The Jay Walker

Dallas

sorry if it looked like I was replying to you, i was not, I have enjoyed your posts as well, and look forward to more of them,
that reply of mine was uncalled for and I must appolagize to clearscrean
I think AVRT is a valuable tool and we can never have too many tools.

DallasHawkins

Thank you John,

I knew He wasn't posting to me. I probably should have posted in a different place. I'm glad you responded to me because I kind of feel caught up in this RR/AA storm and I don't want to contribute anymore to it. I'm aware that this is your site and I respect you for it, I've really enjoyed visiting it. I didn't come here to bash it or try to tear it down. I took seriously statements that this site was open to opinions that might not mesh with AA's. Maybe I misunderstood. I think people who've used RR are as varied as people who use AA., I don't want to rip out AA and throw it in the garbage. I've said this before, my mother has been in alanon for nearly 50 years and she's the most important and wonderful person in my life next to my wife. She watched me struggle with my addictions just like any good alanon would do and she knows exactly how I managed to stop. We respect each others opinions, just like I respect yours and everyone elses.
Sorry for rambling. I'm just gonna shut up now. Other people here have said they don't want me to stop posting. Since this is your site, your opinion has more value to me. I really don't know if I want to post here anymore, hell maybe I don't even have anything of value to offer any other human being on this planet. If you want me to leave and never come back I'll go with my toes still tapping. If you don't and I ever post again I'll try my best not to get involved in a shitstorm like this again. So much for shutting up.
I sincerely don't want to say anything else about this.

Good luck
Stan

Jon

Stan, anybody is welcome here who wishes to share in the building of this community. This is not a "share your opinions with everybody whether they asked for them or not" board, but a community of over 3000 members who try their best to help each other. In the Alcoholism, Substance Abuse and Newcomers boards we have excellent moderators who suggest to new people that there are many ways to recover. Those are 'general' forums. In AA and NA we have moderators who keep things in a 12 step format. While the first set may refer people to the second set, I have not seen anybody tell a new person "AA is the only way." I have seen people from other organizations tell people " AA is NOT the way." This simply makes no sense whatsoever.

I have appreciated your posts dallas because you talk about YOU rather than a cause.

And as far as your statement that you may not have anything of value to offer? Bullshi*

AA, recovery and 12 steps aside, I believe we are supposed to help people. Feel free to be helpful as we continue to build this dysfunctional family of ours...

Peter

Hey Stan,I too have enjoyed reading your posts and I have never heard you bashing anyone else for what they believe.

It is possible to share our own experiences and opinions about recovery without being judgemental or bitter towards anyone.

I am not a Christian and I do not subscribe to Christian beliefs but I do not go over on to "Christians in Recovery" forum to brow beat anyone for what they believe.

I may not be a "supporter" of Christianity but I certainly dont go around knocking it.

I dont do it for two main reasons; 1) Because I personally dont feel it is a Spiritual thing to do and 2) I know if I go around bashing Christians I am gonna get my ass kicked.

Clearscreen be careful how you go around shaking the coconut tree.One of them might fall off and hit you on the head.

Peter.

Csmcjewl

Hey,
Not that anyone wants to know...but... Aaron (the guy from rehab) was at the meeting last night and ended up coming over and we hung out along with Dave's drunken' (they weren't drunk last night, but it's rare) friends and we all went to see X2. Although i was a little nervous about how it was going to go..it went fine. Neil was a little too liberal talking about alcohol at some points but overall, I had a great time. The only thing I worry about is clinging to Aaron a little too much. He's sober, I've been trying to hang out with sober people for months so...to have a guy who understands me is really a blessing. He's picking me up for the meeting tonight too. So...it's just really cool. I think this will help me alot, it's hard to dump the only friends you've got because they drink too much. It's good to have someone else who understands why I need to do it. So...things were really good last night and I just wanted to write about them. I have high hopes that I'm gonna be able to go sober this time. I'm out of school, I can hit meetings everynight if need be and I have aaron to talk to..I really think I'm gonna be ok.
Stacey

justaround

You better hope that this guy doesn't relapse and use again because you will fall right with him. That's why AA suggests giving yourself one year and a half before starting a relationship. I might have misread, if you are just friends then I don't see any difficulty. Just be careful to get too close. Fair warning

The Jay Walker

justaround


I have heard that suggestion before, from many people, it makes sence I think we need to focus on our recovery especially that first year, untill were a little more grounded in our recovery, I think thats why it is suggested to get a sponsor of the same sex too.
I don't see it in the Big Book anywere, but a good suggestion none the less.

EvrWideninHeart

Dave's her boyfriend, though, so it sounds like he's cool with it... right?!

My first sponsor was a guy and after about three months I realized he was in worse shape than me, but he taught me two things: 1) if you do cocaine between meetings, you're not really sober and 2) if you're feeling slippery, do 90 meetings in 90 days.

