Sorry big let down
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
Sorry big let down
I've failed, I've let you down, I've let everyone down...I couldn't deal with a flashback of my childhood and feeling really low, alone and scared, as I walked pass the shop I went in and got a bottle of wine and 4 cans it was like automatic, I've started drinking the cans I feel dizzy and light headed yet I can't stop. something happens and I head straight for a drink, I've aready take 8 tramadol my other addoction, i've messed up again..will I always be like this, will it always be the bottle who I turn too when i can't deal with something. i'm really sorry, sory.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 76
Lost child,
Pour out the alcohol now, so that you don't drink any more. And get rid of the pills. Alcohol and drugs will only intensify the negative feelings you have. I know, I've been there.
You didn't let anyone down but yourself. I still have hope for you.
So pull yourself up and take charge of your life and know that we are here for you, but we can't do it for you.
Love, hugs, and prayers.
Carol
Pour out the alcohol now, so that you don't drink any more. And get rid of the pills. Alcohol and drugs will only intensify the negative feelings you have. I know, I've been there.
You didn't let anyone down but yourself. I still have hope for you.
So pull yourself up and take charge of your life and know that we are here for you, but we can't do it for you.
Love, hugs, and prayers.
Carol
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
lost child, you have had the first one, being an alcoholic myself I know you will finish the rest and if you are dizzy alrady you will not be ready to really grasp what is being said.
What I am going to strongly suggest is that once your head starts to clear you call your AA hotline and ask for advice of what you can do to get some help as soon as possible.
You do not need to tell us you are sorry, I/we have been right where you are at right now. It is very hard to make that initial leap into sobriety all at once with out help. For me and many others I could not do it on my own, I needed people to help me.
I am not going to tell you to go to an AA meeting and all will be good, you are at the stage that I was at right now. I knew I had to stop, but I could not, I could not go a full day without drinking.
I put myself into detox, there they gave me medications to help me withdraw from the alcohol with out me going through hallucinations & convulsions, they also filled me up on vitamins and gave me medications to keep my blood pressure under control as well as to kill the craving.
You need to see a doctor as soon as you can about this, if you can not arrange this or get some one to arrange it then call that AA hotline, they will at a minimum give you numbers of places to call to get you the medical attention you will need to withdraw.
Once you are sober long enough to be past the physical withdrawals of alcohol, then you need to get your self into some sort of recovery program, re-hab would probably be best if that is possible for you, I didn't do rehab myself, I threw myself heart and soul into AA. AA saved my life.
There are other programs that I have heard work, but none of them will work unless you follow the suggestions they give you to stay sober.
You are not alone my friend, pick up the phone when you start to sober up and call for help. We will all be here rooting for you.
You can do this, if I did it after 40 years of drinking so can you, it is not easy, but it is well worth it.
What I am going to strongly suggest is that once your head starts to clear you call your AA hotline and ask for advice of what you can do to get some help as soon as possible.
You do not need to tell us you are sorry, I/we have been right where you are at right now. It is very hard to make that initial leap into sobriety all at once with out help. For me and many others I could not do it on my own, I needed people to help me.
I am not going to tell you to go to an AA meeting and all will be good, you are at the stage that I was at right now. I knew I had to stop, but I could not, I could not go a full day without drinking.
I put myself into detox, there they gave me medications to help me withdraw from the alcohol with out me going through hallucinations & convulsions, they also filled me up on vitamins and gave me medications to keep my blood pressure under control as well as to kill the craving.
You need to see a doctor as soon as you can about this, if you can not arrange this or get some one to arrange it then call that AA hotline, they will at a minimum give you numbers of places to call to get you the medical attention you will need to withdraw.
Once you are sober long enough to be past the physical withdrawals of alcohol, then you need to get your self into some sort of recovery program, re-hab would probably be best if that is possible for you, I didn't do rehab myself, I threw myself heart and soul into AA. AA saved my life.
There are other programs that I have heard work, but none of them will work unless you follow the suggestions they give you to stay sober.
You are not alone my friend, pick up the phone when you start to sober up and call for help. We will all be here rooting for you.
You can do this, if I did it after 40 years of drinking so can you, it is not easy, but it is well worth it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
You didn't let me down lost, but if you keep drinking and taking those pills you might die, and then you're causing pain for those that love you.
Here's my broken record saying: Nobody ever dies from NOT taking another drink. So try sobriety again. Drinking only seems less painful because you're numbing your emotions, but sobriety is by far the easier way. Have you tried AA yet?
Here's my broken record saying: Nobody ever dies from NOT taking another drink. So try sobriety again. Drinking only seems less painful because you're numbing your emotions, but sobriety is by far the easier way. Have you tried AA yet?
