St_Kurt

I constantly feel like I'm living in a "this is your brain on alcoholism" public service announcement, not because I've got a lot of educational stuff to say, but rather I have no idea when my brain is going to suddenly announce something new and weird about drinking at some inappropriate time.

(Like in my toxicology class - the antidote for acute ethylene glycol (anti-freeze) poisoning in animals is ethyl alcohol (you know what that is...). Pure 100% medical grade alcohol is expensive and is a liability to keep around. Not to mention it evaporates. So, the professor suggested keeping a bottle of high quality vodka in the clinic instead, which of course led me on this mental tangent about the urgent necessity of keeping a bottle of high quality vodka in my freezer ... you know, just in case one of the cats drinks anti-freeze.)

But, it's getting predictable too. I realized that tonight all the pieces are in place that make this a night I would normally drink. I just finished taking a high-pressure exam that I've spent the last week and a half studying for. I have another exam in 2 days that I'm still preparing for. And I have a migraine. That's the combination that's pretty much a 100% predictor that I will want to drink while studying (and I do! Funny how that works.).

I'm going to pick up a friend and go to a meeting now. Hopefully that will make sure the evening stays a sober one. If it does I will have 1 week sober tomorrow.

-e



On a totally different note, I think this is the best set of smilies I've ever seen. Not only are they rockin' out, but they are blue.

bee62

St K-
I heard a good one a few years back while recuperating from some complicated surgery-one shot of alcohol has as much pain relieving quality as two mgs of Morphine, well golly dang, I took that and ran with it!!
I had to laugh about the Vodka-funny how our mind works or NOT

Good luck with your exams-never had the guts in my youth to pursue Vet school-it had crossed my mind many times as I love all of the earth's creatures-yes, even snakes, bats and spiders (roaches I could do without although those hissing ones are pretty cool)...I hope you stay strong and hope the good grade and no hangover is reward enough tomorrow! It is good to go to a meeting, I feel stronger after one myself.

I like the rockers too-I used them for Rusty Zips B-Day thread, don't know who might remember David Essex and "Rock On" from the 70s, I actually still have the 45 in my collection...record that is...

Take care of yourself-the animals need you!!
Melissa

CarolD

I used to keep a large bottle of
VSOP Congac when I lived on Ground Zero
in case of a enemy attack.

The only attack that occured
was from drinkiing/replacing it
and making my life a zero!

The darn thing attacked me often...

You did the correct action with a meeting.
Well done E!

Tazman53

Smart move on the meeting Kurt, and accolades on seeing the triggers and not picking up!

TorontoGuy28

St.Kurt - good for you ! Glad to hear you know yourself well enough to pick up on the triggers that lead to drinking.....

Hush007

Going to that meeting is a great choice St. Kurt! I'm proud of you man! Let us know how it went!

BrandiK

I hear you on that alcoholic mindset. It's amazing what is triggered and how, huh? We are learning about blood testing for alcoholism ... and of course my thought was 'wonder what my test would have been like?' followed with 'maybe we should try an experiment ... ' :::::smacks head:::::: let's just take their word for it lol

I can name several hundred ... it's a daily occurance, and I normally write down that little drunks tricky thinking somewhere to use as a referance. Sometimes those things make too much sense, and it helps to see all the insane thoughts lined up.

Good luck on your tests!!

St_Kurt

The meeting was very nice. We sat outside because it was a really beautiful night out. Afterwards I didn't want to go back home and so I studied at a friends'. I stayed way too late, but he lives by all the campus bars on the other side of town. I packed up my books to leave and we had a very amusing 20 minutes after they closed sitting on the porch, watching everybody try to walk home.

However I've only discovered that by not drinking when I felt like it, I've simply extended the craving to today. (Class was dismissed an hour and a half early and my first thought was that I was now free to study in the bar for ... "like just an hour or two and then go home". Yeah. Because that's worked so well before.)

And I'm guessing then, that tomorrow, after I've taken both my exams and have to start studying for next week's tests, it will still be there.

Great. I'd stop studying as like... a major lifestyle change, but I'm afraid that's not an option.

Thanks for your replys,
-e

Hush007

Hey Kurt,

I know what you mean. I used to be a weekend drinker (most of the time). The first 2 weeks I noticed that if I stayed sober during the weekend the craving came back on other days. Days I usually did not drink on. But for me those cravings went away after two weeks or so. I still have a craving from time to time,... but they are shorter and not as frequent anymore. So hang in there my friend! It will get better! I proud of you mr Wagner.

Philip

Tazman53

The physical cravings go away fairly quickly once you quit entirely, the mental obsession is one that can last for a very long time. I have found that working the steps in AA and staying busy erodes the mental obsession, I have worked and lived the steps to the best of my abilities and the miracle spoken of in the rooms happened for me, I could care less if I ever drank again. The key for this old drunk and many others in AA has been time and working and living the steps.

Tazman53

creekrider you are so right, if I had an obsession for something good like I had for booze at one time, I could have done any thing!

angel08955

Sounds like you're going to make it in the recovery E. I'm very proud of what you doing. I've seen many people stumble and give in. I'm praying for you. I knwo what you mean about the cravings though. I drank somewhate before I turned 21, and since I have been 21 for 3 months I have had only one drink, and I want one so bad, but the parents have but an end to all drinking (except dad) even though I'm of age. I've been craving some alcohol for two months now and it sucks. I try hard to fight it off, but yeah it's hard.

TINLIZZY

St Kurt -

We haven't met. I'm TinLizzy and I'm an alcoholic. You did seem to take the fast track! I so very much appreciate your posts.

Just wondering how you are doing today??

TinLizzy

St_Kurt

I'm doing pretty well, thanks for asking.

I think the worst thing is the insomnia/nightmares. I've had insomnia my whole life - even is a little kid. Lately I've had it really bad, often averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night. And when I do sleep I have these weird vivid nightmares. So I'm used to the insomnia, but not the nightmares.

But, I'm still here and still sober. So I guess I'm doing good. Thanks.

-e

NYCGirl

I once read that migraine meds make some people act drunk... okay than drinking must relieve migrains... it sounded logical to my alcoholic brain

My selmedicating migraine remedy... 3 advil, 20 oz coffee and all the captin morgan I could handle... no more migraine... till I had to wake up the next morning..