marius404

Hey, I have not posted for a while, but I come to this site daily to read what others have wrote. I think I am about ready to try and quit drinking again. Last time I made it 40 days. It inspires me everytime I read a new post where someone has just given up drinking. I think if they can do it I can too.

Its weird. The only real trigger for drinking for me is that sometimes i just dont care. I always know that drinking is not the answer. But some times I just get this attitude that its all for nothing anyways so why not go ahead and screw up.And ofcourse I always find out that no matter how bad things were i just made em worse by drinking.

I'm also curious about how far I have progressed in my alcoholism. I'm kinda scared that I have entered the 3rd stage but I am not sure as different websites give different deffinitions as to the stages. All I know is the way it works for me now I have a hell of a time controling how much I drink. Weekdays not so much but on a Saturday night I can always count on blacking out at least 3 hours of the night.My hangovers have gotten to the point that they last 2 ta 3 days and are accompanied by insomnia and depresion.And when i wake up on sunday the first thing i do is grab a bottle. So am I still in the second stage or have i progressed?

Well, sorry to bore you with all this but I really have no one to talk to face to face about what i am going through. Any tips or tricks for making it through the first few weekends are welcome. God knows I need all the help I can get.

CarolD

Good to see you are posting again!

I do suggest you have an honest talk with a doctor
before you stop abruptly.
Be safe while you are de toxing.

We have 2 sticky post at the top of this page
They are full of info.
In "Under The Influence"
Blackouts are explained as are the 3 stages
of alcoholism.

And stage 3 alcoholics do recover.
There can be healing for you too!

marius404

just wanna say incase no one has told you lately, its great what you do here at this website Carol. Very selfless of you to come here everyday and give encouragement to others.

As far as seeing a doctor....well, im poor and have no health insurance. I wish i had a doctor and could go get som Campral or something like that. Instead I just gotta figure all this stuff out for myself. But then I am the one who got myself into this mess, I should be able to get myself out of it.

Tazman53

Welcome back Marius, how was it back out there? As you already said it was worse then before, in an odd way for many folks like me it takes being beaten down hard enough by alcohol before I was willing to do what ever it took to stop drinking and then the hardest part, stay stopped.

The greatest success ration in AA is with later stage alcoholics like myself, if I can stop, you can as well, but the only way you will ever stop is when you are willing to do what ever it takes.

I admit I am an alcoholic, I am powerless over it and my life was unmanageable, I was at the point where I knew it would take a power greater then myself to regain my sanity! I was willing to find a Higher Power that I understood and turn my will over to him, this has led through working steps and following suggestions of AA to me having the urge/need to drink lifted from me. It has also made me happier then I have been in over 30 years.

You are not alone! You have SR & AA, AA is a phone call away, there are rooms full of people who have been right where you are at now and are now sober and happy.

If you want to make an AA member happy call one up or go to a meeting and tell them you need help getting and staying sober.

marius if you really want to get sober you can pick up the phone right after you call AA and call the Kentucky health department. If you cut your arm off I bet you could figure out how to get to a doctor, well if you are an alcoholic like I am you are dying as long as you drink! Call them! Call the AA hotline, they will help you find a doctor!

marius404

You really wanna know how it was/is back out there?

I miss the alcoholic I used to be. I miss the measure of control I used to have over it. I miss being able to eat food, lol.I have had a solid diet of alcohol for the last 4 days.It frustrates me so much that I am so powerless right now.

I do still have some hope though. My hope is coming here and reading about how others have succeded where i have failed. My hope is knowing that there is still a part of me that knows that I can't live like this anymore.

Golfman

Marius,

Reading about recovery here is nice, warm, and fuzzie. However, there isn't one person here that will keep you sober. For that matter, there isn't one person on earth that can keep you sober. I'm generally not one to be a harda**, but the way to stay sober is to start living a different life. Few of us, if any, could have accomplished that by not seeing a doctor and going to some kind of support group. Human interaction is essential to recovery. That's my opinion and I'm stickin' to it. I can only suggest that you get to an AA meeting, it's free. It doesn't matter who you are, how much money you make or don't make, what color you are, or for that matter, what you've done in the past. Alcoholism is an equal opportunity disease that leaves no category of people untouched.

I hope that you make a decision to get help soon. We'd like to have you stick around for a while longer.

Your in sobriety,
Ed

Rowan

Hey Marius,

Just wanted to stick out my hand and say 'welcome'

I'm glad you've got some hope today. I echo Golfman - the way to stay sober is to start living a different life. Today could be that day.

I love SR, and what coming here gives me, but I couldn't survive without my face to face meetings. Alcoholics are great isolators - that was one of many things I needed to change about my own lifestyle.

Blessings to you,
Rowan

ay100

Marius;

Hanging out here will give you hope in your battle with alcohol. You will see thata at least you are not alone in the wrold with this disease. Here people will encourage you and always point you in the right direction. The good thing about battling with alcohol is there are more than one way to do it. Some folks can do it alone, some go to detox and take medication and some seek help of the human connection like going to AA.

Whatever the most comfortable for you choose it and try.

Sunflower

Money or not check into a rehab or a hospital detox--if you are low income most likely they will provide free care--most alcoholics are not usually doing well in the financial department.They can get you through the initial detox--then maybe a day program for a few weeks. As far as Camphral it worked wonders for my AS--they have special way to get that medicicne as well.sometimes you can write to who ever manufactures the med and they will give it to you for free,,,,,,,Please get help--you sound bad---we do want you alive---you can do it...

CarolD

Thank you for the kind words...but
I come here to help me stay sober frst of all.

It is a large part of my AA service work
as I am very limited by health issues as
to what I can do F2F.

Go to AA and share about your situation.
There are answers there for anyone who wants to qit.

Out of the house and into action!

Tazman53

Marius I actually did want to know how it was out there, sounds just like the hell I left before getting into AA.

You may not know it, but you sharing your suffering has helped me stay sober and others to want sobriety.

Sharing is part of getting and staying sober, there are an awful lot of folks here including myself who are sharing our experience, strength and hope we have found in AA and other support groups because we care about you and hope that this time you will reach out for some F2F help.

Pick up the phone and call, hep is there for you, but you have to take action, sitting at home tickling a keyboard is simply allowing alcohol to maintain control over you. I get out to meetings, I go out with my family, I call friends, I do a lot of things with sober people.

I have taken the actions needed to change me, AA has shown me how to do that.

We care about you and want what is best for you, but you need to take actions other then here, then come back and tell us what you have done, you can be the next person sharing how great life is!

Sunflower

Let us know how you are doing....keep us updated

marius404

Hi FrizzyLynn, Im glad to report I didn't drink yesterday. I should be ok till Saturday Night. Thats when I will have to not fall back into the trap. Right now I am just thankful that made it through yesterday though

Tazman53

Marius when you REALLY are ready to quit drinking you will find rooms full of people who were just like you where you live. AA is waiting for you, we have a moment of silence at every meeting I go to for you. I know exactly what you are going through right now, I was in the early portion of the third stage of alcoholism, I had no choice but to drink.

I was REALLY ready to quit and stay stopped and I did it with AA, with the help of alcoholics who knew not only how to get and stay sober, but also how to be happy and life life to its fullest with out alcohol.

When you are willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober is when you will walk through the doors of AA into a brand new beautiful life, full of hope and love.

Marius you are not boring us and I can assure you that you will not bore any one at AA either, they know where you are at right now because they have been there and would be more then happy to tell you how they got the way they are now.