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
it's ok, lost_child. this is a really tough disease. everyone who has responded has given you some very sound advice and great encouragment. keep posting and don't give up - recovery is possible.
extra prayers your way, k
extra prayers your way, k
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
thak u for ur words, I have durnk more i tried to get trid of it but i oculdn't I will try again tomorrow.
when will nite turn into day
when will the feelings go away.
when you open ur eyes and its still all there
i pray please not again, not today.
the curtains remain closed.
I don't want to be exposed
I fight to hide the pain,
look and find other ways, I'm going insane
the bottle screamin at me,
I can help take it all away, I don't disagree
I will give you the energy to be relaxed and free
free from pain, free from you, from from all those memories.
The pills are staring at me, we can help take it away
I look for other ways
but i still end up with the same old feelings.
so now i drink to ease the pain, take the tablets to make it all gone.
Look at me, this is what they done.
well now, all i can say is u won.
my life is over, I rest my soul.
when will nite turn into day
when will the feelings go away.
when you open ur eyes and its still all there
i pray please not again, not today.
the curtains remain closed.
I don't want to be exposed
I fight to hide the pain,
look and find other ways, I'm going insane
the bottle screamin at me,
I can help take it all away, I don't disagree
I will give you the energy to be relaxed and free
free from pain, free from you, from from all those memories.
The pills are staring at me, we can help take it away
I look for other ways
but i still end up with the same old feelings.
so now i drink to ease the pain, take the tablets to make it all gone.
Look at me, this is what they done.
well now, all i can say is u won.
my life is over, I rest my soul.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Lost,
The only one you let down is you. The underlying causes and conditions are what gets us drinkin' again. If those are not dealt with the chances of staying sober are pretty slim. I noticed you mentioned your childhood. It's that kind of stuff that eats our lunch. You gotta find someone close who you can talk all this out with. Face-to-face contact with one that you trust will make a world of difference. If you're afraid of what somone's response to your "stuff" is, then dump it here. Not only do you have a bunch of friends here, but it's the perfect place. Everyone's anonymous here, no faces to look into.
And, if someone pi55es you off, just shut down. Some people are tough to walk away from when they're always in your face. Sure would be easier if we could just turn them off.
So...finish if you must. But get rid of all the rubbish on the inside. Once it's out, it has no power over you.
The only one you let down is you. The underlying causes and conditions are what gets us drinkin' again. If those are not dealt with the chances of staying sober are pretty slim. I noticed you mentioned your childhood. It's that kind of stuff that eats our lunch. You gotta find someone close who you can talk all this out with. Face-to-face contact with one that you trust will make a world of difference. If you're afraid of what somone's response to your "stuff" is, then dump it here. Not only do you have a bunch of friends here, but it's the perfect place. Everyone's anonymous here, no faces to look into.
And, if someone pi55es you off, just shut down. Some people are tough to walk away from when they're always in your face. Sure would be easier if we could just turn them off.
So...finish if you must. But get rid of all the rubbish on the inside. Once it's out, it has no power over you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hey Lost,
don't beat yourself up...that's the way this addiction thing works...any chance, any reason and it'll take the wheel and try to drive us right back to Badtown...our challenge is to learn how to deal with stuff without trying to blot it out....there's a lot of good advice here...
keep fighting...I really believe that the only way our addiction can win is if we stop fighting....
D
don't beat yourself up...that's the way this addiction thing works...any chance, any reason and it'll take the wheel and try to drive us right back to Badtown...our challenge is to learn how to deal with stuff without trying to blot it out....there's a lot of good advice here...
keep fighting...I really believe that the only way our addiction can win is if we stop fighting....
D
High on Jesus
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Pulaski, Va
Posts: 77
Lost, it happens, we all mess up from time to time as we are human. As mentioned before DON'T mix pills with booze as it can kill you. Depression sucks I have battled it all my life but there is a light at the end of the tunnle all you need is a little faith.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 1,639
hey, today is today
first thing
change that goshdawn screenname
and
forget, frorget, forget the past
no one will buy it
"i drank 'cause when i was 7, mom didn't have any peanut butter'
i don't mean to be insensitive
because
i did it, too
we probably all did it
but
with help it can be overcome
i used to sit in the park
6pm every night
and cry
"frankie and danielle" (my Kids)
well, yeah, the drink made the pain go away
imagine the pain now
taht i drank for ten years
cause i didn;t see my kids
and
now, 12 years sober
they are in florida
and
don't want to see me because
you guessed it
i drank for 10 years
it doesn't mean anything to them
i'm sober 12
so
this childhood stuff is way, way, over
look inside
isn't it convenient the flashback came
as you passed the liquor store
again, i don't mean no disrespect
but
go to AA
start a new day
walk down a different street
best
fraankie
first thing
change that goshdawn screenname
and
forget, frorget, forget the past
no one will buy it
"i drank 'cause when i was 7, mom didn't have any peanut butter'
i don't mean to be insensitive
because
i did it, too
we probably all did it
but
with help it can be overcome
i used to sit in the park
6pm every night
and cry
"frankie and danielle" (my Kids)
well, yeah, the drink made the pain go away
imagine the pain now
taht i drank for ten years
cause i didn;t see my kids
and
now, 12 years sober
they are in florida
and
don't want to see me because
you guessed it
i drank for 10 years
it doesn't mean anything to them
i'm sober 12
so
this childhood stuff is way, way, over
look inside
isn't it convenient the flashback came
as you passed the liquor store
again, i don't mean no disrespect
but
go to AA
start a new day
walk down a different street
best
fraankie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
i can;t read ur replies properly but i came home and was drawn in i know i made a mistake i messed yp.. im very su* at the moment not in asaw place i've drunk too mucj not 2 tje level blackput level but enoufh and more is coming.i do want to stop, i tried and failed thats all i do s fauk everyone. let eveyroen dowb. sorry i shouldn't have joined ur stroner then me, take care xxxxxxxxxx
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Come back and read when you're not drinking lost_child... things always make more sense if you're not under the influence.
