Am I an Alcoholic?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 40
Am I an Alcoholic?
I'm wondering if my pattern of behaviour would constitute alcoholism.
I have serious problems with depression which causes me to drink heavily. I have always been a heavy drinker, started at 16. Before Christmas, my drinking got very severe as I became depressed and considered suicide. One notable occasion, my housemates found me unconcious in the bathroom lying in my own vomit after shotting down a bottle of vodka. For about month, I couldn't go a day without a single drink. The later the day got, the more I couldn't resist the temptation to drink. I'd pace my room, look at my collection of games and DVDs and search for anything to take my mind off alcohol. At one point, when I ran out of money, I began to consider what lengths I would go to to get hold of some alcohol, whether I would steal some from a shop or rob someone for it.
If I go on a night with my friends, once I have two or three, I can't stop. If I say to my friends that I don't want to go out clubbing with them, they will just feed me a couple of beers because they know that I can't resist more drink after that. I'm a student in England, and hiding unhealthy drinking is very easy because in Britain, we have a chronic drinking problem where consuming 100 units in a week is not considered excessive.
I have serious problems with depression which causes me to drink heavily. I have always been a heavy drinker, started at 16. Before Christmas, my drinking got very severe as I became depressed and considered suicide. One notable occasion, my housemates found me unconcious in the bathroom lying in my own vomit after shotting down a bottle of vodka. For about month, I couldn't go a day without a single drink. The later the day got, the more I couldn't resist the temptation to drink. I'd pace my room, look at my collection of games and DVDs and search for anything to take my mind off alcohol. At one point, when I ran out of money, I began to consider what lengths I would go to to get hold of some alcohol, whether I would steal some from a shop or rob someone for it.
If I go on a night with my friends, once I have two or three, I can't stop. If I say to my friends that I don't want to go out clubbing with them, they will just feed me a couple of beers because they know that I can't resist more drink after that. I'm a student in England, and hiding unhealthy drinking is very easy because in Britain, we have a chronic drinking problem where consuming 100 units in a week is not considered excessive.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 40
I think I'm definately in a bit of denial. On the 23rd of December, when I'd just walked out of my job, I looked at these two black bin bags of empty cans, and thought to myself, "this isnt normal.". I was at the point when I was trying to hide my drinking from my housemates, and I still am. I listen to if they are in the kitchen, and then I sneak in and whip out a beer and run into my room so no one sees.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 40
I know my drinking is caused by depression, but I'm sure as well that eventually my drinking could lead to complete alcoholism. I have two opinions on it, one is that I'm a student and extreme drinking is part and parcel of UK student life, and another is that my behaviour clearly fits in with alcohol dependence.
Believer
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Northport, Al
Posts: 67
In the 1800’s William Henley wrote one of the most quoted poems, even to this day.
Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be, for my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance, my head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms the horror of the shade.
And yet the menace of the years finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishment the scroll,
I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul!
--Written by William Henley at age 26.
At age 31, William Henley died of alcoholism.
A few years later, a devout Catholic and social worker wrote this poem.
Out of the Light that dazzles me, bright as the sun from pole to pole,
I thank God, whom I know to be, for Christ, the Conqueror of my soul.
Beyond this place of sin and tears, there’s life with Him! And His, the aid,
That spite the menace of the years, keeps and shall keep me unafraid.
I have no fear in the gate that is strait. He cleared my punishment from the scroll! Christ is the Master of my life. Christ is the Captain of my soul!
--Dorothea Day
She lived to be 84 years old.
Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be, for my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance, my head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms the horror of the shade.
And yet the menace of the years finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishment the scroll,
I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul!
--Written by William Henley at age 26.
At age 31, William Henley died of alcoholism.
A few years later, a devout Catholic and social worker wrote this poem.
Out of the Light that dazzles me, bright as the sun from pole to pole,
I thank God, whom I know to be, for Christ, the Conqueror of my soul.
Beyond this place of sin and tears, there’s life with Him! And His, the aid,
That spite the menace of the years, keeps and shall keep me unafraid.
I have no fear in the gate that is strait. He cleared my punishment from the scroll! Christ is the Master of my life. Christ is the Captain of my soul!
--Dorothea Day
She lived to be 84 years old.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 264
Originally Posted by Nuclerosis 
...my drinking is caused by depression,....
I can relate to a lot of your story, but only you can say if you are alcoholic.
The only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking. You do not have to show up and say you are alcoholic. You can go just to find out more about the disease.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi and Welcome to SR!
Want to see what alcohol does to your brain?
http://www.alcohol-drug.com/neuropsych.htm
And here is more to think on..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
BTW...alcohol is a depressant so you are
not helping your depression when you drink.
