i was asked if i got cheered up w my last posts....
Im not crazy and neither am I
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
i was asked if i got cheered up w my last posts....
i suppose for a night i did
dont get me wrong i really appreciate the support......
as usual most completely stopped posting even if they asked for the progress report
must be something wrong w my posts or something
my life was hell before thanksgiving and getting sober only caused more havoc
having a really hard time w life in general and with the emotions that come w sobriety and dealing w my x
was worried about this job and was very depressed right before i started and was in a very dark and bad place
fighting an uphill battle before i even got there and it has only gotten worse
probably going to lose this job too as a result of the time i need to take off and the 2 wk inhouse program they send one to in MA
losing my apartment 3/1
if i hear one more - god will only give you what you can handle im gonna flip
dont get me wrong i really appreciate the support......
as usual most completely stopped posting even if they asked for the progress report
must be something wrong w my posts or something
my life was hell before thanksgiving and getting sober only caused more havoc
having a really hard time w life in general and with the emotions that come w sobriety and dealing w my x
was worried about this job and was very depressed right before i started and was in a very dark and bad place
fighting an uphill battle before i even got there and it has only gotten worse
probably going to lose this job too as a result of the time i need to take off and the 2 wk inhouse program they send one to in MA
losing my apartment 3/1
if i hear one more - god will only give you what you can handle im gonna flip
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
Hi,i hear ya.People said the same thing to me,when i first found out i had cancer.That God will not give me more than i can handel.grrrrr,who were they kidding.But,i know that they were doing the best that they knew how to in trying to be helpful.I know their hearts were in the right place.And i knew that without God,i cant hadle anything.And if i do handel anything its --because--of God.I too was in a similar place,where everything in my life was going to rats.being evicted.Maybe losing my job.,,etc,,etc..However the BB of AA says that one can get well regardless,job or no job,etc,,etc,,and i believed this,and handed everything over to the care of God,going one day at a time,working on my recovery.Things happened.The promises,where we will intuvitually know what to do in situations,where once we were baffled.This happend.I knew what to do,ideas came,solutions came.
keep on keeping on,with your recovery,no matter what.
keep on keeping on,with your recovery,no matter what.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
You're right it is really hard dealing with all the emotions and problems of early sobriety. I was learning to live and deal with my emotions and trying to fix all the problems I'd caused while drinking. I found no 'pink cloud' and had a lot of shame and guilt to get through. And, I am so thankful that I did. You can get through this.
Have you talked to your dr about the depression?
Have you talked to your dr about the depression?
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I too am sorry you're struggling...and I too am wondering what sort of support you're getting. Sobriety is a new and strange land full of twists and turns and emotional mania. At 53 days sober all sorts of things are coming to light for me and I cry at the drop of a hat (I think my heart is thawing actually). I find it really helps to have some sort of co-pilot....counsellor, HP and well, my personal favourite the wisdom and insight of a bunch of other drunks like me. I find them at AA.
dum vita est spes est
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: vita secundum nex
Posts: 287
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Man, I wish there was something I could say or do to change your situation.
The only thing I can say is that I'm in your shoes too, I'm fighting the same battle you are. New sobriety coupled with old problems makes it a real bummer to put it mildly.
I'm heading to a meeting tonight, and to be completely candid, I'm not not looking forward to it - but if it keeps me from drinking tonight I'll certainly look forward to that.
People have made it out of the woods with much greater problems than us, so I try to focus on their success rather than my failures.
PR
The only thing I can say is that I'm in your shoes too, I'm fighting the same battle you are. New sobriety coupled with old problems makes it a real bummer to put it mildly.
I'm heading to a meeting tonight, and to be completely candid, I'm not not looking forward to it - but if it keeps me from drinking tonight I'll certainly look forward to that.
People have made it out of the woods with much greater problems than us, so I try to focus on their success rather than my failures.
