Pilgrim

Let us know how you are feeling today honey.

Sunflower

You are not alone---sending my prayers.....

lanie67

Hi Chabroso,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I couldn't tell if it is a person or a pet that you have had to let go of...I went to a pet loss support group for months after one of my animals died. I had a relapse a week before his death and it made me so numb, he was very sick and I had no money to pay for his care until a credit card I'd sent off for came...the horrible guilt of that and some other things I was dealing with contributed to my relapse I think. But it did not help matters at all, it just made the situation harder.

It upset me a little when you referred to your feelings as 'wallowing in self-pity'. Feelings like grief and sadness are not self-pity. I think of self-pity as something people do in order to keep from feeling the real feelings they may have and moving through them, it is more of a 'stance' than an feeling. It sounds like you are brave enough to face these feelings head on, that is what you are doing.

I am glad you came here tonight and posted this. I realized earlier that the 'compulsive' feelings I've been having the past few days are from wanting to drink and I came here and read a post by someone and they said that time of emotional stress make them feel this way. It seems so sensible, but it took me reading that to grasp it, that that is what I am going through and that it is okay. I am very sorry for your loss, and I hope that you will not beat up on yourself for grieving it, it is human nature to grieve losses.

justjo

Wow! I think it is fantastic where you all are at - right now. Ive been reading some of your posts because I wanted some insight.
Chabroso, congrats you are incredible for being so strong. I am so glad I came into this area as it has opened my eyes somewhat. To help me understand (thanks Chabroso), what my sis must be going through.
I had to have a reality check the other day, you see she is pretty bad right now and all the wishing wasnt going to stop her.
I thought how I am sometimes, when I get home from a tough week at work. Friday night OK, all i want is to wind down with a drink and I thought how hard it must be for you guys to try and never do this.
Hell you must be proud.

Chabroso

Thank you all so much for your understanding and kindness both in this thread and for the uplifting private messages. I could not have got through that alone. That was a very close call.

I did get through. I had a solo AA meeting by reading the Big Book for a few hours. I had forgotten where I came from and how I got there. I had also forgotten how easy it is to get where I was yesterday.
That was a very close call for me and a much needed wake up call about being complacent. I only just made it through. I sure fully understand the cunning, baffling and powerful part of this disease better than I ever did before.

Fortunately the act of picking up a drink to dull my pain was delayed by coming here first, before I did pick up. The Big Book told me exactly what I needed to hear. I convieniently forgot that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it makes no difference how long it was since the last drink. The progression continues. In my state of mind I probably thought that didn't apply to me.
Thank you for being here for me and encouraging me. I would not be here posting tonight if it were not for the dedicated and caring people on this site.

I'm still in a really dark place but I have, thank God, lost all desire to pick up a drink. As long as I am sober I can work on my problems. Drunk, I don't have a chance at anything.
God love you people here.

GrouchoTheCat

Just curious,

Are you able to attend meetings?

Ted

Cathy31

Wow what a journey and what a miracle. Well done SO GLAD you still here with us! cunning baffling and powerful too right!
cathy31
x

justjo

Chabroso,
Im sorry you are going through this baby! I know loneliness can be a difficult place to be, so much emotion, especially what you must be dealing with right now.
Remember, all these great people are here to help you and talk to you. 26 years is a bloody long time. I am honoured.
You have many supportive friends right here, anytime. We may all come from all parts of the world, but we meet here (a great place to be)

Chabroso

Thought I would call in to once again thank you all so much for the love and support you showed me when I was feeling as low as I can remember feeling for a long time.

I went about doing what I should have done before wallowing in self pity and I made a decision to offer what little help I could to someone who needed some empathy and assistance. I hope I was of some help to them because it certainly helped me.

I don't really want to look back and relive that time but I didn't pick up a drink. I scraped through with the help and encouragement of you people here. It was a close call though and taught me a lesson I needed to learn about complacency.