You haven't failed anyone here and joining and posting is good thing
. Don't give up.
You haven't failed anyone here and joining and posting is good thing
. Don't give up.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
the fact you were 'drawn in' back to this site is a good sign, Lost Child - this is a good place - we've all been there, and with the support of others here, since I've been here, I've found the strength to remain sober....
like Gypsy Tears says, come back and read this stuff later. A slip is no disgrace if you start again.
peace
D
like Gypsy Tears says, come back and read this stuff later. A slip is no disgrace if you start again.
peace
D
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Lost Child:
When you are lucid:
I was where you are now a little over a year ago.
Wasted, crying, typing away at those keys......
Man, you wrote some beautiful stuff up there,
releasing that pain and all. Doesn't it feel good
to weep and release the hot burning and bitter
tears? I know. We all know. We were there.
But, let me tell you, ....THE LIE OF THE BOTTLE IS
IT MAKES MORE PAIN. Do yourself one thing for you
please, and one thing for us, please. DO NOT HARM
YOURSELF. We're not a bunch of do gooders, we care.
Many people talked to me here last year, and I could not
hear them. I was too sick. But two I heard. And I heard
their voices and recalled their kind words when I was
about to give up. They told they loved me.
Grab onto one or two if it helps Lost Child.
We love you little one.
:
Sherry
When you are lucid:
I was where you are now a little over a year ago.
Wasted, crying, typing away at those keys......
Man, you wrote some beautiful stuff up there,
releasing that pain and all. Doesn't it feel good
to weep and release the hot burning and bitter
tears? I know. We all know. We were there.
But, let me tell you, ....THE LIE OF THE BOTTLE IS
IT MAKES MORE PAIN. Do yourself one thing for you
please, and one thing for us, please. DO NOT HARM
YOURSELF. We're not a bunch of do gooders, we care.
Many people talked to me here last year, and I could not
hear them. I was too sick. But two I heard. And I heard
their voices and recalled their kind words when I was
about to give up. They told they loved me.
Grab onto one or two if it helps Lost Child.
We love you little one.
:Sherry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
Thank you for all your replies. I've read them all but need time to digest that people aren't shouting at me, telling me I'm stupid, a failure...so its kinda of weird that people are understanding. I'm feeling fragile today after a very difficult day and night yesterday but this morning i didn't drink, this afternoon I'm not drinking. I need to get through the next few hours without a drink.
Bittersweet
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Stockholm
Posts: 165
lost_child. you wont let anyone down here. We are here to support each other, and we are here to support you. Im sorry to hear about your pain, im drinking for that reason aswell, to hide the pain and be able to smile - it doesnt work as well as i would like it to tho..
Do you see a therapist maybe? Maybe you need to deal with your childhood, its in your past. Again im in the same situation, things are going pretty well for me now if it wasnt for my childhood that keeps comming back to me, and it hits me hard every time. I understand you.
You can PM anytime you want about anything, or just vent here. I will listen, people will listen. Take care of yourself, youre worth so much, you deserve to be happy - i hope you realise it, if not now, soon.
Do you see a therapist maybe? Maybe you need to deal with your childhood, its in your past. Again im in the same situation, things are going pretty well for me now if it wasnt for my childhood that keeps comming back to me, and it hits me hard every time. I understand you.
You can PM anytime you want about anything, or just vent here. I will listen, people will listen. Take care of yourself, youre worth so much, you deserve to be happy - i hope you realise it, if not now, soon.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Morning Lost... or afternoon for you 
. If you've made it through this far you can get through the rest of the day w/o drinking. Eat something comforting for dinner... have some tea and go to bed early. Be nice to yourself. No need to beat yourself up, we're certainly not going to.
. If you've made it through this far you can get through the rest of the day w/o drinking. Eat something comforting for dinner... have some tea and go to bed early. Be nice to yourself. No need to beat yourself up, we're certainly not going to.
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