Prayer Request ... *sigh*
same planet...different world
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Prayer Request ... *sigh*
Hi, Everyone ...
Well, ok I did it.
I'm renting this place that I just love, on a ranch, incredible mountain views, breathtaking 'star action' each night ... no neighbors ... big place, newly remodeled ... but it's been taking more than half my income to keep. I gave the landlord notice tonight that I'll be leaving, probably by the second week of next month.
When I sobered up, and gave up bartending ... it cut my income by 75%.
I just can't do this any more. Financially. And I can't go back to alcohol for a living. I've prayed and prayed about it. The last time I thought 'I can handle it' ... I was drinking again within 90 days. That last 'relapse' lasted 4 1/2 years, and almost cost me my life.
There's no going back to that. Not for me.
I'm completely bummed.
And - no place set to go.
I simply ran out of $$$.
SOOOoooo -
If you've the time, couldja include me in your prayers for a day or so ... I've got some calls in for 'backup' places to stay with some folks in the Fellowship here, in case nothing happens.
I know I've been putting this off too long, it's just the 'not knowing' that's eating me right this evening. I kept hoping that 'something' would pan out, and nothing has, so it's time to cut and run - while the landlord still has to give me a fabulous reference... if I mess around, that might not happen.
Monday will be the 'drill' ... find and rent storage, get as much put into said storage (they just build a new storage place right across the highway from where I live) get apps put in all over the place ... I just can't help but be bummed out about it all.
It's time to move on, I know.
I've come to the fork in the road ... and have to take it.
(to paraphrase Yogi)
Just a couple of prayers, please, that I can stay balanced. I'm praying too, of course, but the stress of it has me not 'feeling' ... heard right now.
I keep repeating the third step prayer, and what I read someplace that Doctor Bob said all the time ' Of myself, I am nothing' ... and 'I arise this day to do Thy Will'... it's getting to be a mantra. The spooked feeling comes and goes, it's going to work out, I know that, intellectually.
It's the PTSD that has my body thinking, 'attack at sunrise' kind of feeling.
ok!
(slaps hands together)
going to go read some of the funny threads ... I'm needing them this weekend.
Thanks for listening,
barb
Well, ok I did it.
I'm renting this place that I just love, on a ranch, incredible mountain views, breathtaking 'star action' each night ... no neighbors ... big place, newly remodeled ... but it's been taking more than half my income to keep. I gave the landlord notice tonight that I'll be leaving, probably by the second week of next month.
When I sobered up, and gave up bartending ... it cut my income by 75%.
I just can't do this any more. Financially. And I can't go back to alcohol for a living. I've prayed and prayed about it. The last time I thought 'I can handle it' ... I was drinking again within 90 days. That last 'relapse' lasted 4 1/2 years, and almost cost me my life.
There's no going back to that. Not for me.
I'm completely bummed.
And - no place set to go.
I simply ran out of $$$.
SOOOoooo -
If you've the time, couldja include me in your prayers for a day or so ... I've got some calls in for 'backup' places to stay with some folks in the Fellowship here, in case nothing happens.
I know I've been putting this off too long, it's just the 'not knowing' that's eating me right this evening. I kept hoping that 'something' would pan out, and nothing has, so it's time to cut and run - while the landlord still has to give me a fabulous reference... if I mess around, that might not happen.
Monday will be the 'drill' ... find and rent storage, get as much put into said storage (they just build a new storage place right across the highway from where I live) get apps put in all over the place ... I just can't help but be bummed out about it all.
It's time to move on, I know.
I've come to the fork in the road ... and have to take it.
(to paraphrase Yogi)
Just a couple of prayers, please, that I can stay balanced. I'm praying too, of course, but the stress of it has me not 'feeling' ... heard right now.
I keep repeating the third step prayer, and what I read someplace that Doctor Bob said all the time ' Of myself, I am nothing' ... and 'I arise this day to do Thy Will'... it's getting to be a mantra. The spooked feeling comes and goes, it's going to work out, I know that, intellectually.
It's the PTSD that has my body thinking, 'attack at sunrise' kind of feeling.
ok!
(slaps hands together)
going to go read some of the funny threads ... I'm needing them this weekend.
Thanks for listening,
barb
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When I sobered up, and gave up bartending ... it cut my income by 75%.
I just can't do this any more. Financially. And I can't go back to alcohol for a living. I've prayed and prayed about it. The last time I thought 'I can handle it' ... I was drinking again within 90 days. That last 'relapse' lasted 4 1/2 years, and almost cost me my life.
I just can't do this any more. Financially. And I can't go back to alcohol for a living. I've prayed and prayed about it. The last time I thought 'I can handle it' ... I was drinking again within 90 days. That last 'relapse' lasted 4 1/2 years, and almost cost me my life.
And my new office job took out taxes
for all my income??..:
Wow!Prayers for your peace zinging your way.
same planet...different world
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
true, Paul - and thank you!
I still say - this past seven months sober has been better than the last six years drinking ... maybe even better than the last ten or twelve years!
thanks again!
