New here...Would appreciate your advice...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Twin Cities, MN
Posts: 3
New here...Would appreciate your advice...
Hello everyone,
I'm new here and have been reading all the great advice that has been given out and I'm hoping you all can help me out a bit:
I have had depression & anxiety issues since for 15 years or so. I've been to see numerous psychologists, a few psychiatrists and have had my thyroid tested. It's been an up and down battle (as it is for so many) and different techniques have worked at different times.
For the past 2 years I have been on Lexapro and Xanax, with Trazadone to help me sleep. Last month I moved out of state, got a new job and a "fresh start." There were many triggers in my hometown that caused my depression and anxiety, so my plan was that after I moved I would start weening myself off the drugs and live life like a "normal" person. (Also, the side-effects were really taking a toll on me)
I'm pleased with how I've been progressing with this plan, and look forward to the time when I don't have to take a handful of pills every night...but unfortunately alcohol has replaced my pills to deal with the stressors of life and as I ween more and more off the Lexapro, I am wanting to drink more and more.
I fully understand that anti-deps and booze are a no-no, but since my father was murdered in 2004 and I developed a taste for vodka during the trial, I can count on my hands the number of days since then where I haven't had anything to drink.
Two nights ago was the worst it's ever been when I bought a liter of tequilla and drank it all within a 24 hour period. I then called in sick to work for the last two days because I was so sick and hungover that there was no way I could function (I blamed it on the stomach flu).
And now I sit here, terribly depressed and disappointed in myself, with a pint of Jim Beam to keep me company.
I've always shyed away from the term "alcoholic" because in my belief structure, unless you have withdrawl symptoms when stopping a drug, you're not a true addict. But after the way I've behaved lately, I understand how flawed that logic is.
I am at a loss as to what I should do now. I don't get health benefits for another few months from work, and I don't have much money so I can't go a psychiatrist/psychologist at this time. I don't respond well to group therapy nor do I believe in God, so AA probably wouldn't work for me.
And yet I only have a limited supply of Lexapro left so I will continue to ween off it and will have to deal with the elevated anxiety levels that will come from it.
Any thoughts/opinions/ideas from others who have been in my shoes would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Tim
I'm new here and have been reading all the great advice that has been given out and I'm hoping you all can help me out a bit:
I have had depression & anxiety issues since for 15 years or so. I've been to see numerous psychologists, a few psychiatrists and have had my thyroid tested. It's been an up and down battle (as it is for so many) and different techniques have worked at different times.
For the past 2 years I have been on Lexapro and Xanax, with Trazadone to help me sleep. Last month I moved out of state, got a new job and a "fresh start." There were many triggers in my hometown that caused my depression and anxiety, so my plan was that after I moved I would start weening myself off the drugs and live life like a "normal" person. (Also, the side-effects were really taking a toll on me)
I'm pleased with how I've been progressing with this plan, and look forward to the time when I don't have to take a handful of pills every night...but unfortunately alcohol has replaced my pills to deal with the stressors of life and as I ween more and more off the Lexapro, I am wanting to drink more and more.
I fully understand that anti-deps and booze are a no-no, but since my father was murdered in 2004 and I developed a taste for vodka during the trial, I can count on my hands the number of days since then where I haven't had anything to drink.
Two nights ago was the worst it's ever been when I bought a liter of tequilla and drank it all within a 24 hour period. I then called in sick to work for the last two days because I was so sick and hungover that there was no way I could function (I blamed it on the stomach flu).
And now I sit here, terribly depressed and disappointed in myself, with a pint of Jim Beam to keep me company.
I've always shyed away from the term "alcoholic" because in my belief structure, unless you have withdrawl symptoms when stopping a drug, you're not a true addict. But after the way I've behaved lately, I understand how flawed that logic is.
I am at a loss as to what I should do now. I don't get health benefits for another few months from work, and I don't have much money so I can't go a psychiatrist/psychologist at this time. I don't respond well to group therapy nor do I believe in God, so AA probably wouldn't work for me.
And yet I only have a limited supply of Lexapro left so I will continue to ween off it and will have to deal with the elevated anxiety levels that will come from it.
Any thoughts/opinions/ideas from others who have been in my shoes would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Tim
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
There is great support here on SR, post often and let us know how you are doing.
AA is not group therapy and belief in God is not required. Belief in a "higher power" of some type is necessary, even if you cannot define what that poweris.
