jus2day99

I am having the hardest time with work since I have been sober. That has been a few years now. I had a customer service job for three years but that is the longest I have been able to stay in one place for over 10yrs. At first I thought is was the type of work I was doing. As I get older it is harder to deal with phone calls. There are more of them and so much is expected from a worker in the clerical field. I don't have the speed typing or the software programs at an expert level. I am older now and I seem to be less and less employable. I know that the typing will stay at about the 40-45 wpm level as I have been typing for over 30 yrs now and it does not go up. Basically I am more into details than speed. I work directly well with the public and can motivate others with my good attitude. I can't find a job doing that without years of experience and I don't have the money or time for that. I need a job yesterday. I had one recently for a womens clinic and I left because of the horrible phones and the unsupportive nature of the employers. I had a co worker that was 25 years younger than I was trying real hard not to work those phones. Phones were going unanswered and there was not end in sight for me. I left that job as I have others in the past. I want to know how I can get work and help my family and stick with it come heck or high water.

I believe sometimes failure is all I know and I am afraid on any type of success. I know I do like working the front desk at a doctors office and did that recently on a temp basis. I loved it. No phones and I was dealing alot with older patients. Alot of people can't do that but I loved it and had to leave. It seems that employers want me for the phones because I am older and not the model type for the front office. My whole stupid self is effected. I seem to be a bad job magnet. If it doesn't have good benefits and has lazy co workers, and is run on crisis than I am the one that gets the job. The ones that would work for me are the ones I don't get. It is insanity and I want to not obsess and get on with life. Please, please help. I have made jobs and job seeking and leaving jobs a obsession for sure. Like the alcohol and drugs I left a few 15 years ago.

Thanks for any help you can give this insane recovering alkie.

Justy

Nuudawn

Hey Justy,
Sounds to me like you are in "crisis"....oddly enough it can be an incredibly exciting place. "Krisis" is derived from the Greeks...meaning "turning point and time for decision". You can't stick a square peg into a round hole. What is it that YOU want rather than focusing on what you are not. What kind of work do you want to do? You will never find any job satisfaction until you have answered the calling of your soul. This is something that takes courage and resolve. Do you have any idea what you want to do? Until you figure out that first step, you'll be tossed around by the whims of others.

jus2day99

You are so right. I am in crisis mode. This is a concern in my soul. I want to work with the elderly. In a front office of a clinic or anywhere else that would work. I am not a caregiver, more of an advocate. I see that the elderly is often left out and forgotten. It is what I enjoy. At the job I had at an internal medicine clinic I worked temp I was able to make a difference even for the little while they checked in.

I know that there are jobs where working directly with people is possible yet I don't attract that type of work. I recently applied for a similar clinic but I am not as sure of my abilities as I should be. I am a bit gun shy. I have tried to fit in that square hole so long I have forgotten my strenths. I also think that I will not pass a backround check because of all the jobs I have had in the past. I am seriously worried that my husband and I will run out of money before I find myself.

Thanks for the insight and any other you can offer.

Justy

Golfman

Justy,

Sounds to me like you've been a success at one job over the last 15 years...staying sober. That's the most important job you have.

I too was afraid of success for many years. For me, the reason was that if I allowed myself to be successful, others would expect more of me. The fact is, and again this is for me, that I'm a very lazy guy and want to do things at my pace, not the one set for me by others. I don't like others "expecting" things from me and I sure don't like being held accountable. It's scary!

BTW, no "stupid self" here. The fears that we have are real. Others may think them irrational, but they are what they are.

I did however, come to the realization that I probably wasn't going to find the "ideal" job for me. I've been in sales for the better part of 35 years and hated every minute of it. I've come to accept the fact that it's whatIi do best. Itsn't that strange? I hate what I do best. Talk about a little insanity. Would I love to do something else...of course. In fact now that I see retirement 7 or 8 years down the road I've been asking myself lately..."do I want to try and do something I enjoy, even though I would take a drastic reduction in compensation? I'm weighing this very carefully. I have to make sure that if I decide to do that, that my motivation is what it should be. Not because I'm lazy. I would just like to finish my job every day and not have to think about what I have to do the next. I'd just like to work and not have someone say "it's great what you did yesterday, but what are you going to do for me today."

Sorry to get off on a rant here, but it's probably no coincidence that you brought up this topic. I will say this, that the more I obsess over something, the more I lose a sense of who I am. I've struggled for years trying to make sure that my job doesn't define who I am. At 56 years old, I think I'm just now finding peace with that.

