A TINY start.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Southern BC, Canada
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A TINY start.
I went to our Regional Health Unit (an extension of the hospital system up here) today.... after having been to see an "Intake Counselor" last month. I should have gone a few weeks ago, but I got kinda "tied up" in another town... see the "Mental Health" thread, under the "GawdAwMighty - Did I blow it this week!"
SO, I guess my Wednesdays will be filled now.... I check in on the 2nd of May. No "over-nighters" though - I just couldn't deal with being that alone.
There is someone (clean and sober) that I just HAVE to hope that I will see again, someday....
SO, I guess my Wednesdays will be filled now.... I check in on the 2nd of May. No "over-nighters" though - I just couldn't deal with being that alone.
There is someone (clean and sober) that I just HAVE to hope that I will see again, someday....
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TY Tazman53.... one of the things that is messing me up SO bad right now is that I almost "went to any length" recently, but backed out at the last minute.
By that, I mean that I gave myself OVER to another person (the one I referred to earlier) who HAS proven to be a great help in recent times. Someone whom I spent nearly 3 weeks with - TOTALLY SOBER!
But in doing so, it meant closing the door on a long Past with someone else, with a long long history of being with me.... and that is where it all came unglued. I just couldn't let everything go, that I had with that long history.
Am I doomed to repeat the process that I have gotten familiar with, even if I think that the painful change will be my Salvation in the end?
Oh Hell!... I might as well be plain in my words! - I am saying that someone (who is NOT my wife) looks very likely to be able to help me much MORE than my wife/Enabler ever will. So I am now torn between being faithful to my marriage in the future (which will be pretty short) - and HAVING a Future, which could be much longer and healthier.
A lousy question to ask anyone... yes, I know. People reading this are probably NOW saying, "Whoa! I ain't gettin' involved in this crap!"
Well, no one has to.... I'm struggling with what I know is the answer - just seeking to air it out, that's all.
By that, I mean that I gave myself OVER to another person (the one I referred to earlier) who HAS proven to be a great help in recent times. Someone whom I spent nearly 3 weeks with - TOTALLY SOBER!
But in doing so, it meant closing the door on a long Past with someone else, with a long long history of being with me.... and that is where it all came unglued. I just couldn't let everything go, that I had with that long history.
Am I doomed to repeat the process that I have gotten familiar with, even if I think that the painful change will be my Salvation in the end?
Oh Hell!... I might as well be plain in my words! - I am saying that someone (who is NOT my wife) looks very likely to be able to help me much MORE than my wife/Enabler ever will. So I am now torn between being faithful to my marriage in the future (which will be pretty short) - and HAVING a Future, which could be much longer and healthier.
A lousy question to ask anyone... yes, I know. People reading this are probably NOW saying, "Whoa! I ain't gettin' involved in this crap!"
Well, no one has to.... I'm struggling with what I know is the answer - just seeking to air it out, that's all.
Last edited by TenPacks; 04-27-2007 at 08:56 AM.
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Welcome to SR, Tenpacks.
Many of us have complicated issues as well. You are among friends here.
I will comment on something you've been talking about....
I think you will have more success being sober if you can try and do it for YOURSELF. Women will not keep you sober in the long term. The choice between wife or girlfriend has little to do with your sobriety. You will probably find you will make a better decision if you are sober.
This is only my opinion. Here's my personal experience:
I found that my personal drinking problem isn't related to my relationships. I found that it affects my relationships and judgment. Getting sober helped me straighten all that stuff out. My drinking problem had to do with ME, and NOBODY else. Once I took responsibility for MYSELF, I was able to get sober. If I didn't fix ME, I would continue to hurt others (girlfriends & wives). I couldn't contribute to a relationship untill I was able to take care of my problem.
I hope you'll keep posting.
chip
Many of us have complicated issues as well. You are among friends here.
I will comment on something you've been talking about....
I think you will have more success being sober if you can try and do it for YOURSELF. Women will not keep you sober in the long term. The choice between wife or girlfriend has little to do with your sobriety. You will probably find you will make a better decision if you are sober.
