karrotop

good morning all.....i need alittle advice...i've been sober now for 35 days,with the help of my doc,my AD meds,and my therapist...
I will be attending a wedding out of town at the end of the month.....since the wedding is out of state,i will be spending 4 days with my family,all of whom drink alot....noone knows i have quit......and really don't care to explain why i have quit.i have considered,"letting myself go" for the four days and starting over when i get back home....but,i really don't want to do that.....it's just that i have alot of,"social anxiety",especially around people and surroundings i am not familiar with.
i have been good for a month now,but i think alot of it is because i don't have the alchohol here in the house,and i haven't really been around alchohol or people who are drinking,so i haven't really been,"tested".....and i am scared....
So,any advice or suggestions? how do i handle my anxiety w/people and crowds,and how do i handle the people(my family) who might not accept my decision not to drink? thanxs for any input.....KT

Dee74

if it was me KT, I'd think: '....now - I *know* where drinking will lead - embarrassment, humiliation, sickness, then anger and self loathing, and then who knows how many wasted days, until I wake up to myself again'.

You'll have your own little flow chart. I don't think anything's worth going back there.

how have the last 35 days been ?
Do you really want to give that up ?

If you don't, hang onto that feeling, and use it - make up an excuse if you don't want to deal with family members, like 'I don't feel like drinking', or 'I'm on medication'; if you think your social anxiety may be a problem, can you talk to your dr about other ways to deal with anxiety apart from alcohol ?

Don't talk yourself into a relapse, KT - plan ways of dealing with temptation, stress and whatever other triggers you think you might face. Be prepared and beat this.

D

Tazman53

Man I wish I could give you a magic pill to help you, but here are a few things I would suggest, some you may not want to follow, but they did work for me.

1. Let people know you have quit. You do not owe them any explanation, but it will cut down or stop people from sticking a drink in your face. If you have told some one you quit and they insist on knowing why you quit tell them you find the bracelets the cops keep putting on you when you do drink.

2. Keep a soda of any kind in your hand and stick a slice of lemon or lime or the side.

3. Make sure you have the ability to leave any situation, even if it is just being able to go into another room, but better to be able to drive some where.

I have found that every person I have been honest with has not offered me a drink and has actually supported me.

Lauriejess

Boy, that is a dead on description of getting drunk. Especially the last part about "how many days till I wake up to myself again". Toward the end of my drinking those several days after a drunk I felt like I was in a fog. Never quite knowing who I was or what I should do next. With sobriety comes clarity and I am so happy for that!!

Laurie

parentrecovers

all good advice above, karrotop. i was in a group session at my daughter's rehab on sat, and many of the folks there were stressing over spring/summer wedding invites as well.

keep your recovery as your priority - it's number one.

blessings, k

Russelrb

All the above is good advise. I have found by simply saying "I am not drinking today" very helpful. They don't have to know I have not had a drink for months nor do they need to know I have no desire to drink ever again. It is none of their business. And, it is true. As Taz said the glass with the slice of lime or lemon also will defer questions.

lanie67

I hope it goes well. These occasions are very risky sometimes. I recently was on another forum where someone asked for advice about being taken out to dinner by her company. We all gave advice about what to say since she doesn't want to be outed as an alcoholic at work, that she could say she is on medication that causes reactions with alcohol, etc, but that she needed to establish it ahead of time, etc. Well, she kind of went the 'people-pleasing' route, didn't want to make a big deal of it, got cornered in a toast of expensive champagne (her favorite because the toast was to her and her new positition in the company). Long story short, she took the toast, and ended up relapsing, drinking all weekend, etc. Just really sad, after her hard work at staying sober to that point. We need to make ourselves very clear, and if we can't do that, avoid, avoid, avoid. Nothing is worth relapsing over. You could carry a six-pack of bottled water or soda. Plus I've heard stories of people having to deal sometimes with really obnoxious people who insist they drink; something I never understood, because more for me, you know, but some people are pushy about weird things. Just be prepared.