Have you ever been to an AA meeting? Don't reject it out of hand, especially if you have limited options budget wise. Here is a great link for the newcomer on what to expect at an AA meeting:
http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...0AA%20Meetings
AA is not group therapy and belief in God is not required. Belief in a "higher power" of some type is necessary, even if you cannot define what that poweris.
Have you ever been to an AA meeting? Don't reject it out of hand, especially if you have limited options budget wise. Here is a great link for the newcomer on what to expect at an AA meeting:
http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...0AA%20Meetings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Twin Cities, MN
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by dgillz 
AA is not group therapy and belief in God is not required. Belief in a "higher power" of some type is necessary, even if you cannot define what that poweris.
I appreciate your reply and am not trying to discount AA without even going to a meeting...but I don't have a belief in any "higher power" that could actually help me or do anything for me.
In my opinion, any "higher power" would not care about me or anyone else as human beings are very insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
So how could an attitude like that fit in in AA?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
By higher power you mean God, don't you?
That's not what I meant.
Many atheist and agnostic members of AA think of the group itself as the higher power. After all group is a bunch of drunks and addicts that are staying sober (well, not all of them are, but many are). If that is not a power greater that yourself, what is?
So a higher power does not have to be anything divine, religious, saintly, etc. It is up to you to find your own higher power. And yes, there are many in AA that feel the same way as you.
That's not what I meant.
Many atheist and agnostic members of AA think of the group itself as the higher power. After all group is a bunch of drunks and addicts that are staying sober (well, not all of them are, but many are). If that is not a power greater that yourself, what is?
So a higher power does not have to be anything divine, religious, saintly, etc. It is up to you to find your own higher power. And yes, there are many in AA that feel the same way as you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: south east
Posts: 216
you could use the group as a higher power, as group of people is sometimes greater in power than the power of just one individual. I think of it like that parable about the 2 groups of people all sitting around two tables, and the spoons that they were given to eat with were way too long. One group sat there in silence, not eating, while the other group started feeding each other with the long spoons, and so did not go hungry. All we need is a power greater than ourselves.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Welcome Displaced,
Glad you found us, there is a wonderful bunch of people here.
Many alcoholics suffer from depression and other mental issues. I suffer terribly from depression to the point where I would close the shades and curl up in a blanket in the corner of my room. I would stay that way for days if I could.
I remember having this behavior all the way back to High School.
I think that a contributing factor of my alcoholism was a desire to self-medicate with booze.
I was diagnosed with depression only about 5 years ago. I do take medication and I have found that every time I have stopped my meds I wind up drinking and depressed again. My disease has progressed to a point where I simply cannot stop drinking on my own but require medical assisstance.
As you probably know, the anti-depressants are kind of funny in that what works for you will probably not work for me. My Doctor (family practice) was very patient with me and I tried several drugs before I found the one that seems to work for me. Some I could not tolerate due to stomach upset and some simply didn't seem to do anything. I remember being a bit frustrated as it would take about 2 or 3 weeks to ramp up to proper dosage and then another 2-3 weeks to taper back off of each one. I stuck to it though and am glad I did. Please understand that I am not a Doctor and I am not giving you medical advice, I am simply sharing my experence.
Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic, but I will say that if you drink the quantity that you allude to ,you very well may need medical help to detoxify.
I understand that you are not very interested in AA, what I can say is that it worked for me. Heck go to a meeting as an experiment to see what it's about. Sneak in quietly, sit in the back, and you don't have to talk to anyone. If you don't hear anything useful, you don't have to return.
Wow, I ment to do a short welcome but look at all the words! I usually don't do this.
Take care,
Ted
Glad you found us, there is a wonderful bunch of people here.
Many alcoholics suffer from depression and other mental issues. I suffer terribly from depression to the point where I would close the shades and curl up in a blanket in the corner of my room. I would stay that way for days if I could.
I remember having this behavior all the way back to High School.
I think that a contributing factor of my alcoholism was a desire to self-medicate with booze.
I was diagnosed with depression only about 5 years ago. I do take medication and I have found that every time I have stopped my meds I wind up drinking and depressed again. My disease has progressed to a point where I simply cannot stop drinking on my own but require medical assisstance.
As you probably know, the anti-depressants are kind of funny in that what works for you will probably not work for me. My Doctor (family practice) was very patient with me and I tried several drugs before I found the one that seems to work for me. Some I could not tolerate due to stomach upset and some simply didn't seem to do anything. I remember being a bit frustrated as it would take about 2 or 3 weeks to ramp up to proper dosage and then another 2-3 weeks to taper back off of each one. I stuck to it though and am glad I did. Please understand that I am not a Doctor and I am not giving you medical advice, I am simply sharing my experence.
Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic, but I will say that if you drink the quantity that you allude to ,you very well may need medical help to detoxify.
I understand that you are not very interested in AA, what I can say is that it worked for me. Heck go to a meeting as an experiment to see what it's about. Sneak in quietly, sit in the back, and you don't have to talk to anyone. If you don't hear anything useful, you don't have to return.
Wow, I ment to do a short welcome but look at all the words! I usually don't do this.
Take care,
Ted
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Hi and welcome displaced, I suggest you read the
exerpts from under the influence, the link is below.
It is in the stickies in the alcoholism forum, best wishes, hope3
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
exerpts from under the influence, the link is below.
It is in the stickies in the alcoholism forum, best wishes, hope3
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by Displaced
but I don't have a belief in any "higher power" that could actually help me or do anything for me.
If the above is true, you probably should'nt be here asking perfect strangers what you should do about your station if life. Don't know about you but when I was drinking, booze was my higher power, and it remained so until I realized it was screwing me over. Maybe you haven't reached that point yet!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
Tim
The ONLY requirement of AA is a desire to stop drinking. If you have that desire then you will be welcomed with open arms. I don't know where you are in the Twin Cities, but I go Thursday nights at 7:30 in the south metro. There are tons of meetings all over town though. Are you ready?
The ONLY requirement of AA is a desire to stop drinking. If you have that desire then you will be welcomed with open arms. I don't know where you are in the Twin Cities, but I go Thursday nights at 7:30 in the south metro. There are tons of meetings all over town though. Are you ready?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Twin Cities, MN
Posts: 3
Thanks very much for the replies everyone...
DGillz and Lanie: I did misunderstand what "higher power" means. I've always bemoaned the fact that I have zero faith in anything I can't see or feel, but I certainly can wrap my mind around a bunch of drunks that are trying to stay sober as a higher power.
Groucho: You are right...I should go to one meeting and see what I think. I'm still struggling with calling myself an alcoholic, but after being on this (and other) websites all day, I'm starting to understand that much of what I thought I knew about booze and it's effects are not true...
Hope: That link was one of the most interesting things I've read in a long time, and much of it applied directly to what I've been going through. Thank you very much.
Music: I've never had a higher power, nor a desire to have one. I don't consider booze a "power," but more as a substance I use to quell my anxiety and make my nights more enjoyable. Though as I've already said, my idea of what a higher power is is different than what others here have said...
Jmhs: I'm in St. Paul and there are no doubt meetings all over where I live. I just have to decide to actually go to one some night instead of just getting drunk.
Everyone...thank you for your replies. It's nice to talk to people who have already been where I have and have good advice to offer. I don't know any alcoholics and so it's tough to discuss this stuff with my friends/family.
But, sadly, the entire time I've been on this website I've been drinking Jim Beam...and I realize that I will sober up in an hour or two and will have to make the descision of whether or not I want to go to the liquor store for more booze, or deal with myself and what I have learned tonight.
At this point I'm not sure which choice I will make.
Thank you all.
Tim
DGillz and Lanie: I did misunderstand what "higher power" means. I've always bemoaned the fact that I have zero faith in anything I can't see or feel, but I certainly can wrap my mind around a bunch of drunks that are trying to stay sober as a higher power.
Groucho: You are right...I should go to one meeting and see what I think. I'm still struggling with calling myself an alcoholic, but after being on this (and other) websites all day, I'm starting to understand that much of what I thought I knew about booze and it's effects are not true...
Hope: That link was one of the most interesting things I've read in a long time, and much of it applied directly to what I've been going through. Thank you very much.
Music: I've never had a higher power, nor a desire to have one. I don't consider booze a "power," but more as a substance I use to quell my anxiety and make my nights more enjoyable. Though as I've already said, my idea of what a higher power is is different than what others here have said...
Jmhs: I'm in St. Paul and there are no doubt meetings all over where I live. I just have to decide to actually go to one some night instead of just getting drunk.
Everyone...thank you for your replies. It's nice to talk to people who have already been where I have and have good advice to offer. I don't know any alcoholics and so it's tough to discuss this stuff with my friends/family.
But, sadly, the entire time I've been on this website I've been drinking Jim Beam...and I realize that I will sober up in an hour or two and will have to make the descision of whether or not I want to go to the liquor store for more booze, or deal with myself and what I have learned tonight.
At this point I'm not sure which choice I will make.
Thank you all.
Tim
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Hi again Tim, whatever you do, please come back and
chat. You said you liked the under the influence exerpts.
So I will suggest one last thing.
