losteverything

i probably shouldn't even post here.....not doing well quitting at all....lasted 4 days....fell back in the booze big time...didn't do anything stupid, other than making myself more stupid...its like, there is two of me living in this body....the one who wants to smarten up, and the one who drags the other down into the bottle..its not the answer, but at least its been a consistant friend or enemy through the years...guess i have to start counting on myself to get me through the tough spells...but damn, that boozey lure sure is strong....just a few to take the edge off......maybe i am hopeless.....sure feel that way.

Time2Surrender

Your not hopeless. Stick around. I was here for like 7 months before I was able to stay clean. Dont give up man.

Sugah

You don't have to do this alone, lost. There are many who've gone before you and are very willing to show you how. Same folks I turned to when I tried, and failed, many, many times to "count on myself." That alcoholic voice in your head? If you're like me, it's stronger than any other "you" alone.

You can find a bunch of sober drunks who remember what it's like at any AA meeting. Please consider it.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

GettinSober

Lost,

It's all about habits mate as you know. At the moment you are in that phase where because you drank last night (and have no sober days invested behind you) you might as well have a drink tonight. Well - this is the way I thought anyway.

I'm on day 17 now and if I'm honest it seems to mean more to me not to drink (having gone through withdrawal, sweats, insomnia etc) than to drink. I think I'm even a bit scared to drink at the moment. All this is because of the 17 days I have 'invested'.

If you start a sober period tomorrow - and your mind works anything like mine - you might go on enough of a run to kick the habit long term?

Good Luck - you are not useless - you're just struggling like we all have at one time or another (some of us still).

losteverything

i know i drink too much....too often too.....but what do you do, instead? what can help alleviate the stress? you know what alot of it really is? imagining my life without the alcohol....not being able to just relax with that glass.....I i mean, how adjusted do i have to be, to booze....that i can actually drink a 26 ounce bottle of whiskey through the night...not stumble, not slur...not black out, and not wake up with a hangover?

CarolD

Hugs Your way is keeping you stuck in drinking

Try mine...

brians

For long time soberity try AA meetings. You will not be alone in your battle. Keep posting we want to know how you are doing and help if we can.

http://www.aacanada.com/cdnmeetings.html

Ensomniak

Dude You completely sound like me. It takes practice, lots and lots of it to drink like that with those results. I think it takes practice to stop drinking like that as well. I'm hoping that my practicing is done. This game is real, our lives depend on it - yeah?

You can do it...

CarolD

Hello Ensomniak
Glad to see you here in our Alcoholism Forum.

stone

I feel like there are two of me in here sometimes, the addiction part can be quite subtle at times.
You hate yourself for drinking, that just plays into the hands of the addicted part of you.
The addiction knows if you hate yourself you are more likely to need to drink again.
Try to stop the self-hate and recriminations for a while.

leviathon

I can hear your pain in your words. I am sorry you are struggling this way. With sobriety over time, it does get better. Just don't give up.

Peace, Levi

Kellye C

If you are anything like me there ARE two people (or things) living inside your head. There is YOU, and then there is the disease, addiction, whatever you choose to call it.

My addiction/disease took on a whole new meaning for me when I was in early sobriety. I viewed it as an enemy and one who was out to kill me. I fought it with everything I had (meaning AA, Higher Power, sponsor, Big Book, prayer) and when it would whisper things to me to try to get me to drink I have been known to speak out loud to it and tell it to f*ck off.

Now I don't carry that image with me so much and view it more as a faulty way of thinking or looking at things. Stinkin thinkin if you will. It is still my old self, my addicted self, and it still tries to lie to me even today. Thank God it is not nearly as often and I have some time under my belt so I can recognize when it's happening.

Anyways, on your own you may not be able to fight it but with help and support you can fight it and win the battle one day at a time. Don't focus on not drinking for the rest of your life, just focus on getting through 1 day sober. Then the next day do the same thing and watch the days add up.

Hugs to you,
Kellye

came2believe

You are not hopeless, you just feel hopeless!

I felt hopeless too when I first walked into the rooms of AA.

Are you seeking any support quitting? I couldn't have done it alone.

"Counting on myself" I found I was far too weak regarding alcohol to count on. That's why I sought out people who appeared to know what they were doing and pretty much copied what they did.

