Nuudawn

Concolor... I hadn't noticed that 5 - 10 year gap until just this moment. Wow..that's spooky.

barb dwyer

Merceds wrote: Well said.
There's MY reason, anyhow. I've been married four count 'em FOUR times ... it's the cinchy-est thing in the world for me to throw a MAN in the place ... where my HP needs to be. And having spent the greater part of my life trying (and failing) to be what some man wanted ... this time - I'm going to let myself become ... what HP wanted all along.
First, I mean.

The other thing - I don't know if you're talking about dating within your group - but I've got a saying about that one, -

"don't hunt her own woods, and don't fish in yer own pond."

nobody - but NOBODY comes to AA because they're doing great.

Tazman53

Barb I agree 100% at first, but some of us do get better with time and keep coming to meetings as a maintenance thing and for 12th stepping.

Heck if I wasn't already married in another 6 months or so I might have made a decent catch. LOL

barb dwyer

taziofsky -


ya, that's what I meant.

second part -

Tazman53

Barbugatskitski I kind of figured that, but was not sure!

LucyUK

Well thanks for the replies. I don't get to a PC too often at the moment. My self will has run riot and I almost drank on it. I decided that I shouldn't see 'nice guy' any more as it wasn't fair. But, I sort of got back together with the guy in the next town, he was willing too but I lied about something (that old lack of integrity coming back to bite me in the arse) and the thing I lied about is pretty insignificant but the lying itself finally broke us up for good & all.

I was devasted and nearly drank on it. For about half an hour I couldn't decide whether to get blind drunk or top myself. I hate to admit that's where it took me but it did. Then, somehow (HP!) my sponsor's words came back to me and I did ring some women in the fellowship, got it all out (hysterically, at this time) and did some writing which is how I work out my stuff. I have realised for me, that picking up a man (at this stage in my life) is just as harmful as picking up a drink. I was changing my priorities and my whole life around this guy, just as I used to for alcohol. It has been a crushing humiliating experience made so much more painful because it was explained to me beforehand but I am slowly coming out the other side. I am grateful to my HP for the strength to call these women and they helped me get through the next 48 hours. Now, I am working the program to the best of my ability doing the next right thing only according to my HP and trying to regain my integrity.

A very painful lesson that I know now that I had to learn for myself but right now I am just very grateful it didn't end worse. Thanks for being here when I needed to talk.

Tazman53

Lucy I am so glad you did not pick up, as an alcoholic I find myself many times learning things the hard way. As with you, my HP and other folks in AA are always there to catch me....... but only if I let them!!! I am scared to death of a relapse so I have stayed on top of my program from the word go.

Lucy I am married so I can not speak from Experience on this topic, but I can assure you that by you sharing your Experience some one has benefitted, especially since you did not pick up!!

Hush007

Hey Lucy,

Sorry to hear what happened.
But not matter what,...the most important thing was the fact that you did not cave in and left the demon in the bottle!

I'm so proud of you honey! I know it is very hard to resist the urge when things go bad. You should be proud of yourself! I hope that you'll feel better real soon! We are always here for you, and so are the AA members of your group.

Hang in there and keep up the good work! You are doing great!

Big kiss,

Philip

jada311

We really don't need the AA police when we have alcohol and drugs waiting right outside do we? The "suggestion" of no relationship for a year is rough but worth the time to know yourself and character defects. i don't have anything to offer another person when i got here. I wont lie i have been with my fiance longer than i have been sober and we still our together, but it was very rocky in the beginning and i had done a lot of damage. i never tell my sponsees no relationships for a year. Do what you want but lets do the work first. lets begin this process of recovery that will connect you with a higher power of your understandin , show you the truth about yourself and teach you how to live without harming others, and how to clean it up if you do. I have no tools for that when i walk into aa. Man, if i was awake there was wreckage and that continued on into early sobriety with my fiance. My question here is : at 79 days .....Why now? the question i would be asking myself is why after seventy nine days sober am i so compelled to find a loophole in this suggestion that i would take it to a forum hoping someone else would cosign it. Don't screw yourself out of a chance to learn about yourself before removing a portion of that focus. You have a great opportunity.....just do the work first.

Pinkcuda

I've been in AA for 5 years now and I've never heard or read anywhere that we need to put any aspect of our lives on hold for a year while we're in the process of recovering.
In fact I believe that we turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him. Gods will is Gods will. I dare not go against Gods will. If Gods will brings a relationship (or anything else) for any reason, do I balk because someone in AA said so. It can't be reconciled in the book, can it? Disregard anything that is said in AA that can't be reconciled in the book!
That's my two cents.

jada311

This Is a Mere suggestion. Based upon the colective experience of aa as a whole. It may not be in the big book but it is supported in the spiritual essence of tradition two. Which contrary to belief holds as much weight as the steps. I previously stated that i have been in a relationship since before i got sober. however, the numerous times i have tried to get sober i was not in this relationship but chasing one because i felt "alone". I am not speaking outside of my experienc e on this one. It is very easy for me to confuse my wants with gods will. when i got sober i had no idea what gods will was. Thats why i have a sponsor and the collective knowledge of alcoholics anonymous!!!! Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the power of god as we understood him. Don't we start by taking suggestion because our lives up until the point we walked into alcoholics anonymous were a complete mess while run on self propulsion. Do the work first....

Kallista

Because people aren't really stable emotionally until they're about 1 year sober. Newbies in recovery experience mood disturbances and sleep disturbances. They really need to get themselves stable before they start taking on serious relationships.

You also change a lot in that first year.

My general advice is "Casual dating or group dating is okay, but anything more is putting too much on a strained system."

Texasblind

I'm just about a year sober and I have to admit, I have no desire to be in a relationship.

navysteve

Step work has something to do with it as well. A year is just a year. Recovery removes the garbage and makes us able to be a partner.

NoelleR

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought this might be a good place to repost what Laurie6781 said back in 2007....y'all do realize that this thread, this question, is from March of 2007, right....?

I have nothing to add to what Laurie6781 has said regarding this suggestion, but regarding this suggestions being supported in the spiritual essence of tradition two, and that the traditions hold as much weight as the steps....yes, they do.....for the groups, NOT for the individuals; traditions are for the groups as the steps are for the individual. I work the steps for my recovery; groups deal with the traditions for their unity and survival. ...and tradition 2 just means that there is no president or dictator of a group, but that the group uses a group conscience to hold itself in check, and in-line with AA as a whole.

When I was new in recovery I may have taken suggestions (especially from my sponsor), but I did question and have discussions with said sponsor; I didn't take suggestions blindly; I'm not a lemming.....and I definitely did NOT turn my life over to the care of any groups.....I was not in a relationship when I first started out in recovery, but I did date, and I did get into relationships (although they were platonic), and grew my support group and friends wisely.

We need to remember that this is a suggestion and ONLY a SUGGESTION. It's not AA; it's not in the BB [at least not in the first 164 pages, and definitely not on pages 59&60 (the steps, which are suggested as a program of recovery)].

As navysteve has said.....step work has something to do with it.....and yes, a year is just a year. Like some like to say......quality over quantity; to whit I usually say.....can't have any quality without any quantity of some kind..... (o:


NoelleR

jada311

the traditions are as equally important to the individual.That steps to the individual what traditions are to the group stuff is such a cop out.
Spend some time as a GSR go to the conference Learn more about those Traditions apply them to your personal life than comeback and sya that the traditions only apply to the group.