leviathon

Hi All, I am back now.

A lot going on for me. My business is going extremely well and that means I am away from home a lot. That can lead to temptations.... not good so putting plans in place to resolve those issues. In particular, returning here more frequently, attending meetings while away, discussing the tempations with my spouse, etc.

Living with my spouse is a great experience, although like any new couple, we have our ups and downs as we learn to live together.

The big issue for me recently is that my nephew died unexpectedly in a car crash last week so I had to go to a funeral which meant driving for over 16 hrs each way plus an emotionally volatile family gathering.

Once again I am really reminded that I don't like being around my family too much.

For instance, the weekend should of been about my sister, her husband and their family and their loss; my siblings managed to make it about themselves too by fighting and arguing; my little brother managed to then confound the whole situation by giving misinformation to some members of the family; my oldest sister (not the one with the deceased son) was oblivious to the fact that her daughter is quickly becoming an alcoholic, I had to point it out to her... little things like she drinks til she passes out and blacks out; drinks until she pukes; can't stop once she starts even though she knows next day she has things she is supposed to do, etc. It amazes me that she can just ignore what my niece is doing to herself.

All of these on top of the funeral made the week a real draining experience. This experience also reinforced for me why it is important to keep a distance between my obviously disfunctional family and myself and my family. The simple reality of it all is that my family is SOOOOOOOOO messed up that they are simply unhealthy and I need to keep them at a distance.

I also was reminded how important it is for me to return here, even if not to post, to find support and inspiration in the sharing that goes on on this site. Thank you all for that. I really needed it this past week.

I also was reminded of how much I need to take time out of each and every day to turn it all over to God and to seek guidance and assistance with my life. I am not in control and I am better when I am humble and surrending to God's will for me.

Finally, I have found how important it is, and how lucky I am, that I have a spouse that I can share all of these stressors with and that she is open and willing to share with me. It is amazing and a true blessing.

Peace, Leviathon
Sorry, just venting hope you don't mind.

Steve58

Levi!

Thanks for checking in, although not posting much, I'm still here and have missed you.

So sorry for your loss, it's tough to lose anyone in our lives. I can relate to the whole family thing, one of the things that drove me deeper into my nasty habit.

My blessings to your family! I hope you have a great weekend!
Steve

Peter

I regret your recent loss and I do know how stressful these family situations can be but I am glad to know you are getting on with your life and finding effective ways of dealing with it.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

GrouchoTheCat

Hey Leviathon,

Vent all you want. The worst thing to do is to let it all fester inside.

When my Grandfather died it brought up a great deal of stuff I had buried inside and ultimately I drank again.

I found that I needed to see a professional for a while to get all that stuff out and dump it.

I am sorry for your loss but I am glad to see you back.

Ted

gypsytears

I'm sorry for your loss Levi. That combined with the family situation makes a rough time even harder. You have the choice now that the funeral's over to put them and all the bs behind you and move foward... whatever way you choose. You sound happy with your spouse... and you have your God to help you and of course SR.

I'm glad to see you back though despite the circumstances.

Golfman

Levi,

Boy, you could have been telling the story of what happened to me about a month ago. My wife's father died, no need for sympathy here, and we drove down for the funeral. Same situation, disfunctional family, only thinking about themselves. What a nightmare!!!!

We had been estranged from his for quite some time due to his behavior, mainly drinking, then calling his children up yelling at them for not paying attention to him. Very ugly. Eventually we stopped answering the phone when we saw it was him calling.

As we drove home, I felt as though I needed a shower just to get the family grime off. But as the miles went by, I felt better and better.

Very glad to hear you have the right perspective, God will carry you through anything if you let him.

Thanks for sharing this, it really hit home.

leviathon

HI All and thanks for the input. I particularly related to your post Golfman, you are so right, as I put more and more of the 2,000 some odd kilometers behind me, the burden became lighter and lighter... when I dropped off my little brother and put an additional several hundred KM's behind me, it was almost euphoric.

One thing I have noticed, I get really nasty headaches following these type of family situations. Normally I get muscle tension headaches from a build up of stress, etc. These headaches are different... it is like I am floating in a sea of toxicity and it just envelopes my head... the headache is so different... I am beginning to believe that this is all the built up chemical memory stored in the muscles that are released when I am around them and then I feel really ill from it.

Fortunatley, it all clears up and I feel much better after a bit of rest.

Thanks for all the input.

Levi

Pilgrim

O no - the family hangover.

leviathon

LMAO, that is too funny, that is exactly what it is.... Reading your thoughts, that is what it is like... the same sensation I'd experience after binging for several days and then drying out... it is almost identical... just no stomach issues! LOL

Thank you for the insight! Levi

miss communicat

Hi Levi,

Good to see you back again.

Wow! What a lotta feelings to face, feel, and be with all at once!
I'm hearing your healing through it all, and wanted to say how great that is!

GlassPrisoner

And don't you forget it ! As crazy as mine was (is), I sure would like to have someone around to share this newly discovered thing called life with.

Hang in there Bud. (Obligitory cliche to follow)

This too Shall Pass. I know it's the LAST thing you wanna hear when you're in the midst of "stuff". But it is true.

Candy Scratch

Levi!!
I have been thinking about you for the past couple of weeks and wondering how you were doing!! So good to see you here!! I am terribly sorry for the loss of your nephew, and I'm sorry, too, that you have had to endure another round with the family.

So happy you have someone near and dear to connect to and that things are working out well on that end.

Sending you big hugs and much love

(((((Levi))))))

xoxoxo

Tazman53

Levi condolances on the lose of your nephew. Glad you are back.

Thanks for the vent (share), it shows how well you are doing on your program. A good program leads to good sobriety.

leviathon

Again thanks all for the support.

Candyscratch, it has been a while, but I am still working on it. I am really glad you are still here. I have been working on the story again. Once I make some progress I will email it to you.

Levi