Roar
 

Yes im roaring...
So.. 69 days without any alcohol... today would be 70. but i slipped..
yes i slipped, it was an accident. I didnt even think about it at first.

I went to moms and dads house, im really good att cooking and my parents are totally worthless so they usually ask me to come over on some weekends to cook something. The first thing that happens when i walk into the kitchen is that my mom offers me a glass of wine saying "you have to try this wine, its called Johnny". Johnny is my fathers name. And i just accepted it without even thinking about it, turned the glass up side down pretty much - drank all of it...

It was first when i had put the glass down i thought "What the hell am i doing?!" Its was like an old habbit.. to just accept the glass i was offerd...

So i drank more while i cooked and the dinner. I had the 'what the hell'-feeling.. i had already f*ucked up. My mom and i shared a bottle while i cooked, and then the both of us and my dad shared another one during the dinner. Not sure exactly how much it was i drank.

Well i couldnt drive home, i dont drink and drive.. never. So i stayed at my parents house - where i am now. Im glad i stayed here tho, i know i have booze at home and i would prob have more then.. i cant get that really drunk infront of my parents, they would prob stop me. So.. its good i stayed..

But im so disappointed! I thought i was doing good.. I almost made it 3 months. You know my goal was not to drink for 6 month, and if i made it start drinking again.. without getting totally wasted every time.. and only if it was on a weekend.. etc etc.. like a normal person drinks. Maybe i wont be able to do it.

Im just so pissed off... I fail again.

Thought i would come here and share. It usually makes me feel alot better.

Minnie :(

Hey now! Your only going to make things worse by beating yourself up for it. You know the routine.......pick yourself up, dust yourself off and jump back up here on the wagon with us. (*tj giving minnie a boost*) You are only human and you were doing fantastic. You still are too. You know why? Because you came back.
Who's alcohol is at YOUR house as you mentioned? Dump it out ok? It dont need to be there.
Hon, you have to stay on your toes when you know that you will be around alcohol. You got to stay strong for yourself. Nobody is going to do it for you. I would nicely ask your parents to not offer you anymore, and tell them you want a better life.
I'm sorry this happened, but it's just water under the bridge now. Forward we go sister!!!!!!!!!!!! :hug:

Minnie,
I'm sorry you feel bad. It's time for a fresh start on your six month goal. I hope you feel better soon, and get back on track.
chip

Based on what you KNOW....that you have a problem. That alone will not get you sober. 90 in 90...sponsor...steps....give it to another.....10,11,12 are infinite.

Powerless
 

I cant drink, and I cant not drink…that’s a dilemma…lack of power…until I recognize this truth about me, there is no need for a higher power…Once I admit this truth…then i become willing to discover this higher power through the remaining eleven steps. And that power will do for me what I can NOT do for myself…and the work goes on, because I will drink again if I stop…powerless over alcohol.....

Minnie,

What TJ said....

Hi Minnie,

I'm with TJ and Ed. Congrats on day 1!!!!

xxxx

Steph

Hm thanks all. Im just kindof low right now, like i am most of the time... I feel like im back where i begun and i guess i am. The wine last night wasnt a comfort either, my mom was whining about you job telling me that is what makes me depressed and that i have to change job.. Well i dont want to, i dont have the energy to look for a job or start at a new job. My brother got mad for something so i left before the dessert, and just went to bed. So well.. alcohol didnt comfort me either (- i guess i didnt have enough) and that actually makes me feel even more hopeless.. where the hell will i go for comfort now if the world REALLY gets too much to take. I know it sounds stupid but i guess alcohol was a.. backup for me. like for survival. Ye i know nothing makes any sense.. but it doesnt make sense to me either :)

Erm.. why there is alcohol in my appartment.. i couldnt get rid of it.. Its a brand new vodka lemon.. i just couldnt pour it out >.< and i do have a roommate... he got lots of alcohol so it doesnt matter if my vodka is there somewhere..

Soooo....let's suppose you re-start your six months. If you complete it, then you can add your 69 days to it, making it almost a year of sobriety.

You didn't fail, Minnie. You took a little side-step. You didn't go back to your place to drink your vodka (which should be in the garbage). You didn't drive. You found a way (your parents' control) to stop drinking before you got carried away. I would say that is pretty sound judgement and pretty strong of you.

Nobody is disappointed in you, so stop beating yourself up. We're all in this together and we're all here for you...

Earl

you posted same sec i did :) thx earl

Mega-hugs Minnie. Nevermind, don't go getting down about it OK? tj has it right, just jump back on the wagon and put this down to experience.

'Im just so pissed off... I fail again.'

Rubbish! You made a little mistake, you are human you know ;)

:hug:

Don't beat yourself up over it Minnie. It happens (more than you can imagine) to most of us alkies. As previously stated, and just like the Aaliyah song: "If at first you don't succeed,... dust yourself off and try again".

Sh** happens and it is too late to worry about yesterday. Focus on today and today only. Remember, one day at a time honey. And as always,... we'll be here for you. You are never alone.

A lot of people that are on SR have been where you are right now. They will help you whenever you need them. They allready helped me a lot! They are the sweetest people you'll ever meet and you'll get all that help with no strings attached.
I must be getting soft at my old age (31 isn't that old I guess ;) ), but I'm almost crying here while writing this stuff here.

All you guys/girls, you are the greatest!

A lot of us had false starts...
Hugs
just begin again Minnie.

Minnie, don't get too upset at yourself. Do-overs are allowed. As everyone else here said, you didn't fail, you slipped. Sooo whoops!! Today is a new day.

Thanks for posting this, it helps me to read this, especially the part where you said alcohol didn't comfort you.

Now, get back up here girl!!

Hey Minnie,
Hang in there. 69 out of 70 ain't bad. Much better than I used to do.
Mike in Boston

Missinmine,

Hugs to you!

The important thing is you made it back here. Sometimes it takes several times of slipping to see that, the dark place we visited, is not where we want to be.

We are here to support you through the good and bad.

Thinking of you!

Mmm,

I want to thank you for your post, because I am leaving for Florida tomorrow to visit my Mom and Dad. The last two relapses I had were during visits with them (the cottage, christmas, whatever). Whenever I am struggling with something (as I am now), and the drink is calling, I try to 'play it through' to the end. But, as an alcoholic, the consequences of that drink aren't always enough to deter me. But since you played it through for me, I don't have to. I know how it would end; with the inevitable remorse and guilt.
So - thank you - you really helped me.
And - having been where you are - I echo what others' have said; just pick yourself up and start over. Sometimes, it's a difficult concept to grasp, but we really only do have today.

Rowan

69 was just a dress rehearsal. You should be good to go now :).

Missminime have you ever rode horses? When one is thrown off they need to get right back on! You have done that, if you really think about it, if you had drank more the only thing you would be today is more upset with your self!

Smile, be proud that you came back here, that you are once again on the road to sobriety, what will give you more strength and help you feel better about yourself is to go see that doctor and just give AA a call, just talk to someone, the person who will answer the phone is not paid, they are an alcoholic just like me, they have been where you are at right now, just call them and talk, you will be in full control, if you do not like what you hear just hang up!

We really do care about you, we want to say the things that will help you recover, you have not dissappointed a single one of us, we are all proud of you for seeing the mistake and coming back.

You are just asking for trouble going to your moms' house. Alcoholics don't like to drink alone, so you should know, as long as you go there, you have to be on your toes, which isn't so easy to do. Having a roommate with all that alcohol isn't making things easy for you either.

It hurts like hell to fall off a wagon, whether it be a real one or the alcoholics one. You just have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back on. It shouldn't take too many times till you learn not to fall off a wagon.