big trouble

I am sorry to keep bothering everyone, but I decided that I am not going to post anymore, until I figure out what is going to happen to me. I feel like I am being counterproductive to this whole website. I wish the best to everyone here. God Bless, or just Bless to everyone.

RedFox

How are you being counterproductive? This site is here for people to post on who are looking for others to understand their situation and help with any advice we can give. If this is the only place you have to look for help, then please don't stop coming.

Taking5

No, you are not being counterproductive, you are helping US stay sober. If you don't post you are hurting yourself, possibly your releationship with your BF and making it tougher for us to stay sober.

This is the essence of 12 step work, one drunk/addict helping another.

rusty443

i've been feeling strong for a while now, i just can't get my head from up my arse today, my friend has chronic liver disease and he's looking really bad. its so painful watching him struggle to stay alive. if the doctors put him on a waiting list for a new liver then it could take upto six months and i really don't think he'll be able to wait that long. i am seeing what drinking has done to him and what it is capable of doing to others but it aint stopping me from feeling like drowning my sorrows with theaid of a drink myself. he's told me stay strong. but i don't know how. i can't bear to lose another person i hold close to my heart.

Tazman53

BT and Rusty I will tell you both the same thing, you all are not alone, you have SR and us when you are at home, but more important there are rooms full of people who know exactly what you are going through right now and they have a solution if you are willing to work at it.

BT you are needed here, you are helping me and others here stay sober, we do love you, I know for this old drunk the worse thing I can do is pull away from the world and those trying to help me, if I pulled back right now it would not be long before I would be drinking again. Go to an AA meeting hon, just sit in the very back and listen, you will feel better just knowing there are people just like you in those rooms, the only difference is they no longer drink and are now happy and would love nothing more then to show you how they got where they are today.

Rusty my heart goes out to you, AA like I told BT can be a tremendous help for you as well, talk to some of the old timers there, if they have been around the rooms long enough to loose friends and loved one to the B@@@@ called alcohol yet they still have stayed sober and would love to share with you how you can do it as well.

Hush007

I'm sorry to hear about your friend Rusty. My thoughts are with you my friend. Stay strong and keep posting here! We are all here for you!

BT,...how would your posting here be counterproductive? We learn from you dear. Besides,...this forum would not be of any purpose if it would be filled with sugar coated stories and good news all the time,...THAT would be counterproductive. Post as much as you like sugah'! That's what this place is for.

Big hugs to the both of you,

Philip

leeside

I dont think you are bothering anyone. I dont think you are counterproductive to this web site. If you figure out what is going to happen to you let me know. I would like to find out how you did it, because I can never figure out what is going to happen to me. Wishing you all the best too.

Take care

CarolD

Hmmm...BT..Are you still planning on going to an in patient re hab?

I truly think that is a wise idea as you are
dually addicted and in an abusive relationship.

By doing the treatment center you get away from
him and receive medical help with your addictions.

I don't see why leaving SR is on your mind.
You are in pain and we want to aid you.

Prayers and Hugs

CarolD

Rusty....

It is difficult to deal with the realities of
how much damage alcohol does.

Hugs and Prayers for you and your friend.

teej

We can recover!!! You can do this and all of the rest of us can!

ONWARD WE GO!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Budfrog

I just hope that everyone achieves what they want out of whatever type of recovery plan they decide to follow - Good Luck

However I must take issue with the title of this thread "This is the worst desease" as it clearly isn't.

Tazman53

If it is not could you please explain why alcoholics and drug addicts have the highest suicide rate of any other group of people with a disease?

wozzek

Perhaps because suicide is a part / "natural extension" of this particular disease's hellish influence over its victims. We "drink ourselves to death", so many of us have that death wish and our drug of choice enabling us to get what we believe we want, even the suicide. If you have a liver cancer and are not eager to die of it - you're not going to kill yourself, you're going to fight until the last breathe you take.

So, I agree. Our disease has its implied blessing - we can put it into a quarantine by not drinking and get control over it. Cancer patient cannot decide - I am not going to "take" cancer as easy as we can decide not to take the drink.

Tazman53

To me wozzek a disease that can be arrested by stopping a particular action is worse then one where there is absolutely nothing you can do your self to stop it.

