stone

Thanks Gypsy, I am still doing better physically, I had a small drink last night to help me sleep and because I am allowing myself a small amount every few days to stave off the withdrawals until I can get a detox or home detox with some meds, had a sober day today so it is going roughly to plan.
I was in too much of a state last night for it to help me sleep as my dad, who has alzheimers, went missing from his residential home and we were calling the police etc.
He wandered back and was fine but it was a real worry.
I just woke up from catching up on some sleep and feel pretty good in all ways right now.
Hope you are feeling well too Gypsy? Big hugs to ya.

stone

Hi hilly,
Thanks mate, glad it is working for you, thanks for letting me know. I am definitely asking for it to help me sleep now, I will be asking about antabuse too though I doubt he will prescribe it for the reasons I already mentioned above.

If it makes you feel any better, I don't even like football lol

paulmh

Alright Scouse!

I detoxed twice in the Royal. Still took me years (I'm trying to remember - maybe five or six?) after my last detox to get sober. God, I'm grateful to be sober today, it was no bloody fun. And I'm sure things have changed, but I was referred to the Windsor Clinic out at Fazakerly for moderation management stuff after each hospitilisation. For this alcoholic a waste of time.

I only used Librium, I've no experience of anything else. It was a bit of a help. I can only share my own experience, right? There's only one day I can be sober and that's today. Whatever anyone else can or can't do with booze is of no consequence to me. I'm an alcoholic, and that'll never change. Booze is just instant suffering for me, so the best thing I can do is keep it away from mys system, just for today. And yes, I believe that to successfully stay sober I have to find out what it is that makes drinking a compulsion to me. I did that in AA.

Take it easy!

stone

Hi Paul,

I actually heard the other day that the Windsor clinic was about moderation!
I was going to be asked to be reffered there too but moderation does not work for me at all.
Booze is instant suffering for me too and a bit leads to alot leads to me drinking till I blakout, leads to 3 days in bed in agony.
Thankyou so much for your help, because of yours and other peoples help, I am now armed to the teeth with questions to ask my doctor, instead of having to wlak in like a blank slate.
I am still a bit dubious about AA but I am going to give it a try as it has helped so many people here it would be stupid not to at least try. Also, Trazadone for the early stages, is where my thinking is now at.

gypsytears

Hey Stonerat... I'm feeling pretty good. Thanks for asking. Hugs are always nice too. One of my daughters is having a sleepover with a few (4) of her friends right now and even with that going on I'm OK LOL !


BTW...I tried Trazodone for insomnia recently. It didn't work for me, but do see if your doctor thinks it will for you.

I'm glad your father was safe. That's a tough thing to deal with I'm sure.

stone

Glad you are OK Gypsy, I didn't realise I was so worried and stressed out about him until he turned up safe and I sort of collapsed with nervous exhaustion.
It's a pity the Trazadone didn't work for your insomnia, I hate insomnia, it is doesn't sound so bad to somewhere who hasn't had it, but it can be a real hell at times.

gypsytears

Yes... insomnia can be hell. You're right about that. I've had insomnia for waaaaay longer than an alcohol problem though so it's not related to stopping the drinking. At least I don't think so anyway. I know a few people in my out patient group therapy that take trazodone and it works for them but everyone is different.

I hope you're being careful with the home detox until you see the doctor.

stone

Even if it doesn't put me to sleep it has anti-anxiety properties that would hopefully make the withdrawals more bearable. I have a new doctor and I hope he will prescribe it for me, I know my old doc would...

Yes, being vey careful until I see the doc, I am able to moderate for a week, but it is only something I can do short term.
Roll on wednesday

hope3

Hi stonerat, glad you are doing what you need to do to seek out and find the answers that are right for you! I am pulling for you, and cheering and everything, P.S, glad you enjoyed my photos from the other forum.
Heres one just for you.

stone

Awww, thanks Hope3, it's beautiful. Brought a tear to my eye

paulmh

Stonerat

regarding you being a bit "dubious" about AA. No-one - and I mean no-one - goes to AA willingly at first. I was poured into my first one and siphoned out. But don't let all the high-minded bollocks about G*d or cults or whatever keep you away from it. You seem to have suffered a great deal. Living sober - for someone who has been a practicing alcoholic - is an absolutely wonderful thing. However you achieve sober living, whatever techniques you use to get yourself there, go for it. Don't let anybody's prejudices get between you and a sober life.

