Why the no relationships for a year?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Florham Park, NJ
Posts: 174
Why the no relationships for a year?
Can someone please explain to me why no relationship for a year? Is this a "rule" or "suggestion"?
If we are to change persons, places and things....then why is dating wrong? People in recovery with spouses don't divorce to get recovered.... people already in relationships (being blessed with partners that stick it out) don't dump them........ok...then why someone like me (single, divorced) have to deal with being alone through this for an entire year or I am not "working" it and setting myself up for a downfall?
I am not in a relationship and am NOT talking about dating in AA. I am not interested in anyone there anyway. I don't have any particular person in mind either...but to just be open to dating atleast allows me to meet new people and yes, I do want a partner to be with me down the road. I am 45, divorced...to wait till I am 46/47 to even be open seems rather harsh. Isn't this road hard enough to give up alchohol and change your entire lifestyle to now have to be alone in the process too.
I have AA, thank God the fellowship. I just don't understand this rule.
The only area I can relate to this is that relationships (in general) make us vulnerable. Is this to make one stronger in time with ourselves..learning to love ourselves so when we are in a relationship (should God bless us with one when it "is" time)..we can be strong enough to handle the ups/downs? Is that it?
this just sucks because I still feel alone...I am 79 days..and this seems like such a long, lonely road. Most of the people in my AA meetings have someone to encourage them on at home...just makes me feel more insecure.
If we are to change persons, places and things....then why is dating wrong? People in recovery with spouses don't divorce to get recovered.... people already in relationships (being blessed with partners that stick it out) don't dump them........ok...then why someone like me (single, divorced) have to deal with being alone through this for an entire year or I am not "working" it and setting myself up for a downfall?
I am not in a relationship and am NOT talking about dating in AA. I am not interested in anyone there anyway. I don't have any particular person in mind either...but to just be open to dating atleast allows me to meet new people and yes, I do want a partner to be with me down the road. I am 45, divorced...to wait till I am 46/47 to even be open seems rather harsh. Isn't this road hard enough to give up alchohol and change your entire lifestyle to now have to be alone in the process too.
I have AA, thank God the fellowship. I just don't understand this rule.
The only area I can relate to this is that relationships (in general) make us vulnerable. Is this to make one stronger in time with ourselves..learning to love ourselves so when we are in a relationship (should God bless us with one when it "is" time)..we can be strong enough to handle the ups/downs? Is that it?
this just sucks because I still feel alone...I am 79 days..and this seems like such a long, lonely road. Most of the people in my AA meetings have someone to encourage them on at home...just makes me feel more insecure.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 85
I asked the same question at 2 months sober and my sponsor's response was ...."what do you have to offer to anyone right now".
I think you already know the answer, you may just not want to hear it or accept it. Loneliness, in my opinion, is a bad reason to get involved with someone. You have to learn to be comfortable in your own skin first, before anyone else can make you feel comfortable.
FYI - There are no rules in AA, only suggestions. The AA police wont show up on your doorstep if you start dating
I think you already know the answer, you may just not want to hear it or accept it. Loneliness, in my opinion, is a bad reason to get involved with someone. You have to learn to be comfortable in your own skin first, before anyone else can make you feel comfortable.
FYI - There are no rules in AA, only suggestions. The AA police wont show up on your doorstep if you start dating
Sober and Free
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: bay area CA
Posts: 398
I would say it is because we are really in the process of re-learning. Speaking for myself, I am finding out who I am on a whole new level ... and learning how to experiance this adult life of mine sober is a whole process in and of itself. I have had to relearn friensships and even relearn relaing to my husband.
A new relationship could offer a big high right now ... but I know my processes could not handle it. I would go into it not fully aware of who I am or what I am doing. I don't know a lot of relationships could handle that kind of start. The newness of a relationship could be like the high of alcohol ... suddenly everythign seems light and ok again. But what happens when that newness wears off?
There are people who meet and make a relationship, it happens. I just know for myself it would be illadvised.
A new relationship could offer a big high right now ... but I know my processes could not handle it. I would go into it not fully aware of who I am or what I am doing. I don't know a lot of relationships could handle that kind of start. The newness of a relationship could be like the high of alcohol ... suddenly everythign seems light and ok again. But what happens when that newness wears off?
