Scared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Scared
Guys - I am scared. This is NOT GOOD.
I just can't see the end.
I can't beat this.
I got a glimpse of love here. I don't know if it was to little too late or if it was way too much for me to handle.
There are people I could ring but I am too scared.
I am not quite sure how today will end. I hope I make it. For my children. They are lovely.
I just can't see the end.
I can't beat this.
I got a glimpse of love here. I don't know if it was to little too late or if it was way too much for me to handle.
There are people I could ring but I am too scared.
I am not quite sure how today will end. I hope I make it. For my children. They are lovely.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 183
You CAN beat this, we all can beat this. I hit a bump in the road last week and relapsed, but all is ok. I learned my lesson. I promise you that you can do this. How come you're scared to call someone? That's what phone numbers are for 
. Just give it a shot, you can always hang up.
. Just give it a shot, you can always hang up.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
i'm so sorry that you are struggling, steph. please know that we are listening. were you able to use any of your numbers? that's why people put their names and numbers on the list - they want you to call. blessings, k
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
I'm here. I'm ok. Well - not ok - but you know.
It is a terrible struggle right now. I wish I was more together and I wish I had more inner strength to get through the hard times better.
There are things I should be doing to help myself and I know what they are. I am just so weak. I just needed a hug when my children left. There was no one with me.
It is a terrible struggle right now. I wish I was more together and I wish I had more inner strength to get through the hard times better.
There are things I should be doing to help myself and I know what they are. I am just so weak. I just needed a hug when my children left. There was no one with me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
steph all you have to do is get through today. Take a deep breath and do something different. Whatever you are doing thats giving your brain time to think too much, stop doing it! What time is it there? Pull out a puzzle and put it together. That keeps your brain nice and busy!! 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
I am going to stick with this thread. I hope one day the title will not be relevant anymore.
I was thinking. I know - I think too much. I was thinking about how when I am alone I feel like it will be forever. I have real trouble with the concept of being loved and supported if it is not right in front of me - physically. People say to me - it is OK - your children love you even if they are not there. They say there are people who love me even if they are not there. People say they will come back later, soon, one day and then I won't be alone again. I find that concept really hard to understand. If there is no one with me, I feel completely abandoned and alone in the world. The loneliness engulfs me and I am a gonner. I think no one will ever show up ever again. I lose all track of the future and there is only now. Why can't I get it into my head that just because I am the only one in the house, I am not abandoned and unloved? Does any one else have that? It is illogical.
I was thinking. I know - I think too much. I was thinking about how when I am alone I feel like it will be forever. I have real trouble with the concept of being loved and supported if it is not right in front of me - physically. People say to me - it is OK - your children love you even if they are not there. They say there are people who love me even if they are not there. People say they will come back later, soon, one day and then I won't be alone again. I find that concept really hard to understand. If there is no one with me, I feel completely abandoned and alone in the world. The loneliness engulfs me and I am a gonner. I think no one will ever show up ever again. I lose all track of the future and there is only now. Why can't I get it into my head that just because I am the only one in the house, I am not abandoned and unloved? Does any one else have that? It is illogical.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
My sister has been scared and the only way she could face it was the drink. You can do it! You can. Do you have anyone in your family you can trust to help you? Someone positive who wont judge you? Someone who lives close.
Everyone kept telling me, leave her alone, let her do this herself. No one can help her.
She is my sister for goodness sake, I wont turn my back on her. She has been staying with me a week and turned up at my house drunk with someone we didnt even know. Thank god he was a decent bloke who didnt take advantage. He brought her to me instead.
No one really knows the answer for everyone. All I know is that she is ill and needs me. I will only be there for her in a positive way.
You can do this. Think of something that makes you smile. Remember how you use to be. Think about how you can become a beautiful person who loves themself. Think of this everyday and fight it. fight, fight & fight. You are worth it.
Everyone kept telling me, leave her alone, let her do this herself. No one can help her.
She is my sister for goodness sake, I wont turn my back on her. She has been staying with me a week and turned up at my house drunk with someone we didnt even know. Thank god he was a decent bloke who didnt take advantage. He brought her to me instead.
No one really knows the answer for everyone. All I know is that she is ill and needs me. I will only be there for her in a positive way.
You can do this. Think of something that makes you smile. Remember how you use to be. Think about how you can become a beautiful person who loves themself. Think of this everyday and fight it. fight, fight & fight. You are worth it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hey Justjo,
I wish I had a sister like you. Mine is not living close by. She copes with our past in her own way. Her way is to make sure everything around her is perfect. I don't fit. My autistic son definitely doesn't fit. Sadly, no, my family is very judgemental. Wait - I just remembered I have a really cool cousin who lives in my city. We are not close but I think I might need to do something about that! Slowly.
Just do me one favour. Make sure you are looking after yourself first. We alchies can be pretty hard on our loved ones.
I wish I had a sister like you. Mine is not living close by. She copes with our past in her own way. Her way is to make sure everything around her is perfect. I don't fit. My autistic son definitely doesn't fit. Sadly, no, my family is very judgemental. Wait - I just remembered I have a really cool cousin who lives in my city. We are not close but I think I might need to do something about that! Slowly.
Just do me one favour. Make sure you are looking after yourself first. We alchies can be pretty hard on our loved ones.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Yep, call your cousin. You may be in for a big surprise. My motto is - if you never ask / you never get.
The only reason family judges is because they dont understand how you can do this to yourself. You know, my sis has a great house, 2 fantastic kids (I love & adore as if they were my own. My 3 sons love them too) is absolutely beautiful, has everything going for her and guess what - shes an alcoholic. So what I say, she's alive - Just!
Try not to be too hard on your sis, yes I know, I can be just like that too. everything perfect, well not perfect but OK. Accept her for who she is and do yourself a favour. Send her a card telling her your love her (just simple) and you wish you could be closer. Any judgements on her part and be thankful to her. You know what I mean, dont use judgements as a negative. Take it, think about it and decide what YOU think cos thats all that matters.
This is what I tell my sis. Ok your choice girly, I tell her she's a fighter, she can do it and go get it. She has really bad weeks, not days and I have just accepted this. Maybe one day she will return a different person, but I love her anyway no matter who she is now.
Anyway, I can be your sis too if you want. By gee, 2 would be great. Just talk to me anytime you like.
The only reason family judges is because they dont understand how you can do this to yourself. You know, my sis has a great house, 2 fantastic kids (I love & adore as if they were my own. My 3 sons love them too) is absolutely beautiful, has everything going for her and guess what - shes an alcoholic. So what I say, she's alive - Just!
Try not to be too hard on your sis, yes I know, I can be just like that too. everything perfect, well not perfect but OK. Accept her for who she is and do yourself a favour. Send her a card telling her your love her (just simple) and you wish you could be closer. Any judgements on her part and be thankful to her. You know what I mean, dont use judgements as a negative. Take it, think about it and decide what YOU think cos thats all that matters.
This is what I tell my sis. Ok your choice girly, I tell her she's a fighter, she can do it and go get it. She has really bad weeks, not days and I have just accepted this. Maybe one day she will return a different person, but I love her anyway no matter who she is now.
Anyway, I can be your sis too if you want. By gee, 2 would be great. Just talk to me anytime you like.
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