My long term depression left when I was 3
or so months sober...
Let us know how you are doing
Want to see what alcohol does to your brain?
http://www.alcohol-drug.com/neuropsych.htm
And here is more to think on..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
BTW...alcohol is a depressant so you are
not helping your depression when you drink.
My long term depression left when I was 3
or so months sober...
Let us know how you are doing
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I too battled ferociously with depression. Antidepressants were unsuccessful as apparently they don't work if you continue to drink. My life was mostly darkness dappled with the ever decreasing pleasure of drunkeness. I am almost 4 months sober and ya know what? Wow...dark moods pass..they no longer linger endlessly. I now experience the full gamut of emotion. In the beginning of my sobriety is was almost like an amusement park ride I sometimes wanted off of... I was not used to ever changing emotion. I might be dark in the morning but I would be laughing by afternoon, crying by dinner, back laughing, back dark...all over. It was truly wierd. I know realize that the only true emotion I expressed whilst drinking was anger...either expressed outwardly ..or inwardly as depression.
When I sobered up, it was like someone tore open the dark curtains in my dark room and the sun burst forth.
When I sobered up, it was like someone tore open the dark curtains in my dark room and the sun burst forth.
Lurker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Western NC
Posts: 783
I know one thing. Alcholism is a progressive disease. So if you are just wait the fun is just beginning. If I were you I would try to quit for a certain amount of time, and see if you can do it. That is pretty much what convinced me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 247
Originally Posted by Nuclerosis
I'm wondering if my pattern of behaviour would constitute alcoholism.
I have serious problems with depression which causes me to drink heavily. I have always been a heavy drinker, started at 16. Before Christmas, my drinking got very severe as I became depressed and considered suicide. One notable occasion, my housemates found me unconcious in the bathroom lying in my own vomit after shotting down a bottle of vodka. For about month, I couldn't go a day without a single drink. The later the day got, the more I couldn't resist the temptation to drink. I'd pace my room, look at my collection of games and DVDs and search for anything to take my mind off alcohol. At one point, when I ran out of money, I began to consider what lengths I would go to to get hold of some alcohol, whether I would steal some from a shop or rob someone for it.
If I go on a night with my friends, once I have two or three, I can't stop. If I say to my friends that I don't want to go out clubbing with them, they will just feed me a couple of beers because they know that I can't resist more drink after that. I'm a student in England, and hiding unhealthy drinking is very easy because in Britain, we have a chronic drinking problem where consuming 100 units in a week is not considered excessive.
I have serious problems with depression which causes me to drink heavily. I have always been a heavy drinker, started at 16. Before Christmas, my drinking got very severe as I became depressed and considered suicide. One notable occasion, my housemates found me unconcious in the bathroom lying in my own vomit after shotting down a bottle of vodka. For about month, I couldn't go a day without a single drink. The later the day got, the more I couldn't resist the temptation to drink. I'd pace my room, look at my collection of games and DVDs and search for anything to take my mind off alcohol. At one point, when I ran out of money, I began to consider what lengths I would go to to get hold of some alcohol, whether I would steal some from a shop or rob someone for it.
If I go on a night with my friends, once I have two or three, I can't stop. If I say to my friends that I don't want to go out clubbing with them, they will just feed me a couple of beers because they know that I can't resist more drink after that. I'm a student in England, and hiding unhealthy drinking is very easy because in Britain, we have a chronic drinking problem where consuming 100 units in a week is not considered excessive.
As others have said only you can say if your a alchoholic or not.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
From page 24 of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous", third ed.
"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable at certain times, to bring into our consiousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
This is true for me, and I suspect for you as well.
I highly reccommend reading the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" as soon as you can,
There is hope,
When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, then you will become well,
Ted
"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable at certain times, to bring into our consiousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
This is true for me, and I suspect for you as well.
I highly reccommend reading the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" as soon as you can,
There is hope,
When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, then you will become well,
Ted
Last edited by GrouchoTheCat; 03-27-2007 at 07:45 PM.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Nucleosis,
Welcome to SR, and welcome to the alcoholism forum.
Man, I can really relate to what you wrote. I think you answered your own question. All you need to do now is be honest with yourself.
The good news is that things will get better if you stop drinking.
It's not easy, but I can tell you that it's been the journey of a lifetime for me. My drinking was very similar to what you described. I admitted that I'm an alcoholic, and I've moved forward. Being an alcoholic isn't the end of the world. It's only a death sentence if we keep drinking.....
I found lot's of help here on SR, and in the rooms of AA. Please keep posting, and keep an open mind.
