Ari Gold

I got sober three years ago and stayed that way for two years. I relapsed a little over a year ago and it hasn't been fun since. I haven't been drinking prodigously since then, but I have been indulging myself in whatever I can to stem the tide. More importantly, I have completely lost my way spiritually and morally. I am filled with shame and guilt. I don't necessarily drink all the time, but if it isn't that it is pills, gambling, sex, or anything that gets my blood boiling. I know I am not treading new ground here or am unique, but my problem is getting back into recovery because I really want to.

When I relapsed I was completely deserted by my sponsor and all others affiliated with AA. Granted, they may be a poor example and I shouldn't judge off that, but I have huge reticence about going back and I have tried EVERYTHING short of AA on my own and obviously it doesn't work. I really don't relish going back, yet at the same time don't know what else to do and I am at the end of my rope. Suggestions? Thoughts?

barb dwyer

hi Ari -

I'm thinking Irvine is a fairly big place ... living up here in butte, I've forgotten about 'big' cities; and living in them
*stops to thank God*
surely there's more than one Fellowship meeting place there?

and it troubles me to hear that anyone is being 'closed' with the Fellowship. There's others who could sponsor, you may not necessarily NEED the same one.

When I came back - I was taken back by my sponsor.
I hope something as good as that for you!

We go to save our OWN lives ... first and formost.

please keep posting and let me know how it's going!

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

Here is a list of recovery programs
for you to explore

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

I do use AA with success and joy
so I have no personal knowledge of others.

I do agree that a different group is a
wise idea.

Have you considered a doctor
who specializes in addictions?

Glad you are here...

Rowan

Hi Ari, and welcome.

This is a great first step in getting back into recovery. I have found lot of support, love and wisdom here.

I understand what it's like to relapse after a period, and to struggle with other addictions while trying to get back to a sane and sober life. It's not easy.

I couldn't do it without AA. I say, go back, find a temporary sponsor to begin with, and get to a LOT of meetings. Leave your past experience with others' in the past, and move forward. All they really are (in my opinion) are excuses and justification not to get sober. You don't have to live like this anymore if you don't want to.

Please keep coming back.

Rowan

mike_mass

I would find another meeting and share there what you shared here. It's honest and will probably result in the right people offering you help this time around.

chip

Welcome to SR and welcome to this forum, Ari.

I think you might be surprised how open the arms of AA will be for you, if you go back. Relapse is a part of recovery, and being sober is NOT natural for us (yes, I'm an alcoholic too). In our town, there are people who didn't come back to AA and it's a shame...

All that's required is a desire to quit. As long as you have that, AA is there for you. Other alternatives exist, but AA is accessible, cheap, and effective.

If you want to recover, don't let others keep you away!

I'm glad you found our SR family. Please keep posting. I hope you find peace and recovery.
chip

BrandiK

Hello and welcome.

When I made my return to AA I was greeted openly and warmly. But going back was hard, and I hated to admit my failure.

I hope they are not closed to you, and if they are, find another meeting please. I can go to 6 meetings and only see a repeated person here or there.

Nuudawn

Welcome Ari,
I'm guessing that something painful occured within you or in your life a little over a year ago that you just couldn't cope with. AA disappointed or failed you in some way. That is the feeling I get from your post. You say you are spiritually bankrupt (that an incredibly difficult place to be). I'm wondering if you put too much faith in AA and not enough in whatever benevolent universal spirit / HP you believe in. The members of AA are human... and in being human can and will fail you. Also, as the saying goes..some are sicker than others. If they failure occured after you relapsed...well, try to understand how someone's relapse can break a heart or worse, put fear in the heart...fear of their own temptation. Where there is fear..there is no room love and understanding.

What made you pick up Ari? I'd be honoured if you would share. I'm only a little more than 3 months sober and the fear of relapse is always at the back of my mind.

Hush007

Hey Ari,

Hang in there! It must be very hard for you when your spirit is down to zero.
Keep coming here and try to find some kind of recovery plan for yourself. Easy does it. I hope you'll feel better real soon.

Hugs,

Philip