Have a good weekend

stone

Thanks Paul,

I am dubious yes, I am not so worried about quitting but I am terrified of staying sober, living sober and facing life in the future.
I have promised myself to go to AA at least to form my own opinions about whether it can help me, I will go with an open mind and ignore what I don't like (at first) and see if there is something there for me.
I honestly hope there is. Thanks for the encouragement mate, I really appreciate it.

paulmh

It's easier just to stay sober today. We'll see what tomorrow brings when it comes.

stone

That is how I am approaching it and I am staying sober today, it's a nice feeling to know that.
I am not fixating on the fears but they are there at the back of my mind, and it is the fear that makes me want to check anything out that offers long term help.
I know I will be on this forum for a good while too.

gypsytears

Morning Stonerat . What fears? Don't be afraid to be sober... it's gonna save your life .

stone

Hi gypsy Well said!
I actually feel better than I sound lol
I am doing quite well mentally, bit of a rollercoaster, but on balance, pretty good.
You guys cheer me up too

Nuudawn

Hello Stonerat,
I'm so glad you are going to check out AA. That in itself is such healthy thinking...not resisting anything. Only you can decide whether it can work for you. I get sooooooooo much out of it. Believe me, I don't like or relate to everyone...but there are more that I do than I don't. My favourite part is just listening....there is so much wisdom there...that is where the real stuff happens for me...in the listening. Which is so cool....I had gotten so lost in my head...and so egotistical...I didn't really care what anyone had to say anymore when I was still drinking. I thought I was smarter than everyone basically (Pfffffft!) I've had quite the education since then...and it's only been about 40 days! I'll keep on going and keep on learning. I am still able to find my own answers..and I like that. I will be honest...when someone comes up to me after I have "shared" something and starts offering advice...it can get on my nerves...especially when all they offer is simple doctrine or adages (work the steps! One day at a time! Easy Does it!) rather than talk in "human speak". (I hope I don't offend anyone here). But to hear others talk about the struggles I know so well...that's pure gold Stone.

stone

Hi Nuudawn, I hope I get a least some of what you do out of it. It can't hurt to go and look for myself. It feels like healthy thinking to me too, being open to what could help. I am starting to get into a go with the flow attitude, I used to meditate and I have been doing a little of that again and gaining some real strength from it.
I can't do it often because my mind is in bad shape, anxious etc. but I am going to do it when I can.

stone

Just woke up from another anxiety-dream sleep with the sheets soaked in sweat, I am getting sick of constantly changing and washing bedclothes. I only sweat in bed when I don't drink.
I had a recurring dream of leaving somewhere I used to live when at college and there being too much stuff to take with me, but this time in the dream I went and got some alcohol because it was all too much to cope with lol

So now I am just woke and its midnight, great time to wake I must say

I am quite pleased I only drank once in the last 7 days and that was not to get drunk but just to stave off the withdrawals, ie. instead of a litre of vodka drunk in a binge mode (usual tipple lol) I had a third that amount of brandy just to cure the shakes etc.
I may allow myself the same amount tomorrow night (tonight now really). I will do what I did last time and buy it just before the shops close, 10PM around here, and that way it can't turn into a binge.
Then it is only two days until I can see my doctor and see what he recommends, though I am going to push for trazadone, after doing some googling it sounds ideal for me but this new Doc is an argumentative bugger I can tell, I want my old doc back, he would give me them for sure lol.
I will have to get all I want to say worked out before hand as I don't think he even knows how bad my drinking is as I have always underplayed it to doctors.

I might have got through this week without SR but it would have been much harder, thanks to all those who have responded to my posts especially, and general thanks because reading lots of other peoples posts has helped too.

It sounds like I am saying thanks and goodbye but I am not going anywhere (sorry ).

Note to self, appt is on tuesday at 2.30 not wednesday.

GlassPrisoner

Pffft, Doctors, what do they know ?

The sweats stop after about a week of sobriety. I remember the first few days, maybe a week , I was washing my sheets and linens daily. Everything was stained yellow.

You're where I was. Drinking to stave off the withdraw. I kept a constant amount of alcohol in my bloodstream 24x7. I had a bottle next to my bed (or under the pillow) so when I woke at 2:30 AM I could go back to "sleep".

Have you asked about inpatient de-tox ? Also, I would have a good, firm plan on what you're going to do after de-tox. AA worked for me, nothing else did.

Good Luck and God Bless.