Missminime

Ive been really low feeling really sad for a long time.
Sadness is now mixed with frustration, hate and lots and lots of anger.
I hate this house im living in, my mom is driving me insane so does my boyfriend or what the hell he is. I hate people. I cant stand being around people. I just feel in my entire body how much i want to get away from them.

Everything annoys me and im in a bad mood all the time. I tried to do some shopping today, i got so upset and angry. At people! that i dont even know.. for stupid reasons.

I get so angry that i start shaking and even crying. From anger.

Therapist meeting tomorrow and i really DONT want to go.


and i even had a bad hair day...

Rowan

Alright, you had me at the hair ... lol

How long have you been sober, Missminime? I can identify with the white-hot rage you describe. Still have those days - just less often.

Don't be so hard on yourself - your feelings are there - we don't understand them and want them to go away - but there they sit, just the same.

Glad you're going to see a therapist tomorrow - be honest about the anger - maybe he/she can recommend some anger release techniques, something to read, anything.

I really don't know what to say about the hair. I'm growing out a buzz cut and it's NOT pretty.

((hugs))

Rowan

parentrecovers

it's ok to feel. but agreed - not always easy.

i'm so glad that you know you can come here and share. blessings, k

Rowan

Missminime,
this might make you feel better .. this is pretty close to what my hair looks like (and yes, I'm a woman)

Sunflower

yep--bad hair day for sure--anxiety big time-make sure you make it to that doctors appointment and let them know how you are feeling...

Missminime

Haha, thanks for making me laugh Rowan and Sunflower.
Ive seen the picture of you rowan, you look great. It cant be anywhere near that bad :P

Thanks parentrecovers, i know it should be ok to feel. But all this rage and hate, and.. frustrating. I really dont even know what it is that upsets me.

Surlyredhead

Hi Missminime, boy-oh-boy do I understand how you are feeling. There were times I didn't think that people should be able to breath the same air I did...much less be allowed to live!!! You are doing well to be able to identify the feelings and know that they are not rational....just a symptom of our disease. Your emotions will even out with time....as for the bad hair day...Welcome to my World!!!! Hugs to you.......

Cathy

hope3

Good vent missminime, wow, I can relate to that

red hot rage. The bad hair day, is something I wake up

with every morning.

It sticks straight up in the air, no kidding.

Hugs, hope3

RedFox

I was like that for quite awhile too. I have a bad enough temper as it is, so it was definitely not a pretty site. I don't know if you've gone to a doctor about it at all, but all my anger and sadness was because of a pretty serious depression stacked on top of the fact that my body was screaming at me for alcohol. If it's dealt with it eventually does go away. The dumbest things used to set me off, like something as stupid as my parents not knocking on my door before they came into my room.

gypsytears

Please don't skip the appointment with your therapist. You need to tell him/her what you've shared here with us. Keep venting if it helps... I don't mind .

bee62

Miss
do you go to AA meetings or something similar?
I had a hellish weekend, felt so lonely and sad-angry too...the first question asked at AA after the Traditions are read-"is anyone struggling with wanting a drink", not saying you were struggling with that, but I brought up the subject of just exactly what I was feeling and I got such great feedback.
Just a thought...
I know the feelings you are having-I used to get them once a month, if you even looked at me cross eyed, I would want to punch your lights out. Could also be hormonal!!
Talking it out helps me see the humor in it...bad hair days SUCK though and they just perpetuate your already foul mood don't they?
Goodl\luck-hope tomorrow is better,
Melissa

daisy_j

I dunno missinme..whenever I feel that way I try to look at the bigger picture. Everyone is human, with flaws. That does not mean I don't get terribly frusterated at the human race. I think it still remains a big trigger to drink. I have attended AA and thought it was wonderful but I ran into some dude I helped put in prison so that came to an end. My health insurance has changed so I have been calling counselors on the new insurances website, virtually all of which are not taking patients who are actively using. I am in a world of hurt myself. This disease is so disabling but I still have faith that one day I will come here clean and sober. I am getting ready to move to a different state/town so I hope I can go to AA meetings without fear of running into old demons. We both need to have a program in order to succeed. I am going to use AA. What's yours?

GJ

TINLIZZY

Missminime -

I just chewed my daughter out royally for not cleaning the sink correctly after finishing the dinner dishes. (Our housekeeper was just here today, so the house is basically spotless.) It was totally irrational and unwarranted. So yes, I can relate.