I can see where I would have reached the point of killing myself because of the self hatred I would have that I could not stop. Alcoholism is far beyond a physical disease, it becomes gangrene in ones very soul! I am thankful to know of the physical pain and suffering those who have died from alcoholism have gone through in their final days was enough for me to know I had to stop or die. There are those who drink to long, they have lost the chance to stop the beast, thier alcoholic pride stops them from reaching out for help that they know is there for the asking and the pain both mental and physical drives them to end their own lifes rather then let the alcohol finish the job.

The mental anguish is far worse then any pain one could go through.

Like you any other disease I would fight it until the bitter end, the last thing I would do is kill myself.

Budfrog

As depression is a well documented after effect of alcohol it could very well be the case that some people who are the victims of chronic addictions such as alcoholism and drug addiction (why we don't call it ALL drug addiction I do not really understand !!!) are led to suicide as a direct result of the after effects of the substance itself.

If you want an example of a worse disease, then I suggest you visit your local children's cancer ward. My sister-in-law is a sufferer of muliple myeloma, early 50s with a max life expectancy of 7-10 years after numerous invasive and very unpleasant medical treatments ... most people on here have hope, my sister-in-law sadly has no hope.

Tazman53

budfrog I am not saying that there are not more hopeless or more physically painful diseases out there, nor am I saying that these folks do not suffer, I spent over three years watching a very dear friend die from cancer.

But I never heard Moira say she hated herself because of her disease, I never saw her hating the world, I never heard her ask for more of what she knew was killing her. I never saw her crying because she could not stop killing her self slowly with poison. I never heard Moira say she was worthless and weak willed. I never saw her fall down intoxicated with cancer tell me she hated herself because she just had to have more cancer even though she knew it was killing her.

We will simply have to agree to disagree on this one, you only see suffering in the physical way and do not factor in the mental anguish a disease brings with it. I see both the physical and mental part of a disease I have that was killing me and could still kill me yet.

GettinSober

I have to agree with Budfrog.

This isn't the worst disease by any stretch of the imagination. Oh it's horrible. It's a killer no doubt and the suffering (both mental and physical) cannot be underestimated. I also don't think we should belittle what we have suffered as purely a 'mental weakness'.

But the worst disease it most certainly is not as we DO have hope to live and so many diseases make you suffer just as badly and offer no hope.

That said I don't know why anyone would want to argue one way or another? Are we desperate to have the worst disease Taz? Does it make us more laudable now we're in recovery having suffered from the worst disease or just another disease? It really doesn't matter to me I can tell you. I'm just glad I'm sober and working away on who I am rather than working my way through the wine rack.

I hope our friend Big Hope finds the power and resolve to recover or seek help. The pain in her posts is what I was feeling only 12 days ago. I don't read her posts as much as FEEL them. She has my thoughts.

Tazman53

I'm not, I have often wondered if people with alzheimers suffer, or if they live in a world of ignorant bliss? Is it possible that thier souls are trapped inside of that disease just screaming to get out?

Moira the friend of mine that died from cancer was a joy and inspiration to be around until the cancer got to her brain, she lost all of her motor functions except those needed to live, breathing and heart beat.

This was when my heart really broke for her, she could no longer even speak, the last time I saw her was when I was carrying her in my arms into her house for the last time, she was looking at me and looking into her eyes I could see Moira was still there..... but she was terrified, she was trapped inside a body that would no longer do her bidding, her sister took her to spend her final months with her immediate family out of state.

I watched cancer eat Moira alive and yet for some odd reason I can not explain she was never suffering until she lost control of herself. Oh trust me I know she was in pain, but she never showed it and some how enjoyed life until she lost control.

Every one is different in regards to what they think is suffering, to me if given a choice between long term physical pain and long term mental anguish, I would take the pain, but that is me.

I still can see that look of shear panic in Moira's eyes, she had lost every bit of control of her self, it still gives me the willys.

Barto

Of course I am kidding. Some good posts here. I just like to chime in. Being in the throws of alcoholism is not good.

However, having this disease may have been the best thing that happened to a guy like me. It forced me to seek recovery, and all that goes with that! I see so many out there without a clue as to what their real problem is, or what they really want, or what their priorities are. My priorities are as clear as my problem (which isn't alcohol or drugs), all thanks to having this disease.

wozzek

Nothing to add, feel the same. Thank you.