I believe that I had to make peace with the idea that if I wanted to make a lot of money, I was going to have to do something I didn't really care to do. I had to accept the fact that I like the comfort and and surroundings that my job affords me more than than having the ideal job. It's a trade-off for me.

I always have to decide what I'm willing to accept versus what I really want. I know that today, the God of my understanding provides everything I really need. Everything else is gravy.

Ed

Nuudawn

Justy,
Wow..working with the elderly. I am Canadian and they are "screaming" for these positions. With the aging baby boomers, I can't imagine that this is any different in the U.S. Oh my gosh, how can you make this happen. Are you in a position to get back to school? Can you volunteer in extended care wards in your local hospital. Are there unemployment organizations that fund schooling? I think you need to focus on this right here, right now...do everything you can to arm yourself with as much possible information you can about a position in this field. You have to answer the call of your soul. It's vital. I'm suddenly incredibly excited for you. Read, google, ask, investigate..fill your veins with this aspiration. It will come.

jus2day99

Thanks for that message. I have some things I need to think about. You are right I do not want to do what others want me to. At 52 I am a rebel without a cause. Certain things are important, vacations, which you never get if you don't stay anywhere very long. Time off you have a lot of it when you are unemployed but no money to spend. How do you get rid of the caged tiger feeling when you work for others? I get it so bad that I think I have to leave or die. Working with 24 year olds really gets to me. I know I am lazy but them wow they give lazy a new name. That and they get away with it. You know what they say. It is the things within others you hate that are the things you dislike the most in ourselves. So true.

Off subject: You are in Tn? My husband and family are from Clarksville. That is one of the vacations I would love to take. Miss them so much over there. We live in the great northwest. I know how did a boy from Tn end up there? Long story. Geographics has something to do with it. But the great NW is beautiful in so many ways.

Just a few questions. How do you get by each day when everyone is kissing butt, lying, cheating and stealing there way? I have a hard time and can't seem to kiss behind very well. I'am hoping for the job with the clinic that was similar to the one I liked. With all the elderly patients. I still have patients from my four month job that miss me and wish I still worked at the other clinic. I am encouraging. I just have not found that job that works for me. Also how do you get fast when you are not made of that stuff? I can get adequite but not speedy. It is a bit more than pure laziness. I am a bit slower. Maybe all the alcohol I consumed who knows. Thanks again for the advise and hope to hear back.

GlassPrisoner

Hate to sound cliche.....but......

Give it to your Higher Power. I'm sure he could provide you with a comfortable living while you help others. That kind of work is right up His alley

I just took a job, although a really good one, that pays less than I'm worth. But, it's 6 miles from my house. I can still see my 14 year old daughter at normal times of the day, and continue to work my program.

All the time I was looking, I put sobriety and service ahead of finding work. Not to say I didn't look, but I didn't obsesss. (That obsession is one of our deaths, much like fear and resenment, IMO) I had Faith that He would eventually take care of me. He did.

jus2day99

Thanks for that. I do have a HP that I call God. He sees me through so much including 15 and a half years of sobriety. A bonified miracle in itself. I have been feeling the push to service and helping others in a big way but it is hard if everything has a when I find a job before it. I thank you for reminding me of the obsessive, compulsive, insane side of me. I am not well yet. God will provide an answer.

Thanks,
Justy

jus2day99

Thanks so much for the suggestions nuudawn. I need to include what I love in the search. Through volunteering or whatever I find. I am excited about this new look at things. I was getting too too isolated. That makes me crazy for sure. I hope that the obession lifts. Then I will be clearer to find the answers I need from my HP. thanks again, justy

GlassPrisoner

You're better than you were Justy ! Progress......

Golfman

Justy,

At the risk of offending our younger crowd I do agree with you regarding many of the younger set. I've some to the realization though that in some respects, it's not their fault. I grew up in the 60's, you know, the "Woodstock Generation." Free love, free sex, all that crap. As I got older, I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to be a part of working society, I had to put down all that idealistic garbage and join the real world, as detestible as it was. My wife is a high school English teacher so she's exposed, and so am I, to the selfishness, the "so what" attitude of some kids today. More than this though, she's seen for herself how little parents get involved in their kids' lives. Thye want to be "friends" with their kids, not parents. That's nice...but it teaches children nothing about discipline, respect, etc.