There are people who meet and make a relationship, it happens. I just know for myself it would be illadvised.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Can someone please explain to me why no relationship for a year? Is this a "rule" or "suggestion"?
As in, no geographics, if you are in a relationship leave it status quo for a year, if you are not in a relationship, wait a year, no changing jobs (unless the job itself is a danger to your sobriety, ie bartender, cocktail waitress, etc), etc
The reasonsing is very simple. The first year of recovery is extremely stressful to most individuals, feelings emerging, emotions emerging, waiting for the fog and mush in the brain to clear, etc.
Where or when it started I do not know, but I can tell you they were telling newcomers that when I got sober in June of 1981. It seems to work for many, so I have no fault with it.
I hope that clears it up a bit.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 98
I cannot answer your question because I have not chosen AA for my roadmap to recovery, though I agree with, and adhere to, many AA tenets.
I share your concern about the "no relationship rule." jbit's question "what do you have to offer anyone right now?" seems counterproductive. I'm single, coming off a 25 year drunk, and I have LOTS to offer. If any AA'er says otherwise, I think it would be fair to accuse them of dogmatism.
As a newly sober person, my guard is higher, and my standards entirely different with respect to dating. As a drunk, I would stave off the loneliness with the company of just about any other drunk, particularly if it involved sexual abandon.
As a sober person, mere companionship and sex are not enough. I am sensitive to the possiblity of getting involved with someone while riding a pink cloud (doomed to eventually fall through the cloud), and I am keenly aware of the dangers of replacing one addiction (booze) with another (a lover).
As a sober person, I am also more in touch with my feelings. Hell, I don't numb them anymore. And if I feel genuine affection for someone (which I think I do right now), and there is mutual respect, interest, and above all, complete openness and honesty (which a drunk is incapable of), then I see it as a bigger waste to toss that away because of an AA rule.
And as far as casual dating goes, I can see no harm in having some fun in your life during your recovery. If feeling attractive and sexy because you're on a date is an AA taboo, then it needs a revision.
Recap: as a drunk, I would hop into a relationship with few standards. As a sober person, I'm more selective and careful. Whether it takes a year or a month or ten years for me to be aware of the potential trappings of trading my addiction to alcohol for an addiction for companionship (not desireable) is not, methinks, something that can be determined by an AA time-line.
Just my two cents...
Earl
I share your concern about the "no relationship rule." jbit's question "what do you have to offer anyone right now?" seems counterproductive. I'm single, coming off a 25 year drunk, and I have LOTS to offer. If any AA'er says otherwise, I think it would be fair to accuse them of dogmatism.
As a newly sober person, my guard is higher, and my standards entirely different with respect to dating. As a drunk, I would stave off the loneliness with the company of just about any other drunk, particularly if it involved sexual abandon.
As a sober person, mere companionship and sex are not enough. I am sensitive to the possiblity of getting involved with someone while riding a pink cloud (doomed to eventually fall through the cloud), and I am keenly aware of the dangers of replacing one addiction (booze) with another (a lover).
As a sober person, I am also more in touch with my feelings. Hell, I don't numb them anymore. And if I feel genuine affection for someone (which I think I do right now), and there is mutual respect, interest, and above all, complete openness and honesty (which a drunk is incapable of), then I see it as a bigger waste to toss that away because of an AA rule.
And as far as casual dating goes, I can see no harm in having some fun in your life during your recovery. If feeling attractive and sexy because you're on a date is an AA taboo, then it needs a revision.
Recap: as a drunk, I would hop into a relationship with few standards. As a sober person, I'm more selective and careful. Whether it takes a year or a month or ten years for me to be aware of the potential trappings of trading my addiction to alcohol for an addiction for companionship (not desireable) is not, methinks, something that can be determined by an AA time-line.
Just my two cents...
Earl
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
As we are taking about a new
romantic relationship
I suggest that my ponsees finish their formal step
work first.
And read page 119 in the 12&12.
Those who do seem to have a smoother time!
I too was in my 40's and divorced when
I started AA. I found a home group
full of singles and we had a blast.