We can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance and beligerant denial. Once I admitted I was powerless over alcohol, I could begin to build a new life.
chip
Welcome to SR, and welcome to the alcoholism forum.
Man, I can really relate to what you wrote. I think you answered your own question. All you need to do now is be honest with yourself.
The good news is that things will get better if you stop drinking.
It's not easy, but I can tell you that it's been the journey of a lifetime for me. My drinking was very similar to what you described. I admitted that I'm an alcoholic, and I've moved forward. Being an alcoholic isn't the end of the world. It's only a death sentence if we keep drinking.....
I found lot's of help here on SR, and in the rooms of AA. Please keep posting, and keep an open mind.
We can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance and beligerant denial. Once I admitted I was powerless over alcohol, I could begin to build a new life.
chip
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Deinze, Belgium
Posts: 246
Welcome on Sr Nucleosis,
We can not answer your "Am I an alcoholic question". You have to find out for yourself. But if you read some posts here at SR,... I'm sure you'll figure out an answer.
Keep checking this place out,...we are here for you (and each other). If you should decide that you are an alcoholic,... I can recommand this place in combination with AA. It worked for me! Don't wait to long to decide,... it doesn't get any easier to quit drinking. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
Greetz,
Philip
We can not answer your "Am I an alcoholic question". You have to find out for yourself. But if you read some posts here at SR,... I'm sure you'll figure out an answer.
Keep checking this place out,...we are here for you (and each other). If you should decide that you are an alcoholic,... I can recommand this place in combination with AA. It worked for me! Don't wait to long to decide,... it doesn't get any easier to quit drinking. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
Greetz,
Philip
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR Nuclerosis. As already mentioned, you need to determine if you are an alcoholic, because the very first step in recovery is to be honest with your self and see that you are an alcoholic.
I am Martin and I am an alcoholic. alcoholism is a progressive disease, as long as one drinks it never gets better, it always will get worse. If an alcoholic quits drinking for 10 years and then starts drinking again, the disease will pick right back up where it left off. There is no cure for alcoholism, but it can be arrested in it's progress by total abstinance.
I drank for 40 years before I finally realized I was going to die if I did not quit, I went through detox and did as they told me to and when I got out of detox I went to over 90 AA meetings in 90 days and got a sponsor. I still go to AA and am happier then I have been in over 30 years.
I am an alcoholic, here are things that convinced me I was:
1. I could not drink one drink, if I had a drink I HAD to have another, and another......
2. The more years I drank the more booze it took for me to get a buzz. When I started drinking at 12 I could drink a 6 pack no sweat, by the time I was in my 20's I could drink a case a day and still function, towards the end of my drinking I could not drink enough beer to get drunk. (Tolerance)
3. I thought about drinking when ever I was not drinking.
4. I drank alone and when ever I could with people.
5. On work days I started drinking the second I got off work.
6. On days I did not work in the beginning I usually would not start drinking until after noon, but as the years went by I would drink as soon as I got the chance on days I did not work.
7. I would hide booze every where to where no one would know how much I was drinking.
8. I drank alone to where no one would now how much I was drinking.
9. Over the years I gradually gave up every thing I enjoyed to where I could drink more, in the end all I did was work and drink.
10. I drank because I was bored.
11. I drank because I was depressed, once I quit I realized that I was depressed due to drinking and nothing more. (This is not true for every one, but every ones depression is lessened when they quit drinking because alcohol is a depressant.)
12. In the end I drank because I had to drink, I had no choice.
13. I drank and drove all the time in the end.
Keep in mind that many of the things I mentioned above were not true when I first started drinking, but alcoholism is a progressive disease and if an alcoholic has not done it yet, if they keep drinking they will eventually.
If you determine you are an alcoholic (May want to add that normal people do not come here to your list) the most important thing you need to know is you are not alone and there is a solution, I found the solution in AA, but there are other programs out there as well.
I am Martin and I am an alcoholic. alcoholism is a progressive disease, as long as one drinks it never gets better, it always will get worse. If an alcoholic quits drinking for 10 years and then starts drinking again, the disease will pick right back up where it left off. There is no cure for alcoholism, but it can be arrested in it's progress by total abstinance.
I drank for 40 years before I finally realized I was going to die if I did not quit, I went through detox and did as they told me to and when I got out of detox I went to over 90 AA meetings in 90 days and got a sponsor. I still go to AA and am happier then I have been in over 30 years.
