Originally Posted by lost_child

I've failed, I've let you down, I've let everyone down...I couldn't deal with a flashback of my childhood and feeling really low, alone and scared, as I walked pass the shop I went in and got a bottle of wine and 4 cans it was like automatic, I've started drinking the cans I feel dizzy and light headed yet I can't stop. something happens and I head straight for a drink, I've aready take 8 tramadol my other addoction, i've messed up again..will I always be like this, will it always be the bottle who I turn too when i can't deal with something. i'm really sorry, sory.

Originally Posted by lost_child

Thank you for all your replies. I've read them all but need time to digest that people aren't shouting at me, telling me I'm stupid, a failure...so its kinda of weird that people are understanding. I'm feeling fragile today after a very difficult day and night yesterday but this morning i didn't drink, this afternoon I'm not drinking. I need to get through the next few hours without a drink.

Originally Posted by Tazman53

lost child, you have had the first one, being an alcoholic myself I know you will finish the rest and if you are dizzy alrady you will not be ready to really grasp what is being said.

What I am going to strongly suggest is that once your head starts to clear you call your AA hotline and ask for advice of what you can do to get some help as soon as possible.

You do not need to tell us you are sorry, I/we have been right where you are at right now. It is very hard to make that initial leap into sobriety all at once with out help. For me and many others I could not do it on my own, I needed people to help me.

I am not going to tell you to go to an AA meeting and all will be good, you are at the stage that I was at right now. I knew I had to stop, but I could not, I could not go a full day without drinking.

I put myself into detox, there they gave me medications to help me withdraw from the alcohol with out me going through hallucinations & convulsions, they also filled me up on vitamins and gave me medications to keep my blood pressure under control as well as to kill the craving.

You need to see a doctor as soon as you can about this, if you can not arrange this or get some one to arrange it then call that AA hotline, they will at a minimum give you numbers of places to call to get you the medical attention you will need to withdraw.

Once you are sober long enough to be past the physical withdrawals of alcohol, then you need to get your self into some sort of recovery program, re-hab would probably be best if that is possible for you, I didn't do rehab myself, I threw myself heart and soul into AA. AA saved my life.

There are other programs that I have heard work, but none of them will work unless you follow the suggestions they give you to stay sober.

You are not alone my friend, pick up the phone when you start to sober up and call for help. We will all be here rooting for you.

You can do this, if I did it after 40 years of drinking so can you, it is not easy, but it is well worth it.