So, yea, Douglas did turn out to be a freak (thank god I didn't sleep w. him) but he also knew a few things I didn't know... after about a year, I got a female sponsor. And started to read the Big Book.

I don't mean to disrespect anybody's advice, I'm just saying the suggestions are good ideas, but those of us who do things ass-backwards can still stay sober too... I admit, it is a freakin MIRACLE that I'm still sober, but aren't we all?

The Jay Walker

EvrWideninHeart

Quote
_________________________________________________

I don't mean to disrespect anybody's advice, I'm just saying the suggestions are good ideas, but those of us who do things ass-backwards can still stay sober too... I admit, it is a freakin MIRACLE that I'm still sober, but aren't we all?
_________________________________________________

Very good point, I dont think any of us can do this thing perfectly, I know I sure can't,
and your right we are Miracles.

justaround

Heart

Yes those of us who do things ass backwards still can stay sober! I don't even attend AA meetings, follow some of thier rules, don't have a sponsor, use some of RR's perspectives, read the Big Book, don't follow the twelve steps...now if that is not ass backwards I don't know what is.

The one year rule does not apply to everybody. My beliefs are that it all depends on the situation and the individual. Stacey has had a very rocky recovery, often relapsing. My thoughts would be that if this new guy relapsed that she would to, just judging from the other reasons that she has relapsed. Who knows, this might be very helpful. Also, who knows, Dave (who I didn't realize was a boyfriend of hers) might become jealous because if she starts getting clean with this guy, she will most likely want to stick with the clean guy, and this might cause a stir-up triggering a relapse. There are so many situations. This is why it is always suggested to keep going to meetings and following the steps, for then you will have a better perspective on what you should do.

Again I am not a member of AA, so I can't judge. It is up to her

Doug

Hey justaround,

I am a member of A.A., and I can't judge either. Wanna grab a coffee?

Csmcjewl

Well, 2 things I have realized in a past few days. 1. Although I enjoy hanging out with Aaron, I have realized that I cannot allow myself to be too good of friends with him or if he does relapse, I will too...it'll be the Neil effect. 2. I need to keep distance so as to not cause rocks in the relationship.
To all those who don't know...Dave is actually my fiance, he proposed on V-day. Although, I mean...even though we've been a little rocky through the relapses...he realizes that if being around Aaron to begin with is good for me, he's a heck of a lot happier to see me hanging with someone who's sober than Neil. So..he pretty much gives me the ok to hang out with Aaron as much I need to so long as it keeps me sober. See, thing is....talking to Aaron is great because I never speak in the meetings so it's almost like he's the voice for me because we're in a very similar place. I watched Aaron pick up his 6 month sober coin Friday, I was so proud of him. I realize though listening to him talk that he is very much in a very vunerable state, as I am so...I am keeping a distance if anything just because I don't want to be the reason he picks up again. They say AA is a selfish place to be but honestly I think I got there because I'm too selfless...Dave calls it the "**** Stacey" theory of life. So, instead of thinking...If Aaron relapses, maybe I will too, I think I'd better stay away from Aaron so as not to make him relapse...it's all the same really though. And, he's not my sponserer....he's in no shape to sponser me. He's thinking about taking this job at a party store! How dumb can you be? he told everyone about it at the meeting yesterday and they pretty much ripped him a new butthole...(I sat back and laughed.) But....so...as you can see, he certainly still needs help. So...he's not a sponserer, I'm keeping my distance and ya know, if i'm tempted to drink, I know I won't when he's around just to not put pressure onto him so...whatever works I guess!
Stacey

EvrWideninHeart

I guess my point was that even though I did do everything "wrong" early in my sobriety, I was still able to stay sober... as people here are sober from a variety of means.

I just have a lot of skepticism when people say "oh, I know what I need... or what this person needs" or "that person could never sponsor me." Sometimes the "sickest" most desperate person in a meeting has "sponsored" me more than the esteemed group "leaders". Usually the most confident, outspoken people in AA, the ones who claim to really know how to work AA, don't stay around long.

The people who have long-term sobriety will Tell you that They don't know sh**. It is that attitude of being teachable and humble that keeps them sober. I was told: If someone tells you they work all twelve steps and twelve traditions perfectly on a daily basis, don't get a ride home with that person!

imho, I think that the dogmatic type people (not saying anyone here is) are the ones who give AA the bad rap, so to speak, by making it religious, or thou must, or You should get a sponsor within the first week, you should tell your mother to F off on a daily basis, you really need this hard-core therapy to truly be sober.

this kind of stuff opens the door for scientologists and their Narconon programs and all other manner of whack religions to sort of usurp AA for their treatment plans...

Then national tv shows say that AA is a cult.

AA is very basic. the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. the steps are suggested. god is whatever you conceive god to be...