brooke8433

So I got out of rehab this afternoon, 3 days early...transitioning to intensive outpatient. Dealing w/ my emotions (and all the ones that were suppressed for 13 years) is really an interesting thing.

I got out today around 1...freaked out because I knew the option to drink was there. Fortunately I made it through by hanging out in the sun and attending 3 meetings. I wish I was still in the confines of rehab where it's safe.

Keep me in your thoughts. Hopefully I will stay strong. And thanks to everyone who helped me out before I took off!

teej

YAY Brooke!!
You sound good. You KNOW what you're up against and you are being careful, good job!! Meetings, meetings, meetings! I will keep you in my prayers.
Heck, if you really wanted to drink, you would have left rehab and done it, no? Being on the outside is no different, only now you have some tools to help you.
I'm so proud of you, YES!!

remember too, avoid being too hungry, angry, lonely or tired.

Lost Sailor

Congratulations on your sobriety and having the courage and wherewithal to tackle your addiction! You're on your way! And don't say "hopefully"...you will!

I also went to rehab for a month, and although I didn't do outpatient or go to long-term afterwards, I had/have friends that did. They tell me (and I FULLY believe them) it looked like a long road ahead, but in retrospect, it was the best thing they could have done. Some of the stories are incredible.

I remember what a roller coaster ride it was emotionally and psychologically after I left rehab. I didn't know what to do; I felt like I had been paroled and was re-entering society, and leaving a big part of me behind. I guess because I was. But eventually everything leveled off, and with the help of AA and vigilance and goals and a strong commitment, everything started to become more and more "normal" and I learned how to deal and each day became brighter and brighter. The whole experience was a renaissance for me and the fear, confusion and weirdness of being sober ALL the time for the first time in forever started to become normal to me, and having alcohol in my life was the strange idea.

I also went straight to a meeting the first chance I could after getting out-that night. Keep going. And going. I know that was when I was most vulnerable, and the idea of having a sober life forever was cemented into my head by going to meetings and staying focused. It was also the time I made changes-left my old playgrounds behind and removed all people places and things from my life that were adversarial.

Anyway..I tend to ramble...but I hope you're proud that you've taken such such a determined step towards a better life. Congratulations again!

chip

Congrats Brooke!

You sound like you are doing well. I think that going to meetings is a very good idea. It can be scary just coming out of rehab. I'd surround myself with AA meetings and AA friends. If you hang out with the right people, it will help you out. I think the biggest danger is to hang out with the wrong crowd.... Stick with us. Sober people who are in recovery will help you on your way.
peace,
chip

GlassPrisoner

Go to AA. Go directly to AA. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.00....

It's scary once you get out !

I'm just now getting back into the "real" world myself. 'Ya know, earning money and all that. It's overwhelming at times, but my AA meetings, sponsor, etc really take the edge off.

Hush007

Good for you Brooke! AA and coming here should be a great help. You are always welcome and if you have problems,... share. We'll be more than happy to help (and learn).

Big hug,

Philip

CarolD

Wow! It's great to see you again.
Super Hugs!

I consider meetings a vital part of my recovery.
The support is invaluable for me.

Blessings

Missymae737

Hi Brook,

You are in my thoughts.

You can do this, OK? Keep posting!

Golfman

I was just thinking about you yesterday. Slowbriety was over here at the house and we were wondering when you'd be back. So happy to see you back amoung the living. Three meetings huh? What a great start to the rest of your life.

You'll be safe here with us and you'll be safe in IOP. Besides, someone up there is watching you and smiling. Keep the faith Brooke, it only gets better.

Yours in sobriety,
Ed

gypsytears

Brooke... So nice to see you back ! You've come a long way. IOP was good for me... I hope yours is as positive. Thinking of you as requested .

Tazman53

Brookes you are doing the right thing, I was scared beyond beleif when I got out of detox, but like you I did what was suggested, I went straight into AA and got a sponsor, there is no such thing as to many meetings, nor is there such a thing as calling to many people. I wish I had known about SR when I first got out of detox, adding this to AA would have been great, but if I had just depended on SR alone I know I would have been back out there. AA is my foundation, SR is a supplement I love.

