IMHomerSimpson

throwin in the toewl,no kmore drama for ya guys,no more hopeful homer posts,just giving in and letttin nature take its course,im probably gonna turn out OK,no worries,and im not gonna dissappear on ya but wannsa u to know where i stand now,only fair for me to tell truth. quick comment; i am prob gonna be givin in to the demon,its too hard,im just toooooooooooo messed up i guewss,throwin in the towel guys,yup,afterquick comment; i am prob gonna be givin in to the cure,its too hard,im just toooooooooooo messed up i guewss,throwin in the towel guys,yup,after all these years,37,no interest of prolonging the drama,what a messssssssssssssss

Nohangovers4me

I am new here but I have read some of your posts and you replied to mine. Don't leave you are worth it. Tommorow is another day.
It must be the warm weather because all day today I thought this is drinking weather.........it is my birthday.........it would be nice to sit on the porch and drink......but I stopped it right in the middle of it. 4 kids running around, a husband on night shift tonight but I am keeping myself busy.

Please stay!
Shell

came2believe

Please stay, Homer. I am not sure what you are getting at here since these statements seem the opposite of each other:


i am prob gonna be givin in to the demon...
i am prob gonna be givin in to the cure

Maybe you aren't sure, either.

You do not have to let this disease kill you.

If the disease has brought you to your knees, then maybe it is time to quit going it alone? If your way is not working, then maybe it is time to seek some help, Homie. There is help out there. Shell is right, you are worth it!!!

xx

socalgal

Oh...Homer.
Praying for you this very minute.
-K

caladan

Homer,
Sad to hear that. Alas, I know the feeling. As addicts we tend to run for cover/sanctuary (ie. booze) when faced with adversity. It's hard to break free of addictions.......but sometimes the hardest things to accomplish are the most rewarding.
If you really want to start taking control of your life, and start to become the person you desperately seem to want to become, then sobriety is going to be your ally.
It is up to us as individuals to shape the paths our life will take. If you are truly unhappy, then you need to look for a solution to remedy that. I can tell you this: a drink is not a cure, and nobody finds the answer at the bottom of a bottle. Try as we might.
If your idea of letting "nature take its course" is to continue drinking, then what is ailing you now will, sadly, only get worse. Thats the facts. Progressive disease and all that.
Early sobriety is daunting ....no doubt. But in order to see the benefits of sobriety you gotta get through it.
Well, here's hopin' you can find what you're looking for, however you choose to do so.

Best Wishes,
Caladan

undrunken

Well, at least you said that you are not disappearing. I hope you don't tie one on. I went to four AA meetings a couple of weeks ago and felt great, then kind of lost it one night and got drunk and arrested. So whatever is going on, just remember that other people know the feeling and are pulling for you.

CarolD

Patrick....an inpatient rehab could be your
answer.
You have never tried that before
so ????

Prayers abd Hugs

socalgal

You know, Homer, Carol may be onto something... she's pretty wise. Inpatient treatment eventually worked for me and I was pretty hopeless by most people's standards. Give it some serious thought.

It would be a safe place for you.
Prayers to you, my friend.

-K

Nuudawn

Homer..I'm not going to beg you to stay...you're not ready to stay. That's okay. You know where we are. It's beaten you in another battle..but it hasn't won the war. One day it will kick your arse hard enough...and you will throw up that metaphoric white flag and either give in or give it up. That day will indeed come. I'm sure of it. You are well aware of the options available to you AA..rehab..detox..whatever. One day you'll stop fighting and find peace.
For now..rage on. But know there is love and support when you are finally ready.

GrouchoTheCat

Patrick,

I do hope you will consider a medical detox.

It just might save your life.

Take care,

Ted

lostmdboy

Patrick, I hope you stick around, and maybe when the time is better you take another stab at it. I will be praying for you.

Rowan

Homey,

You've touched all of us here. I hope you make it back.

Rowan

Carol87

If want to throw in the towel, that is your decision to make. You can always make a U Turn and come back ... there will be place for you. And I'm betting someone in AA will save a chair for you should you walk in the door.

Good luck ... I hope you will find a path that is right for you.

WindOfChange

Patrick,
My BIL passed away last week from cirrosis of the liver. We found out (too late) that liver tests are a "starting point" for evaluation. So, basically, just because the liver function test comes back ok, doesn't neccesarily mean that you are safe. By the time we knew about his liver being trashed, it was too late. He began to swell-BADLY. Long story short..20 days in the hospital, blood transfusions, vitamins, oxygen and NO ALCOHOL, and his lungs filled up with fluid. Doc said all of his organs shut down. They all depend on the liver, which had quit working, so now he has gone. Left behind a 19 yr old son who is very depressed, and a family who loved him. We all think that it won't happen to US.......Good luck...don't give up

Still struggling.........
Christy

IMHomerSimpson

i dont want death,just cant stop, didd this guy who died have warning signs of a failing liver? please answer this question for me.

Music

Have a nice day Homre.