This is only my opinion. Here's my personal experience:
I found that my personal drinking problem isn't related to my relationships. I found that it affects my relationships and judgment. Getting sober helped me straighten all that stuff out. My drinking problem had to do with ME, and NOBODY else. Once I took responsibility for MYSELF, I was able to get sober. If I didn't fix ME, I would continue to hurt others (girlfriends & wives). I couldn't contribute to a relationship untill I was able to take care of my problem.
I hope you'll keep posting.
chip
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TenPacks where does your heart lie?
The worst thing to hang your hat on for sobriety is another individual.
I am going to have to kind of dump this back on you with a question. First of all if you are willing to go to any length to get sober, I will tell you what has worked for me, the 12 steps of AA.
Individuals are the worst thing in the world to depend upon for sobriety or anything else for that matter. Individuals change, they move, they die, AA is always going to be there, the individuals in AA will change for many reasons, but the program iand the fellwoship is always there.
As you have already found placing your sobriety into the hands of another person is very shaky to say the least.
If you want to get and stay sober you are going to need to be willing to change your self, are you willing to do that?
The worst thing to hang your hat on for sobriety is another individual.
I am going to have to kind of dump this back on you with a question. First of all if you are willing to go to any length to get sober, I will tell you what has worked for me, the 12 steps of AA.
Individuals are the worst thing in the world to depend upon for sobriety or anything else for that matter. Individuals change, they move, they die, AA is always going to be there, the individuals in AA will change for many reasons, but the program iand the fellwoship is always there.
As you have already found placing your sobriety into the hands of another person is very shaky to say the least.
If you want to get and stay sober you are going to need to be willing to change your self, are you willing to do that?
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Understanding what the two of you are saying is one thing - truly believing it is another.
"you are going to need to be willing to change your self, are you willing to do that?"
Yes, but change to what? What does one do, if all you can remember - well BEFORE one drank - is that one was "never good enough"? I guess that we all have to reach down deep enough to answer that.... a frightening and strange prospect.
"you are going to need to be willing to change your self, are you willing to do that?"
Yes, but change to what? What does one do, if all you can remember - well BEFORE one drank - is that one was "never good enough"? I guess that we all have to reach down deep enough to answer that.... a frightening and strange prospect.
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Ten -
Welcome to SR.
"Never good enough" -
I'm exploring exactly that in outpatient rehab. It's not easy, and there, apparently, is no pat answer. As an alcoholic, I know that I have stuffed my feelings for years, that I have poor self confidence and self image. But, I don't have to continue on that path. "Frightening and strange" - maybe a little, but it's also liberating and exhilarating!
It's ok to be imperfect!
TinLizzy
Welcome to SR.
"Never good enough" -
I'm exploring exactly that in outpatient rehab. It's not easy, and there, apparently, is no pat answer. As an alcoholic, I know that I have stuffed my feelings for years, that I have poor self confidence and self image. But, I don't have to continue on that path. "Frightening and strange" - maybe a little, but it's also liberating and exhilarating!
It's ok to be imperfect!
TinLizzy
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tenpack the change is not in what you were before you drank, you were the same person before you drank, and that is not a bad person. You need to learn to change the way you think, how you react, you need to learn how to not only find all of the good in your self, but how to bring it out.
I can not walk you through this here on this board, all I can do is share with you how I went from a broken defeated man who hated himself for so many reasons other then just not being able to stop drinking, a man who was scared of facing the realities of the world, a man who lied to and manipulated other people in order to get what I wanted. A man who was self centered and egotistical, into a man now that when I look in the mirror every morning I really like me.
I drank for 40 years, I spent the last 10 of those years trying to quit my way and always failed, I was a complete failure in my own eyes, I was weak, I had no will power, alcohol had taken me from a man who was able to do anything he put his mind to, to a man who was incapable of not being able to do some thing that sounded so simple, stop drinking.
