I'm going to be honest, I've never done this before.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Posts: 11
I'm going to be honest, I've never done this before.
I'll start with my background for some of you, because I don't quite know where I'm at or what I'm doing here.
I'm 20 years old; an age a lot of you would still refer to as a kid. I've been drinking heavily since I was 16. I started at 14/15 when I was drinking socially at parties. By 16, I'd started to drink on some week days.
By mid-17, I was flat out at least 5 days a week. I was getting into fights, I'd broken up with my girlfriend (who, needless to say I loved more than I'll ever remember) over 6 times until she'd finally had enough of my sh1t. I truthfully thought that would be the last thing I'd ever do.
Around this time period, my friend and I were out of it. I was going to school drunk, leaving school at lunch time to hit the pub. I eventually dropped out. After I dropped out, I had finally ridded myself of all responsibility. I got kicked out of home for constant family trouble, and smashing the lounge room door to the ground. At this time, I moved in with my mate and we were literally drunk for a month straight - some nights consuming over 4 litres of wine or port per night EACH.
During that period I'd urinated blood, thrown up blood - felt terrible every day and just continued to drink more until I didn't feel the withdrawl effects any more. Now 3 years later, not much has changed.
I've been on the street for 2 weeks - had temporary residence at a family's house, moved back home, been kicked out again... I've been locked up for loitering, resisting arrest and drunk&disorderly behavior. My personality has completely changed from what it once was. Hell, I feel cynical far beyond my years. I'm anti-social, I can't even head to the pub unless I've already had a few drinks.
I've done things I NEVER would've done before. There's a lot more, but I think I've filled you in on enough.
The point is; I've remained stubborn my entire life. I've never saught help and I've never truly taken responsibility for my drinking. I get the shakes, I can feel my body is far different. Hell, I can even notice the different in my heart beat. I'm also paranoid when I'm sober for over 3 hours. Yet I've never been able to get to the point of taking help - because I don't truly believe there's anything that any counsellor or doctor can tell me that I don't already know. That could just be the arrogance factor given that I've always been above average intelligence.
What I want to know is: Is there anything the doctor can do for me to help me abstain for longer? In the last 3 years I haven't had over 3 days off with alcohol - and I've only tried to give up a maximum of 5 times. Sometimes I truly feel like I'm going to die if I don't stop, and I don't contribute that to paranoia.
One more question: Will it ever be possible for me to have a social drink and not recieve an automatic change in my personality? I've read that even after months of abstainance from alcohol, a chronic alcoholic will still react the same to alcohol because of the increased fluid pressure on the brain.
Sorry for the long winded post; any and all responses are appreciated.
I'm 20 years old; an age a lot of you would still refer to as a kid. I've been drinking heavily since I was 16. I started at 14/15 when I was drinking socially at parties. By 16, I'd started to drink on some week days.
By mid-17, I was flat out at least 5 days a week. I was getting into fights, I'd broken up with my girlfriend (who, needless to say I loved more than I'll ever remember) over 6 times until she'd finally had enough of my sh1t. I truthfully thought that would be the last thing I'd ever do.
Around this time period, my friend and I were out of it. I was going to school drunk, leaving school at lunch time to hit the pub. I eventually dropped out. After I dropped out, I had finally ridded myself of all responsibility. I got kicked out of home for constant family trouble, and smashing the lounge room door to the ground. At this time, I moved in with my mate and we were literally drunk for a month straight - some nights consuming over 4 litres of wine or port per night EACH.
During that period I'd urinated blood, thrown up blood - felt terrible every day and just continued to drink more until I didn't feel the withdrawl effects any more. Now 3 years later, not much has changed.
I've been on the street for 2 weeks - had temporary residence at a family's house, moved back home, been kicked out again... I've been locked up for loitering, resisting arrest and drunk&disorderly behavior. My personality has completely changed from what it once was. Hell, I feel cynical far beyond my years. I'm anti-social, I can't even head to the pub unless I've already had a few drinks.
I've done things I NEVER would've done before. There's a lot more, but I think I've filled you in on enough.
The point is; I've remained stubborn my entire life. I've never saught help and I've never truly taken responsibility for my drinking. I get the shakes, I can feel my body is far different. Hell, I can even notice the different in my heart beat. I'm also paranoid when I'm sober for over 3 hours. Yet I've never been able to get to the point of taking help - because I don't truly believe there's anything that any counsellor or doctor can tell me that I don't already know. That could just be the arrogance factor given that I've always been above average intelligence.
