annoyed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: dallas tx
Posts: 83
annoyed
lately i have been feeling so stressed sometimes lately i cant even have anyone touch me or be near me . last night i started freaking out when my nieces wanted to lean on me and watch me do something i just couldnt stand it i could feel my self starting to get really angry and told them to get out of the room i yelled at them but i did that to avoid blowing up at them like i felt i was about to do. ive been spacing alot and just kinda not here im getting angry quickly and im getting to where id rather be alone than with my family. i have this heavy feeling on my chest constantly, i feel like crying but cant . i have no energy and my dreams have started to go back to the way they were i explain about that later . of course im still fighting with my dad and sister sometimes i almost welcome it just to relieve some of the peressure that is building up in me but its never enough. i find my self hitting things more and more as well as having more blackouts when im angry ive wanted to cut but have resisted thus far im even having thoughts of hurting people almost wanting to like it would be fun . at this point i feel hopeless . i have to sign off for now but ill be back later thank you for letting me vent.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Lily, although I'm so glad you find support here at SR I'm wondering if you have yet reached out to someone who can help you in the real world...school counsellor, doctor etc. You have so much emotional burden for your tender years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: dallas tx
Posts: 83
well when i signed off earlier today i was hoping to get some time to be alone or atleast some peaceful time with my family unfortunetly it didnt happen that way. my sister didnt want me to hold her son for no reason and that made my parents mad and they started fighting with her and my brother in law about that. anyway about my dreams when this all started a few years ago i was having trouble sleeping well i still am but when i would sleep i would have strange dreams and horrible nightmares , so now it seems they are starting again which is not something i need right now but wat can i do , if i take anymore meds ill only be more of a zombie. i dont mean to only post when things are going badly but when things are going well im usually to busy to post and dont get on the computer much but that hasnt happend in a while im just avoiding people lately. thank you all again for listening to me vent and offering support
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: south east
Posts: 216
HI Lilymae,
I find that exercise of just venting and writing everything down to be one of the most useful, helpful things I can do. I always resist it, but when I finally sit down either with paper or with my keyboard and just type away it helps me immensely. I had been carrying around terrible anger at a couple of individuals for a couple of months until the other day I sat down and typed it all out, just let go, using profanity and not censoring myself at all. Strangely, it worked, and even though I still have small tinges when I come in contact with them it seems for the most part to have greatly diminished the feelings I was having. I always underestimate it and I was really surprised how much better I felt when I let myself vent my anger like a crazy woman about those folks. That way I don't have to lash out at them and I can pray for them too, if I am still feeling resentful of them. I think it's great you are willing to do what it takes to move out of the feelings, instead of acting out. I used to do self-injury too but it's been about 13 years, I know what that feeling is like and how convinced I am it will bring me relief but like drugs or alcohol the relief is never good enough and short-lived and makes me feel terrible about myself when I did it in the past. Hugs to you.
I find that exercise of just venting and writing everything down to be one of the most useful, helpful things I can do. I always resist it, but when I finally sit down either with paper or with my keyboard and just type away it helps me immensely. I had been carrying around terrible anger at a couple of individuals for a couple of months until the other day I sat down and typed it all out, just let go, using profanity and not censoring myself at all. Strangely, it worked, and even though I still have small tinges when I come in contact with them it seems for the most part to have greatly diminished the feelings I was having. I always underestimate it and I was really surprised how much better I felt when I let myself vent my anger like a crazy woman about those folks. That way I don't have to lash out at them and I can pray for them too, if I am still feeling resentful of them. I think it's great you are willing to do what it takes to move out of the feelings, instead of acting out. I used to do self-injury too but it's been about 13 years, I know what that feeling is like and how convinced I am it will bring me relief but like drugs or alcohol the relief is never good enough and short-lived and makes me feel terrible about myself when I did it in the past. Hugs to you.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
lilymae stress is very common in a household with physical abuse, violence breeds violence.
Your dad hits you, you get stressed worrying about the next time he is going to hit you, you become irratable with your nieces and start yelling at them before you get mad enough to hit them.
Do your self a BIG BIG favor and do some research on abuse within families. I will bet you money that your dad was abused by his dad. I am sure he thinks it is normal to hit women and children with a fist because his dad did it!
Guess what, hitting ANYONE with a fist is WRONG!!!! You can go to JAIL because hitting ANYONE with a fist is WRONG!!!!
If you stay in this situation you will hit your children with a fist and think it is okay!
Go ask a police man if it is legal to hit some one with your fist? When he tells you it is illegal then ask him why?
Your dad hits you, you get stressed worrying about the next time he is going to hit you, you become irratable with your nieces and start yelling at them before you get mad enough to hit them.
Do your self a BIG BIG favor and do some research on abuse within families. I will bet you money that your dad was abused by his dad. I am sure he thinks it is normal to hit women and children with a fist because his dad did it!
Guess what, hitting ANYONE with a fist is WRONG!!!! You can go to JAIL because hitting ANYONE with a fist is WRONG!!!!
If you stay in this situation you will hit your children with a fist and think it is okay!
Go ask a police man if it is legal to hit some one with your fist? When he tells you it is illegal then ask him why?
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
you deserve a better life, lilymae. please - ask an adult in your community that you trust to help you. or call an abuse hotline. there are answers and resources available to you. meanwhile, please know we are here to listen. blessings, k
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