Pilgrim

I know I should be grateful to have my feelings back and to be making better decisions for myself but...why do all my feelings have to be so sad? I don't feel depressed. This feels different. I look at this reality stuff and I just feel deep sadness that doesn't go away. I cry all the time. Sometimes on the outside and otherwise on the inside.

I read that someone went through the sads for a year!

And my cat has gone missing and that is sad too.

Rowan

Oh Steph, I'm sorry about your kitty and I'm sorry for your sadness.

I still struggle with feelings, and the painful ones last longer for some than others. I guess it's just part of the process; we stuffed our feelings way deep inside for so long that they are almost unbearable when they surface. I do know that crying is healing, so just let the tears come.

I've been off anti-d's for 3 1/2 months now and I'm feeling .. blue. My common law husb moved out 3 weeks ago and that is sinking in too. Feeling very sad, but haven't been able to cry yet, so I envy you that.

Feelings hurt!! But they pass. So lets just hang in there together, shall we?

And I hope you find your cat. ((((hugs))))

Rowan

stone

Hi steph ' the good news is our feelings come back, the bad news is our feelings come back'.

Look after yourself, be a friend to yourself and try and breath, take deep breaths. You are going through changes and they are hard but you are on the right path.

I love you hunnie.

gypsytears

Oh Steph... I'm sorry you're feeling so blue. If you've been pushing under your feelings when you werre drinking it may just be weird to feel anything at all. Maybe you're focusing on the sad more? I would allow myself to feel sad... nothing wrong with feeling sad up to a point. If you find that after a period goes by and the sadness doesn't lift though, a visit to a doctor might be in order for a check up and etc.

****{HUGS}}}

BigSis

I hope you don't think this is silly, but the only thing I've found to help me actually PROCESS my feelings... is this:

I write them out... in as much detail as my hand can stand. Everything that is bothering me... stuff I always thought I had already dealt with... everything. And no gloss-over, either - all the really bad stuff I hate to think about... my fears, my anger, my resentments.

Then I burn the paper.

I don't know why it works, but it helps me "let go" of some of the feelings.

Hope this helps. ((hugs))

Tazman53

The sadness is normal, I wish I could say how long it will last, but every one is different.
So true Stone, the thing we have to do is learn how to deal with them now that they are there, being sober makes them a lot easier to deal with.

Excellent advice, just getting sober is but a beginning, in order to stay sober we need to learn about our selves and how to deal with things we drank away in the past. Some folks were actually clinically depreesed before they started to self medicate, if this seems to drag on a very long time with no resolution or it seems like your life revolves around being sad seeing a doctor can not hurt.

This helped me tremendously, the only difference was before burning the paper I sat down and discussed all my issues with some one I could really trust. The writing them down helped me identify what I needed to work on, but the discussion of them with some one I trusted was beyond uplifting, it was as though all the troubles had been lifted. The I tore up/burnt the paper.

Sorry about your cat hon, they do that kind of stuff, just a cat beiing a cat.

ayla zaire

oh, dubsie....i'm sorry you are feeling this way.....i can relate.....holidays are still very rough for me and this whole week has been a low one for me......

i'm here for you sweetie, if you need me.....

love
ayla

MissKittyLuvs

Oh my, I'm so sorry about your kittie. I'll pray your baby comes home. I can understand your sadness ... I wouldn't know what to do if one of mine left home.

Why not try to journal how you are feeling? It doesn't have to be everyday. I try to journal my feelings, quotes, things I read on SR and it really works for me.



Good luck,

symposium

One thing that helps me when I'm really down is to remember that I can't be sad if I wasn't at one time happy.

Try to remember that, wait it out, and one day you'll feel happiness again. Of course I can't say when, but just don't give up on yourself.

I'm sorry about your kitty.

Astro

Steph, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but know exactly what you mean. I felt like that for a long time, but like everything else in recovery it does eventually pass.

I still fear reality and it saddens me, but I always know that when I wade through the fear I'll break through to what's on the other side, and it's never as bad as I thought it'd be.

BrandiK

How long have you been feeling this way? I go through ups and downs myself. At first, the saddness was very strong ... and fear was under it all. Now I am starting to find joy, sometimes in moments so overwhelming I sit and cry. It's very odd.

The part of me that has experianced medical depression, however, is perking up and noticing. I am not saying to jump on over to your docs an gets meds ... but this line reminds me of my darker days ... when I was drinking to cover the depression.
"This feels different. I look at this reality stuff and I just feel deep sadness that doesn't go away. I cry all the time. Sometimes on the outside and otherwise on the inside."

Maybe make a dailey log on how you are feeling, and keep check of when the saddness takes over. I am not saying to not learn to understand your own emotions. You have to relearn emotions in sobriety. But ... at the same time ... sometimes our bodies get out whack. You can't think your way out of a medical depression.

