Graham Serious

Hi All,

My name is Graham. I've been an alcoholic for an epoch of five years and my beautiful (in looks - apparently didn't apply to her personality) girlfriend left me upon my decision to become sober due to her fear of becoming 'bored'.

I have put on 40lbs since becoming sober and am more depressed than I can remember. I am hanging tough but the loss of my girlfriend and dramatic weight gain is taking it's toll.

I have become withdrawn at work (they are used to the 'sociable' me') and have begun taking anti-depressants for relief from this hole I have crawled into.

Any advice?

Cheers
Graham

best

Welcome Graham
Congratulations on your 5 years collected.
Are the pills Dr ordered?
Some people do have clinical depression and may need such.
The girl leaving sure can hurt but things do start to feel better with time and working through it. If the pills are not Dr ordered, I would suggest checking with a DR before starting any thing.
Know that things do improve and there are more girls out there for when the time comes to find another...who knows...she could come back to her senses at some point as well.

Graham Serious

Best - Thanks for the advice, but I have been an alcoholic for the last five years, I have not been recovering for the last five years.

So this negates your last entry.

Appreciate your input anyway.

Tazman53

So are the meds doctor prescribed? If not you really should talk to a doctor about self prescribing.

How long have you been sober?

As already stated staying sober needs to come first, the ladies will come later or may come back.

Your girl friends fear of becoming bored sounds more like she does not want to face a possible problem of her own... maybe not.

So how did you get sober and what are you doing to stay that way?

Rowan

Graham,

Welcome - I lost a couple of relationships in sobriety, I've been depressed before and during sobriety, and I've put on a wee bit of weight since getting sober. FUN STUFF!

In all seriousness - the relationships were crap, I took meds for the depression until I could go it alone and had some sober time, and I'm starting to exercise again and to eat a healthier diet.

If the girl left you for such a mundane reason, you're better off. You might disagree, but you're worth more than being someone's playmate.

The depression will eventually lift - it can be treated. Booze with the anti-d's won't help, though, so please be careful. I understand you're feeling hopeless right now but try to deal with one thing at a time. If depression is the most pressing, then see your doc if you haven't already and get some help. And be honest about your drinking, friend.

I'm really glad you're here, Graham. Please keep posting.

Rowan

Graham Serious

Prescribed by a GP that I have had for twenty years and is aware of all my faults.

I am not completely obtuse.

best

Still congratulations are in order for making a better choice at life.

Remembering a story my father in law was telling my son when my son's wife left him for another guy.
My father in law was trying to say if we wait, another girl will come along that is even nicer then the first.
Thing was though, he told the whole story.
On shore leave from the navy while in Sidney, he and a couple others were sitting in a bar at the window. This beautiful lady walks by and they all say wow. Sitting there for a while and having another beer and along comes another girl...even more beautiful then the first. Another beer and about 10 minutes later along comes a girl even more beautiful then the first two.
I asked my son what he thought the moral of the story was.
He said he understood what Gramps was trying to say but the moral of the story as told... you drink enough, they get better looking. *LOL*

Well with that moral reversed... sober, you will find a nicer one and fully know what you are getting with eyes wide open.

Graham Serious

Thanks Rowan, yes she was a beautiful looking girl with a playboy bikini worthy body but incredibly shallow and her intelligence was questionable at best. I would much rather someone with substance, intelligence and mostly understanding.

best

Just wanted to be sure. We have been known (those of us getting sober and/or a lost girlfriend) to do some things that are out of the ordinary from time to time.

wozzek

Even before she "became bored"? Good for you...

So, what to do Graham, what to do?

Hmm... I hate and use the word "hate" with the purpose, all those anti-depressants taken so early, even before you had the time to adjust to your new, girlfriendless, sober life. Our, Western that is, so called cultures are so prone and not at all gun-shy in prescribing drugs to treat any problem. I mean, sometimes, even a severe headache can be cured with a neck and shoulder massage (the tension there is a cause of 90% of all headaches) but no, we run to the first drugstore and are sedating ourselves with tons of Tylenols or any other similar s***.

Sure, I am not trying to say that your depression is not a serious condition, that you do not suffer much, much more than some Tylenol taker, but what we are talking about? The wholeness of life (if this makes sense), the life as a whole that enable us, as humans, to function and thrive on so many levels. Alcohol, anti-depressants, depression if you wish, suffering, pain, those are all symptoms of our lack of balance.

Once we're lost we enter that vicious cycle of dependencies... and like our drunkenness had been feeding on our own drunkenness our misery overcomes us and starts feeding on itself. I found out that my sobriety is ONLY a conditio sine qua non and that being sober helps me to continue being sober.

I almost killed myself three weeks ago, that's how depressed I was. Today I sent my first query letters to various Hollywood big shoots, trying to sell my absolutely fantastic screenplay. I am hungry, have no job (not even after 73 applications I did not receive a single answer on my applications??), am in front of homelessness, I have no family, love or lovers, apparently no friends but am still hopeful because only sober I have a chance to rebuild my life and get all I need for it.

My most important discoveries were:
1. I have to FIGHT, actively, I must push my will to do things instead of being depressed or a drunk. I read 30 books, I walked, I had been thinking, loathing myself, loving myself, fighting,
2. It takes time. That was the most important realization - it does take some time to get better (assuming one is fighting for it) and for me, as an alcoholic who all his life had a "remedy" (booze) at hand NOW, this very moment, this realization was a heavy one.

As far as my own depression was in question I realized that this - being depressed - is a cry for help (for love, for mommy, for ex girlfriend, for booze, for resolution...) OUTSIDE myself thus it was killing myself inside out. All I needed to do was to get out of my vicious cycle of pain and see it from the outside. And look around. The world is so beautiful, there are so many worthy people, art, mountains, breaths to take that it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to isolate myself from it, by a booze, by a longing for someone who probably never loved me, by a depression and self pity...

Your problem is real and I feel fom you. Much stronger than consoling would be - your solutions are also real and are all in you. Good luck, man.

I loved Australia (Geelong, Melbourne though) and Australians...


.

wozzek

So why you whining over "losing" her? Ego gets hurt a little?

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, graham serious. keep posting! k

GrouchoTheCat

Welcome Graham,

It took me many years to finally understand that I was born an alcoholic, or at least I have a genetic predisposition for it. However I did not start drinking alcoholicly until I was 20 or so. I did lose control and drank more than I should have quite often even at a young age.

Just something to ponder,

and again welcome,

Ted

Dee74

Hi Graham,

always glad to meet another Aussie...for myself, I find that keeping active (and watching what I eat) helps with the weight gain, and also helps to beat and to stave off depression...as does coming here and chatting to the other very friendly and helpful folks here. Personally, helping others with their problems helps me to forget my own for a while.

welcome
D