Mama said there'd be days like this...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 55
Mama said there'd be days like this...
Hi everyone.
Looking for some experience, strength and hope, as I have been feeling a bit unsettled these past few days. I'm doing the deal, but I find myself wandering mentally andd emotionally, worrying about things I have no control over.
I am seeing some things I hadn't seen before...looks like they're coming up as a result of decisions I have made and as a continuing growth process. Here's the detail.
I saw that I have not once in my life asked a girl on a date. I've been on plenty of them, only the girl didn't know that. In fact, I went to great lengths to avoid telling her it was a date to avoid the rejection I believed would surely come. I decided I wanted to start dating to amend this bahvior. I did ask a girl out directly, and it was cool to do so with a bit of integrity. She said no, but that didn't bother me in the least...fear removed, Hurrah!
Just the same, I find myself drifting into some lonliness and it is uncomfortable.
This activity, plus some other stuff, brought to my attention last night that I do not know if I am a normal guy, and have almost no idea at all how to relate to other men. I have lots of things in my mind I've not ever discussed in terms of perceptions and my interests, and I've been trying like hell to relate to women to discover if I am a normal guy or not for a lifetime. Kind of nutty if you asked me, as a woman is a woman, not a man.
I am praying and such, and will speak with my sponsor at the first opportunity, but I'd like to hear from you as well. Any thoughts or suggestions?
Blessings
Looking for some experience, strength and hope, as I have been feeling a bit unsettled these past few days. I'm doing the deal, but I find myself wandering mentally andd emotionally, worrying about things I have no control over.
I am seeing some things I hadn't seen before...looks like they're coming up as a result of decisions I have made and as a continuing growth process. Here's the detail.
I saw that I have not once in my life asked a girl on a date. I've been on plenty of them, only the girl didn't know that. In fact, I went to great lengths to avoid telling her it was a date to avoid the rejection I believed would surely come. I decided I wanted to start dating to amend this bahvior. I did ask a girl out directly, and it was cool to do so with a bit of integrity. She said no, but that didn't bother me in the least...fear removed, Hurrah!
Just the same, I find myself drifting into some lonliness and it is uncomfortable.
This activity, plus some other stuff, brought to my attention last night that I do not know if I am a normal guy, and have almost no idea at all how to relate to other men. I have lots of things in my mind I've not ever discussed in terms of perceptions and my interests, and I've been trying like hell to relate to women to discover if I am a normal guy or not for a lifetime. Kind of nutty if you asked me, as a woman is a woman, not a man.
I am praying and such, and will speak with my sponsor at the first opportunity, but I'd like to hear from you as well. Any thoughts or suggestions?
Blessings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 55
I Crack Myself Up...
Right after posting this and logging out, I started laughing uproariously at myself. If this is the worst problem I am having in sobriety, then I'm doing rather well :-)
It reminded me with a great deal of amusment and humor how little things like this used to lead me to a drink. Being willing to die over a thing like this, hiding this and holding on to it and being willing to die over this secret...now THAT's insanity :-)
Still open to your input, but wanted to be sure to just offer my amusement here. I can actually laugh at myself today, where I couldn't do that before.
As we insist on enjoying life and not taking ourselves so seriously, I'd like to add a different twist to my request. Anyone else have something goofy like this going on they used to be willing to die over?
Blessings
It reminded me with a great deal of amusment and humor how little things like this used to lead me to a drink. Being willing to die over a thing like this, hiding this and holding on to it and being willing to die over this secret...now THAT's insanity :-)
Still open to your input, but wanted to be sure to just offer my amusement here. I can actually laugh at myself today, where I couldn't do that before.
As we insist on enjoying life and not taking ourselves so seriously, I'd like to add a different twist to my request. Anyone else have something goofy like this going on they used to be willing to die over?
Blessings
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
LOL, that is funny. It's so great to be able to laugh at yourself and not take yourself so seriously. That's one of my biggest challenges. In fact my husband blames all his obnoxious behavior on the fact that I take everything so seriously. He says he's going to stop once I know how to laugh at myself
Your first post may seem like a small problem to you but that is one of the gifts of sobriety. We get to appreciate the simplicity of our problems today. What's ironic is that staying sober is the very cure for your issue. I think everyone feels the same way in the beginning of sobriety. I know a lot of my friends had really never related to other woman and felt they didn't know how. They had only been around guys. It's easier I guess. There are so many reasons for this. Supposedly when we start using we stop developing emotionally and you're suppose to go back to the age you were when you started and that's the emotional age you are now. Trouble is, everyone else grew up. Also, I think a lot of people drank to be more social.
The bottom line is that we've all been there and the good new is that the answer is in the steps.
I am so happy that there is a solution to the things that baffle me today. They say fake it till you make it.....this probably applies here. Just be yourself....more likely than not, all the other guys are feeling exactly the same way
Your first post may seem like a small problem to you but that is one of the gifts of sobriety. We get to appreciate the simplicity of our problems today. What's ironic is that staying sober is the very cure for your issue. I think everyone feels the same way in the beginning of sobriety. I know a lot of my friends had really never related to other woman and felt they didn't know how. They had only been around guys. It's easier I guess. There are so many reasons for this. Supposedly when we start using we stop developing emotionally and you're suppose to go back to the age you were when you started and that's the emotional age you are now. Trouble is, everyone else grew up. Also, I think a lot of people drank to be more social.
The bottom line is that we've all been there and the good new is that the answer is in the steps.
I am so happy that there is a solution to the things that baffle me today. They say fake it till you make it.....this probably applies here. Just be yourself....more likely than not, all the other guys are feeling exactly the same way
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 9
There is no such thing as a normal guy or girl. Just be yourself and do the things you enjoy doing and you will meet people with whom you have common interests and can connect. Don't worry about what others think. If you are worried about what others think about you, you might be surprised to find out how seldom they do. And stay sober! I personally am not in a twelve step program (I did it myself) but my life became so much better when I turned away from the dead-end of substance abuse.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Nashville TN
Posts: 42
Experience, strength, and hope
Wow, I got the T-shirt on this one.
I felt the same way in early sobriety. I think everyone does. You sound like you are handling it well and doing the right thing. Picking up that 500 pound telephone, praying, meetings, etc. I will say just one thing that grandma used to say.
"This too, shall pass."
All I can say with any certainty is if you really do this deal, your life will improve so much you will not believe it. The promises in the big book are called "promises" for a reason. I see so many miracles everyday in this program it overwhelms me to even talk about it out loud. You are experiencing feelings that you used do drown with "self medication". Alcohol causes emotional atrophy. It takes time to get used to these "new feelings". Just keep coming back and doing the next right thing and you will be "rocketed into the fourth dimension" as the book calls it.
Good luck and God speed.
I felt the same way in early sobriety. I think everyone does. You sound like you are handling it well and doing the right thing. Picking up that 500 pound telephone, praying, meetings, etc. I will say just one thing that grandma used to say.
"This too, shall pass."
All I can say with any certainty is if you really do this deal, your life will improve so much you will not believe it. The promises in the big book are called "promises" for a reason. I see so many miracles everyday in this program it overwhelms me to even talk about it out loud. You are experiencing feelings that you used do drown with "self medication". Alcohol causes emotional atrophy. It takes time to get used to these "new feelings". Just keep coming back and doing the next right thing and you will be "rocketed into the fourth dimension" as the book calls it.
Good luck and God speed.
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