Nohangovers4me

Homer.......or is it Patrick? Anyway my husband's best friend had no symptoms he was ill and then one day he couldn't sober up and he tried not to drink and then he was rushed to the ER and put in the hospital for a week because his pancreas was messed up. The doc told him he would die if he continued to drink. So he quit and he is doing great.
Our neighbor woke up one day peeing blood and turned yellow, yep just one day all of the sudden. He was in the hospital then released quit drinking for about 6 months and then started again. Sure enough later he was yellow again with hives broke out on him, peeing black/blood, vomiting and he once again told he better quit. He hasn't had a drink in 14 months. He looks wonderful lost a bunch of weight. And I actually see a nice happy guy. He finally has a girlfriend, works and doesn't live with his parents anymore.
So you can get sick all of the sudden. Drinking may be fun but it isn't worth dying over or losing relationships over or feeling like crap on a sunny day when you could be enjoying it. Life is precious!
Michelle

Tazman53

Homer my friend you are right where I was at 7 months ago, there I sat in my garage, cold one in hand. I was half lit and hating myself! Not drinking was just to hard for this old man.

I was tired of fighting a battle alone that I could not win! I felt like hell. For 10 years I had tried everything I could think of to try and stop drinking on my own, I tried tapering off, I tried going cold turkey, every time I thought I was getting some place I would find myself drunk again with a cold one in my hand hating myself because I was weak, I had no will power, alcohol was kicking my arse! I felt like hell!

I did just what you are doing now, I gave up, I surrendered to alcohol!!! I know you feel better now, I damn sure did, no more fighting it, I could not beat it! I made a decision that I was going to drink without regret, I did not give a hoot what my wife or kids said or any one else, I was going to drink any time I wanted! Man I felt good, I was no longer fighting and it felt good!

Well it was not to long after that when my wife told me that her dad was helping her find a place for her and the kids to move because they could not sit by and watch me kill myself. I was not really shocked at all, I just said "Cool." and went out to the garage, grabbed a beer and sat down. I popped the top and sat down in my chair.

As I sat there drinking that cold beer, the one thing that was always there for me and never griped at me, I started thinking about my future. I thought to myself with the wife and kids gone there was nothing left for me to do but drink. I thought more about it and saw my future if I continued drinking.

What did I see in my future? First no family, then no house, then no home, then no job, then no truck.......... then it would be just me and my beer....... drinking until I died! I knew an alcoholic death is a very slow painful death unless of course I got lucky and got killed in an accident or froze to death.

Well being the coward that I am when it comes to death I was finally at the point where I knew I had to quit drinking but I knew I could not do it on my own, I had tried for 10 years and failed!
I put myself into detox and about 3-4 days in I started to come out of the fog enough to hear the people at detox tell me "If you want to stay sober when you leave here you need to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor."

I already knew I could not stop drinking by myself, I knew I did not want to die, so I did what they told me to do!

I have been sober 190 days straight with out a single relapse, I am healthier and happier then I have been in over 30 years and I owe it all to AA, my Higher Power, and me following simple directions.

Patrick you are at the same cross roads I was at 7 months ago, I decided I wanted to live and not die.

Patrick there is nothing more for me to say to you, I have told you my story which is yours, I will be praying for you, but every time you crack open another beer I want you to look at it really hard and ask your self this question "Do I want to live or die?"

If you want to live then get help, if you want to die a slow alcoholic death then drink away my friend, because there is not a damn thing I or any one else can do for you until you get help.

Patrick I was in the same spot you are in 7 months ago, I was at the cross roads, I could keep drinking and die or I could admit I could not stop drinking on my own and get help.

Keep drinking = DEATH (Slow and painful)
Get help and stop drinking = Life, a life of happiness

Patrick we at SR & AA will always be there for you when you are ready for us, when you decide you do not want to die we will be there to love you until you learn to love your self.

Hush007

Taz my man,

That was beautiful my friend. You nailed it the whole time. It is a story straight from the heart and it helps more people then just Homer. Your story is an inspiration to me. Another big reason to NEVER, EVER start drinking again!

Homer, I hope this story made you see the light brother (if you were not drunk before you red it, that is). I know it is hard,...but it if were easy, there would not be any alcoholics in the world! If you cannot do it on your own,...why not get help? Go to detox, go to AA,...

I know it feels like a large step,...but AA is not bad my friend. I was nervous the first time but a new world opened for me. The fellowship dude! It gives your motivation such a boost! And about detox,... it exists for a reason man!
This is not some game dude,... we are talking ABOUT YOUR LIFE here! It is this or a trip to the morgue sooner or later.

Think about it my friend,....really think about it, and consider your options.

A pat on the back,

Philip

Kellye C

Patrick, I'm not going to add much to what has been said. You've been around this block repeated times just in the year and a half I've been on SR.

I did the things you're doing. Made resolutions. This was it. This was REALLY it. No, it's too hard. I give up. I spent the last year of my drinking in that cycle and I know how miserable it is. I also know that you can break free if and when you get to the point that the pain of remaining where you are is greater than the fear of change.

For me I had an "a-ha" moment sitting by the river with a bunch of AA folks. Having a good time with them while secretly shaking my *ss off because I was still drinking and having withdrawals. As I sat there in the fellowship and friendship I heard a voice as clear as day telling me that it was time to sh*t or get off the pot. Either I was going to get sober or not.

I have not had a drink since that day a little over two and a half years ago. I went through a lot in the beginning with the physical detox followed by the awakening of emotions I had tried to keep buried. It was not fun. It was not easy. It WAS worth it.

The choice is yours. We are here. We want what is best for you but only you can do it.

Hugs,
Kellye