Findmerecoverin

I keep hearing that turning the other cheek is better, but sometimes I want to jump in and disagree. In my opinion(may be wrong) it is okay to turn the other cheek at times, but sometimes you have the right to stand up for yourself and speak your mind to someone. We are only human, we're not perfect, and it says in the book we're not looking for spiritual perfection. Why is this?

Sugah

There are many ways to disagree. If my only motive is to be right, I'll probably keep my mouth shut. If my motive is to halt the spread of misinformation and I'm reasonably certain that what I'm hearing is misinformation, I'll speak up. There are two questions that come to mind:

"What are my motives?"

and

"How important is it, really?"

Those answered, I know when my two cents, facts or opinion, should be asserted.

But that's me. I'm sure you'll get all kinds of responses.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

HopeInFaith

Progress...not perfection. I hear that a lot. I believe it is impossible to attain spiritual perfection. Well, actually perfection period. And I think the reason why I don't want to attain perfection is because - if I don't get where I think I'm *supposed* to be...what I consider *perfect* ...that I will decide since it is impossible for me to attain perfection I am no longer worth the effort so I might as well drink.

Aren't a lot of addicts actually perfectionists in some regard? That we are constantly measuring ourselves against an unattainable goal - one where we will undoubtedly fail - which will give our disease the fuel it needs to keep us using.

As long as I'm making progress...I don't need perfection. And as for turning the other cheek, well - sugah said it well...first I need to understand my motives. And just because I disagree with what someone says doesn't mean they don't have a right to express themselves...it just means I don't agree. That's OK.

NoelleR

"I keep hearing that turning the other cheek is better, but sometimes I want to jump in and disagree..."

I learned a few years ago some interesting information regarding that old 'turn the other cheek' phrase....figured it ought to be good here; sorta an FYI kinda deal.... (o:

First off, let's go back to the original.....[Scripture (?) verse? eek!].....:

Matt. 5:39 --- But I say to you that you should not resist evil; but whoever strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also."

"...'Turning the other cheek' is an Aramaic idiom. It means "learn to take the wind out of the other person's sails," "do not start a quarrel or a fight," "settle a problem while it is small." Often, when we resist an injustice, we augment the problem. "A soft word turns away wrath. [another Scripture (?) verse? eek! eek!] Prov. 15:1. These verses are not a restriction against self defense but rather a remedy against strife and vengeance. Jesus encouraged peace and harmony in human relationships." excerpt from: Aramaic Light on the Gospel of Matthew by Rocco A. Errico/George M. Lamsa.

Just thought some of y'all might find this interesting......... (o:

NoelleR

GlassPrisoner

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat a sick person that way...BB Pg 67

Dunno about the rest of you, but that's me !

Nuudawn

Tough question here. Yes we are told to turn the other cheek but we are also advised not to stuff down our feelings. There is a difference between asserting yourself and flinging angry or self righteous garbage at a person. I know that I have a great deal of difficulty identifying when someone has "verbally slapped" me in some way. I'll have this sense of hurt and confusion...and often it will be only later that I think "HEY..that wasn't very nice". I know that part of my struggle in sobriety will be identifying my boundaries...asserting them can include turning the other cheek and walking away but also calmly asking "are you intentionally trying to hurt my feelings?". I've done that once or twice...and that really boggles them for a second.

Kellye C

Wow, great question and great responses.

A couple of thoughts come to mind. I pick my battles. If it is not that important to me then I let it alone. If it is that important to me then I speak up. I can "agree to disagree" today. Just because someone thinks differently than I do doesn't mean they are slapping me and is no reason for me to try to cram my viewpoints down their throat. Finally, one that keeps coming up in my own life is that Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Is this stuff easy? Not always. Bottom line is my peace and serenity and how willing I am to allow another person to rent space in my head. I do have work to do though about stuffing things. I hate conflict. I am engaged to a very opinionated and vocal person who is also in the program. He is working on himself just as I am. There are many times he steps on my toes verbally and most times I don't say anything. Most times because it's just not that important to me but sometimes it is because I don't want conflict. I hate debate while he loves it. Then the stuff builds up and I find myself angry. I've got to find a way to disagree, say what I need to say when I need to say it and then let it go. Some days are easier than others. Remembering that I'm dealing with another sick person helps and I pray that I will look at him the way God does and that helps too. Sometimes I just have to walk away. It's all going to boil down to boundaries I think just as someone else posted.

Hugs,
Kellye

Rusty G

I definitly express my feelings. I say what's on my mind honestly and calmly. If you get angry all you've done is double the number of angry people. That's of no value. If I feel myself getting upset I slam on the brakes. That's when I have to look at myself. No one can make me angry but me. I control my emotions (brain) today. If you don't control your feelings, they'll control you. It's independent thinking (emotional sobrieity). I noticed the more you do it, it starts to come natural.

Paul said in the Bible not to associate with fools. But he said as long as your on this planet you'll have to deal with them like at work, etc. He said use your peace and humilty in God to deal with them. That helps me. Never, ever try to reason with a fool. Thats in the Bible too. I quit fighting with anyone when I quit drinking. And I don't mindread, that's quicksand for an alcoholic. I associate with nice people now. I'm attracted to humble people.


Like my Dad always told me, Ignorance can be cured but ignorant people can't. ( He wasn't talking about alcoholics) Smile at someone today, I bet they'll smile back.

zoomer

You can turn the other cheek, just make sure the other side is protected!

best

When a cheek gets smacked, it is done with the backhand.
When you turn the other cheek, you are softening the blow. Stand firm and hold your ground, you get the full measure of the backhand to your cheek.
What the scripture is tell us (need read the whole chapter) Be the better person. Do not return an evil with an evil. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth was the measurement that limits retribution (not taking back from another more then what was taken from you) Walk away with your heart at peace, knowing you did not do evil, even if evil was done unto you.

The scripture tells us to be holy (set apart/different from the world) and strive to act and be like God.
Be holy for ....

43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Rusty G

Don't be a doormat. Don't let a situation or person decide your emotional state. Be assertive.