Talluleh

Good morning, it's Monday and I'm completely hungover. Over the last few years I have been thinking that perhaps I have a problem with alcohol but since I do not drink everyday I figured I couldn't be an alcoholic right.. wrong! I hate the word 'alcoholic', the label, but I need to face it. Yesterday I was cooking in the kitchen and thought I'd have a glass of wine, there was already a bottle open so I drank that, when that was done I drank another bottle, all this on an empty stomach. I have a complete blackout from around 5:30 or so. I know I was on the phone to my girlfriend (that poor girl ends up on the phone with me everytime I drink, oy) and I apparently made a chicken pot pie, which I have NO recollection of making. I 'think' I woke up on the kitchen floor but I'm not sure, perhaps it was a dream, the location of my clothes tells me I went to bed in my usual bed but I woke up in the other room.

This has got to stop. I woke up around 4:00am thinking that I need help with this, started surfing and here I am. I don't drink through the week at all but come Friday all I seem to do is drink. I hate waking up after a blackout and those are becoming far too common. I hate how I act when I'm drunk yet I keep drinking. Yes I like beer and wine but I know now that I cannot just have one drink, if I have one I must have 12 or 20. I'm so tired of waking up embarrassed or worried about my behaviour not to mention hungover. I'm glad I found this forum and am hoping that come this Friday I'll find myself here, online reading rather than drinking.

Thanks for listening.

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

There are different stages of alcoholism
and blackouts are middle stage.

Blackouts are explained on this link #35
Read the entire thread please

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

The info in this book convinced me to quit drinking
God and AA keep me moving forward in recovery.

Congratulations on seeking a healthy sober life!

Hush007

It's the first time I post on this forum. When I saw Talluleh's story, it made me think about my own weekends. I'm at work right now and I'm having a really bad hangover.

I usually do not drink during the week. But during the weekends it is party time. Saturday and Sunday I drink a lot. Like 2 bottles of wine or 16 beer bottles. I drink that much because I like the drunk feeling. The question is,... am I having a problem. Am I addicted if I manage not to drink the entire week?

It has been on my mind a lot. Should I stop drinking forever? I hope not because I like the nice feeling. But lately, the hangovers are getting worse. Now and then I do have a small blackout as well.

Talluleh

Carol, thank you for the link, I saw that on another post and reading that scared the heck out of me to be honest. I will pick up the book, I need to know more. Thank you for your support. :-)

Hush, I have been reading some posts on this site and something someone said really struck me and spurred me to make that post. They asked what are you doing on this site if you don't have a problem with alcohol? Good luck!

CarolD

Hi Hush007
Welcome!

Glad to see you here!

CarolD

Here is another link to think on

http://www.alcohol-drug.com/neuropsych.htm

But...recovery is possible
and so is enjoying life without alcohol.

Sobriety Rocks!!

Budfrog

Talluleh ... you sound as if your drinking characteristics are very similar to my own.

Like U I do not drink at all during the week and am only a Fri-Sun, or holiday. drinker. Like you also I tend to drink either beer or red wine.

Because I don't drink every day and am not a Spirit drinker for many years I did not consider that I had a problem. However where my partner is able to control her intake and just get merry, on many (not all) occasions I binge drink, particularly if I am having problems at work or similar.

My ideal 'end state' is to be able to consume alcohol in a controlled manner but I am beginning to doubt that this will ever be possible as we all know how seductive alcohol is once you have your first taste, and it soon disarms you with it's 'charm' until you're back where you started.

I feel great today ... and that is pretty unusual for me on a Monday. I am currently using non-alcoholic beer (Cobra to be precise) and Merlot grape juice over the weekend period so that my normal routine is not being totally disrupted and so far so good. Finding similar products when going out socially may prove more difficult as the UK pub industry to not really cater for the non-drinker but I will do what I can.

Talluleh

Hi Budfrog. I remember watching an episode of a TV show (Law and Order: SVU) where a girl had died and they were talking about how she was a binge drinker, they said that she was a binge drinker because she would have 5 drinks at one time. I was shocked! 5 drinks is a slow Friday night for me, I can easily and have done more than a dozen beers on many occasions.

I'm glad you feel great today, I know I certainly won't miss the hangovers. Good luck!

Tazman53

Welcome to SR Talluleh, glad to see you recognize you have a problem with alcohol and it sounds like you want help to stop drinking.

I am Martin an alcoholic, drank for 40 years, spent the last 10 trying to stop on my own, finally put myself into detox, where I was pointed in the direction of AA if I wanted to stay sober. All I can tell you is AA works if you work it, this is true of any other program, if one does not follow directions of a program it will not work.

For this old drunk, AA not only saved my life, but I have become happier then I have been in over 30 years, and am a far better person. Stopping drinking is only a beginning to regaining sobriety.

Hush welcome to SR, read and see if you do not see your self here, if you determine you are an alcoholic then unless you want your disease to get worse, because it never gets better then you need to stop drinking and start working on becoming a happer better person, drinking is but a symptom of alcoholism, so simply stopping drinking is not going to gain one real sobriety.

