Kati0308

Hello All,

This is my first post here and I need some advice. My boyfriend is an alcoholic and his Mother and I are looking for an inpatient rehabilitation for him. (YES- he DOES want help). He is currently in jail on a DUI charge, so he cannot look himself, or he would. His Mother and I have talked with people from the RiverBend Retreat in Louisiana and their program looks/sounds like it is perfect for him. We are willing to do anything to help him save himself. Has anyone here had or know anyone who has been to this place? I have been looking online to find ANY type of a review on it, but have found nothing. Any advice, or if you know of a site that reviews places like this, unbiased, I would be extremely grateful.

Thank You

parentrecovers

welcome, kati0308 -

don't know anything about the facility - i'm in the midwest. and when our daughter chose a rehab, it was with the advice of counselors and docs during a local hospital stay. does he have health insurance? if so, that's a good place to start - to see what they cover.

nice to meet you! blessings, k

Kati0308

Hi PR,

Thanks. He does not have health insurance, but fortunately, he can afford to pay the fees they charge. His Mother is concerned that for the amount of money they want, that they may not be legit. She's an older lady and not too familiar with search engines, etc. I am pretty good with that sort of this, as his Sister is, and neither of us have been able to find any kind of reviews. His Mom is pretty much sold on their program and is ready to get him in there and on the road to recovery, but she would feel better about it if we could find reviews/success stories other than the ones on THEIR website.

CarolD

Hi and Welcome...

No, I do not know... however
the Salvation Army runs an excellent free program.

Best wishes to all of you

Kati0308

Thanks Carol. My sweetie needs something very structured, he needs to be in an inpatient facility. He tried the outpatient route, that was no good, and AA was even worse. I know those are helpful for some, but not for him.

WantsOut

Just a word to the wise ... it's worth trying rehab because people do start their recovery in rehab all the time. However I would be very leery about spending tens of thousands on it. The cold truth is it doesn't work that often. How many times have you heard stories of addicts/alkies who were in rehab multiple times and still used? This is particularly true for a 30, 60 or 90 day program. Heck, people go to rehab for 18 month stays and still get out and use again.

I don't mean to dampen your hope ... I just want you to be realistic in your expectations. That doesn't mean you can't pray for a miracle

Kati0308

We are definitely getting him into a rehab. It's the only way to get him the help he desperately needs. I am prepared for this to be a long journey. I don't care how long he has to stay there - so long as the end result is that he is once again healthy, happy and sober. I know he can do it, and I will stand by and encourage him every step of the way. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.

gettingbetter

I would be more worried about when he gets out more than where he goes. Without some program like AA/NA, rehab is a waste of money. IMO

Kati0308

He did the AA thing... hated it.

CarolD

I suggest you read here and see what other loved ones
of alcoholics are doing..

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/

I suggest you find a local Al anon meeting
and ask his Mom to join you.
Also read "Co Dependent No More"

Good luck

embraced2000

kati.....my xh has been in numerous rehabs.....they can get sober in a barn if they really want sober. go for the free, is what i would suggest.

mine used to say he would do ANYTHING......just to get well and sober. but he hated aa, he hated rehabs, he hated half-way houses.

what he loved was trying to choose how he would get sober, because then he could just stall, and stall, and stall.

i wish you the best.

gettingbetter

of course he hated it, he still wants to drink. listen to what the people here are saying to you, not the alcoholic. read the words above over and over till you get it!!!!!

came2believe

Please try Al-Anon, even if he will not go to AA.

There you will learn a lot about the disease of alcoholism, and also find the care and support you, yourself, need at this tough time.

Also, another round of applause for CODEPENDENT NO MORE. I am a "double winner" (both alcoholic and codependent). CODEPENDENT NO MORE is a very gentle, beautiful book that helped me to see the ways I thought I was helping the alcoholics in my life, but was actually being counterproductive! You know what they say about the road to hell? "paved with good intentions" lolol

As for your question about the specific rehab, I cannot help as I am not local to your area. I wonder if you could call your Local AA and see if they have a list of rehabs.

Rather b railin

The willingness must come from within the alcoholic. No one could change me til I wanted it...sobriety that is. My thoughts will be with you and your boyfriend that things will work out how they are supposed to.

Tazman53

kati, I drank for 40 years, tried quitting for the last 10 years my way, on my own!

I am an alcoholic, I did not stop drinking until I was willing to do anything to get sober and stay sober!

I put myself into detox and learned that the very thing I had hated, AA, while I was drinking(actually my disease hated it), was the answer for me to stay sober.

When I went through detox the majority of the folks in detox were there for the 3rd or 4th time at least, the only ones who had any long term sobriety after getting out of detox were those that had gone into AA and worked the program, they did not relapse until they quit going to AA and doing what AA suggest.

Once I was really sober for the first time in 30 years I listened to what the center I was in was telling us "If you want long term sobriety you need to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor, otherwise you are pretty much wasting your time and money here."

The thing I know is that there is no cure for alcoholism, I will always be an alcoholic, alcoholism is an incureable disease, the only way to arrest it is total abstinance from alcohol. No matter how long or how expensive a rehab facility is, unless an alcoholic goes into a life long recovery program of some sort and follows directions they will get drunk again!

For me the answer for not only my long term sobriety, but also being happier then I have been in over 30 years is AA, there are other programs out there that do work, but none of the programs will work unless the alcoholic works them.

