Leaving AA
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
Hi Nuudawn,
This thread has been quite interesting.
When I was a kid I sang in my church choir. One day Father Mullin moved me from the soprano section to the altos. I hated it. No one was singing my tune anymore. I was out of my element so I quit. For years I regretted doing that. But you know what? I kept on singing... Does this make any sense?
You'll find your path.
Mike in Boston
This thread has been quite interesting.
When I was a kid I sang in my church choir. One day Father Mullin moved me from the soprano section to the altos. I hated it. No one was singing my tune anymore. I was out of my element so I quit. For years I regretted doing that. But you know what? I kept on singing... Does this make any sense?
You'll find your path.
Mike in Boston
Last edited by mikel60; 03-24-2007 at 01:11 PM. Reason: capitalization issues
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: UK - North West
Posts: 17
Thanks for starting this thread Nuudawn, this has really been helpfull for me. I've bounced in and out of AA a few times most recently for many of the reasons you stated. I'm going back but this I'm going to shop around and find a meeting that works for me rather than just go to the ones closest to me and stick with it this time despite the fact I know it might feel awquard and uncomfortable at first. Always thought about it from my point of view but listening to you guys make me think that maybe I just got out what I put in. I'll go with an open mind and the knowledge that it may take some time for me to feel comfortable but that I can help this by being more open, initiating more conversations, arriving early, staying later and generally being more involved. I think I've fallen down on this in the past.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1
Well this is an old thread, but I feel that I would like to respond. I stopped going to AA in December 2009 as I had had enough of the bullying and the ********. A group of fundamentalists (emphasis of the 'mentalist' part of the word) had taken over my local meetings.
I had become disillusioned with several members not practicing what they were preaching, and distorting the message of the Big Book to their own ends. I would be criticized in meetings because I was seeing a counsellor (this is against AA apparently) and, because I am agnostic when it comes to religion, I would be slammed as I could not possibly have any form of recovery as I do not believe in a God- in particular the Christian God.
The final straw came when I was doing a share at Christmas. An particularly outspoken man told me that I should not be going on my honeymoon, as I should be feeding the poor on Christmas Day. He then started denouncing his former sponsee (my sponsor) and revealing things about him (breaking confidentiality in the process). My sponsor actually tried to confront him about this at a meeting the next day- but found out he had gone on holiday over the Christmas period. Maybe he had gone abroad to feed the poor?
I made a decision not to go back. And I haven't looked back. Life has improved exponentially. I no longer feel judged, I have more happiness in my life and I don't feel the weight of guilt around my neck anymore.
If AA works for you, do it. If it did work for you, but doesn't anymore, have a break and see how you feel. There are other ways to recover. I now look on AA as the start of my recovery, but there are others truths out there- and I am having a great time finding new insights. Good luck to you in whatever you try to do!
I had become disillusioned with several members not practicing what they were preaching, and distorting the message of the Big Book to their own ends. I would be criticized in meetings because I was seeing a counsellor (this is against AA apparently) and, because I am agnostic when it comes to religion, I would be slammed as I could not possibly have any form of recovery as I do not believe in a God- in particular the Christian God.
The final straw came when I was doing a share at Christmas. An particularly outspoken man told me that I should not be going on my honeymoon, as I should be feeding the poor on Christmas Day. He then started denouncing his former sponsee (my sponsor) and revealing things about him (breaking confidentiality in the process). My sponsor actually tried to confront him about this at a meeting the next day- but found out he had gone on holiday over the Christmas period. Maybe he had gone abroad to feed the poor?
I made a decision not to go back. And I haven't looked back. Life has improved exponentially. I no longer feel judged, I have more happiness in my life and I don't feel the weight of guilt around my neck anymore.
If AA works for you, do it. If it did work for you, but doesn't anymore, have a break and see how you feel. There are other ways to recover. I now look on AA as the start of my recovery, but there are others truths out there- and I am having a great time finding new insights. Good luck to you in whatever you try to do!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Welcome, elor,
Is there some reason your first post was to say something negative about AA? I'm glad to hear your sobriety is going well--glad to hear you are finding things that help you in your journey.
Maybe an intro thread with the positives of your own recovery experience, rather than criticisms of one that works well for many, would be good to post.
Is there some reason your first post was to say something negative about AA? I'm glad to hear your sobriety is going well--glad to hear you are finding things that help you in your journey.
Maybe an intro thread with the positives of your own recovery experience, rather than criticisms of one that works well for many, would be good to post.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome to SR elor.
There's a wide variety of recovery programmes and strategies on SR - all we ask is that everyone treats everyone else's choices with mutual respect.
For me, I'd much rather hear what has worked for you, rather than what hasn't
D
There's a wide variety of recovery programmes and strategies on SR - all we ask is that everyone treats everyone else's choices with mutual respect.
For me, I'd much rather hear what has worked for you, rather than what hasn't
D
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Akron OH
Posts: 57
It seems like elor's post was more directed at religious fundamentalists and not AA itself. However, I too find this thread necro extremely strange.