I still say - this past seven months sober has been better than the last six years drinking ... maybe even better than the last ten or twelve years!
thanks again!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Rats - I just replied to this - and poof it's gone (probably out there with those taxes)
Barb, hang in there. You're in my prayers. I really feel that you have good things ahead for you. It sounds like you've had an absolutely beautiful place to live while regaining strength in sobriety, so maybe the ranch has served it's purpose in your life? Hmmm
Barb, hang in there. You're in my prayers. I really feel that you have good things ahead for you. It sounds like you've had an absolutely beautiful place to live while regaining strength in sobriety, so maybe the ranch has served it's purpose in your life? Hmmm
Sober and Free
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: bay area CA
Posts: 398
You never know what is around the next corner until your turn it. Good for you for making the decision to put your health, sanity, and sobriety first. It may be a beautiful and wonderful place to live, but in the end ... it's just a house. Things don't make or break us, and it sounds like your planning on staying whole.
Have you in my thoughts and prayers
Have you in my thoughts and prayers
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto Ontario
Posts: 336
Barb, I'll say a prayer for you and I don't generally pray.. I don't mean to blow sunshine up yer butt but as I read your post I kept thinking to myself that while you love where you live now that this is a real opportunity for a GOOD change, fresh start and all that.
Chin up girl, this is gonna be great, I can feel it in my bones!
Chin up girl, this is gonna be great, I can feel it in my bones!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
The unknown is always so damn daunting huh? I'm smack dab in the middle of it myself after giving up job and place/town I was living. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do for sobriety right? Good things are on the horizon Barb. I know it, I know, I know it...
I love that you said the past 7 months have been better than the last six years. Inspired me.
I love that you said the past 7 months have been better than the last six years. Inspired me.
dum vita est spes est
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: vita secundum nex
Posts: 287
Barb,
I'm sorry to hear you're bumming, you could have fooled me with that sense of humor. I'll tell ya, you've got a lot of strength - more than you realize, and a great outlook on God (HP whatever suits you).
I agree with Nu, your story is one of triumph and inspiration - sobriety despite adversity.
Thanks for the post and I already said a prayer when I read your post - so it's up to the Man upstairs.
PR
I'm sorry to hear you're bumming, you could have fooled me with that sense of humor. I'll tell ya, you've got a lot of strength - more than you realize, and a great outlook on God (HP whatever suits you).
I agree with Nu, your story is one of triumph and inspiration - sobriety despite adversity.
Thanks for the post and I already said a prayer when I read your post - so it's up to the Man upstairs.
PR
same planet...different world
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
****{thank you }}}
I went to the meeting tonight ... and told the group what's going on. It's called Bright's disease; and I hadn't been honest (by omission) with them about it , and it was eating at me.
The disease prevents me from doing anything physical right now. It could literally rip them out until the 'acute' stuff clears off.
I knew the disease 'acting up' again was result of alcoholism ... and I was 'being taught' something. THEN ... the whole 'moving on up' aspect compounded it ... made it urgent.
So a couple of days ago, it 'came' to me that (during preayer and meditiation) I've GOT to tell them ... all of it; because they're (and y'all) are the only 'family' I have.
Wow.
It was very hard, but I got it said.
So now -
I've got a 'moving crew' (two pages of volunteers phones and stuff) trucks, and three offers of a place to 'room' for the next month or until something happens.
God ... is the BEST.
AA ... brings out the best in us ... if we work it, huh?
My premise (dunno if I used that word right or not, looks impressive, tho)
was ... to go to a GROUP of people, and ask for help ... is certainly something I've only done twice in this life. The first time I was in AA, and this second time.
It 'came' to me that ... if I went ahead and tried to 'work it out' like always, being all independent and stoic ... I'd be doing what I've ALWAYS done. And I'd wind up back where I was seven months ago.
Or worse.
I think this whole thing is a 'God trying to teach me something' thing.
I am so impressed with my home group, and with every ONE of you, too!
And thank you all for the prayers ...
****** GROUP HUG }}}
barb
I went to the meeting tonight ... and told the group what's going on. It's called Bright's disease; and I hadn't been honest (by omission) with them about it , and it was eating at me.
The disease prevents me from doing anything physical right now. It could literally rip them out until the 'acute' stuff clears off.
I knew the disease 'acting up' again was result of alcoholism ... and I was 'being taught' something. THEN ... the whole 'moving on up' aspect compounded it ... made it urgent.
So a couple of days ago, it 'came' to me that (during preayer and meditiation) I've GOT to tell them ... all of it; because they're (and y'all) are the only 'family' I have.
Wow.
It was very hard, but I got it said.
So now -
I've got a 'moving crew' (two pages of volunteers phones and stuff) trucks, and three offers of a place to 'room' for the next month or until something happens.
God ... is the BEST.
AA ... brings out the best in us ... if we work it, huh?
My premise (dunno if I used that word right or not, looks impressive, tho)
was ... to go to a GROUP of people, and ask for help ... is certainly something I've only done twice in this life. The first time I was in AA, and this second time.
It 'came' to me that ... if I went ahead and tried to 'work it out' like always, being all independent and stoic ... I'd be doing what I've ALWAYS done. And I'd wind up back where I was seven months ago.
Or worse.
I think this whole thing is a 'God trying to teach me something' thing.
I am so impressed with my home group, and with every ONE of you, too!
And thank you all for the prayers ...
****** GROUP HUG }}}
barb
God + AA + you ...an unbeatable team!!
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