byrdman

Last week, I had such a good mind set and went 6 days with out a hitch. Now it seams I am back into the drinking. Well it doesn't seem that way...it IS that way. I have tried AA and did not has as much success as I did here...I drank last night and I am feeling horrible about it. I got an email from my wife, with the words, "We need to talk!" How bad is that? I tried calling her and she said she will not talk over the phone. Now I have to go a full days work with that looming over my head. I guess it is the punishment I get for doing what I did last night. I need to get back in the right mindset like I was last week...I need to quit drinking...

WantsOut

Hon, your wife's words are not punishment. How long can she watch you self-destruct? If you want to keep her and get your life back on track you're going to have to work on recovery really hard and for real. AA whether you like it or not comes to mind. And none of that pretending to go while you sit in the Wal-Mart parking lot for an hour.

GrouchoTheCat

Many of us slip and stumble a bit before we are able to walk.

I know I did....

The most important thing reght now is don't beat yourself up too much.

My sopnsor says "put the bat away".

I have 91 days today and it has not been all rainbows and happiness, but It's a hellavalot better than it was.

ODAAT,

Ted

Golfman

Byrd,

First let me say that your relapse is nothing to be ashamed of. You are an alcoholic and that's what alcoholics do, DRINK. That being said, you say that you tried AA but did not have much success. I guess my question would be, how many meetings did you go to? In those meetings, did you speak up and indicate that you need help? Most of the time when AA "doesn't work" it's because there wasn't two-way communication.

The reason you feel you had more success here is because you opened a two-way communication line and received many responses. You certainly can continue here, asking questions, relaying your feelings, fears, anxiety, etc. However, I srongly urge you to get back to AA meetings. You may feel very uncomfortable at first, but face-to-face human contact will be one of the keys to your recovery. I may be stepping on some toes, but IMHO, internet interaction only goes so far. There's no way I can be held accountable for anything that I do by anyone online.

Regarding your wife, I'm not surprised she may be pissed. Generally we have no real understanding of the damage we've done to our families. As it says in the Big Book, we are like tornadoes that roar thru peoples lives causing immeasurable damage. The abuse that we have heaped upon our wives, children, other family members, and friends sometimes is too much for them to bear. You say "Now I have to go a full days work with that looming over my head." Think about the years that our families have had us and our actions hanging over their heads with no end in sight.

The reactions of our families is but one consequence of our drinking. It would take too long to list all the consequences. The bottom line however, it that if we want a life free of consequences from drinking, then we need to dedicate ourselves to the recovery process.

I know I'll never miss that very uneasy feeling I had every time I saw a blue light flashing behind my car as I was driving. Most of the time the flashing light wasn't after me, but because of my actions, I thought it was.

I hope you'll be able to look your wife in the eye and tell her you're dedicated to getting real help. i hope that you will thank her for putting up with your drinking. And above all, I pray that you will reach out to AA and let others help you.

Astro

Ditto. Been there, done that, and have 2 years of awesome sobriety. The wife didn't stick around though. Now's the time to take action while you still have a chance.

o2bserene

Dear Byrdman:

My sponsor always taught me not to sugar coat things so here it goes ... AA does not work if you don't work IT ... It is a program of action, and sometimes you have to be completely done drinking for it to sink in. The thing I know these days is that if you manage to sit in a meeting of AA for more than 20 minutes, you will never be able to successfully drink again!!! Apparently your wife is pissed ... AAers can teach you how to deal with the shame, guilt, remorse and bad acts associated with our past conduct. Reach out and ask for help at a meeting -- nothing beats a face to face with another alcoholic!!! It is this simple ... if you want what we have you do what we do!

Good luck to you,
Di

Tazman53

Hmmm looks like there is a group of us on this thread with similar advice.

First I want you to put your self in your wifes place.... every day while you are at work she is spending all day wondering "Well is Byrdman coming home drunk again?" You only worry when you screw up, she worries EVERY day!

For me when my wife told me her and the kids were leaving as soon as they could get a place with her dads help, I did what every good drunk does, I went into the garage and popped a top...... sitting there alone I envisioned a life with them gone...... Man I could drink all I wanted to and who would care!!! I could drink in the house and drink until I passed out every night!!!