PR
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Hi frstnm - I have lots of sympathy for you, hon. I posted to you before - my ex is the one who is being charged with ADWI. He was in court today trying to get his license back. No go, not that he expected much better. The judge seems to want to hang him. He found out he is likely facing 30-60 days in jail which means he will probably lose his $120k/ year job where he's been excelling and everyone loves him. Then when he got home there was a letter that the county is trying to seize the vehicle even though it's in my name too. They know they can't really do it when I'm an "innocent party" on the title, but they know it costs money to fight. This whole thing is going to cost him his entire bonus that he was planning to use to pay down his other debt which was up to his eyeballs already.
okay, things seem like they're in disarray now, for him and for you. Here's the reason why I think he's going to get through this and recover: he told me he feels good. Good! Can you believe it? How is that possible? Because for the first time he really wants to recover ... he doesn't need to recover to before something terrible happens. It happened. It's a done deal except to find out how bad it's going to be. And in a twisted way it's liberating - no more hiding, no more pretending, no more lies. Here it is baby - the time to change has come and he knows it and it feels much better then when he was just going through the motions every day through that fog of drunkeness and hangovers.
He also recognizes that if he had killed someone or gotten into an accident and become paralized or whatever, he'd wish the worst thing he was facing was the stuff he's facing right now.
frstnm, I'm not some coming to you from some ******** disney fantasy perspective. I am not coming in here to tell you to "buck up" with no understanding of what you're facing. My ex who I still love dearly is facing exactly what you're facing and I see that there are two ways to deal with it. You can decide your life is over and do a "leaving las vegas" or you can decide that this is the first day of the rest of your life - a life you are going to rebuild day-by-day.
Last, have you tried an anti-depressant? You really might want to look into one. You don't have to take them forever, you can take them until you feel more emotionally stablized.
One day at a time, frstnm. It's good advice for any person.
okay, things seem like they're in disarray now, for him and for you. Here's the reason why I think he's going to get through this and recover: he told me he feels good. Good! Can you believe it? How is that possible? Because for the first time he really wants to recover ... he doesn't need to recover to before something terrible happens. It happened. It's a done deal except to find out how bad it's going to be. And in a twisted way it's liberating - no more hiding, no more pretending, no more lies. Here it is baby - the time to change has come and he knows it and it feels much better then when he was just going through the motions every day through that fog of drunkeness and hangovers.
He also recognizes that if he had killed someone or gotten into an accident and become paralized or whatever, he'd wish the worst thing he was facing was the stuff he's facing right now.
frstnm, I'm not some coming to you from some ******** disney fantasy perspective. I am not coming in here to tell you to "buck up" with no understanding of what you're facing. My ex who I still love dearly is facing exactly what you're facing and I see that there are two ways to deal with it. You can decide your life is over and do a "leaving las vegas" or you can decide that this is the first day of the rest of your life - a life you are going to rebuild day-by-day.
Last, have you tried an anti-depressant? You really might want to look into one. You don't have to take them forever, you can take them until you feel more emotionally stablized.
One day at a time, frstnm. It's good advice for any person.
Im not crazy and neither am I
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
Honestly Im really NOT depressed !
Im pissed at myself, frustrated and anxious from work and the BS that corporate life has in it. Ya Im discouraged but I made the decision and I have to pay for the consequences. I know that if this job doesnt work out that I have alot of potential and can find something else even if it isnt doing what I am currently doing and I can make potentially more money doing it. As long as they dont send me up a ladder !!! lol
5'3" and keep myself on the ground as much as possible !
I have some medication but its not antidepressants more for the anxiety that I deal with. Im sick of being on all kinds of crap and everytime I even mention that I have a prescription I get more info about a whole boatload of information about pills that I have never heard of, stories of abuse and input that isnt necessary. People here go off on what they know about pills and how they are abused and how much they know as if its some kind of status thing. All I really want when I ask a question is a simple answer, not a bunch of garbage and unqualified nondoctors input... that isnt relevant.
As I stated before I will have to go for 2 weeks to a program that is mandatory and definetly not free here in MA when someone gets convicted for a 2nd DWI.
So all in all Id say Im taking most of it pretty well these days and have gained some good tools in the program. I wont deny that ! Counseling isnt hurting but I wont be doing that due to the job, no license and no truck.
If I lose the job it will set me back but I will survive !!!!!!!