Nuudawn

Hey Steph,
From the little I know about some of the things going on in your life, your sadness is perfectly normal. I don't recall how long you have been sober but I know I experienced deep sadness in early sobriety..and still do sometimes. I was grieving the death of both a relationship and my drinking identity. For me, grief has been a very acceptable part of this experience. In my 2 month..and into my 3rd month...I cried fairly regularly. I just let the tears come. I knew they were washing through my pain. It seemed less painful when I allowed the experience rather than resisted it. I have come to realize that when I dwell too much in my own head, about my own life and problems I create pain for myself. Dark emotions are integral to this process but when they become overwhelming, I know that a meeting makes me feel a whole lot better...or reaching out to a friend.

I was at an Easter dinner yesterday and my dear friend's grandfather (who is a hard drinker) called me a "wuss" when he saw me drinking coffee. I told him I had given up drinking and he laughed goodheartedly and called me a wuss again. I laughed and said...believe me, there is nothing wussy about quitting drinking, hardest thing I've ever done. That quieted him. But it's true...there is nothing all that easy about quitting drinking or about quitting a relationship Steph. It can be painstaking and harrowing work.

And I do hope kitty gets home quick.

Peter

There is a lot of sadness in the world and as a codependent I can easily take a lot of the negativity unto myself.

When my spirits are low I try to avoid the newspapers and television as much as I can and as selfish as it may sound I even have to avoid certain people whose needs exceed my capacity to provide for them (mentally, emotionally, physically) I have to do it for my own survival.

Focus more on positive stuff until your spirits are up. Avoid the drama as much as possible.

Tazman53

You know the biggest lift in my spirits so far has been finishing steps 4 & 5, the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders, I have far to go, but I understand now where my problems evolve from with in myself and I am able to address them. Before I was going through these almost crushing feelings of sadness that some how I felt/knew were of my doing yet I had no idea what my contribution was.

Now I know, I found that being sober and living the steps already had made me into a better person, this was uplifting, but knowing there were things about myself that I could and was changing lifted me even higher, forgiving and being forgiven have already begun and the weight lessens even more for me.

BrandiK

Amen Taz!

Raineydae

I'm sorry to hear about your cat, Pilgrim. I had a cat for around 20 years and she was one of my best friends, so I know what great company they can be.

I cry all the time too, so it was helpful to hear, Nuudawn, that you were doing that into your 3rd month. It's terrible! Sometimes I even know I'm not sad but I'm just crying anyway. Last week, I sobbed at that dreadful Titanic, Celine Dion video on one of the music tv stations for no good reason that I could see!

What ayla zaire said
I second that. This has been my first holiday in sobriety. Luckily, some fellowship friends have been close by and shown me some real care & support but it has been real hard & I've been crying heaps. First with joy (I picked up my 3 month chip on Friday) & then anxiety crept all over me by Sunday afternoon and I've been all agitated and upset, not to mention irrational. I need a meeting bad!

This weekend, I've allowed myself to bathe in my own selfishness again and as a result, I've become so self seeking it's almost causing me physical discomfort now!

Pilgrim

Wow guys. Thank you. All your replies and caring made me cry - surprise surprise. It does feel like grief although I never really grieved before - I just ran from it - went ino robot mode and then got depressed a few months later. Then I would go to the doc and get a prescription for antidepressants so I could continue to "funtion". I have been on antidepressants in the past after my daughter's abuse and my son't diagnosis. I found it easier to cope with them. They helped me to soldier on. This time I don't want them. They numb me like alcohol did. I don't want to soldier on. I don't want to wallow either. If you don't mind, I will just keep posting here and if you guys think it is going on too long, I'll go to the doc. My feelings aren't stopping me like depression. I get up, I live my life and I am living it well and making better decisions for myself and my family (mostly).

The grief seems to be from way down deep and from long ago and all the way through my life until now. Lots of relationships including my marriage. I never really felt sad about them. I just fought on. I have had a lot of fear and anger but it seems to have been replaced by this quiet sadness - a deep sadness that is going around with me. A sort of giving in to the struggle and bravery and admitting to myself that it is just ..... sad.

I write and I am going to a counsellor who is helping heaps. I talk but only when it is appropriate now - it doesn't spill out. Does that make sense?

Thanks again. I really am so grateful to have you.

Pilgrim

Peter - I know what you mean about the news. A toddler died this weekend by choking on a lolly. I stopped reading the newspaper.

hope3

Hi Pilgram, I'm sorry you are feeling sad, it sounds like you

pushed through all those sad times and now you are grieving

them since you have your feelings back. I don't know, but I am so

glad you are working on these feelings with a counselor.

Day by day, inch by inch, we get stronger, healthier, and happier.

Hugs to you, hope3

P.S. Heres a song that I love, its called

Darlin Do Not Fear. by Brett Dennen.

Give the song a minute to get going before you decide if you

like it, by.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=E4PPQGILS...elated&search=

Rowan

Hope3 - that is a great song with a great message - so true.