Talluleh

Hiya Minnie, you know when I was your age (lord I can't believe I just said that), I have vivid memories of being mad all the time, always annoyed at people, angry at everything and everyone. I didn't drink alot back in those days, weekend partier but not every weekend, never drank alone. I can look back now and honestly wonder what on earth I was so pissed off about? To this day I have no idea. As I got older the anger was still there and I started to drink more and spent more time angry, lashing out at people.

Since I stopped drinking I don't seem to be as mad. I think in hindsight I was mostly mad at myself and drinking seemed to put me in a better mood until that went out of control.

Sorry for the ramble, there's really no point to this only that I can relate to the anger/rage/annoyances you feel. I hope you cheer up soon, I've been thinking of you even though I haven't been online much.

Missminime

Taz - To me that wasnt a lie. I accept and understand that you support AA and trust AA. Im sad to see that you wont accept that i dont and wont believe in it. People are diffrent in my world, even alcoholics are diffrent. AA works for some, some quits on their own and some go to therapist meetings. And i believe that there is even more options. This is end of discussion for me cause ive realised that you taz and alot of other members wont accept my opinions and believes unless they are the same as yours. I do appriciate your support so much. It felt great comming here seeing that there was other people with the same feelings and problems as me...

Talluleh: Heard the song Tallulah with Sontana Arctica? Great song

About anger, i know my anger is just silly and i get even more angry at myself cause i get angry of such small and silly things in life. But i just cant help feeling this rage and anger. It did help that my therapist told me that he thinks its a good thing that i feel anger, cause i have so much anger inside that ive kept there for so long. I will find comfort in that see it as a part of my recovery

How are you doing Talluleh? Didnt you start a diet or am i mixing that up with someone else, hows it going? I take long walks everyday and i must say that i really love it.

take care all

gypsytears

Hi mini . 157 days no alcohol... no AA. It's working for me. You have your therapy, there's always the board. When you get some of the anger out I'm sure you'll be feeling better. Keep working with therapist... it sounds like you're making some headway.

I think you mentioned horses?T hey are such beautiful lovely creatures. Doesn't spending time with them bring some calm and peace to you?

Missminime

Thank you gypsy_tears.

Yes i do have horsies But my horse has a baby, its one year old now tho so its time to seperate those. Ill start riding in july again i really miss it. My friend has offerd me to borrow one of her horses but the thing is that i fell off like.. 3 years ago and got a fracture in my back so if im going to ride again, i want my horse

Your memory must be great, how can you remember that

Rowan

Missminime,

I just want to say that although I go to AA, I do recognize that it's not for everyone, and that there are other ways to get sober.
I wouldn't ever want to participate in a 'us' versus 'them' mentality. We are all in this together.
Thanks for letting me share that

You sound like you are doing a little better and I'm glad.

Rowan

SaTiT

My sense were all mess up when i first got sober.
I was still going through withdraws after the detoxing stage.
I was irrable and discontent..i knew it, so i didn't want to be around
people very much, especailly my father.
I was also seeing a mental health therapist. i didn't know what for...becuase
the man just listen to me most of the time, but its was good.
I was allow to express my emotions in a safe environment.

i didn't know too much about my feelings other than to just stuff
them. i also hated the fact that i had to stop drinking too.
i guess stuffing my emotions made me depressed as heck too.
My sponsor also asked me to make a list of emotions.

it helped me alot becuase having an expanded list of emotions,
that i can identified.
I no longer went from: numb to ****-off, numb to ****-off.

I learned to accept my emotions and just process them.
it's okay to feel what i feel.
I don't stuff my feelings anymore...I don't have to re-act to them, either
i play my guitar to release my negative emotions or whatever
other actives that are safe...
I learned that from talking to my therapist and sharing in meetings.

I've also made a forgivness of people that harmed me.
I forgave and let go
No sense in carrying a bag of hatred around anymore.

never the less..I don't drink no matter what.

gypsytears

Aw mini... yep I remembered you had horses. It was something you posted about that made you happy and it stuck out in my mind. I read what you wrote in stones thread and that was some sound advice . I think you'll be OK yet.

Missminime

Thanks Satit, some of the thing you mention är feelings i have. Im hoping to forgive people, and i believe i will in time Im trying to stay focused at positive things, like painting and taking walks. These are things that really makes me relax. Painting cause i have to focus and forget to be mad or annoyd, long walks cause it really does clear my mind.


Gypsy: Yep, my horsies and my kittens means the world to me really. Animals are so innocent and they dont want to harm you. As long as you pat them and feed them they will always love you :P

Stone just needs to take care of himself a lil more

stone

I think that is so true Rowan, I don't go to AA I don't think I will but we are all fighting the same problem and any 'us vs them' stuff is not helping anyone.
Hi minnie, you seem to have chilled out a bit. I think once you admit you have a problem then you are on the road to dealing with it. As you know you have friends here, and even if you do have trouble opening up you are still well advanced of most of us at your age. I for one was unable to face my demons, you have the bravery to start facing yours earlier (sorry to do the age thing again, I can't help it) hugs hun.

Missminime

Thanks stone, i had missed that post from Rowan. I thought i was the last one on page 1.

Thank you Rowan, i appriciate that. I throw up before i go to a therapist meeting and its just me and him there. There is no way i could go to an AA-meeting with alot of people.

The age thing doesnt matter Stone, i know im young but as long you dont say im young and dumb im glad ^^

And yes im ok, i just need to vent sometimes. And i had a meeting next day when i made the first post. It always freaks me out. Nights are very long tho, i cant sleep and they are long when youre just lying in bed. Besides that, im ok.

gypsytears

Just checking on ya today mini. You sound better... calmer... and damn if you don't sound wiser today .

Talluleh

Hiya Minnie, I love that song "Tallulah" by Sonata Arctica as well, there are a few on that CD that I really like. Sing in Silence and Last Drop Falls etc.

I'm trying to diet but this weekend was a bit of a bust - kids are over and it's all BBQs and snacks but I'll just keep trying.

I think you're doing great with your recovery and if you could get to the bottom of the anger that would be great. It sucks to be so angry all the time. I want you to be happy and smiling, you deserve it so much.

I'm gonna run outside and hang out with the kids while the sun is high. I hope you have a good day - or night, what time is it there anyway?