13 months since my last drink... but I'm still just one drink away from a drunk.

The disease is powerful & I still couldn't do it alone. I need help every day from a group of sober drunks who helped me before, and who help me today.

Time2Surrender

Do what I did. Buy a quad. Ride it like ya stole it. Major stress reliever.

Time2Surrender

Or you can do what I did before I had the quad. I surrendered and put my faith in God and NA. Something I still do on a daily basis. Its been working for 603 days so far.

chip

Lost

You are not alone. So many of us have struggled with the "two people" thing. The lure of booze is too strong... For me, it just kept knocking me down every time I got back up.

Many people find hope and help in AA. I am one of those people, but I understand we are not all the same.

Even before I joined AA, I had to practice a "one day at a time" (ODAAT) approach to my sobriety. Even now, it's hard for me to imagine never drinking again..... I try not to even think about that. I started out by making a contract with myself each morning. The contract I made stated that I wouldn't drink untill tommorow. The next morning, I'd "renew" my contract for the day. At times when I was really tempted, I'd trick myself into believing that I could drink tommorow instead.... I'd resist the urge to drink because of my contract, and tell myself I could just not renew my contract the next morning. The next morning, I'd always be happy that I didn't drink and I'd renew my contract.

It worked for me.

I feel your struggle, and I hope you can get back with us on the sobriety train. Stick with SR. Keep posting. You can do this, if you really want to do it. It isn't easy, but it's worth it.
chip

ay100

"I try not to even think about that. I started out by making a contract with myself each morning. The contract I made stated that I wouldn't drink untill tommorow. The next morning, I'd "renew" my contract for the day. At times when I was really tempted, I'd trick myself into believing that I could drink tommorow instead.... I'd resist the urge to drink because of my contract, and tell myself I could just not renew my contract the next morning. The next morning, I'd always be happy that I didn't drink and I'd renew my contract."

Chip;

that's an excellent strategy and excellent advise. Many of us are scared when we think we will never drink one sip of alcohol for the rest of our lives.
This method can come in handy for my switching to toal sobriety.

Thanks.

Tazman53

Lost there is a solution, I have found it for me. I joined AA and followed directions. I will not lie and say it was or is easy, but it works, I tried for 10 years to do it my way and failed every time. I felt just like you do, I asked myself "What in the world am I going to do if I am not drinking?", I found the solution in AA.

I am not saying there are no other support groups that can help you, there are, I am only sharing what has worked for me.

The most important thing I want you to know is that you are not alone, there are others out there just like you who have found a way to quit and would love nothing better then to share with you how they quit and help you to do it also.


I am an alcoholic and controled drinking never worked for me, trust me when I say I tried for 10 years to control it, I lied to every one about my being an alcoholic, I lied to myself! It was not until I became honest with myself that I was able to start on the road to recovery.

Ozark

I've been "seriously" trying to quit for almost 2 months since first visiting this board. I've had 7 days, 3 days, 4days, and 2 days without a drink during this time. That's the best in my 30 year drinking career. While not completely successful, these respites have proven that it's not the quitting that's tough ( however, I did not need detox, so that is different than some), but it's the actual decision to not celebrate the sobriety with a reward of a bottle of wine that's the toughest. I had no wine last night, so we'll see how far I can get this time. I do feel that I will get there, so you should just hang in and keep tryin.....you'll make it in time if you stick to it.

As a side note, I'm visiting my doctor next week and am going to bring him into the know here to check my liver and get his advice on how to build it up.

Keep in touch here.....no one is going to get on you for slipping up in this process....from what I've read here, it's pretty typical.

Nuudawn

To me, that statement is your biggest hurdle to overcome. Your "self" is what got you to this point. Any chance of you contemplating another way to approach this? Ever thought of reaching out and allowing people (and a force outside of yourself) in to help you. It takes tremendous courage to allow yourself that vulnerabilty...to say "please help me". Most alchoholics (if not all) have a stubborn resistance to asking for help....it is not weakness...it takes courage and humility. I wish I could tell you what amazing strength and power comes from admitting vulnerability and reaching out to your fellow man and saying..."help me, I need a leg up". You may also not realize how wonderful it feels to that fellow man to be of assitance and purpose...to be of brotherly love rather than separation.