Talluleh

Hi Martin, thank you for your support and congratulations on getting sober. It feels very strange, taking this step, admitting it. My parents are both alcoholics and I swore it would never happen to me. I do want to stop and I also know I can't do this alone so I am definitely thinking about AA.

collinsmi

Welcome to the board, Talluleh. 5 drinks binge drinking? Thats what I would have when I wasn't drinking.

I remember mornings like the one you described. It went on for years and years. Thank God I don't have to live like that anymore.

Tazman53

My dad was an alcoholic and my grandfather on my mothers side was. It is genetic, but can skip generations and individuals. You will quickly learn in AA that alcoholism is a disease, no one choses to become one! You will also learn that stopping drinking is simply a beginning to getting sober.

Keep in mind when you go to an AA meeting you need to listen for similarities you have to people there and not differences, all alcoholics are different, but there are many things we all have in common.

The main thing I hope you keep in mind is if you keep going back that you will get better, every day sober you will do better. Look up your local AA hotline and give the a call, they can give you the meeting schedules in your area and will be more then happy to have someone meet you there or give you a ride.

Remember you are no longer alone. Keep in mind with AA no matter where you go AA is but a phone call away.

Talluleh

Hi Collinsmi! I love your signature. :-)

Martin thank you so much for sharing this information.

TorontoGuy28

Talluleh, welcome to the board.... Little late getting my 2 cents in.

I totally relate to your way of drinking.. One bottle with dinner always turned into 3 more followed by whatever else I had in the house.. Check out AA in Tdot : www.aatoronto.org

All the best !

Nuudawn

Your drinking sounds much like mine prior to my crossing the line into full blown alcoholism. When younger, I too was simply a binge drinker on weekends....until something too painful for me to bear occurred and I started drinking daily to numb the pain. I had gone to AA in my 20's knowing that when I drank on weekends...the copious amounts were a problem..but since I wasn't a pattern drinker (yet) I didn't think I was an alcoholic so I quit after a couple of meetings. I've been an alcoholic always I guess. From the time I was a teen, when I started drinking I couldn't stop until I was a falling down, blacked out fool. I remember thinking...jeepers, I wish I was an alcoholic so I could quit this once and for all. I was an alcoholic..always have been. My body does not process alcohol like non-alcoholics. I send you great big warm wishes in that I hope you keep the faith and understanding of the destruction that alcohol will continue to create in your life if you continue picking up.

Blessings to you...
P.S. I am a big LMP fan myself.

Golfman

Talluleh and Hush,

I can echo what others have said re: drinking only on the weekends. By the way Hush, there's no such think as a "small blackout." If you can't remember where you were or what you did when you were drinking, it's a blackout. How do I know? because I spent years trying to answer the question my wife would always ask me the morning after, "Do you know what you did last night."

Talluleh, if that's your picture on your profile I know we have something in common. My attitude was always "Bite me." I didn't want to listen to anyone else and always knew I was right. When someone suggested that I cut back on my drinking I would generally erupt and say "f**k you." I said that to my wife, to my mother, and my friends.

Deep inside though, I couldn't escape those lingering questions I had about myself. And...I couldn't bear the thought of being an alcoholic. My definition of an alcoholic was some bag lady on the street or a bum sleeping under a bridge or on a street grate. I had a house, two cars, two daughters, a good job and a wife. I thought alcoholics had lost everything and were homeless.

Needless to say I found out that alcoholism is an "equal opportunity" disease. It doesn't matter what your social status is, how good looking you are, how much money you have, what color you are, or how much "stuff" you have. If you suffer from the symptoms like you've described, you're probably an alcoholic.

I do want to say that alcohol is just a symptom of a deeping condition. You can remain alcohol free for a while, but the causes and conditions that lead you to drinking are still there. It's kind of like having a cough. The cough is really just a symptom of perhaps a cold, or maybe cancer. You can get rid of the cough but the underlying conditon still remains. Each of us who've gotten sober has gone through a life-changing experience that has shown us who we really are and given us tools to live by.

Both of you can have that same experience. Will it be difficult? Yes! Will you regret it? Absolutely not. Most of us waited until we were much older than you before making changes in our lives. Each of you has an opportunity to something for yourselves now, while you're young. You can choose to continue living as you have, suffering the consequences of your actions. Or, you can do something about it now and live out long, peaceful, happy lives. The only things you have to do are be honest (mainly with yourselves), open-minded (listen to what others are saying who have experience with this), and willing (willing to try something different).

I do hope you stick around and get to know us. If you do, miracles will happen in your lives that never seemed possible.

Ed

Don't be this

Be this :Wshade

Hush007

The more I read posts around this place,... the more I start to realize that I do have a problem with alcohol. Thanks for pointing that out.

I might as well stick around and learn more.

Golfman

Hush,

I'm so glad you made that decision. Now...have you got any questions that we can help you with?

Ed

Hush007

Not right now,...but there will be once it gets tough I guess.
The positive part is the fact that I'm not used of drinking every day, so only the weekends will get really tough.
Especially the moments when I'm goin' out with friends or watch a movie at home.

The only thought that feels really scary is the fact that I'm never going to taste my favorite beer anymore. Also champagne on special occasions will be missed,...a lot.

CarolD

Hush007...

I understabd ... and learning a new healthy lofestyle is
hard work!
But...
Forward we go! Good for you!