I put myself into detox where once my head started to clear enough I was told that if I wanted to stay sober after I left there I needed to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
Well I did as they told me, here I am now, sober, happy, joyous and free!!! What the detox people did not tell me about AA was that if I followed their suggestions I would become a far better man then I ever thought possible!!!
Look you may not save your marriage and you may lose your girl friend, only you can determine that, but all of that will be far easier for you to work out sober, and in my case AA is what has kept me sober and helped me become a much better man then I am today.
If you would like to ask questions about staying sober, AA, or things you can do to help get & stay sober ask away.
I can not walk you through this here on this board, all I can do is share with you how I went from a broken defeated man who hated himself for so many reasons other then just not being able to stop drinking, a man who was scared of facing the realities of the world, a man who lied to and manipulated other people in order to get what I wanted. A man who was self centered and egotistical, into a man now that when I look in the mirror every morning I really like me.
I drank for 40 years, I spent the last 10 of those years trying to quit my way and always failed, I was a complete failure in my own eyes, I was weak, I had no will power, alcohol had taken me from a man who was able to do anything he put his mind to, to a man who was incapable of not being able to do some thing that sounded so simple, stop drinking.
I put myself into detox where once my head started to clear enough I was told that if I wanted to stay sober after I left there I needed to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
Well I did as they told me, here I am now, sober, happy, joyous and free!!! What the detox people did not tell me about AA was that if I followed their suggestions I would become a far better man then I ever thought possible!!!
Look you may not save your marriage and you may lose your girl friend, only you can determine that, but all of that will be far easier for you to work out sober, and in my case AA is what has kept me sober and helped me become a much better man then I am today.
If you would like to ask questions about staying sober, AA, or things you can do to help get & stay sober ask away.
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Well actually, tazman, yes - I went fairly steadily to AA for a few months in 2001. (Daily meetings called "Nooners"). But while I eventually started participating in some verbal contributions, I never had anyone mention being a Sponsor to me. Further, I didn't get to know anyone closely enough to ask them. (maybe I just didnt want someone to think "Oh no - not me, puhleeze....")
How does it usually come about?
How does it usually come about?
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Originally Posted by wander1971 
Hey, Tenpacks,
As for your problem, I know that if it was me, I'd need to get sober first and THEN decide, because I could never trust myself to make anything like a decent decision if I was drinking.
Mick.
As for your problem, I know that if it was me, I'd need to get sober first and THEN decide, because I could never trust myself to make anything like a decent decision if I was drinking.
Mick.
(heavy sigh)
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Ten packs I will not hold any thing against you for being a Canadian, my wife is Canadian also! LOL
As far as a sponsor goes here is what I did, buit I was told to do this in rehab, go to a "Beginners" meeting and ask some one to be your "Temporary sponsor", this gives you a starting point of learning the in and outs of AA and how to eventually get a real sponsor.
I have started sponsoring people myself (well I have one sponsee! LOL), my sponsor told me to go to new comers meetings and simply make myself available. I know that I am thrilled to hep some one to get and stay sober.... it helps me stay sober.
As far as a sponsor goes here is what I did, buit I was told to do this in rehab, go to a "Beginners" meeting and ask some one to be your "Temporary sponsor", this gives you a starting point of learning the in and outs of AA and how to eventually get a real sponsor.
I have started sponsoring people myself (well I have one sponsee! LOL), my sponsor told me to go to new comers meetings and simply make myself available. I know that I am thrilled to hep some one to get and stay sober.... it helps me stay sober.
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Originally Posted by Tazman53
Ten packs I will not hold any thing against you for being a Canadian, my wife is Canadian also! LOL
)fyi - we have an RV at a lake about an hour away, and my wife's weekend is Sunday/Monday, so see you all after that.
It will (perhaps) give me time to think up a few more questions, in the meantime.
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Well, back from the Lake... got (yet "another") Day One behind me. Appointments at the Health Unit tomorrow. I don't know if I should keep this thread going or start in the Newbie section, where I would be with other new folks - there seems to be a certain comfort in being with other "Boot-Camp" folks, I don't know...
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