Tir3d

i wish i could say ive been sober a few months, or even a few days. for me i did good, a week but went back the other night thinking that one beer would be alright, but that led to many more and another night of getting wasted and doing things i regret. a friend of mine has been trying to get me to go to meetings with him, but i can never get myself to. he told me that they say all you need to come is a will and a desire to quit. i have the desire, but not the will if that makes any sense.

i know that it is getting really out of hand for me, on new years i drank a whole half gallon of vodka. im surprised i even woke up the next day. ive pretty much done away with my drug use i really have no desire for any of that at all anymore, but sometimes when im drunk and its around i end up doing stupid things. i feel like i cant go out and have a good time without getting drunk. and over the past few months ive realized that i have to make a change, i am just clueless where to start. im not even 21, and im drinking the way i am, im scared to see where i will be at 25 if i keep this up. drinking really is the cause of my troubles, the only times ive been arrested i have been blacked out drunk. and got fired from my last 2 jobs because i came in still drunk from the night before, and any progress i make with getting my **** together im right back to where i started after a weekend of going out. its hard to get answers because i dont even know the right questions to be asking. i hope to get involved with this community not only to better myself, but maybe help others not make some of the mistakes i have.

i have a hard time expressing myself and opening up, which is one reason i thought a place like this might be a good start, so sorry if what i said seems a little random. im just really tired of actually making a little progress and then throwing it all away, so please any advice will be greatly appreciated. i look forward to talking to you all more.

chip

Welcome to SR, Tir3d.

You've come to the right place to share and seek answers. It sounds like you are ready to do something about your drinking. Have you been to an AA meeting before? You are fortunate you have a friend who is willing to bring you.

Why don't you try going with your friend to a meeting? It can't hurt. AA provided me with the tools to fix my drinking problem, and it's helped millions of people world wide.

Keep posting, and keep looking for answers. If you have the desire to quit drinking, you'd be amazed at how soon the rest of the pieces can fall into place. I wish I did something about my drinking when I was your age. You have your whole life ahead of you.

I wish you peace and happiness. Please come back often....
chip

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us. I know how discouraging it is to feel like your life is out of control. I've been there and I know you can change things. Take the first step and stay sober today. It's not an easy thing to do and you need lots of motivation, but you're young and you change your life if you want to.

I hope you read around the forums and get inspired.

GettinSober

I second what Chip has said. Go to that one AA meeting as it cannot hurt to try and see if it suits you.

Please keep posting your thoughts and feelings - no matter how tormented or random. I have found that reading back my own posts has been useful for me to understand MYSELF and why I have done the things I have done.

Good luck.

mike_mass

I agree with the previous posts...an AA group should provide you with a compassionate network of people who will encourage you to maintain sobriety. The on-line forums are a good start but face-to-face meetings are also very important.

Sugah

Wish I had a nickel for everytime I've heard someone in the rooms (of AA) say that that's where they found their willingness. I'd have a lot of nickels!!

I agree with the others who suggested just going, listening, and trying to keep an open mind. You don't have to say anything, don't even have to give your name. Don't have to have quit drinking -- just desire to quit. That's it.

Keep coming back!

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Tir3d

i wasnt expecting so many replys so soon, but sometime soon i hope i can give the meetings a shot. but i dont know how that group thing will work for me, and most of the people at the meetings he goes to they have to go because of probation, and most of them really dont want to change from what he has told me. all i know is that i have to make a change now, i see myself going down a road and i know where its going to lead me. its like im another person, like im outside of me looking at myself doing things i really dont want to do, but never being able to stop the show. i really dont know who to go to, i tried going to my mom a while ago but she really doesnt know what to do or say and i really dont know how to put it to her, i feel ashamed. over the past few years i started getting in with the wrong crowd and ended up ******* over most of my friends that were actually worth a damn and havnt talked to any of them since. the people i associate with now do this on a daily getting messed up on whatever, and none of us really talk about things like this, its all about making money having a good time. i do know that i have to get away from those kind of people who just bring me down with them, and im making steps in that now, the only downside with that is that ill only be left with people i can count on one hand. and still i couldnt come to them with any of this because they can barely handle their own problems. the reason i came to a place like this is because i know that if i dont do something about this soon that i will end up in a situation that i dont think i will be able to come out of. and after what happened the last few weekends i know i desperatly have to do something soon. when you hit the bottom if you dont have someone there to pick you up, your just gonna stay there, and im not gonna let that happen im ready to try and get up on my own. i guess another problem of mine is admiting i have a problem, i feel ashamed and low that i have this problem. i cant stand the fact that i cant do it on my own

parentrecovers

hello,

i have a 22 year old daughter who is 100 days clean and sober. she had been drinking and using cocaine harder and harder for the past year before recovery. her end of the rope was a blackout car accident that she is very lucky to have survived. also blessed that she didn't kill/injure anyone else. she went to an inpatient rehab and is now living in a halfway house. she has made new friends in AA, a lot of folks her age. we (her family) support her everyway we can. there's a lot of help out there for young people - please don't be afraid to ask for it. i wish you peace and happiness. i think a handful of people to count on is a blessing. k

Broccoli

Cheering you on, Tir3d! Don't feel ashamed. You are human.