Read the book, "Beyond the Influence" it changed the way I look at
alcoholism. I used to think alcoholics were weak loosers, me included.
But after reading that book, I realized I wasn't a weak looser, I had a disease that about 13% of people have, an addiction. Nothing more, nothing less.
I'm still an alcoholic, just a recovering one...
I wish you the best, and truthfully that would be sobriety.
Hope3
chat. You said you liked the under the influence exerpts.
So I will suggest one last thing.
Read the book, "Beyond the Influence" it changed the way I look at
alcoholism. I used to think alcoholics were weak loosers, me included.
But after reading that book, I realized I wasn't a weak looser, I had a disease that about 13% of people have, an addiction. Nothing more, nothing less.
I'm still an alcoholic, just a recovering one...
I wish you the best, and truthfully that would be sobriety.
Hope3
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 1,639
below is the wikipedia script for anxiety
i got a friend now going thru a divorce
and
he wants to put himself in a psyche ward for it
i, personally have dealt with it
but
a sponsor told me
"feelings are not facts"
so
although i have a tough time with it
i try to keep the perspective that it will pass
now
other feedback appreciated
but
the short scipt is anxiety is fear of imaginary danger
so
there is no threat
why does it give us such a hard time?
Anxiety is an unpleasant, emotional state that involves a complex combination of emotions that include fear, apprehension, and worry. It is often accompanied by physical sensations such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, or tension headache.
Anxiety is often described as having cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components (Seligman, Walker & Rosenhan, 2001). The cognitive component entails expectation of a diffuse and uncertain danger. Somatically the body prepares the organism to deal with threat (known as an emergency reaction): blood pressure and heart rate are increased, sweating is increased, bloodflow to the major muscle groups is increased, and immune and digestive system functions are inhibited. Externally, somatic signs of anxiety may include pale skin, sweating, trembling, and pupillary dilation. Emotionally, anxiety causes a sense of dread or panic and physically causes nausea, and chills. Behaviorally, both voluntary and involuntary behaviors may arise directed at escaping or avoiding the source of anxiety. These behaviors are frequent and often maladaptive, being most extreme in anxiety disorders. However, anxiety is not always pathological or maladaptive: it is a common emotion along with fear, anger, sadness, and happiness, and it has a very important function in relation to survival.
i got a friend now going thru a divorce
and
he wants to put himself in a psyche ward for it
i, personally have dealt with it
but
a sponsor told me
"feelings are not facts"
so
although i have a tough time with it
i try to keep the perspective that it will pass
now
other feedback appreciated
but
the short scipt is anxiety is fear of imaginary danger
so
there is no threat
why does it give us such a hard time?
Anxiety is an unpleasant, emotional state that involves a complex combination of emotions that include fear, apprehension, and worry. It is often accompanied by physical sensations such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, or tension headache.
Anxiety is often described as having cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components (Seligman, Walker & Rosenhan, 2001). The cognitive component entails expectation of a diffuse and uncertain danger. Somatically the body prepares the organism to deal with threat (known as an emergency reaction): blood pressure and heart rate are increased, sweating is increased, bloodflow to the major muscle groups is increased, and immune and digestive system functions are inhibited. Externally, somatic signs of anxiety may include pale skin, sweating, trembling, and pupillary dilation. Emotionally, anxiety causes a sense of dread or panic and physically causes nausea, and chills. Behaviorally, both voluntary and involuntary behaviors may arise directed at escaping or avoiding the source of anxiety. These behaviors are frequent and often maladaptive, being most extreme in anxiety disorders. However, anxiety is not always pathological or maladaptive: it is a common emotion along with fear, anger, sadness, and happiness, and it has a very important function in relation to survival.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Colorado Springs CO
Posts: 889
Maybe it's time to try quitting or moderating on your own, Displaced. Did you drink moderately before your father was killed? I can't think of anyone off the top of my head who "turned into" an alcoholic. Folks I know seem to have drank hard from the start.
At any rate, you are going to have to decide for yourself whether you're an alcoholic. People generally will not do AA well until they convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that their lives depend on it. That's certainly been true of me. I took a long time getting in here for good (hope it's for good!). I didn't have room in my belief system for a higher power either. I did not think much of God or religion. Still hold many of those views. I did get to the point that I wasn't too concerned about my belief system and worldview. I just wanted the pain to stop and had run out of other ideas.
