big trouble

Sometimes I don't really feel, (love or hate). I know its a product of alchol, but it kind of makes me feel like I am inhumane or something along those standards,

CarolD

All I can tell you that alcohol deadened
my capacity for feeling anything..

I lived in a cold dark lonely place.
This is no longer true for me.

barb dwyer

I think love is, deep down bottom line ...
what every alcoholic is/was looking for at the botton of their glass.

SaTiT

LOVE is truth.
Only truth exsist, everything else is an illusion.
Darkness cannot not exsist in light.
Fear cannot exsist in love.
Therefore fear is an illusion. Only Love exsist.
What are illusions ???...stuff our mind make up, such as 1000 forms of fears.
You are love, you just forgot.

IO Storm

Yes,we were surrounded by people who loved us, or would love,

but we hated ourselves so much, we simply forgot that we, even in our

addictions were glorious reflections of the First Love.

It was impossible to see in the barroom mirrors (after so many hours)

It was hard to see in the bathroom mirror the remorseful mornings after:

the deep circles took a lot of work to hide, and sometimes more work

to hide the bruises, not knowing from whence they came, and praying I would not

remember...

I began to see the sparks about a month into recovery when I started to hear

again the Voice..gentle and sweet, saying, Remember.

The harsh hateful voices in my head started to fade,screaming once and awhile as they fled.

At three months into recovery I lost the fear of looking into the mirror.

I now see the reflection in myself and all I see, the sick and the well.

I know better.

Now I remember.


Love,


Sherry

BrandiK

I am just beginning to feel that kind of emotion again. At first, I felt hurt, scared, rejected, scared, nervous, scared, sad, scared ... did I say scared? Bu then I slowly learned to trust ... and the ore I trusted, the less fear overwhelmed me an dlove began to enter.

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by love my heart feels like it is going to joyfully float out of my chest. That feeling used to scare me too, but I enjoy it now ... though I don't always know what to do with it.

Love fo rmy kids, my husband, my cats, my friends, the blooming trees, the stranger who smiled at the sad little boy, anything and everything ... sun in my face ... it's amazing.

It comes back. It takes times, different time for different people, but it comes back. We just have to find a away around that fear

Tazman53

I agree with every thing others have shared, I know one thing that is not love, love is not hitting someone and then telling them you love them. Love is not screaming at someone and then telling them you love them.

Nuudawn

This explanation by M. Scott Peck is a personal favourite of mine...

“Love is not a feeling. Love is an action, an activity. . .Genuine love implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom. . . . love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth..... it is correct to say, 'Love is as love does'

For me, I only truly started to understand love in sobriety. I think the desire to truly love another is what sobered me up. While an active alcoholic my devotion and committment was to alcohol, therefore I could not love anything but alcohol. It came before anything really. I was under its influence daily..so therefore could not genuinely feel, think or be present for anyone. I could not extend myself...unless drunk. I could not connect...unless drunk (and was that true connection...hmmmm?).

Understanding the relationship you have with alcohol is likely your best understanding of true love.

Just my two pennies...

Missminime

What is love? I never believed in love.. im hoping for it now. but it has to wait.

You cant love anyone without loving yourself
(Ive said it before, i know im repeating myself - but it think its true)

Nuudawn

Thanks for the reminder Minnie. It was early on in sobriety that I had a real lightbulb moment about the meaning of "loving one's self" I never had a clue really what it meant. I thought I liked myself alright. I did not understand that loving myself had a whole lot to do with the choices I made. I love myself when I choose not to pick up a drink, when I shush a self-abusive and critical thought, when I eat right, when I walk in the sunshine instead of lying around in a darknened room, when I let go of a relationship that only causes me pain and confusion, when I allow myself to grieve and feel my dark emotions...I could go on and on. Learning to care for yourself is the true essence of recovery.

Tazman53

missminime, I have missed you! How are you doing?

IO Storm

Missminime,

I love you, and I hope you are hangin' around with people who love you until you can love yourself.


Sherry

Surlyredhead

It took me quite a few 24hrs to feel emotions again....well except contempt and self hate. Slowly that was replaced with acceptance, and then love for myself and others.

SRH

GlassPrisoner

Love is action. Doing for others just because.

Oops, looks like Nuudawn beat me to it :o

Missymae737

Love is absent when we are lost in addiction. I call it self hatred and a slow road to self destruction...

parentrecovers

for me, love is acceptance. blessings, k

Missminime

Thank you sherry. Wise words.
My problem is that i dont feel loved tho, and i really dont feel love either. Me an my therapist talked about love. He asked me if i could remember being loved. I can remember one situation. One time in 20 years. It can only get better from here



Hi taz, how are you?
Ive had alot of think of. couldnt think straight enough to post much, been reading some tho. Im doing ok. I sleep alot. always tired. last week at my job now aswell.. 3 days to go. im glad.

Tazman53

Mini 3 days to go until what? Maybe the old man missed something! LOL

Missminime

haha nps its prob me an my problems expressing myself in english. i have 3 days left at work then im quitting it. and im so glad im doing that, its not a good job at all.

are you with me now?

Tazman53

Totally, just a bit of a warning, for this alcoholic being alone is very bad, when I am alone I tend to get into my head way to much, and when I was still drinking the only thing this led to was the need to drink more and more. When I first quit I had my worse craving when I was alone, all I would do is sit around and think about having a drink, how miserable I was with out my good old friend who was trying to kill me slowly. Then I would think about how worthless I was and how no body loved me or wanted me around which of course led to me wanting a drink even more! This is why I stayed busy all the time! Working, going to AA meetings, reading the BB, doing things with the family, these things kept me out of my head which meant I was not thinking about a drink.