Bad hair?? My oh-so-cute short hair cut has grown into a full blown mullet. It's not pretty.

Maybe your therapist can give you some breathing or visualization exercises.
Posting and meetings may also help.

Good Luck!

TinLizzy

GlassPrisoner

Hang in there. It gets better.

Serenity is wating for you if you search it out and are willing. It ain't easy, but it's SOOOOOO worth it.

stone

Hi minnie. Hang in there hon.

Tazman53

Minime I know all about that anger stuff, I have twin 15 year old girls!!! That make me crazy even when things are going great!!!

The biggest difference they noticed in me after I had not drank in a while was I did not blow up over the slightest thing any more, early in my sobreity I would go for days sometimes weeks on this beautiful pink cloud and then for no reason I can explain the whole world pi$$ed me off!!! The longer I am sober the easier it has come to accept that there is no reason to get mad over things I have no control over and if I do have control over it I do something to correct it rather then cussing it out or slamming it on the floor.

BTW if I was a woman (I think this is a woman) this would be my hair every morning!

Missminime

Daisy_j: I know people arnt flawless, dont expect that eiter. Actually i usually have alot of patience with people. But i just cant help getting so upset and annoyed over things. I want to be left alone most of the time.. and people just wont. When i get angry for no reason at all.. i get angry cause of that - cause i know its a dumb reason.

Bee and Daisy:
I wont use AA, i really wouldnt like meeting people in a group like that and its way too religious for me. There was this documentary about alcoholics, AA and the 12-steps program on TV few days ago. It said that its a 5% chanse for an alcoholic that goes to AA to recover. An alcoholic that tries to stay sober on his/her own.... 5% chanse to recover.

If people find help in AA thats great, but its not for me. Im seeing this therapist now for some old issues ive had. And ill just try to stay sober on my own.

Hope: I always thinks about the picture of that bird in your(?) hand when im at my therapist. Its a beautiful, i acutally find comfort in that pictures. Birds are usually so 'shy' and scared.

Thanks all for responding I did talk to my therapist about my anger today, and he said hes glad im angry. Cause i have so much anger inside and really dont allow myself to be angry, or show that im angry so im going through changes and he thinks its healthy and sure it will pass.

He asked what was worst, sadness or anger and i said anger.. even tho its easier to feel anger than sadness... does that make sense? Atleast he was pretending it did, haha.


Edit: Lol btw! My hair looks great today. absolutly awesome.

Tazman53

Missminime I do not know where the show you watched got thier figures on AA from, but if you want some real figures which are FAR higher which are backed by scientific verifiable statistics pick up a copy of the book called "Beyond the Influence", the best chance an alcoholic has of "Long term recovery" backed up with scientific verifiable statistics is via AA.

The book also covers other programs of recovery as well. The books primary focus though is not AA, it is dispelling with scientific facts not speculation, the myths surrounding the disease of alcoholism.

Glad to hear you spoke to your therapist today and your hair is better!!! LOL

Missminime

I do think AA helps alot of people, i still think people can stay sober on their own aswell. AA is far from the only answer.

And what they said acutally made sense, and they had proffesionals talking about it. And isnt one of the steps "turn to god", something like that?

What makes the things said in that book more true than the things they said in the documentary?

We all choose to believe in diffrent things dont we?

Tazman53

missminime documentaries are great and I trust most of them until I catch them in a lie. The AA stat they claimed is total BS. 90% of th time when you see some one saying something negative about some thing it is because it is to thier financial or mental benefit to down grade that something.

Yes there are others ways to stop drinking and stay stopped, my father did it, but he quit drinking when he was 34, his disease had not progressed as far as mine did, and to be totally honest I am now happy that I needed AA, I have real friends now that I never would have had if I had been able to simply quit on my own. I help other alcoholics get and stay sober, my father had very few friends and except for being a great father did not help very many people if any outside of his immediate circle of family and friends.

Was my dad a bad person? Absolutely not, but I can tell you that my life today is far more fullfilling then his was and he had a good life.

You are very right there, AA according to verifiable scientific statistics has helped more alcoholics get and stay sober then all other programs combined have, but as you say there are other ways, many in AA say that AA is the last house on the block for recovery from alcoholism, and I for one can attest to that, very very few people in AA went to AA first, I tried to quit every way under the sun, AA was the last house on the block for me.

For me when I quit singing that old Frank Sinatra song "My Way" and went to AA was when I was able to stay stopped.