We did all sorts of activities
but did no pairing off...so no
sex/love messes happened.
romantic relationship
I suggest that my ponsees finish their formal step
work first.
And read page 119 in the 12&12.
Those who do seem to have a smoother time!
I too was in my 40's and divorced when
I started AA. I found a home group
full of singles and we had a blast.
We did all sorts of activities
but did no pairing off...so no
sex/love messes happened.
Last edited by CarolD; 03-20-2007 at 09:27 AM. Reason: Added Info
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Yeah, no rules and only suggestions. But you know how us crazy
people are. We have our glasses on backwards and cotton in our ears.
"No relationship"
I hear it only from people out of rehab centers, probably becuase
it's a rehab center and not a ***** house. Rehab center has rules
and sometimes has in house meetings. People get it confuse or
still wet brain or still detoxing.
AA has no opinion on outside issues .
Plus we try to replace that empty hole inside of us. Substitutions
sex, relationship, etc gets us distracted and off we go into a relaps.
We need to establish a foundation in our early recovery.
First things first.
I see people with years of recovery that's afraid to date or get into
a relationship. Fear of rejections, fear of failure, fear of a heartbreak.
There's a story in the big book the pretains to this.
It just depens on what stages of our recovery or what our circumstance
are. 5yrs into my recovery and 6 month of whining after a relationship
break up. My sponsor made me go on dates, becuase I got into a
rut of just working, attending meetings and going home. And wasn't
moving forward in my life or recovery.
people are. We have our glasses on backwards and cotton in our ears.
"No relationship"
I hear it only from people out of rehab centers, probably becuase
it's a rehab center and not a ***** house. Rehab center has rules
and sometimes has in house meetings. People get it confuse or
still wet brain or still detoxing.
AA has no opinion on outside issues .
Plus we try to replace that empty hole inside of us. Substitutions
sex, relationship, etc gets us distracted and off we go into a relaps.
We need to establish a foundation in our early recovery.
First things first.
I see people with years of recovery that's afraid to date or get into
a relationship. Fear of rejections, fear of failure, fear of a heartbreak.
There's a story in the big book the pretains to this.
It just depens on what stages of our recovery or what our circumstance
are. 5yrs into my recovery and 6 month of whining after a relationship
break up. My sponsor made me go on dates, becuase I got into a
rut of just working, attending meetings and going home. And wasn't
moving forward in my life or recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by UncleEarl 
I cannot answer your question because I have not chosen AA for my roadmap to recovery, though I agree with, and adhere to, many AA tenets.
I share your concern about the "no relationship rule." jbit's question "what do you have to offer anyone right now?" seems counterproductive. I'm single, coming off a 25 year drunk, and I have LOTS to offer. If any AA'er says otherwise, I think it would be fair to accuse them of dogmatism.
As a newly sober person, my guard is higher, and my standards entirely different with respect to dating. As a drunk, I would stave off the loneliness with the company of just about any other drunk, particularly if it involved sexual abandon.
As a sober person, mere companionship and sex are not enough. I am sensitive to the possiblity of getting involved with someone while riding a pink cloud (doomed to eventually fall through the cloud), and I am keenly aware of the dangers of replacing one addiction (booze) with another (a lover).
As a sober person, I am also more in touch with my feelings. Hell, I don't numb them anymore. And if I feel genuine affection for someone (which I think I do right now), and there is mutual respect, interest, and above all, complete openness and honesty (which a drunk is incapable of), then I see it as a bigger waste to toss that away because of an AA rule.
And as far as casual dating goes, I can see no harm in having some fun in your life during your recovery. If feeling attractive and sexy because you're on a date is an AA taboo, then it needs a revision.
Recap: as a drunk, I would hop into a relationship with few standards. As a sober person, I'm more selective and careful. Whether it takes a year or a month or ten years for me to be aware of the potential trappings of trading my addiction to alcohol for an addiction for companionship (not desireable) is not, methinks, something that can be determined by an AA time-line.
Just my two cents...
Earl
I share your concern about the "no relationship rule." jbit's question "what do you have to offer anyone right now?" seems counterproductive. I'm single, coming off a 25 year drunk, and I have LOTS to offer. If any AA'er says otherwise, I think it would be fair to accuse them of dogmatism.