Congrats Brooke, glad to see you back, it gets better every day and the more you get into AA the quicker things will get better.

leeside

Glad your back from detox Brooke. I hope your job is still waiting for you. I was expecting you to check in one more time to tell us what your supervisor said about going to detox. Apparantly it was a go.

I hope the shakes are better along with the anxiety and you don't have nightmares anymore.

Now you are a full fledged recovering alcoholic. Keep it going girl. How many days is it anyway?

brooke8433

I actually was in for 25 days...not just detox...thank god. My job is still there for me and I don't have to be back until 3/26. I am bored out of my mind though, but I am going to take advantage of the time. I think if I went straight back to work I would also go straight back to the bar.

Off to a meeting. Thanks everyone!

brooke8433

It's been 7 years, 5 of which I was drinking, and things got much darker. But today, I'm 2 years and 4 months sober. I just found this old thread and was really touched by the support offered back then. Hope everyone is well!

Dee74

Just a few weeks before I joined in 07...but it's great to hear you're doing well Brooke - congrats!

D

MelindaFlowers

You can do it Brooke. I never thought I could stop but the stories here let me know it was possible and 100% worth it.

redheadinus

Nice work Brooke. Well done and keep it up. Its great to read your old posts and then see that you jumped back on to give us a success story. How do you think your life has changed. Tell us what we have to look forward to if you can.

brooke8433

Well, life has changed in every possible way. Getting sober, staying sober, fighting every single day, made me realize what it means to FEEL something. I cried everyday for at least 6 months. I pitched fits. I craved booze and when I didn't allow myself to have that, I craved life and love. I discovered what it's like to actually experience things, including my own conscious. I learned that I'm not actually the hard-ass cynical bitch I always thought I was. I felt real compassion for the first time, and it made me cry...a lot.

Most importantly (and what you have to look forward to), is becoming more complex than you ever thought you were, and actually being okay with that. I had a reputation of being so much fun, and laid back, and funny, and carefree...and you get the idea...and while I'm still those things, I'm also a lot that contradicts that. I'm a bit intense. I have a tendency to worry. I am not always happy-go-lucky. I care much too deeply about things at times. I'm extremely passionate, and not easily silenced. These are all things that don't align with who I was when I was drinking. And that was a problem in the beginning. It's hard to divorce a lifestyle and reputation that you've been so rewarded for. And then one day you realize- this is who I am. This is what makes me thrive. This is what you have when you peel back layers of alcoholism and addiction, years of pain and suffering. This is me. And you embrace it.

And if you're like me, embracing it allows others to do the same, and you find that all your REAL friends and family saw those things in you all along, and saw through your drunken persona, and were crushed that you didn't allow yourself to thrive the way you should be able to. So the pain of losing your "best friend" (drug of choice) becomes easier. You will still have moments or even full days when you sit with remorse over the loss of the old you, but you will actually be able to sit with that sadness and really feel it, and understand that it's just a part of life, and you will gain more clarity each time.

Now, I'm strong. Really strong. Not falsely strong because I have the protection of booze. I'm in love with a man who cherishes and supports me, not a man who enables me. I take time to cry and be sad when I need to, and I let it pass through me and know that every time I do, I am a better person for it. I am hell-bent on not giving in to alcohol, because I see it now for what it truly is: a ******* easy way out. Three of my dearest friends have gotten sober in the last couple of years, and they inspire me daily.

I am not on a pink cloud. I'm on reality. I'm being honest with myself and others. Am I bitter at times? Oh hell yes. I wish I could drink like a normal person. I wish birthdays, new years, halloween, rainy days, sunny days, football games, concerts, etc., didn't bring up thoughts of wanting to drink. But each day that I stay sober, that voice gets quieter, and the bitterness eases up. And I'm happy. Not every waking moment, but generally speaking. And I have a clear head. And those things are invaluable.

Belgian

Congrats and Good Luck!!!

I'm still new at this so maybe I'm not the best person to give advice but I would say that so far this place seems like a good place to go when things are tough.

PurpleKnight

It's nice to meet you Brooke!!

Now that's what I can an inspirational post!!

So, out of interest, what finally clicked 2yrs ago, what plan did you put in place?