I am an alcoholic, here are things that convinced me I was:
1. I could not drink one drink, if I had a drink I HAD to have another, and another......
2. The more years I drank the more booze it took for me to get a buzz. When I started drinking at 12 I could drink a 6 pack no sweat, by the time I was in my 20's I could drink a case a day and still function, towards the end of my drinking I could not drink enough beer to get drunk. (Tolerance)
3. I thought about drinking when ever I was not drinking.
4. I drank alone and when ever I could with people.
5. On work days I started drinking the second I got off work.
6. On days I did not work in the beginning I usually would not start drinking until after noon, but as the years went by I would drink as soon as I got the chance on days I did not work.
7. I would hide booze every where to where no one would know how much I was drinking.
8. I drank alone to where no one would now how much I was drinking.
9. Over the years I gradually gave up every thing I enjoyed to where I could drink more, in the end all I did was work and drink.
10. I drank because I was bored.
11. I drank because I was depressed, once I quit I realized that I was depressed due to drinking and nothing more. (This is not true for every one, but every ones depression is lessened when they quit drinking because alcohol is a depressant.)
12. In the end I drank because I had to drink, I had no choice.
13. I drank and drove all the time in the end.
Keep in mind that many of the things I mentioned above were not true when I first started drinking, but alcoholism is a progressive disease and if an alcoholic has not done it yet, if they keep drinking they will eventually.
If you determine you are an alcoholic (May want to add that normal people do not come here to your list) the most important thing you need to know is you are not alone and there is a solution, I found the solution in AA, but there are other programs out there as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 40
Honestly I dont think I am an alcoholic... yet. I think my pattern of behaviour puts me at very high risk of becoming one. I don't feel particularly strong and if things were to take a downturn, I'm worried I could easily lapse like I did before christmas.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Here is a little test to take, I will tell you now that if I had taken this test 35 years ago I would have answered at least 4 or 5 yes, when I quit 6 months ago I answered 10 of them yes and if I had kept on drinking it would have been all 12. Keep in mind that alcoholism is a progressive disease and the further it progresses the harder it is to quit.
Answer YES or NO to the following questions.
1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to drink today." (If you do not drink today, you cannot get drunk today.)
Yes No
2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?
In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own drinking, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.
Yes No
3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
We tried all kinds of ways. We made our drinks weak. Or just drank beer. Or we did not drink cocktails. Or only drank on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we drank anything with alcohol in it, we usually got drunk eventually.
Yes No
4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?
Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not drinking "socially."
Yes No
5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it.
Yes No
6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with alcohol and keep on drinking, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop drinking.
Yes No
7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not see that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.
Yes No
8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to get more.
Yes No
9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?
Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we drank because we wanted to. After we came into A.A., we found out that once we started to drink, we couldn't stop.
Yes No
10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were hung-over or on a drunk.
Yes No
11 - Do you have "blackouts"?
A "blackout" is when we have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking.
Yes No
12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
Many of us started to drink because drinking made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into A.A., we felt trapped. We were drinking to live and living to drink. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Yes No
Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves — the hard way.
But again, only you can decide whether you think A.A. is for you. Try to keep an open mind on the subject. If the answer is YES, we will be glad to show you how we stopped drinking ourselves. Just call.
A.A. does not promise to solve your life's problems. But we can show you how we are learning to live without drinking "one day at a time." We stay away from that "first drink." If there is no first one, there cannot be a tenth one. And when we got rid of alcohol, we found that life became much more manageable.
1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to drink today." (If you do not drink today, you cannot get drunk today.)
Yes No
2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?
In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own drinking, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.
Yes No
3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
We tried all kinds of ways. We made our drinks weak. Or just drank beer. Or we did not drink cocktails. Or only drank on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we drank anything with alcohol in it, we usually got drunk eventually.
Yes No
4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?
Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not drinking "socially."
Yes No
5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it.
Yes No
6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with alcohol and keep on drinking, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop drinking.
Yes No
7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not see that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.
Yes No
8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to get more.
Yes No
9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?
Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we drank because we wanted to. After we came into A.A., we found out that once we started to drink, we couldn't stop.
Yes No
10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were hung-over or on a drunk.
Yes No
11 - Do you have "blackouts"?
A "blackout" is when we have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking.
Yes No
12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
Many of us started to drink because drinking made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into A.A., we felt trapped. We were drinking to live and living to drink. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Yes No
Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves — the hard way.
But again, only you can decide whether you think A.A. is for you. Try to keep an open mind on the subject. If the answer is YES, we will be glad to show you how we stopped drinking ourselves. Just call.
A.A. does not promise to solve your life's problems. But we can show you how we are learning to live without drinking "one day at a time." We stay away from that "first drink." If there is no first one, there cannot be a tenth one. And when we got rid of alcohol, we found that life became much more manageable.
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