As a newly sober person, my guard is higher, and my standards entirely different with respect to dating. As a drunk, I would stave off the loneliness with the company of just about any other drunk, particularly if it involved sexual abandon.
As a sober person, mere companionship and sex are not enough. I am sensitive to the possiblity of getting involved with someone while riding a pink cloud (doomed to eventually fall through the cloud), and I am keenly aware of the dangers of replacing one addiction (booze) with another (a lover).
As a sober person, I am also more in touch with my feelings. Hell, I don't numb them anymore. And if I feel genuine affection for someone (which I think I do right now), and there is mutual respect, interest, and above all, complete openness and honesty (which a drunk is incapable of), then I see it as a bigger waste to toss that away because of an AA rule.
And as far as casual dating goes, I can see no harm in having some fun in your life during your recovery. If feeling attractive and sexy because you're on a date is an AA taboo, then it needs a revision.
Recap: as a drunk, I would hop into a relationship with few standards. As a sober person, I'm more selective and careful. Whether it takes a year or a month or ten years for me to be aware of the potential trappings of trading my addiction to alcohol for an addiction for companionship (not desireable) is not, methinks, something that can be determined by an AA time-line.
Just my two cents...
Earl
Mercedes1, if you find Mr/Mrs right, by all means, grab onto them. If you simply need a reprieve from the loneliness, getting into a relationship isn't always the best way to do it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 264
The fear is that the recovering alcoholic may replace the addiction to alcohol with an addiction to person. Because people are fallible, the new relationship may not work out well--leaving the recovering alcoholic very vulnerable to a drink.
There is another fear that one may simply alter a drinking addiction to an underlying sex and love addiction. I have seen this happen as well.
And finally, a newly sober person is not in the greatest mental shape to make big decisions about relationships.
That is my understanding.
The suggestion does not appear in the Big Book, it has only been arrived at over time through advice handed down by people who have experience as to what works. Boy that was a mouthful! But I usually take suggestions arrived at in such a way because I don't need to make the mistakes that other people did. I still have lots of trust issues and don't trust too many people, but I do trust what recovering drunks have to say about staying sober.
There is another fear that one may simply alter a drinking addiction to an underlying sex and love addiction. I have seen this happen as well.
And finally, a newly sober person is not in the greatest mental shape to make big decisions about relationships.
That is my understanding.
The suggestion does not appear in the Big Book, it has only been arrived at over time through advice handed down by people who have experience as to what works. Boy that was a mouthful! But I usually take suggestions arrived at in such a way because I don't need to make the mistakes that other people did. I still have lots of trust issues and don't trust too many people, but I do trust what recovering drunks have to say about staying sober.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
There are no rules in AA, simply suggestions, I know that has been said already, but it bears repeating.
Okay let me hope up on my soap box and let every body put on their thinking caps.
Okay when we were still drinking and a relationship ended badly that we thought was going just great what did we do?
Did we get rip snort drunk or did we drink less because we were depressed?
Drinking or not how many of us got started into a relationship and 3 months into it the love of our life dumped us?
It is but a suggestion, but if we sit down and honestly ask our self what one thing could possibly screw up our sobriety it would be having our hearts ripped out of our chest and stomped on.
Okay let me hope up on my soap box and let every body put on their thinking caps.
Okay when we were still drinking and a relationship ended badly that we thought was going just great what did we do?
Did we get rip snort drunk or did we drink less because we were depressed?
Drinking or not how many of us got started into a relationship and 3 months into it the love of our life dumped us?
It is but a suggestion, but if we sit down and honestly ask our self what one thing could possibly screw up our sobriety it would be having our hearts ripped out of our chest and stomped on.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Anywhere,USA
Posts: 511
Hot topic...
I was married for 20 some years when I went into treatment. I heard the no major changes speech and thought it made complete and perfect sense and I was 39 at the time. I also knew that he'd probably never join me in sobriety and we had so many other issues that I was pretty sure that we'd end up divorced and I was right. I've tried "other" relationships since, one with a recovering addict, who relapsed. I tried to renew a relationship with an old friend. Tried dating a "normie".
