And yet another thread...
 

Headache.. My brain feels like it has the size of Africa forced into my skull.
Maybe i didnt slipped.. i did fail. I fell... hard.
I want to do this alone, dont talk about AA. I cant go.
Im sorry if thats the only way there is, cause then im f*cked.
I do not function in a room full of people. Not sober.
I always feel like people dont want me nowhere near themselves - cause damnit, thats what ive been told from everyone i ever had close.
Me and Taz was talking about my shell that i do know i have, and i dont want to get out of it - noone can hurt me if they cant reach me. They cant hurt me if i dont let them.

Im numb, and its not only the alcohol. The alcohol just makes me... not so sad cause i dont feel. I never learnd to love.
I never felt loved, maybe you dont feel when youre loved... but dont tell me that, its my only hope.

I need sex. Thats love to me. I need human contact. Skin to skin to know that i still excist. Im not even sure anymore, everything feels so surreal.

So ive been drinking all week.. with my mom.. and alone... what a sad pathetic nobody i am.

Talked to my friends, they laughed and told me they knew i wouldnt last long sober. They knew it... guess i did aswell. I really hoped, i did.

Im sorry, i really dont expect any answer to this nonsens. Had to get it out.. and you people are great.. there will always be someone with the same feelings or experience and with good advice. And if not.. you listen.

Im sorry please forgive me for another sad, dark thread. I really feel like i dont bring much to this forum, but i just couldnt help myself from posting. Ive tried.

Sorry :(

Minnie

Hugs....
Of course AA is not the only way
here is a list for you to check out.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Do see your doctor so you can stop saftly
I do hope you can quit drinking
Prayers going out

((((Minnie)))))

Sending out hugs to you. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Please don't lose hope.

If you even have a little desire to get sober, that is enough to develop. Keep nurturing that desire to quit. Have you spoken to your doctor about this? Your doctor will probably have some suggestions for you that will help you get sober.

I hope you hang in there, and stick it out with us. We are here for you in this time of need. You can get through this.

I will pray for you tonight.
chip

hey minnie - you're not pathetic. you're fighting a very tough disease that likes to take prisoners..

please - don't give up. recovery is possible. we're here for you!

blessings, k

This is not something you, in your case, can do alone. Im sorry to tell you that. AA isnt you standing up at a podium and addressing a room full of people. You go and sit down and listen to others talk. You do that until you feel comfortable enough to talk. Trust me,...you WILL feel comfortable soon. I know you dont feel like you EVER will right now. That will pass. Continuing to drink WILL take your life from you,...literally. You cant want sobriety and also say there are things you arent willing to try. You are doomed to failure every single time.

minnie,

I'll pray for you tonight... you are not alone...

Hia mini, you don't have to be sorry to us, your only going through what we've all experienced. The frustration of wanting to stop but the seemless imposability to do it. But mini if at the moment that hill seems just to high to climb, just look at it for a while eventualy you will see the route to the top that suits you.
Mini dont ever feel that you dont bring anything to SR, You bring yourself and your honesty, something that is vital to all that are seeking recovery.
Keep yourself safe, keep looking for recovery and the love you desire will follow. Please take care mini and post back soon!.

chris.

Sounds like me Thurs morning.. I am getting up, dusting off, and preparing myself to work harder... All the best, you are not alone ~!

Feel for you. When we start to go wrong as people, drinking, or screwing or whatever we're doing in an unhealthy manner, without regard for the consequences and only with regard to our own selfish moment of forgetfulness - that's when we know that we have an illness that isn't solely about the drink or the spliff or the next lay, but is about our lack of control, our chaos.

Hi Minni, you slipped, and no A.A. is not the only way.

I am checking out women for sobriety right now.

Carol posted the different recovery programs above.

Check them out online, and see if any of them sound like

you can commit to, hugs minni, hope3

Its obvious that you have no idea what youre talking about, hi im Minnie. Nice to meet you EB. As i said i do not function in a room with other people when im sober. Theres no diffrence to stand up or talk or sit and hide cause i will feel like total crap afterwards. Im not shy, i will look like im happy. I will smile and talk... im acting around people. but its tearing inside. cause im not being real, and i feel like everyone in the room just wants me out of there. that they hate me. Noone knows me better then me, AA will not work for me. I will after years still feel like noone wants me there.