One of my favourite saying is "do what you've always done and get what you've always got". You have made a change by coming here, why not take it a little further and, even if you don't go to meetings, just open up to your friend a little bit more. Just for starters. He/she surely understands and seems to be reaching out that helping hand.

Everyone here understands, too. You know they do.

All the best, my friend. XXX

ANGELINA243

Hey Tir3d, I think you have already admitted to yourself (in some way) that you have a problem or else you wouldn't be here sharing your story with everyone. You talked about people on probation attending meetings--well, I first found out about AA firsthand through the court system myself a few years ago. I only recently admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic--despite all the horror stories I could share--that isn't important right now. The point is that you MUST have the willingness to keep trying--no matter what you think the outcome will be. (Your brain will lie to you & tell you things about yourself that are not true--yes, we have all made mistakes---but you do not have to live in bondage to them for the rest of your life.) Keep posting & stick around Sober Recovery for awhile--I learned alot here by reading what others were going through before I started posting. I felt like I couldn't help anybody else--because I couldn't even help myself. We do care & yes--we do understand.

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

You can stop the insanity of drinking and drugging.
You have just made a positive step by being here.

Congratulations!

came2believe

Just want you to know I am thinking about you.

There is a solution. Keep coming back to SR and posting, I also think you might give the meeting a try, especially since you have one friend who goes. Go out to coffee afterward maybe? Just a though. Take care.

Tir3d

i think i will give it a try tomorrow, it cant hurt

thats another thing, my normal night/weekend would be getting drunk and doin whatever drugs were around. i dont know what like "normal" people do for fun. ill let yall know how it goes tomorrow, thanks

chip

Tir3d-
I am so happy that you're planning to give it up tommorow! You are no longer alone.

I found that one of the biggest things in my way was my own pride. My overgrown sense of pride kept me drunk many years longer than I wanted.

You are doing the right things. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. You now have friends on this site who care about you. We are all rooting for you and we want to see you succeed. You can do it!!!
chip

GettinSober

Tir3d - log in to SR tonight. The support and encouragement will be a great help through day 1. It was to me even though I just read through all the threads and didn't join straight away.

Tazman53

Tir3d that is an excellent name for this site, after 40 years of drinking, the last 10 spent trying to prove to myself and everyone else I could drink like a normal person or stop drinking, I finally surrendered to alcohol, it was not until my wife told me her and the kids were leaving me if I did not stop that I was a dead man! I had a choice... keep drinking and lose my family which would lead to me drinking myself to death or to stop drinking! Well I could not do it on my own, I put myself into de-tox to get sober enough to figure out a way of staying sober.

In the de-tox I went to they reccommended AA as the way to go if I was serious about staying sober. Well for once in my life rather then doing it Martin's way which did not work, I swallowed my pride and "Followed directions!", I went to AA and got a sponsor (ask your friend what a sponsor is). Well I am know 112 days sober, I am happier then I have been in over 30 years and the urge/need to drink is gone thanks to AA and my Higher Power.

AA has worked for me, it may not for you, there are other groups that are out there, but none of them including AA will work unless you "Follow directions".

Good luck Tir3d, I know for me going it alone does not work, from what you have shared it hasn't worked for you either. Keep in touch, we are hear, you are not ALONE!!!!

Tir3d

i dont think this meeting stuff is gonna work. i shut it out about half way through. it most mostly people talking about whats going on with them thats not even clost to my situation, and the guy giving a little encouragement. the only thing i got out of it was the speaker said that you cant just take it out and not refill it with anything, you have to get something to do to vill the void or you will go back to that to fill it.

the meeting made me really want to get something to drink after sitting through it. i did break down that urge but the people i got up with later i ended up takin a few xanax. whevern i can turn down drinking i usually fall for something else. what are some kind one one one or small group mettings, i dont think what i went to is going to work

CarolD

I am glad you had the courage to go..bravo!

Try a Newcomers meeting and see if you can relate.

You really can't judge anything with one try.

chip

I'm glad you went too.

Many people have the same first impression that you describe. Perhaps a newcomers meeting is a good place to start?

I applaud your efforts. If you are serious about fixing your problem, you can find a way to do it. AA is what worked for me, and it works for millions of people worldwide. I hope you'll give it more time, and shop around for other meetings.

Many people "fake it untill you make it". This is helpful for those of us (yes I was one of them), who don't really "get" AA right away. When I started going, I didn't really know what was going on. I just kept going untill I started to understand more about the program. I kept going even though I couldn't see the good in it... untill I'd been sober for a couple weeks.

You could get 1 or 2 AA people to meet with you for coffee??? When I first started going, I started talking to some of the old AA guys who'd been sober for a long time. You could find one of them to do some one to one study with you??

I hope you keep working on this, Tir3d. You're on the threshold to a new life... I hope you'll join us and others on the path to recovery.
chip

Tazman53

Tir3d I know the first AA meeting I ever went to I was drunk on my arse, I didn't get a thing out of it except a few war stories, in detox we attended them every night, even though I had not had a drink in 3 days they did not even start to make any sense until I was on my 4th or 5th day of sobriety and even then all I was doing was "Faking it until I made", luckily for me once the fog started to clear things began to make far more sense and I became happier every day and I am not sure the exact day, but my urge/need to drink was lifted.