None of those have worked out.
I am alone again at almost 45 after being sober for more than 5 years.
Maybe I'll take some more time off...
maybe I'll try getting out there and meeting some new recovering addicts with some sobriety under their belt.
I was married for 25 years...I don't know that I need to do that again.
But I do miss having someone to "talk" to and to cuddle with and to watch movies with and just generally spend time with...
But I'm not desperate for a relationship...
I know that "being" alone is far better than wishing that you were alone!
I was married for 20 some years when I went into treatment. I heard the no major changes speech and thought it made complete and perfect sense and I was 39 at the time. I also knew that he'd probably never join me in sobriety and we had so many other issues that I was pretty sure that we'd end up divorced and I was right. I've tried "other" relationships since, one with a recovering addict, who relapsed. I tried to renew a relationship with an old friend. Tried dating a "normie".
None of those have worked out.
I am alone again at almost 45 after being sober for more than 5 years.
Maybe I'll take some more time off...
maybe I'll try getting out there and meeting some new recovering addicts with some sobriety under their belt.
I was married for 25 years...I don't know that I need to do that again.
But I do miss having someone to "talk" to and to cuddle with and to watch movies with and just generally spend time with...
But I'm not desperate for a relationship...
I know that "being" alone is far better than wishing that you were alone!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
There's not hardly enough time in the day to get to know yourself, let alone someone new.
I'm married. But if I were single, I would stick to this suggestion, now matter how much I longed for intimacy. See, in a new relationship, that new person is ALL you can think about. Twas for me anyway. How could I have time to think about MY own self? And learn about the new me? You only have a little over 9 months left (way to go by the way on 79 days!!) and that will go by fast if you busy yourself with getting to know the new you, and learning all of the tools to stay sober, so when you do meet that person, you will be ready.
Just buy some naughty movies & lotion, that will take care of the sex part. Hang out with sober friends and have some fun once in a while.
If you DO date, make sure you save back lots and lots of time for YOU and your program.
Thats my 2 cents.
I'm married. But if I were single, I would stick to this suggestion, now matter how much I longed for intimacy. See, in a new relationship, that new person is ALL you can think about. Twas for me anyway. How could I have time to think about MY own self? And learn about the new me? You only have a little over 9 months left (way to go by the way on 79 days!!) and that will go by fast if you busy yourself with getting to know the new you, and learning all of the tools to stay sober, so when you do meet that person, you will be ready.
Just buy some naughty movies & lotion, that will take care of the sex part. Hang out with sober friends and have some fun once in a while.
If you DO date, make sure you save back lots and lots of time for YOU and your program.
Thats my 2 cents.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Florham Park, NJ
Posts: 174
Thanks all for your advice. I can honestly say that while starting this thread I do understand the answer. I guess the "year" part..putting a boundary on it seems so harsh rather than saying "when it is right for you". But I do feel the "striving" to have someone and that is NOT a reason to be in a relationship.
What all you said is so true...when the newness wears off..when there is doubt in the relationship...when there is good times in the relationship...when you have to comprimse....let it go....bring it on...and make decisions of value (as it is not just you)...deal with the "games", the inmaturity (which requires maturity on your end)...when you can walk away and still love yourself...when you can say no and not digress...and do all that and remain "spiritually, emotionally, morally fit".......THAT is when a relationship is in order. The answer (for me) is Im not there yet. I guess I feel though when is ANYONE in that perfect module? So I guess then you have to look at the answer for when it is right foundationally? When you love yourself then you can love others. ANd right now, I don't. Not yet. God needs to come first too...have I done that yet? Not drinking is a start..but maybe He requires full attn to get the other "crap" out of the way..."my need for attention", praise, and worth that should come from HIM, not something else. This is the ROOT of why I drank. Remember, drink was a symptom. Hense it goes without saying that something caused me to escape and feel better. I believe we all try to transfer the addiction of drug to something else but the defnition is still insanity if we do that.
Perhaps this whole thread of relationship seeking ..me being alone at 45...a woman...feeling I need to get someone "before it is too late"...it sensitive to me because it is an ISSUE with me. Part of my recovery to let this go and time is part of that. Allowing God to make me face the loniliness instead of avoid it. Thanks again for all your help.
