fraankie

i say you can't stop drinking for a week
'cause you are a chicken

tiburon88

HomerSimpson, You can PM me if you ever need to talk. I attend a "few" AA meetings here and there but don't use the 12 steps. The last year my life has improved a bit. I had 1 little "whoops" with a "few" beers but continued on with sobriety. I admire the fact that you have continued to work through your addiction. I know you can still be a alcoholic but that is admirable. I suspect you are a family man and have a lot of guilt and shame. Guilt is okay and means that I made a mistake. However, shame says that I AM a mistake and can be very harmful.

Almost 1 year of sobriety minus a day!! yeah!!!

Ngokpa

Getting sober is a brave thing to do, but that doesn't mean it can't be terrifying. It was for me. Belittling someone because they find it hard doesn't help.

best

Wonder what that makes me? There was no courage in my life that had me making a better choice.
The fear of stopping vs the fear of continuing is what brought me to a point of saying no more. Fear in the right place at the right time helped me see the light.
So I guess you could say I was driven by fear. Paint me yellow and cover me with feathers... I don't care because I am sober.

Rowan

I don't believe that fraankie was trying to belittle our friend Patrick.

Perhaps not the best way to approach him, but still, I believe the motivation was based on love. JMHO.

Golfman

i'm constantly amazed when some here and in aa come right out and question someone's manhood. based on what i read here, i only have a small glimpse into what people are thinking. i can't see the look in their eyes, the tears on their face, or any other body language that conveys what they're really going through.

while i admit that there are times that "tough love" may be needed, i've come to believe that being firm doesn't necessarily have to come down to name calling. sure, when i got sober there were times when i needed a friend in aa who would tell me the way it was. IMHO, and my opinion only, there's a razor's edge fine line between loving a person enough to speak honestly to them, and stumbling over the edge with words that may be more damaging that i realize.

having said that, i have to admit that for me, that edge or line is very blurry depending on the person i'm dealing with. i pray every day that God would be the one to decide where it is, not me.

collinsmi

I came in cause I was scared to death and out of ideas. Ain't that tough enough?

Missymae737

Well said, ED.

I do not understand why people can be so insensitive...Addiction is something that has to be dealt with kindness and understanding. I am not talking about enabling either..

The thread is down right offensive...

Homer,
You can pm anytime...Still thinking of you and your struggle to recovery...

Tazman53

Others have said what I was thinking about this original post, my opinion is that it is not constructive, this post could easily be construed in a fogged mind as an insult. I thought the idea here was to be supportive. Do not get me wrong, there are times when firmness is needed, but it needs to be done with love and without name calling.

I feel this whole thread should be trashed.

best

Taz

I thought of that but the replies and lessons we all can learn from what has been posted has me thinking different.

came2believe

I just want Homer to stay. It is better to be here with a beer in your hand, then at some online pr0n site, or some site about how to do yourself in. Well in my opinion anyway, if you are hoping to recover, even if you are not there yet, this is the place to be.

I do know how frustrating it is to see someone we love not sober up as we would like. but still, I may be keeping myself sober at the very least, by reaching out to Homer; and, so long as I do not get too prescriptive, I am not ruining a future chance. I never know when Homer might reach out! By the same token though, as long as he knows there is help and that if he wants to reach out to me, I AM THERE; I do to that extent need to not ignore other alcoholics who ARE CURRENTLY reaching out.

Hopefully Homer knows I love him and am here if he needs me and that I am praying for him and that there is a solution if he wants it.

Must run! xx

wozzek

Homer is tough guy and he understands this language. With ALL DUE respect to all the love, prayers, thoughts and warm feelings other sent towards Homer, those could be read as a support for his drinking (suffering) also. You drink and suffer, I pray for you and voila!, that's it for both parties. Once you're ready, come to AA, join us and we'll all sing a song or whatever. No matter how nice, such support is still passive (ok, ok, I understand this media...).

At the other hand - fraankie's post is also a call for the action! A wake-up call if you wish. Sometimes the substance of the message is 100 x more important than the form. Just MHO.

I love your posts Taz, really, and I respect you greatly. But this Thread could become a real discussion on so many issues. I do not see, why it should be trashed, in our small, democratic society of drunks who should be able to understand each other

CarolD

I see this thread as a discussion on how to
aid a member trying to get sober.

Do you have ideas? Please share them

paulmh

Thanks for trying Fraankie!

Hands up all those other people who thought that Homer was at the jumping off point and could do with a nudge?

lol!

I'll try a different nudge.

Homer - take a look at this -

http://www.secularsobriety.org/toolkit.html

Today, I'm thinking about "Willingness". Anything catch your eye?

CarolD

One of the interesting facets in on line recovery
is the diversity of how we work to help each other.

Often it's the scope that leads to
questioning..examination...exploration...choices.

I share with my experiences and with information.
X may not have my data base
Y may not have my experiences
Z may not use a recovery program

Soooo...as a bunch of drunks...we reach out
with the intention of aiding someone.

For me...
by doing that I continue to
stay fresh in my personal recovery.

I have no clue as to what touchs another.
I thank all of you for being here with me.

socalgal

Someone in a meeting I was at last night talked about examining his motives for the actions he was taking or the words he was saying. If the motives were loving then he felt he was making good choices.

I guess that could apply in this case. If the motives behind fraankies comments were loving and meant to motivate then so be it. Whether or not they would "motivate" me isn't of importance.

The key that finally unlocks each of us is different in every case, a mystery.

It would seem that we have gotten to a point where we are trying any key that might fit.

Does anyone have a skeleton key?

-K

wozzek

... is a title of a good "Tuxedomoon" song...

Aside that I would like to hear your opinons on this. We all know what fraankie wrote and we all read / post some reactions. However, on another tread music said (edited for lenght):

Isn't this a COMPLETE dismissal of a fellow drunk? Isn't this writing much worse than fraankie's - in its implied message? And still NONE questioned music's post / tone / approach. I am NOT saying fraankie is right or music is wrong I am only puzzled over how we perceive things. Fraankie was bold and challenging, harsh if you wish (someone called it offensive) and music was at least on the first blush more articulate but the bottom line is homer was told to "... keep digging until..." or to KEEP drinking by one and was challenged to STOP drinking by another?

So Homer, who is on the boards almost every day and had stayed silent on the fraankie's challenge responds on this one by stating:

So Homer, don't cave in when music scolds you by admitting he's right, but raise to fraankie's challenge and do not drink for a week. Unless you're a chicken

CarolD

Did I mention diverse sharing??


This link is from 10-03

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...me-change.html

What did we do wrong there?

IMHomerSimpson

fraankie,i know u meant no harm to me by that,please stop having battles aginst who said what,i really dont give a **** what ya say(in a nice way of course),unless you say hey ******* get the **** out of here and dont come back cuz then i would feel hated on,all luv in this big family here,and i dont want great supporters here to leave cuz they tried to help lil ole me.had to log on for this post,sorry,for what i dont know but sorry im dragging innocent friends into this "whatever",im so confused rite now

IMHomerSimpson

and carol,i beleive that was my 1st post ever here,whats changed? nothing!!!!!!!! maybe my defenders will understand why people are giving up on me til im ready