What I want to know is: Is there anything the doctor can do for me to help me abstain for longer? In the last 3 years I haven't had over 3 days off with alcohol - and I've only tried to give up a maximum of 5 times. Sometimes I truly feel like I'm going to die if I don't stop, and I don't contribute that to paranoia.
One more question: Will it ever be possible for me to have a social drink and not recieve an automatic change in my personality? I've read that even after months of abstainance from alcohol, a chronic alcoholic will still react the same to alcohol because of the increased fluid pressure on the brain.
Sorry for the long winded post; any and all responses are appreciated.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Walden CO
Posts: 151
[QUOTE=koruptdata;1208803]What I want to know is: Is there anything the doctor can do for me to help me abstain for longer? In the last 3 years I haven't had over 3 days off with alcohol - and I've only tried to give up a maximum of 5 times. Sometimes I truly feel like I'm going to die if I don't stop, and I don't contribute that to paranoia.
One more question: Will it ever be possible for me to have a social drink and not recieve an automatic change in my personality? I've read that even after months of abstainance from alcohol, a chronic alcoholic will still react the same to alcohol because of the increased fluid pressure on the brain.
QUOTE]
Welcome to SR! So glad you're here looking for help - there's a lot of it available.
It's pretty much a given that you're going to die if you don't stop. The best thing you can do is to enter rehab. I detoxed at home, but your physical problems, to me, sound so severe that I would think you need supervision going through detox, and counseling during and after. Once you have all the alcohol out of your system, your doctor can prescribe Campral for you. People use it to lessen the craving for alcohol. I tried it when I was still drinking and it didn't work for me; however, people who have tried it after cessation of drinking say that it works.
From reading your post, I don't think anyone would question the fact that you're an alcoholic; thus, no you can't have a social drink. I'm on my third try since July 2006 to be sober and that social drink was what got me everytime. I'm on day 23 now without a drink and I've never felt better. You should try it!
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. If you stop drinking and then start again, it's just like you'd never stopped at all. You have to stop and never go back.
Please read a thread I started about a week ago titled "Scary". That could be you if you're not careful (or me or any of the rest of us on this site). Also, you should read the excerpts from "Under the Influence" on this site. It will help explain the disease of alcoholism to you as well as the consequences if you keep drinking.
Good luck and keep posting.
One more question: Will it ever be possible for me to have a social drink and not recieve an automatic change in my personality? I've read that even after months of abstainance from alcohol, a chronic alcoholic will still react the same to alcohol because of the increased fluid pressure on the brain.
QUOTE]
Welcome to SR! So glad you're here looking for help - there's a lot of it available.
It's pretty much a given that you're going to die if you don't stop. The best thing you can do is to enter rehab. I detoxed at home, but your physical problems, to me, sound so severe that I would think you need supervision going through detox, and counseling during and after. Once you have all the alcohol out of your system, your doctor can prescribe Campral for you. People use it to lessen the craving for alcohol. I tried it when I was still drinking and it didn't work for me; however, people who have tried it after cessation of drinking say that it works.
From reading your post, I don't think anyone would question the fact that you're an alcoholic; thus, no you can't have a social drink. I'm on my third try since July 2006 to be sober and that social drink was what got me everytime. I'm on day 23 now without a drink and I've never felt better. You should try it!
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. If you stop drinking and then start again, it's just like you'd never stopped at all. You have to stop and never go back.
Please read a thread I started about a week ago titled "Scary". That could be you if you're not careful (or me or any of the rest of us on this site). Also, you should read the excerpts from "Under the Influence" on this site. It will help explain the disease of alcoholism to you as well as the consequences if you keep drinking.
Good luck and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: TX
Posts: 542
Welcome to SR. You will find many people here that can relate to your situation. I can tell you this from experience, an alcoholic can never drink in moderation or have a social drink EVER. This is the most important realization I have ever come to. You are very young. You could have a long and heathy life ahead of you. How long and how healthy is totaly up to you. You are the only one that can choose to drink or not to drink. Knowing what is in your future if you continue to drink, it is my hope that you stop. It is good that you are here seeking help. Keep posting ther are many people here that are willing to help.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Glad to see you here...Welcome
I see you found "Under The Influence" interesting.
Super!
Here is another link for you
It's not necessary for anyone to lose a mind.
Brain
http://www.alcohol-drug.com/neuropsych.htm
There is a way out for you too!
I see you found "Under The Influence" interesting.