When you look at these rehabs I can tell you from the experience of a recovered alcoholic that I would eleminate any of them that claim to "CURE" alcoholism, there is no cure! I would eleminate any rehab that does not have a life long recovery program after they get out of rehab. I would also give serious consideration to how available any life long recovery program is in other parts of the country and the world. I chose AA because there is no place in the US it can not be found, and it can also be found through out the world.

AA has worked for this old drunk because I work it. It amazes this old drunk that the very thing I hated the most when I was drinking is the very thing I owe my life to and my happiness.

Kati0308

His issue with AA was simply that it was nothing more than a bunch of people sitting around chain smoking and telling everyone how miserable their lives are.I know my sweetie, he is the type of person that benefits more from one on one counseling than from group sessions. He will be going into an inpatient rehab and once he is through that, we will find something that he (and I) can attend together that will assist him with life on the outside. His Mom and I are committed to helping him help himself. We know we have a long road ahead of us. I know it won't be easy and he will more than likely stumble along the way. He's human. He's also not alone.

embraced2000

((((sigh))))).......kati....those words he used to describe aa are the sounds of alcoholism struggling to stay alive. listen closely, hon. listen very closely.

Tazman53

Kati I am not being a hard ass when I say this, but I went to AA drunk and not really wanting to quit, and I heard and saw exactly what he saw!

Once I REALLY wanted to get sober I found out it was nothing like what I saw and heard when I was drunk and not really ready to quit.

Kati while he is in rehab get your self a "Where & When" for your area, that is a list of times and locations of AA meetings, go to a few "Open" AA meetings, you will be more then welcome and you will find a bunch of sober alcoholics that will repeat to you F2F everything you have heard here. Make sure you ask them what an AA meeting was like for them before they were really ready to stop drinking. They will say just what I told you, they thought it was a bunch of miserable people sharing how miserable they are.

I drank for 40 years, I tried to quit for 10 and couldn't do it alone.

I not only owe AA my life, I owe my marriage to it.

I also owe my happiness to it.

Go to a meeting yourself, you will see what really happens in an AA meeting, you will be shocked to see people laughing and cutting up with each other before and after the meeting, you will see happy smiling faces. Now once the meeting starts the topic may be very serious (The last thing a drunk wants to hear), but then again the topic may be very up lifting.

Until he is sober if he is like me and every AA alcoholic I know which numbers several hundred he will hate AA meetings, this hatred is spawned by his disease, because the last thing his disease wants is for him to stop drinking.

There are plenty of AA meetings you can go to together, my wife comes with me at least once a week and loves it, she loves the hope, strength and experince of recovered alcohlics, she loves the kidding around before and after the meeting and freinds she has made.

The worst thing an alcoholic who is trying to recover to be is alone, this is one thing about AA that I have never had to worry about, I have friends I can call at any hour about any thing, not just drinking, try that with a one on one therapist! LOL

Kati please take a moment and think about who is sharing this with you, this is not a group of people trying to selll you something, this is not some folks who have no idea what it is like to be an alcoholic.

We are people who are alcoholics, some of us recovered, some recovering and other trying to reach the point of sobriety.

I am an alcoholic and I have walked in his shoes for 40 years, I am now a recovered alcoholic. Do you feel I would mislead you? Trust me I do not want to see any one continue to go through the hell I went through.

All I ask you to do is go to a few meetings and see if what you walk away with sober is not totally different then he walked away from while he is still drinking. Just a little note, not drinking for one day does not make a drunk sober, it takes at least 3 days for the fog to start to clear from a drunks head.

embraced2000

i can remember going to open aa meetings with my husband and looking around, and thinking....holy moley!!!! these people are the ones that my xh is supposed to relate to???? they scared the bejeesus outta me.....they did not look like "our kind" of people.....and they were supposed to help save my husband???? ya, right!!!! sure thing. uh-huh. no-way. no way was i gonna let my husband go in THERE, with THOSE people!!!!! nope. we'd find him a GOOD PLACE. a place that he REALLY belonged.

now, let me expound just a might.....my hubs had already prepared me in his own way, before we attended this meeting. he had been in aa numerous times before and could probably teach a college course on it.

he had placed mental filters on my ears and my eyes before we ever went to that meeting, with propaganda. active alcoholics are master manipulators, too, and he had played right into my own disease of co-dependancy by telling me about the dreariness, the street people, the sadness, the idiots, the war stories....the chain smokin, coffee chuggin maniacs that i would encounter there. the power of suggestion is strong in the co-dependant, especially with someone that we think we are in charge of saving, and it worked. my sweet love was NOT going to be with THOSE people.

now, many years later, and many heartaches later, i have learned that my husbands affair with his alcoholism was very slippery, indeed. his mistress called alcoholism was far more cunning that i could ever be....i was no match to her....she won everytime.

this same mistress could call to him and make him fight for her very life....thus saying things like mine said about the aa meetings......and many many more things about everything. this is only the beginning, kati.

i do wish you the best. but i think it is extremely important for you to get into al-anon meetings as quickly as possible. please save yourself a lot of heartache....get to some meetings and learn about what you are dealing with.

came2believe

That's simply not true. How many meetings did he try?

You and his mom clearly care about him a lot. You will need your own support sources during this tough time so you can be the best support to him possible. Al-Anon can help.