Your second statement about hating what you see in others?..how true that is.

I live in Murfreesboro. You know where that is. I've lived here for 18 years, raised my daughters here, and I wouldn't trade it for anything now. It's getting a bit crowded, but where can you go that isn't?

Lastly, re: butt kissing, cheating, lying. If I don't maintain my integrity, I'm worth nothing. By integrity, I mean that the program teaches me to be honest, forthcoming, and to treat others as I would like to be treated. If I stray from that, I will be lost for sure. I avoid situations where those troubling things occur. I've never had to quit a job over it, but see it every day and it disgusts me.

I believe you have to do what your conscience guides you to do. My conscience, the God of my understanding, will guide me if I'm really stuck. It's really the only thing I can depend on.

Good luck,
Ed

SaTiT

I held a job for over 14 years since I join recovery.
It dosn't matter where I work , there's a fair amount of chaos that gose on.

Basically a lot of people are dyfuntional and have no clue.
A lot of people do not have any type of live tools or a living program.
They might have an education in certain fields, but don't necessary
know how to live a heathly life. Especailly younger people
that hav'nt had any experience in having power and abuse that power.
And probably still hung over from the previous night.
I have my ways of telling those younster, or give them plenty of rope.
As if I've never been a manager/supervisor before.....crazy kids.
It dosen't matter young or old. Some people are still in active
addiction, or functioning alki. I choose to call them future members.lol
if you work for a boss that's still insane, it's a bit tough.

I work directly under the owner of the company.
It didn't started out that way. I worked very hard.
Plus had to courage to ask him for pay raises, consistently.
Most of my co -workers are jealouse of me if they see my pay check.
I'm basically one of the highest paying worker.
I don't have a tittle, becuase I choose not to.
But there's always some one out to kiss butt..and start telling me
crap or try to get me to do their responsibilities...noobies to the
company with a title.lmaf

I attend meetings sometimes becuase it is chaotic.
AA is a practicing ground for me to learn how to deal with other.
At the very least I get to build some tolerance level.
I learn how to focus on myself rather then to get too deep
into BS, but sometimes i do have learn how to deal with
confrontations. Because there's always going to be at least
one or two people in any work place that's an egotictic maniac.
But for the most part i just focus on what I need to do. Do my part
and keep my side if the street clean.

Sometimes some of my co workers will ask me how I'm able to
handle or stay calm at work in certain situations. I've gone to
the bath room and pray over the tiolet many, many days.

It's through working the 12 steps , and attending meetings.
And appling the principle of the 12 steps

jus2day99

Thanks so much for that. I am needing the program more than ever. In these rooms I am ok. I will keep a good attitude and continue to look for work till it finds me. I will try not to get so caught up in the garbage that makes me crazy at work. I know I need to grow up and do the right things. It is hard sometimes.

Justy

CarolD

Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum!
Well done on your sober years!

When I moved to Fl...3 years sober.. 56 years old
having no local contacts..
I found the state unemployment services had free job re
training and placement for seniors...mostly computer training.
I had never touched one!

Unfortunately..I had to live there a year to qualify.

So I enrolled at the Jr. College and started to learn.
Again...my short time in Fl. made this financially
difficult so I continued with Adult Education
Classes.

I also talked often in AA meetings about needing a job.

A member told me her agency was hiring for
home care for the elderly.
They took me because I had been a Gray Lady
voulenteer...LOL and I was there willing to try!

Now it is not what you mentioned
as it was as a hands on caregiver.

This was a large agency..they had many differet
levels of care They also gave free training sessions.
I got my CNA certificate and eventually worked
in Hospice.

Hospice was much easier and fulfilling too.

The pay was low..I worked 60 hours a week
and I have never had a job that was so personally
satisfying! I left to move to Ga. 6 years later.

I could not find another job here so I became a
Deli Dolly for a short time. Supermarkets were
not for me.

I then switched to a waitress job in a place that
does not serve liquor...3 years later I left for
health reasons. No more jobs at 68.

I am writing this tome so you might get a glimmer
of hope. BTW...I was and am overweight and bossy!

I found that getting a job after 50 is a challange
but possible.

Glad to see you here...