If AA is the only option, and the only way to go. Then im totally f*cked. I can just go jump infront of a train cause as you said drinking WILL take my life.

AA might work for some, but everyone is diffrent. everyone is unique. how can only one way be the only way to go?



You know i can agree on this. I just talked to a SR-friend on msn and i told him that i was doomed.. i fail. I agree... thats why im sat here with my drink.

But i didnt say that im not willing to try.. cause i stayed sober for 69 days and i was struggling... i would call that a pretty good try

I don't understand
Many of us have given you support and information.
Why are you only paying attention to EB?

Put him on Ignore and move on.
To do that click on His Profile
go to the Buudy button and click there.

Hi Minnie, I have a feeling your drinking might be linked to depression as I have mentioned. I remember you said seeing a doctor would be easier to face than a room full of people (like AA), how about trying to see a Doctor?

Anyway, you slipped it's what we do, we are alkies. Give yourself a break and jump back on the sober wagon again.
Oh and ignore earlybird lol!

:hug:

Hey Mini... you post so much pain from someone so young :(. I hope you can see some way to get through that and realise that you don't have to feel like this, live like this. I think posting here is one way to get there if you can't do AA. Not everyone here goes to AA (shhh... I don't :) ) and there are other programs as hope and Carol pointed out. I looked in to Women for Sobriety and thought it would be something good for me... but there are no meetings near me at all. They do have a message board on MSN though. That's just as well... I'm plugging along w/o WFS or AA and it's OK. See, some people can do it without AA.

I really feel that you need love and support... not lectures so that's all from me. For now ;).

Actually i usually try to answer every reply i get to all my threads and tell people how much i appriciate it. thats why i keep comming back, cause it helps me. Ive spent my time reading off those link you pasted in your post, cause i do read your posts. I cant just throw away an answer without much thought behind it like i did to EB cause my mind is everywhere and nowhere and i dont want to upset people with my replys. Like i did with my nonreply now.

Im sorry

Hi Missminime,

Welcome and I'm glad you found us.

I can hear the desparation in your posts and I want you to know that you are not alone. I remember how lost and alone I felt when I was trying to stop drinking. We are all here to support you.

As others have said AA is not the only way. Stopping drinking and living a peaceful life is accessible to you and there is lots of information and support here, so keep posting. And, don't be side-tracked by posts that upset you, because you will find you have many friends here.

Mini, I do hope your headache is better.
Did you try 2 aspirin for releif?

Just be gentle with yourself for awhile.

Blessings

Hiya Minnie,

I seriously doubt that you are half as bad a person as you seem to think, and I'm sure others are not nearly as down on you as you believe they are. 69 days is da bomb! There's a lot of people here, including myself, who have yet to string that many days together. I have a really hard time believing I'm a good person, even when other people tell me I am. I think we both need to be kinder to ourselves!

DK

Yes, I agree with carol, don't be so hard on yourself,

rest, and things will look a little better in the morning, hope3

Hi, my headache is a bit better. Im not really much for taking pills, so i just try to goto bed when i got a headache like that. I do feel better now.

Thanks for the link Carol, been reading some off there. Found a link in stones thread (me thinks) about depression aswell and i was stucked there for a while.

No i havnt talked to my doctor yet. I have no idea what to say. I guess i can try next time im going there. But youre right there Stone, i would be able to go to a doctor but not AA.

GP - Thank you! I had to hear that its possible without AA. I knew it HAD to be other options. All ive heard is that it cant be done alone and that AA is the only thing that can help me, but its not working for me. I lost hope. But I will look more into Women for Sobriety, thanks :)

I know exactly what you mean Doorknob. Those are feelings i have aswell. I say thank you and smile when people say im pretty, smart, fun, a good person or anything positive but i really dont believe it and most of the time i think they are making fun of me. I guess youre right we need to be kinder to ourselves. Im sure youre a great person! :)

Youre all right, i need to stop beating myself up. Its hard. Im so used to think like this.

Thank you for all your prayers and kind answers. Its very much appriciated, no mather what you might think. I just couldnt write along answer last night, english is my second or even third language so its not always too easy to type and express what i want to say. The reason EB got an answer was cause it did upset me a little, people always said i do things better when im angry. I see now that it wasnt what i shouldve done, sorry again those i offended.