All by myself!!! Then I thought a little longer and realized that I was going to drink myself to death!!! DEATH!!! Being a chicken crap when it comes to dying a slow painful alcoholic death I went into the house and called my doctor and got put into detox..... once I was really sober after about 3-4 days I started to hear what they were telling me.... "If you want to STAY sober when you leave here you need to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor."
Well I REALLY wanted to stay sober, I was willing to do anything to stay sober, so I did as they said. Guess what, I went from hating AA to loving it, I am now happier then I have been in over 30 years and the urge/need to drink has been lifted from me. All of this thanks to AA.

Oh yea did I mention that my wife and kids now respect and love me again.

Byrdman if you are like me you will get and stay sober once you are willing to do anything to stay sober.

hope3

Hi brydman, many of us have been there, did that.

Want to know why your brain and physilogical self are

talking you into that viscious cycle, read these exerpts.

Bless you sweetie, you can do this, (((((((((((hope3))))))))))

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

tkdan

Hey birdman, "we need to talk" I've heard those exact words from my wife on more than one occasion. We are fortunate to have a wife that cares enough to tell us that. That helps me focus on doing the right thing (not drinking). Those talks are never fun but they are necessary. Use the thought of not wanting to have one of those talks in the future as a reason not to pick up. Good luck keep posting.

byrdman

Thanks everyone. It is you all that help me get in the right frame of mind. I am grateful that I still have my wife, but she told me today at lunch that she is on the fence. She doesn't want our daughters brought up in a home with an alcoholic. I don't blame her. As far as AA goes, I failed at it, AA did not fail me. I know that. Something just doesn't click with me at the meetings. I know it works for those that do it, but I just did not like it. I don't know what it is, but I have had a much better attitude chatting with others, rather then sitting face to face. I have given it several tries, and even went around town going to other meetings, but I can't seem to make it click with me. I am definetly set on quitting for good, I just need to get over the addiction. Last week I went 6 days with out any withdrawals (knock on wood) and I was really proud every day I woke up sober.

Again, I thank you all, and you will be seeing me around. Eventually I know I will be helping someone as you have helped me. Take care, ALL!!!

Tazman53

I sincerely wish you all the best byrdman, hang around, I have given what I have to give you, I will not leave you, if you have a question ask away, all I can do is share with you want has proven to be a miracle in an old drunks life and in his families life, AA.

earlybird

You can imagine, though,....how saying "I dont like AA" probably sits with your wife. Pretty bad I would think. When we decide there are things that we arent willing to do to get sober, the ones in our lives view that as nothing more than excuses, denial, or just not being very genuine about recovering.

Keep going to meetings. TRUST ME. IT WILL CLICK!!!!! I promise you. Dont leave 5 minutes before the miracle.

CarolD

Here is a list of recovery programs

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Take the past sober time as a base to start fresh.

byrdman

Please don't get me wrong, I know AA works...and I know you have to work it, and I am not trying to make excuses. I am willing to do what ever I can to quit drinking. My mind is made up that I am going to go above and beyond what I can do to reach my goal. Thanks again everyone!!

hope3

Hi brydman, Ok you don't think A.A. is for you. I don't go to A.A.,
and like you I know it has worked for 10's of thousands of people, and we have it to thank for the way alcoholics are viewed as people with an addiction.

But, you do know you need something besides you, am I getting that part.

Ask yourself these questions? It helped me.

1. What is alcoholism? Find the answer in the book "Under the Influence"

2. After that, find some type of a support group, maybe it's here, maybe it's one of the programs in the list Carol posted the link to.

3. Continue seeking new ways to cope with life on it's terms without booze.

If you have any questions ask, thats the best advice I can give you.

P.S. You are a wonderful person that has a physiological addiction, nothing more nothing less. best wishes brydman, hugs (((((((((hope3)))))))))

gypsytears

Hi byrdman . I hope this message finds you more at ease over your talk with your wife. I don't know what she has to say... but I do know that you should listen to her with an open mind and heart. If it comes down to losing her and that's not what you truly want, then your answer is in the quote above. Good luck!

paulmh

Hi Byrdman.

I've read your thread. Thanks for posting. I hope you manage to find what it is that you need at this difficult tim. You've had a lot of advice, I'm not keen to add to it. But can I just say that I spent twenty-odd years telling myself that I "had to quit drinking". Turns out I began to make progress when I genuinely accepted that I'm an alcoholic.

Alcoholism isn't something I do. It's something I am. Only I can take responsibility for it. Only I suffer when I fail to take responsibility for it.