At any rate, you are going to have to decide for yourself whether you're an alcoholic. People generally will not do AA well until they convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that their lives depend on it. That's certainly been true of me. I took a long time getting in here for good (hope it's for good!). I didn't have room in my belief system for a higher power either. I did not think much of God or religion. Still hold many of those views. I did get to the point that I wasn't too concerned about my belief system and worldview. I just wanted the pain to stop and had run out of other ideas.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Hey Tim..welcome.
From the little I know, you appear to have a full dish of things to struggle with. It's a big load to shoulder on your own... a lot of burden shifting around within you to only toxify imprisoned...and then dulled and marinated by alcohol rather than released.
Wonderful things happen within "community". There is something incredibly healing about unloading emotional burden and struggle to listeners...and it is equally if not more..healing to listen to the struggle of others. It gets one out of their head (which can be a very scary place). AA is a community where this can happen...a brother/sisterhood where we can talk, touch, relate and feel at home. The belief in a Higher Power and the rest of AA process (e.g step work) is a very personal issue...one you can choose to partake in or not.
Groucho's right...go to one meeting..sit and listen...that is all that is required. See how that feels. It certainly can't hurt. And an hour of your time? Pffft...drop in the bucket right?
From the little I know, you appear to have a full dish of things to struggle with. It's a big load to shoulder on your own... a lot of burden shifting around within you to only toxify imprisoned...and then dulled and marinated by alcohol rather than released.
Wonderful things happen within "community". There is something incredibly healing about unloading emotional burden and struggle to listeners...and it is equally if not more..healing to listen to the struggle of others. It gets one out of their head (which can be a very scary place). AA is a community where this can happen...a brother/sisterhood where we can talk, touch, relate and feel at home. The belief in a Higher Power and the rest of AA process (e.g step work) is a very personal issue...one you can choose to partake in or not.
Groucho's right...go to one meeting..sit and listen...that is all that is required. See how that feels. It certainly can't hurt. And an hour of your time? Pffft...drop in the bucket right?
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by Displaced
But, sadly, the entire time I've been on this website I've been drinking Jim Beam...and I realize that I will sober up in an hour or two and will have to make the descision of whether or not I want to go to the liquor store for more booze, or deal with myself and what I have learned tonight.
If you enjoy movies I highly reccommend "My Name is Bill W", it is about the founding of AA.
Anyway AA says that the only requirement for membership is the DESIRE to stop drinking. There are many who went to AA meetings (sometimes for years) while still drinking and eventually were able to stop drinking. I don't reccommend it, but if that is what it takes...
And heck, here on this forum I don't think there are any rules for joining.
It is good that you are reaching out and I wish only the best for you.
Ted
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Tim,
Sorry I'm late - just wanted to stick out my hand and say welcome. I understand depression, and I understand the ambivalence you might be feeling. Whatever you decide, I hope that it brings you some relief. I'm glad that you're here.
Rowan
Sorry I'm late - just wanted to stick out my hand and say welcome. I understand depression, and I understand the ambivalence you might be feeling. Whatever you decide, I hope that it brings you some relief. I'm glad that you're here.
Rowan
cunning. baffling. powerful.
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by Displaced
I'm still struggling with calling myself an alcoholic...
...there are no doubt meetings all over where I live. I just have to decide to actually go to one some night instead of just getting drunk.
I don't know any alcoholics and so it's tough to discuss this stuff with my friends/family.
...sadly, the entire time I've been on this website I've been drinking Jim Beam...and I realize that I will sober up in an hour or two and will have to make the descision of whether or not I want to go to the liquor store for more booze, or deal with myself and what I have learned tonight.
Good Luck.
-e
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Tim welcome to SR, you started off telling us of an ongoing battle with depression, I have to assume you already know that alcohol is a depressant and that if you were only drinking a little when you first started on anti-depressants that you would have been better off not taking them.
I am an alcoholic, AA saved my life, I am glad to see you already have a better grasp of what a Higher Power is in the terms of AA.
You mentioned:
If you go to the liquor store what is your present Higher Power?
A Higher Power of ones understanding is very easy to find in the rooms of AA, when I first went into the rooms any one who had more the a week sober was a Higher Power then me. Heck I know some folks with well over 30 years sober.
I am an alcoholic, AA saved my life, I am glad to see you already have a better grasp of what a Higher Power is in the terms of AA.
You mentioned:
I realize that I will sober up in an hour or two and will have to make the descision of whether or not I want to go to the liquor store for more booze, or deal with myself and what I have learned tonight.
A Higher Power of ones understanding is very easy to find in the rooms of AA, when I first went into the rooms any one who had more the a week sober was a Higher Power then me. Heck I know some folks with well over 30 years sober.
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