Necro thread.. want... braaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiins.... nom nom
Necro thread.. want... braaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiins.... nom nom
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
AA is made up of people and people are flawed. Some people in AA are sicker than others, but if one meeting place doesn't suit you, there are many others around that might be just what you need.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
That is pretty shocking. I would suggest that you contact a national service center of AA and report this because, from what you describe, important traditions that should be followed apparently are not being followed in these groups.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
Elor may have found this post through a google search. That's how I found SR. Sometimes certain events leave a strong impression. Perhaps this one is fresh enough that she still needs to talk about it.
Or not. I don't claim to be a mind-reader.
I enjoyed reading this thread, and I enjoyed Elor's contribution to it. I've never been to AA, but I'm very seriously thinking of going. It's nice to have the perspective of others' experiences to think about. I've read the "What to expect at an AA meeting" that CarolD posts a link to sometimes, but stuff like this gives me a better feel of what to expect.
Without having read this thread . . .
If I were to attend a meeting and have not one person make a peep at me , I'd be mortified and probably never go to another AA meeting. After reading this thread, though, I'd know that maybe *I* needed to make the first move to let people know I'm serious.
If I went to an AA meeting that didn't feel right--perhaps for reasons like the ones Elor talked about--I'd wonder if something was wrong with me, if I wasn't giving AA a fair chance. Having read this thread, I'd know I wasn't crazy for thinking I didn't want to go back. I'd know I needed to check out other meetings in my area.
Sometimes when a situation is extremely unfamiliar, it's hard to know when you're expecting too much and when something is seriously wrong. So, for what it's worth, this thread helped me.
Or not. I don't claim to be a mind-reader.
I enjoyed reading this thread, and I enjoyed Elor's contribution to it. I've never been to AA, but I'm very seriously thinking of going. It's nice to have the perspective of others' experiences to think about. I've read the "What to expect at an AA meeting" that CarolD posts a link to sometimes, but stuff like this gives me a better feel of what to expect.
Without having read this thread . . .
If I were to attend a meeting and have not one person make a peep at me , I'd be mortified and probably never go to another AA meeting. After reading this thread, though, I'd know that maybe *I* needed to make the first move to let people know I'm serious.
If I went to an AA meeting that didn't feel right--perhaps for reasons like the ones Elor talked about--I'd wonder if something was wrong with me, if I wasn't giving AA a fair chance. Having read this thread, I'd know I wasn't crazy for thinking I didn't want to go back. I'd know I needed to check out other meetings in my area.
Sometimes when a situation is extremely unfamiliar, it's hard to know when you're expecting too much and when something is seriously wrong. So, for what it's worth, this thread helped me.
.....Welcome 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 73
Like everyone says find a meeting you like. I have gone to meetings and have felt like an outsider just like when I was a kid and I have gone to meetings that have welcomed me. A lot of times though I have realized that I gave and took out of those meetings what I wanted. Meaning when I went in with attitude people were not as receptive towards me and when I went in with the attitude that I want to get better they were much more receptive.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
Originally Posted by Nuudawn 
I'm having a real problem with AA. Those familiar with my posts know I have changed city and province. I have been to a least a half dozen different meetings in this city and I simply don't like them. I feel worse when I leave then when I came. The members here seem incredibly cold and hell, almost ingenuine. I haven't heard a share yet that seems "genuine". Whether they are a week, a year or ten years sober...they talks as if they are fully recovered. Nobody struggles. There is no intimacy or outstretched arms. Nobody is friendly. The program is simply "cliquey" here. I spoke to a friend of mine who said that she finds church here much the same way.
Here they ask at the start of the meeting if there are any newcomers. People pipe up yet I haven't seen one person approach these people after meeting. They shuffle off into the night likely as lonely as when they came. In my last city, people were constantly making connection and shoving phone numbers into each others hands.
I'm 3.5 months sober and I truly think I'm gonna give up on the program and go it with SR and my HP.
Here they ask at the start of the meeting if there are any newcomers. People pipe up yet I haven't seen one person approach these people after meeting. They shuffle off into the night likely as lonely as when they came. In my last city, people were constantly making connection and shoving phone numbers into each others hands.
I'm 3.5 months sober and I truly think I'm gonna give up on the program and go it with SR and my HP.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Originally Posted by GlassPrisoner
Music- I agree to a point. What you say is easier said then done. Espeically for a shakin' , pukin' , scared s***less newcomer. If I wasn't warmly welcomed and approached in my 2nd meeting, I might not have made it.
Nuudawn- Knowing what I know now, if I couldn't find a good meeting near me, I'd consider moving. Well, except for that no major changes thing.
Maybe you just have to show up routinely. Some cliques are like that, and will only accept you after some time goes by.
Nuudawn- Knowing what I know now, if I couldn't find a good meeting near me, I'd consider moving. Well, except for that no major changes thing.
Maybe you just have to show up routinely. Some cliques are like that, and will only accept you after some time goes by.
BTW....how's everything at the hot springs?
blessings
zenbear
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