Nuudawn

I'm a few days shy of 2 months sober. What I'm wondering is when my extreme emotions will cease. I'm crying all the time these days as I'm easily set off, by even something as stupid as a sentimental commercial. I actually don't find this as trouble as the extreme opposites I feel. I can be asolutely certain of an emotional perspective...pray to hang on to it...and then it's lost by the next day. I'm a basket case...there is no constancy to my perpective. I'm all over the place therefore I cannot trust anything I think or feel. I have learned that I must sit on something for day or weeks before I can come up with any answer I feel okay with. It's really scary and frustrating.

Despite what I'm saying, I am earnest in my desire to stay sober...I know I am much, much happier. I do find many moments of peace and can recognize growth and insight etc.

Am I actually wanting to be numb in some ways? Is it just the everchanging and primarily foreign emotions that have me in such a state. I feel adrift on the ocean like a beach ball....I float when its peaceful (ahhhhhh) and I'm thrown around recklessly when it's wavy and stormy.

Is this normal...will emotions always have me so completely? I would really appreciate anyone who has any insight or just thoughts on this.

embraced2000

(((((((nudawn)))))))

no words.....just...

much love to you
jeri

Astro

Hi Nuudawn,

I'm almost 2 years, and I still feel the extreme emotions. But I guess the difference I've noticed over time is that it gets easier to sort the emotions out, to understand which ones are valid and need to be felt, and those which are created by my alcoholic way of thinking. Maybe I should the latter "drama emotions"?

If there's one thing I know for sure it's how grateful I am to feel the emotions after 27 years of numbing them into submission. Sometimes it's painful, but the tears are usually ones of joy at the life I have now.

I hope this gets better for you.

Nuudawn

So true Astro....

I guess I just feel so "irrational". Although I was out of control and irrational when drinking....somehow I didn't feel that way. Suddenly now in better control and much more capable of rationale thought...I feel the exact opposite.

Tazman53

Nuudawn the longer I am sober the more in touch I am with emotions that I forgot I had, 40 years of drinking crushed them pretty good. Working the steps with my sponsor and talking to folks I know and trust in my network have helped me tremendously in dealing with these emotions. Anger was a big problem for me as well as frustration, not simply with not being able to stop drinking, but also with my wife and kids over not showing a drunk the respect he felt he deserved!

The step work with my sponsor has helped me gain better knowledge of myself and also with my HP. I feel such great comfort knowing that all the wrongs and pain I caused while drinking are forgiven, not forgotten, but forgiven. I am truely serene now and continue to learn more and more about myself and how to deal with my problems and emotions.

If I was you I would be spending some serious F2F with your sponsor or someone who knows exactly what you are going through right now. Emotions can be raised and expressed to a point via the written word, but F2F evokes trust and understanding along with hugs, grins, or simple nods of understanding that can not be expressed here.

Do not get me wrong, SR is a great place for support, I love it, but if this was all I was using to maintain sobriety and be happy I would be in very deep caca right now and more then likely drunk and losing my family.

ay100

Your body is somehow adjusting to sobriety. I feel the ups and downs too but I am hanging on. I hope you will get better as the time goes on.

Nuudawn

Thanks Taz,
Guess it's time I found a sponsor. I only just finally registered with home group. I've had a hard time finding someone I thought I wanted for a sponsor but there is someone who has caught my eye... I have not had nerve to ask her yet. I got to meetings almost every night and there are some I can talk to F2F as suggested.

I guess sometimes I'm more comfortable whining behind monitor than in real life...lol.

GlassPrisoner

Keep working the program. I found working the steps removed the majority of the anxiety & depression from my life.

Don't get me wrong, I still get squirrelly every now and then, I just don't drink. I talk to another alkie instead. Or help another alkie, or walk, or.......

My ups and downs are NOTHING like they were when I was drinking. I'll never forget the dreadful sense of impending doom that greeted me each morning. You know, the one that a good stiff drink calms ?

Astro

Hey Nuudawn, check out this simple sig line that gelfling uses on SR:

"If God didn't intend for us to cry, He wouldn't have given us tears."

Seems appropriate.

