wantthistowork

My boyfriend is the one who is an alcholic. I think I have been borderline at times, but he is full blown and has admitted to it. Please don't me angry at me for posting here, and yes I have posted in the friends and family section, but I was just wondering if you all see it as a problem if I mention this site to him. He does not use the computer in general all that much so I don't think he has really sought help using the internet. He has attended a few AA meetings and DOES want help. Of course, he wants to be able to drink normally but realizes he can't. He is amazing, we are amazing and I love him immensely-we do talk openly about the disease and he is trying to get better (he was sober for 2.5 weeks until friday, when i was at work and he relapsed). He is at work now, we are going on a road trip tonight...anyway, I just want to know from those of you who are IN a relationship, with someone you love, would you be offended if they mentioned this site to you as a forum for help? And, that being said, everyone on that side of things tells me it is incapable of an alcoholic to truly love another person-is this true from your standpoint? I am just at a loss, and want him to want to be healthy as well........anyway, I am not a nagging annoying girlfriend and we truly do have a wonderful relationship and I want to be there for him through it all. Just trying to get some unbiased perspective.......thanks.

Golfman

Wantthistowork,

You come here any time you like. I don't see it as a problem at all to point your man here. It sounds like he's recognized he has a problem, but he's just not quite ready to commit once and for all. I do disagree that an alcoholic is incapable of truly loving another person. This alcoholic loved his children, his wife, but had an affair with alcohol for 18 years.

If possible, continue to encourage him to go back to AA. It's there, and here, that he will find people who understand how he thinks and how he feels. I admire you for your honesty about yourself and devotion to your man. Hang in there, if he truly recognizes what a gem you are, and what he has to lose, he might take the next step.

By the way, you indicated that you drink and that sometimes you've thought you were borderline alcoholic. If you want your relationship with him to work, I'd suggest you abstain or get help yourself. We alcoholics have a difficult time taking advice from those who don't practice what they preach.

Can't_Stop

I think it's likely that your man's reception of your pointing him to this forum may lie in how it's presented. I know I would likely be unreceptive if my wife said, "You should check this out and get some help." But I would be likely to be curious and check it out if she said, "I found this website and it has been helpful to me, and also seems to have lots of information for alcoholics."

Best of luck to you.

wantthistowork

thank you, wolfman. He does say that he doesn't want to lose me, that I am the best thing that has happened to him, that he knows he will if he continues this. As far as me drinking, I told him I would stop completely if he wanted me to, that our relationship was more important than drinking. He just has to say the word. I have made a point of not really drinking in front of him (and yes, of course I would like to go to dinner and drink wine with him, or feel comfortable going out with our friends, but initially I know this is not an option). So in the course of him trying to be sober (which only lasted 2.5 weeks, but he claims he is trying to see it as a bump in the road), I was pretty much not drinking either. One night I went out with a girlfriend and had dinner and wine....but nothing like it used to be. Its a tough call, because I don't really have a problem, I was just drinking heavily for a while. But I can stop....I just don't want to do it if he is going to throw it back in my face like what happened on Friday, when I worked, didn't drink after work, excited to come home to see him only to find him passed out from drinking, then having him wake up and tell me how he can't do this, that all he will ever be is a loser, that I should leave him, and he was shaking he wanted to get back to the liqour store so bad. He didn't go. The next day he came to me and said that he wanted us more than that, that (of course) he was sorry, that he doesn't want to be that person and for me to please believe the real him, the him that was talking then and not the one that was drunk and talking the night before. Its hard. What do you think?

CarolD

I think it would be wise of you to sttend Al anon meetings
for yourself.
Take care of You
not him.