Super!
Here is another link for you
It's not necessary for anyone to lose a mind.
Brain
http://www.alcohol-drug.com/neuropsych.htm
There is a way out for you too!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: ;;;
Posts: 11
Thanks guys. And thanks for the link too, I've been doing a lot of reading into the effects of alcohol on the body and that's what lead me to this site. Luckily I have a fair understanding of physiology and biology :P.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
welcome, korupt - i have a 22 year old daughter who is early recovery (5 months) from alcohol and cocaine addiction. she suffered throughout college - her disease effected her grades, relationships, mental and physical health, and she got in a lot of legal trouble. she has stayed clean and sober with the help of rehab, counseling, aa, and a sober living house arrangement. she is happy again, and looks and feels great in sobriety. we (her family) are very proud of her.
she tried many times to control her intake, and failed.
she's met many other young people in aa. they socialize and really support each other.
you're smart to recognize your challenge at a young age. please ask for the help you want and need.
blessings, k
she tried many times to control her intake, and failed.
she's met many other young people in aa. they socialize and really support each other.
you're smart to recognize your challenge at a young age. please ask for the help you want and need.
blessings, k
Last edited by parentrecovers; 02-13-2007 at 08:36 AM. Reason: sp
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
I've done things I NEVER would've done before.
I don't truly believe there's anything that any counsellor or doctor can tell me that I don't already know.
I can tell you what turned me around after 40 years of drinking, rooms full of alcoholics that were sober, I do not care what I asked or said they knew not only exactly how I felt because they had been there them selfs, but they also knew how to get sober and be happy!
AA was the answer for me. As long as you want to stop drinking oyu are welcome to a meeting drunk or sober. Why not talk to some folks, some of which may have been worse then you are now, let them tell you not only how far they went into the pits of hell, let them tell how how they got out og it.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: ND
Posts: 44
Hey korupt, always good to see another young guy getting started on the path to sobriety. I'm 25. I also have a biology background and was extemely interested in the physiological processes that have been studied and revealed in Under the Influence and other books. I highly recommend that book along with Beyond the Influence which contains a lot of the same information but is more up to date and covers a few more topics. There are some really cool experiments that have been done with rats and such uncovering a lot about what's happening in the addicts brain. Look into the conversion of acetaldehyde into TIQs (I think that's the abbreviation, some class of neurotransmitters similar to opiates if I'm not mistaken). Understanding as much as possible about the disease is a great way to start. However, you absolutely cannot outthink this disease. Convieniently enough that was yesterday's daily reflection topic
link
Actually, according to the AA way of sobriety (there are other paths, but AA is the only one I have experience in) we need to change a lot of our old ways of thinking.
I also recommend the big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, for general information and personal stories. You have to ignore the somewhat archaeic language used as the first 164 pages haven't change since they were written in the 30s. They are the basic text of the program.
On a somber note, your time is running out. You need to quit as soon as possible. Alcohol will, without a doubt, kill you. Medical detox followed by a plan for recovery is likely your only other option. Well, I guess a third option would be institutionalization. You either drink yourself insane (research wet brain) or you do something stupid/harmful/devastating when you're drunk and end up in prison. Detox sounds like the smart choice to me. You have to recognize that you need help and become willing to ask for it, ASAP. It sounds like you might already be at that point, so do it.
Keep coming back to this site and keep us posted. I also suggest looking into AA as it has saved countless lives. That part is optional, but you will need some plan for recovery. AA is just the most experienced and readily available program out there.
kp
link
Actually, according to the AA way of sobriety (there are other paths, but AA is the only one I have experience in) we need to change a lot of our old ways of thinking.
I also recommend the big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, for general information and personal stories. You have to ignore the somewhat archaeic language used as the first 164 pages haven't change since they were written in the 30s. They are the basic text of the program.
On a somber note, your time is running out. You need to quit as soon as possible. Alcohol will, without a doubt, kill you. Medical detox followed by a plan for recovery is likely your only other option. Well, I guess a third option would be institutionalization. You either drink yourself insane (research wet brain) or you do something stupid/harmful/devastating when you're drunk and end up in prison. Detox sounds like the smart choice to me. You have to recognize that you need help and become willing to ask for it, ASAP. It sounds like you might already be at that point, so do it.
Keep coming back to this site and keep us posted. I also suggest looking into AA as it has saved countless lives. That part is optional, but you will need some plan for recovery. AA is just the most experienced and readily available program out there.
kp
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