Tazman53

Nuudawn keep in mind when picking a sponsor you want to pick someone with something you want, not neccessarily a buddy, but some one you trust with some of your inner most feelings. I know folks who have had several sponsors over the years, what they want may either change with time, or they get what they want from one sponsor and find another sponsor with that missing part of lifes puzzle that they want.

Even a temporary sponsor can be a great thing, I was so desperate to stay sober when I got out of detox that the first meeting I went to I asked the first guy I knew had a decent length of sobriety to be my sponsor, he said no but he would be honored to be my temporary sponsor until I got a permanent one, he told me just what I have told you about what I should be looking for, I was about 3 months sober when I asked the sponsor I have now to be my sponsor, the man has what I want and need right now, a great knowledge of the BB and the fact that more then one person had told me not only does he know the BB, he lives it.

Hooner

Hi Nuu

I have been told that the first 90 days are a rollar coaster ride. My longest stint of sobriety was 115 days. My emotions were at the highest around the end of the first 30 days. I just felt so raw and had to deal with issues I usually drank away. I cried alot - just bawling, like someone had died.

During another stint of sobriety people thought I was on speed because I was so ansy and nervous.

One thing I found helpful, and was interesting to read back on, was my Sobriety Diary. Every day I was sober I would write how I felt, what I did...etc. It was eye opening and I recognized some triggers.

Congrats on almost 2 months -- that is AWESOME -- I'm still working on it -- but I will never give up!

paulmh

Hi Nuudawn

It's early days. Give time time.

I think what helped me most early on was people explaining to me that my desire to have a solution to my feelings quickly - that was my disease.

((nuudawn))

Nuudawn

((((Paul))))...thank you...I love that!!

Tazman53

I have found when I get into my own head I find my disease and all it's little friends having a discussion of how to mess me over! Who are my diseases little friends? Gluttony, Pride, Greed, Jealousy, Lust, Anger, and Sloth! Not a good crowd to listen to, some folks call them the commity and stay sober by not listening to thier decisions.

Nuudawn

I know exactly what you are talking bout...all those nasty creatures are the committee I also refer to as my ego. I work very hard to discern between the ego voices and the God voice. This is the process I find so exhausting; figuring out the difference cuz I am so damn used to listening to my reactionary ego. My disease lives there..and yep, it is indeed cunning and baffling.

This is what I'm referring to when I'm trying to decide what to base a decision on...is it Ego based and reactionary or is it coming from a quieter peaceful place.

jenniferw

Hi. I am new to the site.

You sound very normal to me. In the beginning I was hypersensitive to pretty much everything. how could I not be? I had been living in an alcoholic daze for so long. It is like being in a dark room for a long time and then someone turns the lights on. Of course I am going to be sensitive to the new lights.

It will pass. Talk to your sponsor. Go to a meeting. HELP SOMEONE ELSE.

kpnewlife

I know the feeling nuudawn. I celebrated my 2 months yesterday and I'm pretty much a wreck some days. Imagine a 6'7", 225 lb, 25 year old man with tears running down his face for seemingly no reason. Kind of goes against society's expectations but oh well. This reality stuff is a bit tricky. There's so much I've bottled up (pun intended) most of my life that's all hitting me now. I've found myself almost automatically going to the serenity prayer which is helping me a lot. Hang in there and I'll try to as well.

kp

CarolD

See if this makes sense...

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

Suger Hugs

Tazman53

I try a number of things to make that decision, it is sometimes frustratingly hard! I pray, but once again is it God answering or the committee whispering softly, I sleep on it, sometimes that helps, sometimes talking to some one else, especially if they will be effected by what I decide helps, in some matters I will talk to my sponsor. Sometimes doing all of the afore mentioned does not led to a comfortable decision, thank God when it is a decision to be made like that it is not one that demands an immediate decision. Time many times will lead me to the right decision if I am patient enough to wait. Pateince is one thing I am working on, I am doing much better. I think that sobriety makes the patience come easier.

I am 53 and there are times at work when I will be reading something that really hits me, both in a good way and a bad way and I have to keep my head turned towards the window to where no ne will see the tears, I am not ashamed of crying, but it is not very professional at work! LOL

chrisj728

Thanks CarolD for the link,
37 days in and now I can understand the probs of the last week both at work:- brief memory loss and at home:- making mountains out of mole hills with the kids.