leviathon

For all of those that are new here, and for those that just don't know, the 13th step refers to sick individuals that use the pretense of AA / Helping someone deal with their issues in order to seek sex and/or relationships with them.

It is imperative that you be aware that not everyone out on the internet and at meetings, etc., is genuinely there to become sober and to help others to become sober. Some people, in their sickness, attempt to capitalize on those that are struggling so as to find easy targets for dating and/or sex.

This type of conduct is NEVER condoned in AA or on this site; however, while it is not condoned, that doesn't mean that some of these slippery little suckers don't end up on this site or in AA. They do.

Due to that sad reality, it is imperative that you be VERY careful about the information that you share with people about yourself. Take your time in getting to know people. DO NOT rush to meet someone in person, go to a meeting instead where people with long term sobriety are watching for these types of slugs and predators. DO NOT exchange your personal information UNLESS you are absolutely sure about who you are dealing with and can trust them.

AND as always, if you are confronted by this type of conduct, notify the moderators or greeters so that we can deal with this type of conduct immediately. That is the only way we can root out these types of characters and deal with them.

Peace, Levi

IO Storm

Not saying anything.

Just grateful for all my friends.

miss communicat

While I can appreciate your concern for the welfare of newcomers, let us remain calm and not issue imperatives regarding how we conduct our lives.

Remembering that we are adults, we each have free will as well as our own lessons to learn, and finally, we each have a higher power.


I'd like less drama than this. Couldnt a simple, calm reminder have sufficed?

paulmh

Thanks Miss C.

It's been pointed out to me that 13th stepping isn't necessarily about sex, but about exerting control over the newcomer and the vulnerable. The fact that we have a label for it in the fellowship doesn't mean that it's unique to AA, just that we acknowledge it and try to prevent it or reduce it when we can. It happens a lot more on a barstool than a chair in a meeting.

barb dwyer

Whether expressed in a pretty way that everyone wants to hear or not -
the simple truth remains -
just because someone is in recovery, doesn't make them safe.

gypsytears

Thanks for the important reminder Levi .

Tess37

and just why do they call it that? 13th step... how did that name originate.... anyone know? why I want to know is a bit odd in itself, but... who coined that one?

GrouchoTheCat

I would add that if this should happen to you at a real meeting, please tell someone who has been around a while. In our area we look out for the newcomer and we will tell someone to back off if needed.

Ted

Slowbriety

Ever been to an AA dance? Or some function like that? Thats all it is, a meatmarket, atleast from what i have seen. People are gonna do what people are gonna do.

But thanks for the public service announcement.

Rowan

public service announcement - ah haaaahaahaa that made me laff thanks slowbriety

GlassPrisoner

I don't re-call that one in the BB.....

chip

Thanks for the reminder, Levi. I've seen it happen before as well, and it's difficult to accept. Often, it drags others down.
chip

Sober_John

Due to that sad reality, it is not only men 13 stepping. I was emailing back and forth to I assume to be a woman. I have never met her although she said "she lived close to me." We were suppose to get together on a few times but something always came up. After a month of numerous emails and many broken dates she said ""she had to go away for a business trip and on her business trip she got fired and needed money to get back home."" Lesson learned.

stone

Seems to me emotianally vulnerable people can be devestated by this sort of thing, I don't find it funny.

Tazman53

Levi as alcoholics we are all sick, some of us are far sicker then others, this is an excellent reminder.

The idea of exploiting some one new to sobriety repulses me, especially when it is done by some one who claims to be in recovery thier selfs!

Any one with time in the fellowship who decides that doing some 13th stepping for their own gratification needs to go all the way back to step one and start over again.

This really angers me, to take advantage of some one in a very vulnerable time of thier lifes is as low as on can get.

IO Storm

I despise 13 stepping. However...women do it too....oh yeh...

Bad personal experience in F to F meetings...Did it myself sorta.

My point? I don't "need" protection..don't want any other person

"looking out" for me...I think all this makes us women seem

stupid and weak..IMHO. And takes away from freedom in

sharing...

Quoting ...Miss Communicat...


Remembering that we are adults, we each have free will as well as our own lessons to learn, and finally, we each have a higher power.

Right on MC....this is NOT a child forum.............


Love,



Sherry

Morning Glory

There are many times and many circumstances when adults are also vulnerable. Being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness.

I've been vulnerable many times when my son was at death's door with his addiction. I've been vulnerable when a loved one has died. I've been vulnerable watching my family suffer greatly with physical problems. I've been vulnerable when in a desperate situation with mental health issues. I've been victimized by medical professionals in a position of trust. I've been stalked and abused and needed the protection of the law.

We need all the reminders and information we can get to help us protect ourselves. We need a circle of support with trusted friends. No one is immune to being victimized by others. We can all be deceived. It's good to look out for each other. I'm glad I had a group of trusted friends here who offered information and gave straight answers when I was in a fog from stress and despair.

There are some life lessons that can and should be avoided. Being a victim is a life lesson I try to avoid. If others have experience I haven't had yet and can help me avoid some pitfalls I'm all for it. That does not make me stupid.

IO Storm

Morning Glory...I am sorry.. I thought you were male.

O.K....personally...I will re-state I have been treated with

NOTHING but respect here on SR.

A lot of contact with men...and I am not well either....everyone

of them has been great to me..sweethearts.

So..everyone here knows...don't protect me...I chose to come

back to SR...I was here before...and it has been literally my

lifeline for recovery..reaching out to others and asking for help

when I need encouragement...or a good talking to.

Love you MG...always an inspiration to me...

You have been for years...I still have prints of your posts from

years back!

Love,



Sherry

Dee74

This place is my family - I feel safe here - I am grateful for that feeling....and for those who make it so...
D

IO Storm

Grateful for you too so much Bro' D.

Your efforts at "staying stopped" have been recognized..

and I am glad to be one of your personal friends. Keep

up the good work friend...I may need your help one day.

Actually I need prayer for a stressful court date tomorrow

concerning finances...wreckage from the past.

Thanks.

Love,



Sherry