women. You know the holier than thou types. They don't drink, smoke, or curse. They're the perfect wife, mother, and friend. They're living right, and poor pathetic losers like you and I (their opinion, not mine) are living wrong!
HA! I'd much rather live my life in the manner I've chosen, including the good, the bad, and the ugly. I've been a drunk, and now, I'm not, well at least in the last 7 days I have not been. God willing, I'll never go that way again. I feel so much more alive when sober. I'm not in a fog, I'm 100% present, and aware of all that life has to offer. There's so much more than just drinking. I drank to escape, but when I sobered up, whatever I'd tried to escape from was still there, and now I had to deal with it while trying to recover from a hangover! Drinking only made it worse.
Chy, I tried so many times in the past to quit, I even went a full 21 days a couple of years ago. It takes 21 days to form a habit, I told myself, so if I could just not drink for 21 days, I'll be normal, and no longer addicted to alcohol. Let me just tell you, I couldn't wait until day 22, so that I could have a drink!!! This time its different, I don't have the dieters mentality for drinking. You know, when I go off of my diet, I'll eat this or that, which of course only leads to regaining the weight you've lost. I'm not looking forward to a time when I can drink again. I don't want to drink again. I like myself so much more now, than I did then.
You mentioned Mother's day, and I hope that you and Colleen had a wonderful one. I did, partially because of my loving husband, and adorable kids, but mainly because it was the first time I've been to a restaurant in years, without having a drink!
That let me know that I can do it, and if I can so can you, so can Colleen, and so can anyone who really and truly desires to recover.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
sforge,
Congrats to us on our 7 days! Ditto everything you said above. I have not yet made it to a face to face meeting yet but am trying to make it my goal for the week. I have always made half a$$ed attempt to quit but have never truly been honest with myself. I'd go a couple a days and find after work on Friday I deserved a reward! You know what I mean.
Some reward, passed out by 10:OO, heart palpations, shakes by 2 a.m. , vegged out on the couch or bed Saturday,swearing to GOD I'd quit, not touch another beer ever! Not being able to function with my family on weekend activities etc. Some reward huh?
Well I am rewarding myself one day at a time now, and it truly has been peaceful. I think God got tired of me swearing at him for help, and decided to listen when I got honest myself.
Though I am a non-practicing Catholic (another thing I am going to change) I think the Big Guy decided to listen when I decided to get honest with myself.
Whats the saying " God helps those who help themelves "
I can't wait to get home today from work to be "soccer mom" and " suzie homemaker" to my family .... Just can't wait !
Peace to you and yours :p
Congrats to us on our 7 days! Ditto everything you said above. I have not yet made it to a face to face meeting yet but am trying to make it my goal for the week. I have always made half a$$ed attempt to quit but have never truly been honest with myself. I'd go a couple a days and find after work on Friday I deserved a reward! You know what I mean.
Some reward, passed out by 10:OO, heart palpations, shakes by 2 a.m. , vegged out on the couch or bed Saturday,swearing to GOD I'd quit, not touch another beer ever! Not being able to function with my family on weekend activities etc. Some reward huh?
Well I am rewarding myself one day at a time now, and it truly has been peaceful. I think God got tired of me swearing at him for help, and decided to listen when I got honest myself.
Though I am a non-practicing Catholic (another thing I am going to change) I think the Big Guy decided to listen when I decided to get honest with myself.
Whats the saying " God helps those who help themelves "
I can't wait to get home today from work to be "soccer mom" and " suzie homemaker" to my family .... Just can't wait !
Peace to you and yours :p
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