I'll take life as it comes use the tools that I have take what I need and leave the rest ! I go to as many meetings as I can so that I can do so.
I may not be perfect in alot of peoples minds but sometimes others opinions are none of my business. I will still take support feedack and responses - Im still human and really need some help w the isolation and lonliness !
Please dont take what I say as offensive or a put down Its just the way I am feeling right now.
Thank you all - you are all great folks ! Many of you have saved me from abusing and literally saved my live !
I am eternally greatful !
Let it rip !
frstnm
Im pissed at myself, frustrated and anxious from work and the BS that corporate life has in it. Ya Im discouraged but I made the decision and I have to pay for the consequences. I know that if this job doesnt work out that I have alot of potential and can find something else even if it isnt doing what I am currently doing and I can make potentially more money doing it. As long as they dont send me up a ladder !!! lol
5'3" and keep myself on the ground as much as possible !
I have some medication but its not antidepressants more for the anxiety that I deal with. Im sick of being on all kinds of crap and everytime I even mention that I have a prescription I get more info about a whole boatload of information about pills that I have never heard of, stories of abuse and input that isnt necessary. People here go off on what they know about pills and how they are abused and how much they know as if its some kind of status thing. All I really want when I ask a question is a simple answer, not a bunch of garbage and unqualified nondoctors input... that isnt relevant.
As I stated before I will have to go for 2 weeks to a program that is mandatory and definetly not free here in MA when someone gets convicted for a 2nd DWI.
So all in all Id say Im taking most of it pretty well these days and have gained some good tools in the program. I wont deny that ! Counseling isnt hurting but I wont be doing that due to the job, no license and no truck.
If I lose the job it will set me back but I will survive !!!!!!!
I'll take life as it comes use the tools that I have take what I need and leave the rest ! I go to as many meetings as I can so that I can do so.
I may not be perfect in alot of peoples minds but sometimes others opinions are none of my business. I will still take support feedack and responses - Im still human and really need some help w the isolation and lonliness !
Please dont take what I say as offensive or a put down Its just the way I am feeling right now.
Thank you all - you are all great folks ! Many of you have saved me from abusing and literally saved my live !
I am eternally greatful !
Let it rip !
frstnm
*
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Santa Monica
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by frstnm 
Im still human and really need some help w the isolation and lonliness ! Please dont take what I say as offensive or a put down Its just the way I am feeling right now.
Mind you I had been working for free (prep for a movie) given that this is my life, so who cares about the salary or whatever when he or she has such a chance. After he decided not to put the money he commited there are no more dreams left, no money, no job – and at the same time, I am too old, too overqualified, too unique to quote many sources of rejections, too a foreigner, too out of sync with the reality (I never worked for someone else, from 1983 and I really have no idea how to find any job; when I tried I failed) and too lost in a loneliness. I have no family, obviously no friends and am completely alone in this world. This board is closest to a family I ever had. Brrr, such a horror…
So I was walking around today and ONLY thing I was thinking about was a drink. My only “friend” for ages. I was going to have a drink in one place, than another but it was so empty, so pathetic that I just couldn’t see myself drinking my last $100.00 (yes, that’s all I have left after soooo much work in vain…) but was nevertheless going from one bar to another (I did not enter any), I stayed outside, looking to inside, where the hell lurks. Nothing, but nothing works for me but a drink. Then I said no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was screaming inside me, and then I was drinking one “Coca-Cola”, another, I ate ten times, fifteen times, I do not know how many times, and drank “Coca-Colas”, one after another like a madman, just to avoid a drink. And I managed to stay away from it. It was never, ever, never so difficult to resist like it was today.
Why this story? I will have something to eat tomorrow and most likely will get the strength to go on despite the hell I am in. If I had that drink, the suicide would be the only solution. So, this is the difference in between a drink and deciding not to have it. If I could do it, so can you!!! I know this is the hell what you’re going through and I share the parts of such hell.
But, we’re not alone, no, we’re not. Someone is writing this to you and someone is reading all this from me. Sometimes that’s enough having another human who understands, even on-line…
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