Sugah

Is there a career counseling service in your area? Job search programs? If you make a few phone calls, you may find someone (perhaps a local university?) who's willing to sit down with you and do an interest inventory. Better yet would be a full screening, which includes not only interests but motor skills, psychological evaluation and intelligence testing. They take the things that interest you, what you're good at and can handle and what you have the ability to learn and blend them, spitting out the likelihood that you'll be successful in various fields. Now, just because you might score lower on something that really interests you doesn't mean you can't give it your all. Hell, getting sober is something that would have been very low in likelihood for most of us!! But, it gives you some direction in setting realistic goals and may suggest some areas you hadn't even thought of yet.

Good luck!

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Tazman53

Carol offered some excellent advice along with all the others, the reason I named Carolis I have seen more then one person get a job through the fellowship, the fellowship is an amazing thing.

jus2day99

I need a now job not a college course or two. Really the money is nearing it's end. I know what I am excellent at and what I do best. Had a few career tests in my lifetime. The reality I am too old to go to college and get a degree. No health benefits no retirement no steady money. So far I don't think that is what I need. Hell I wouldn't be able to pay back the school loans lol. won't live long enough. I know you are never too old but this is a today need. I just want a job that isn't all out horrible. Thanks for the school thing advise but I need real today advice. The school thing could be a course or so now and again but I need a job yesterday.

Thanks for all the helpful suggestions. I know I need an open mind.

jus2day99

Nothing has changed since I put the thread on the net. I do realize how many unresolved issues I have around it. I am angry and fearful. I am closed about some suggestions and I ask myself why? I am very sensitive about others. I come down to what I have always know and that is I am self-centered, want things my way, don't want to be told what to do and I don't want anything to be hard. What type of alcoholic thinking I still have. Guess what guys I may be 15 and a half years sober but I am no means well. What a surpriise. I knew that but I guess I was so into finding work that I lost temperary sight of that. One could say I was closer to a drink than I realized and dry drunking quite well. I knew it last night at the meeting when my mind drifted off for a second and I could see and taste mind you a wine cooler. In my mind but pretty darn real. That is how cunny and baffeling and powerful it is. Sometimes I can catch a wiff of it when I know there isn't any.

Sure the job is important. But not that important. I need to keep everything right sized. God will help me to find a job one way or another. I don't have to be living in fear in resentment all my life. My HP is bigger than I make him out to be.

I got upset in my last post. I realize no one has responded to it. I get so scared of the school thing I freaks me out when anyone even makes a suggestion about it. Bad experiences with school and my learning processes. But it still should be a option if I want it not, not one because I am so scared of it.

SELF is alive and living too much in my life. I will be working on it. I do however still need you suggestions and help. It has really opened my life to what is really going on with me and I thank you for that.

Debbie
aka Justy

stone

Hi Debbie, I wouldn't see too much into not getting answers to posts, a lot of us have different time zones and miss posts a lot.
I have no advice but wanted to say I understand and am glad you are reaching out here.
I can't directly relate to your experience as it is right now but I can relate to a (recovering in your case!) alcoholic. I am not into AA and higher power stuff as of yet but I remember one thing I heard which was 'you have your life and your life situation' your life isn't your life situation. Your peace of mind and getting in touch with calm and spirituality are more important than your life situation. That sounds as trite as 'give it over' but it seems to work!
At it's core is how you deal with external situations, you can't control them but you can control how you react to them.
Sorry for going on so long and I hope I didn't sound like I think I am wise, I am talking to myself as much as to you I guess.

Sugah

Hi, Debbie.

I read your post yesterday, and I was going to respond but didn't -- because I realized that if I did, it would be to negate your post: To tell you that you're not too old, that there's always a way around the financial issues, that what I was talking about in my post to you wasn't necessarily about going back to school, just exploring your options. And who I am to do that? I don't know your circumstances.

I also didn't respond because that's my way. If my suggestions are rejected, I don't take it personally. I just don't reiterate them or try to prove I'm right and you're wrong.

But, this is a different suggestion I'm going to offer now. Some of the best direction I've found is in repeating and really thinking about the Serenity Prayer:

We ask our HP for:
serenity to accept the things we cannot change
courage to change the things we can
and the wisdom to know the difference

I've found that some things I thought were unchangeable really were. I found that some things I tried for years to change were far beyond my ability to do so. And I like how you expressed trust in your HP. If you pray on these things, meditate on (listen for) the answers, I think you'll be able to see what's right for you.

Keep posting, Debbie. If you're actively seeking the answers and you're keeping an open mind, I think you'll find them.

Peace & Love,
Sugah