Damn it...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 352
Damn it...
why cant i be normal? thats the question...and i already know the answer.....went out last night...and screwed up the end of a perfect day 3...i didn't drink more than anyone else who i was with....but didn't drink any less either....wasn't intoxicated..not really...but then my body can probably process a mickey without any effects at all anymore....Thing is...I blew it....my resolve went down the toilet....But at least I have alot of guilt, remorse, and worry this morning to keep me company....i shouldn't be here, i think....i am dysfunctional, and still a practicing alcoholic.........
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 264
If you feel like you're completely whipped might be time to give a "last resort" like AA a try?
You can always call the number in the book, just to talk to someone. I guarantee that whoever answers will understand exactly what you are going through. They are a recovering alcoholic volunteering on the helpline so they can stay sober themselves, through helping others.
That's what I did. But I first had to admit to myself that alcohol had me over a barrel.
Try reading this chapter "More about Alcholism." See if it rings true. Me, I was surprised to see how it "spoke my language."
http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/chapter_3.html
Opening of the chapter (it goes on of course):
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum. .... (the chapter continues to explain the problem. At the bottom of the page you can click HOME to read the rest of the book if you wish)
Peace to you
You can always call the number in the book, just to talk to someone. I guarantee that whoever answers will understand exactly what you are going through. They are a recovering alcoholic volunteering on the helpline so they can stay sober themselves, through helping others.
That's what I did. But I first had to admit to myself that alcohol had me over a barrel.
Try reading this chapter "More about Alcholism." See if it rings true. Me, I was surprised to see how it "spoke my language."
http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/chapter_3.html
Opening of the chapter (it goes on of course):
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum. .... (the chapter continues to explain the problem. At the bottom of the page you can click HOME to read the rest of the book if you wish)
Peace to you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: syracuse,ny
Posts: 99
did you use your drug of choice or just alcohol? I left town yesterday just to fight off a tremendous urge to smoke crack. I went to a friends, had a couple of drinks and started to paint her "great room" , stopped at 11pm and got up at 6am today to start working on the room again. I knew i was gonna use, so i took the right steps to make sure i didn't, kept busy, i'm exhausted bu i'm clean. Alcohol is not a trigger for me, if it is for you, then you can't put yourself in a situation where you can fall. Phinneas is correct, if you are not in a program, you need to start. When I can't make a meeting, I come to this site and have a "meeting" here. I usually get more out of coming here.
You are a good person, you have self worth, and you will overcome!!!
You are a good person, you have self worth, and you will overcome!!!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Ah Lost,
I feel badly for your pain. Well, alcoholics can't drink like non-alcoholics (if that is your question re: "normal").
Before you can change your actions it is imperative you acknowledge whether or not you feel you are an alcoholic. I knew I was an alcoholic long before I was truly ready to quit drinking. Does your life suck? Do you want a better way? Do you believe that alcohol is the cause of your problems? Does the pain outweigh the effect of alcohol you desire? Is alcohol the common denominator in the majority of your struggles and pain..or all?
Before you can start thinking about solutions you have to decide honestly if you have a problem you truly want to deal with now.
I feel badly for your pain. Well, alcoholics can't drink like non-alcoholics (if that is your question re: "normal").
Before you can change your actions it is imperative you acknowledge whether or not you feel you are an alcoholic. I knew I was an alcoholic long before I was truly ready to quit drinking. Does your life suck? Do you want a better way? Do you believe that alcohol is the cause of your problems? Does the pain outweigh the effect of alcohol you desire? Is alcohol the common denominator in the majority of your struggles and pain..or all?
Before you can start thinking about solutions you have to decide honestly if you have a problem you truly want to deal with now.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
If the slip reinforced the guilt, shame and remorse of taking a drink, think of it as research rather than failure. Many have fallen down on their sober legs before they got the hang of it.
And at an AA meeting, lots will share that with you.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
And at an AA meeting, lots will share that with you.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
My AA friends share the same goals I do.
We understand where we have been and
help each other as we move forward.
I consider AA friendships
fun and immensely rewarding.
However..
I do not think it is a good idea to
get sexuallyy/romantically paired off
until one has finished formal Step work.
JMO
We understand where we have been and
help each other as we move forward.
I consider AA friendships
fun and immensely rewarding.
However..
I do not think it is a good idea to
get sexuallyy/romantically paired off
until one has finished formal Step work.
JMO
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
You're not the first to slip and you're not the last. What matters is what you choose to do now? Will you use this slip as an excuse to slide back into drinking or will you use this slip as a learning experience about people, places and things and figure out what to do differently next time?
The choice is yours and yours alone. It doesn't have to be the end of the world. If you are not in a recovery program, perhaps now is the time to try one so that you can get tools to help you stay sober.
I could not do it on my own, I had to have help and I had to be shown the way. Many others of us on here have been in your shoes and we're here and sober today. You can be too! Don't give up. There are no failures except when you fail to try.
Hugs,
Kellye
The choice is yours and yours alone. It doesn't have to be the end of the world. If you are not in a recovery program, perhaps now is the time to try one so that you can get tools to help you stay sober.
I could not do it on my own, I had to have help and I had to be shown the way. Many others of us on here have been in your shoes and we're here and sober today. You can be too! Don't give up. There are no failures except when you fail to try.
Hugs,
Kellye
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
I did that numerous times... usually after a couple of weeks of being sober I'd screw up. Then I'd suffer guilt, etc., Things would slowly even out and then I'd do it again.
Interesting thing I noted is that I went from zero drinks right back to drinking what I had before I quit and / or drinking even more.
That hurt.
Peace Levi
Interesting thing I noted is that I went from zero drinks right back to drinking what I had before I quit and / or drinking even more.
That hurt.
Peace Levi
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