What all you said is so true...when the newness wears off..when there is doubt in the relationship...when there is good times in the relationship...when you have to comprimse....let it go....bring it on...and make decisions of value (as it is not just you)...deal with the "games", the inmaturity (which requires maturity on your end)...when you can walk away and still love yourself...when you can say no and not digress...and do all that and remain "spiritually, emotionally, morally fit".......THAT is when a relationship is in order. The answer (for me) is Im not there yet. I guess I feel though when is ANYONE in that perfect module? So I guess then you have to look at the answer for when it is right foundationally? When you love yourself then you can love others. ANd right now, I don't. Not yet. God needs to come first too...have I done that yet? Not drinking is a start..but maybe He requires full attn to get the other "crap" out of the way..."my need for attention", praise, and worth that should come from HIM, not something else. This is the ROOT of why I drank. Remember, drink was a symptom. Hense it goes without saying that something caused me to escape and feel better. I believe we all try to transfer the addiction of drug to something else but the defnition is still insanity if we do that.
Perhaps this whole thread of relationship seeking ..me being alone at 45...a woman...feeling I need to get someone "before it is too late"...it sensitive to me because it is an ISSUE with me. Part of my recovery to let this go and time is part of that. Allowing God to make me face the loniliness instead of avoid it. Thanks again for all your help.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I wouldn't get hung up on timelines. One day at a time right? From you're writing, you fairly in tune with what's going on with you. I believe that all is put in one's path for a reason. If someone shows up, well then...let that mystery unfold...one day at a time. That's all we have.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Mercedes you sound as though you are well in tune with yourself, keep in mind when you are ready, you will know, it may be 10 months or it might be 2 years, but from what you just posted when you are ready you will know.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Deinze, Belgium
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Mercedes1
Perhaps this whole thread of relationship seeking ..me being alone at 45...a woman...feeling I need to get someone "before it is too late"...it sensitive to me because it is an ISSUE with me.
In the meanwhile, we'll be here for you sugah'.
Big kiss,
Philip
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Originally Posted by Tazman53
It is but a suggestion, but if we sit down and honestly ask our self what one thing could possibly screw up our sobriety it would be having our hearts ripped out of our chest and stomped on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Uncle Earl,
I am in agreement in much of what you say. Yes, you do have a lot to offer to a relationship. You have displayed wisdom in what you believe.. You have found ways to deal with new relationships outside of AA.
However, AA teaches what has been proven to be successful in recovery..
What works for one may not work for another...
I am in agreement in much of what you say. Yes, you do have a lot to offer to a relationship. You have displayed wisdom in what you believe.. You have found ways to deal with new relationships outside of AA.
However, AA teaches what has been proven to be successful in recovery..
What works for one may not work for another...
Bittersweet
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Stockholm
Posts: 165
Hm in my opinion.. i think i need to love myself, first of all, before i get involved in a relationship. But if it feels right, no reason to wait.
And im not into AA at all, so its just my opinion.
And im not into AA at all, so its just my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by Missymae737
Uncle Earl,
I am in agreement in much of what you say. Yes, you do have a lot to offer to a relationship. You have displayed wisdom in what you believe.. You have found ways to deal with new relationships outside of AA.
However, AA teaches what has been proven to be successful in recovery..
What works for one may not work for another...
I am in agreement in much of what you say. Yes, you do have a lot to offer to a relationship. You have displayed wisdom in what you believe.. You have found ways to deal with new relationships outside of AA.
However, AA teaches what has been proven to be successful in recovery..
What works for one may not work for another...
Me?!? Wisdom?! You must have the wrong UncleEarl! (that's a joke).
I have no beefs whatsoever with AA. Indeed, I support its practices and participants. It works, and I will never argue with that.
I suppose what pricked my sensibilities was the line, "What have you got to offer anyone right now?" (sorry, jbit, but I still maintain that such thinking is counterproductive and even counter-recovery).
And Mercedes: I absolutely agree that seeking a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is asking for trouble. But if you meet someone you like, then, as Nuudawn says, take it a day at a time.
Earl
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